Dumb and Dumberest! Share your stupidest garden endeavor.

I want a roof bull like BlueGlancer and DoSaye have! LOL, love the picture!

I recently refilled the goldfish pond after a leak drained most of it into the backyard. And forgot to turn it off when I left the house. Shoulda planted rice instead of annuals...

LOL,....rice. : )
Did you have goldfish peeking out of the marigolds?
Hope your annuals were o.k.
~Lucy

LOL, Lucy, almost! The poor things were probaby chlorine shocked, because the water treatment stuff I measured so carefully and poured in before I started was surely washed away. They all survived, though, thank goodness! And I now have a bumper crop of weeds...

I moved to an Austin neighborhood from Houston, the land of concrete and beautiful flower beds. I knew of deer, but to me, they were something we hunted on our family ranch!

So...I planted a veritable smorgisbord (sp?) of delights "for the deer" the first spring....mainly hundreds of little begonias. I awoke the next morning and 1/2 of them were eaten and the other 1/2 were pulled out of the ground!!

Oh, noooo!

Hey...someone else is a night owl!!

LOL, yep, it's my natural body clock. Unfortunately, I have to work around it so I can get up get to school in the morning. Good thing I take afternoon naps! Now if I can find an employer who allows that...nighty night, Connie, fellow night owl! I gotta climb into the sack now so I can get up early enough to fill the bird feeders.

Heres one of my mad moments, My husband used to work shift and on this occasion he was on nights, so I could never sleep too well, my teenage daughter had a Saterday job and always got a ride to work as the fashion shop she worked was about 50 miles away run by family friend. the night before, she got a call to say her lift was not able to pick her up so could she get the train, but would get a ride home after work, so I said to her, I aint getting up at 7:00 am while she dithers about trying to decide what to ware, then shower, then have breakfast, I asked her to just give me the word when all that was over and she was about ready to leave for the train, all fine and happy.
Next morning, she comes bursting into my bedroom and yelling, Oh my God mum, I have over slept and I am going to miss the train, so still half asleep, I run about yanking her clothes from her wardrobe and fling some toast into the toaster so she can chomp on it on the way to the rail station, she gets a quick shower etc.We live in a very small town, if you blink you would miss it) grab the car keys and now she needs money for the train, so grab wallet and race down to the rail station as daughter fumbles about for change to get rail ticket, because we were in such a pannic, I just grabed a short ski jacket and a pair of my sons football socks that were on the hall chair to be taken upstairs to put away, it was snow and ice outside as we got to the rail station, yelled, buy buy, and the usual call me to say you are safe etc, then daughter about turns and jumps back in the car, the train was just pulling out of the station, so plan b) mum, can you get me to the next rail station along the route, OH No I Huff, as I lecture her on her real lack or organisation and concideration etc, etc, next rail stop, the train goes straight through as no one is on the platform so train dont stop, MUM she cries, I have to get the train, I cant let the boss down, they are real busy on a Saterday, right I said, we will outrun the train, miss the next stop place and the next stop after that, we will get the train, I am driving like a bat out of hell while daughter tries titativate herself with lipstick etc, so the plan has worked, we pull into the station just as the train arrives, the gate into the station on our side of the track is frozen due to the low temp, and we see the train slow down, so quick as a flash, I jump out from the warm car, clasp my hands together so I can leaver daughter up and over the gate, works a treat, she dashes across the rail line and I watch her sit down on the train, so I wave and wave to her with a huge grin on my face as I am so happy that our master plan had workrd, only to witness her look away in the opposite direction from where she left me standing.
As the train pulled away, I could see my darling daughter shoo me away with the gesture only teenage daughter could master, as I thought to mysel, ungreatfull little madam, just wait till she gets home and asks for a lift to her friends or wherever, she can walk, no way will she treat me in this way, how uncaring does this child of mine get after this start to the day. Then the realisation hits me, I am standing in a busy market town 16 miles away from home, in my pale green nightdress with a short blue and red ski jacket and dark blue/white striped football socks up over my knees and a pair of sheepskin slippers on my feet, it has started to snow again and I am freezing cold, I take a quick glance around me as the rail station, by now is getting very overcrowded with people going off to work in various different locations, but looking at this mad woman dressed like everyones nightmare, hair still standing on end and looking like an escapee from a mental hospital. so I just thought, oh well, igrore, walk boldly back into the car and act like this is a normal occurance, so that I did, reversed car out from the station, got on my way, and was happy in that from my position in the car, no one else would know that under my jacket I had all this nightware on as from the window, I looked fine I thought. Got about five miles along the road home when the car just comes to a halt, right at a set of traffic lights and a school, on a main road and traffic going in all directions, so I panic, what the heck could be wrong with the car, cant be cold as it has run along the coast road for about 16 miles, cant be battery as I needed my lights because of the early morning darkness, and anyway, my lights were still on, so I try to start the car, just nothing much happening, try again and again, still going nowhere, then look at the little lights on the dash and sure enough, I have ran out of gas, cant call home as husband wont have arrived home from nightshift yet, son wont even hear the phone, so what the hell can I do, I am starting to block the road now and people are honking their horns to get this woman driver off the road, I sit and ponder for a short while and pray like I was a demented nun who got cought steeling candy, I am now freezing to death as the car heater aint going and I am ready for tears, so I need plan c) got it, I will tuck my nighty into the football socks so it will maybe look like I am dressed in a pair of cut off pants, all be it thin and totally inapropriate for freezing cold weather, but hey, we cant all look like miss world at this time of the morning, in this weather AND after the traumatic start to the day, on the opposite side of the cross roads at the traffic lights, there is a gas station, looked in my wallet and have enough cash to get some gas and get me home, OH BOY, the sigh of releif, I was all overcome as I had no cards, bag or anything with me as I thought I was just driving 5 mins from home, so I felt sure that I could just push my little car over the traffic lights and into the gas station, but still prayed that some night in shinning armour would gallop up and shove my car into the gas place for me, AND me still inside the car, Well where the hell is there a night when you need him, NOWHERE I can vouch for that, so out from the car I get with my nighty tucked into my very fashionable football socks, road is all icey, slippers have smooth soles and legs wont work as they are like strapped together inside socks, so slap, down I go, flat on my backside, traffic swerving around me and fists shaking from car windows, two guy's putting there fingers to their skulls indecating I am mad and drive on, pick myself up, dust all the wet snow from my clothes or the lack of them and said to myself, Stuff the world, I am gona get this car over that road into the gas station if it kills me, so I did, to looks that could sink a battle ship. My backside so cold it could freeze the three brass balls off a pawn shop and into the gas station I went huffing and puffing in between doing the skaters waltz all over the road, got to the gas pump, jumped back into my car and then discovered there was no one to serve the gas, it was self service and you had to pay at the kiosk over the other side of the gas station, only one other man getting gas, so I thought I might just brass it out and do what I have to do, so filled the car with gas, strolled over to the pay place and as I aproached the counter, the guy who was paying for his gas was telling the casheer that there was a woman sleep walking and she was taking her gas, and had better watch out as woman may not pay, OH replied the cash lady, here she is to pay now, so I just said, good morning, is'nt it a cold day, I'm afraid I'M in bit of a rush, so would you mind if I just pay and get on my way,
Drove home with tears running down my face as I was so cold, hungry and just annoyed at peoples lack of understanding that these things happen, got home, had cup of coffee and changed into frsh nightwrare, crawled into bed to hear my husband say, God, your so cold, where in heavens name have you been your car was gone when I got home, tell you later was the reply, later that day, my husband was down in our little town and met a friend, this friend excitedly said to husband, you'll never guess what I witnessed early this morning, A woman, trying to push a car along the road in the freezing ice and snow, waring a green nightdress and socks and slippers, she must be mad, she could have froze to death, so surprised she was'nt picked up by the cops, think she must have been a pro and worked late or something, to which my husband quietly replyed, no she dont work, that was my wife. So we were the talk of the town for a couple of days, the end of the story is, I have never ran out of gas again even 25 years later, Daughter by the way called me that morning but I was too cold to make it to the phone, boy was she mad, she thought something had happened to me on the way home, YEH RIGHT. WeeNel.

Oh my goodness, I am in tears! The visual image your story portrays!

great story, though long, it took me longer to read it than load it, we all have bad days and some of them.......... we all have a bad day, it happens, then you have a daughter.

A good story!

Thanks, weenel, for sharing that epic adventure! I think we are two of a kind in our determination and disdain for the normal (uncaring) folk of this world. My latest similar adventure was going to pick up Christina at about 5 AM from an overnight emergency room visit. In my half asleep awareness of the dark, I managed to turn too far to the left and hit a median that blew out both the tires on the passenger's side. Nothing else to do but to drive about 4 miles home on the rims with the rubber of the tires flapping against the wheel wells as the tires were sliced to pieces. At one point, the rear tire came completely off and went rolling down the road in front of us as we were only going about 3 miles an hour to try to avoid too much damage to the vehicle. So, it seems we have both had our "mornings made in Hell." LOL

Jeremy

Weenel would love your piano story, Jeremy. Talk about persistent!

Well Jeremy, My husband and I visit Florida quite often, I love that area, but not sure if the state is really big enough or ready for you and I to be on the same road at the same time, but think of the havoc we could create, best stay on on the safe side and we should just give a casual wave as we pass any misshaps as I feel sure we will know who has caused them, hope poor Christine was OK after her visit to the emergency room, dont know what would be worse for her, whatever took her there in the first place, or her return journey with the wheels scrapeing along the streets, she must have the patience of a saint, aint love a funny thing though, I have more histerics that go on in my life but will save them for another day, take care both you and christine and good luck, I somehow feel your both gona need it. WeeNel.

WeeNel - would you please add some spaces to your story? I'd love to read it but it's too difficult in the present format. Thanks!!

Jeremy - This is really a fun thread....loved everyone's stories....Once I tell you my humbling experience as a new vegetable gardener quite a few years ago, I will have no credibility ever again, but humility is so good for you...right?

I was living in Greensboro, NC at the time.....new wife and mother....new home.....thought I'd plant a little vegetable garden along the back fence. Put in a puny little patch of something (can't remember what I planted now). A few hours later, my next door neighbor - who had a significant garden on the other side of the fence - called me over to the fence, commented on my new garden, and said she wanted to share some of her leaf lettuce with me. I thanked her , took the leaf lettuce and continued to stand and chat for awhile. Then when it was about to get dark, I said, "Well, it's getting dark, so I guess I better get these planted...." She gave me the strangest look....and then said....."But these are just leaves I picked from my plants for you to have for your salad." The whole time we were chatting, I was actually trying to figure out how to stick the flimsy leaves into the ground without them falling over!!! " Oh My......:)

Now that right there, was funny,....I don't care who you are. : )

Thanks for sharing, Donnie. : )

~Lucy

Sorry to laugh but. hahahahahahahahahahahaha

I can only imagine what your neighbor would have thought if you hadn't mentioned that you were going to plant the leaf lettuce and she had looked over the fence the next day to see her gift of salad fixins spread across the dirt.

Very funny, DBrook! Just goes to show how we all learn to grow, both in the garden and out. LOL

Jeremy

Jeremy - I cringed every time I thought of exactly what you said......If she hadn't said anything, I would have trenched 'em in and hoped for the best. She probably would have summoned tour buses to witness her idiot neighbor's folly. One good thing....I keep myself in good spirits often just from being able to laugh at myself - but THIS blunder pretty much tops the charts for me! But in defense of my trenching idea.....you can do that with Christmas cactus and African violets.......so who knows if it would've worked!!?? [Roar of laughter at myself again....] I won't be trying it, by the way.......:) I was young, 20- something and so, so innocent then. At the time, I was actually embarrassed.....now....well, it would take more than that.....I'm much more centered now, having just passed into a new, more mature decade..........

Cparts and Lucy........laughter is so good for you........glad to help!! :)

It is funny, because we can understand. We have all done stuff like that. I just choose to forget my mishaps/ignorance.
This one happened a few years ago when we moved into our new house. The phone company had installed our phone with a temp line, as the permanant one would be buried. So we had this line laying around for a couple months.
As the weather got nicer, I was getting upset at moving this line every time I wanted to do something in the yard, (garden, mow, etc).
We wanted to build our deck in front and I got fed up. On my lunch hour, I drove home and proceeded to call and complain. Well, you know, type in your phone number, press 1, blah, blah, wait. Talk to a person, say your phone number again, and transfer to another person.
After typing in my phone number 5 times, talking with 4 people and waiting on line for 40 minutes, I was connected to the right person, I was getting pretty hot under the collar by now, and was not really that pleasant to this nice lady....who told me that the guys had put in the permanant line this morning according to her records.
I looked out the window. Sure enough. The loose temp line was gone and I was hooked up.
I had to eat crow on that one.

As mentioned on another thread, I just had to pop into this one.

When we first moved to the country, my gardening was, to say
the least, minimal.

One of the first projects I tackled was making a walkway from the
yard to what I envisioned later in life as 'the garden'.

In digging rock, moving rock and clay soil, it occurred to me the
rocks used for edging would not be level, so I grabbed a handful of
weeds I'd pulled to provide the extra height. After all, the plants would
be buried under the rock, they would decompose and nourish the
soil, right?

Years later I would learn that I had indeed 'planted' Johnson grass
beneath the rocks, and there was nothing 'decomposing' about them.

Sigh.

Oh, nooooo, Wuvie! LOL Wow, we let this thread lapse for two whole months? Surely more of us have been doing stoopid stuff during that time??

I put my hanging basket of sweet tater vines up higher, thinking the critters couldn't eat 'em...now I suspect it's birds. Can't win fer losin' somedays....LOL

Going back to the theme earlier about climbing in windows because you are locked out.... A good friend of my mother's locked herself out. They asked me to go in thru the window and unlock the door. As I went thru the window I remember thinking, what's the big deal.... until I realized I was over the top of stairs once inside the house. THAT would have been valuable information to know BEFORE I let go of the window sill.

ROFL Oh, my, I hope you didn't get hurt too badly!

Just came across this tread when searching another topic. This has to be one of the funniest threads ever!
Thanks for the chuckles!

Thanks for reviving the thread, MattsMom. When I find a few spare moments, I like to go back through and read all the hilarious escapades into which we gardeners can get ourselves!

Jeremy

We've all been there. Done something not exactly genius & then looked around quickly to make sure no one saw.
You certainly have a knack for telling a story. I have had to share this with my DD, not much of a gardener (yet) but
I'm working on her. She thought this thread was just hilarious. My antics are nothing compared to yours, but STUPID none the less.
I remember the time I was backing our van out of the drive. Not bothering to look behind when turning into the street, I hear a loud crunch. Then looking in the mirror, noticed that is exactly where my son's nurse decided to park her car that day. She certainly was a site, driving off later that day with her bumper hanging out her back window. Wouldn't fit in her trunk. My husband did not see the humor in this at all.
Another time, to save time I decided to stand on an overturned bucket instead of getting a stepstool to get down a hummingbird feeder. Not the best idea in retrospect. Needless to say the bucket tipped, and I fell off landing on the edge of a concrete step. The Dr. confirmed a blood clot about a week later.

A 32" chainsaw? My little one half the size is enough to manage with a little bit of experience, but 32" on a SCAFFOLDING? oh my! ALONE?
oh my!

I have to mark this thread for more reading later! (not that I've ever ever done anything stoopid...hehehe)

Good to see you "4", it's been a long time. Miss you and your thread of long ago...

Hap

Hi Hap! :-) Time sure flies on DG, doesn't it - like the seasons, except dreary winter.

Ok Laura how about sharing some of your stories!!

You better start a new thread for all that!! LOL

Oh dear...so you think I have lots of dumb and dumberest experiences, eh Marie? and Hap?!...lol
(uhm, selective memory!)

NO, more trials and tribulations. A very interesting life, to be sure.

Hap

Yeah what Hap said :o)

hahhahaaa! Such diplomats you two are! I haven't read all the stories yet, but WeeNel's is making me roll! It is so something I'd do - especially when I was younger and less experienced. Now I keep everything in my vehicle for every emergency (almost).

There is the time I was dancing in Capitola, CA and my dress fell off. Not much under it, like one tiny garment. Do you think anyone noticed? Or the time a brand new discount store dress unravelled at the waist during happy hour somewhere down in LA County-and it came completely apart from the top. I hadn't noticed that the little string I was pulling was so important! Hmmm...Or maybe the time at the hot springs in Steamboat Springs, CO where someone took my t-shirt. It's a clothing optional place and I was about 250 miles from home (no back up shirt). I tend to have clothing issues. Oh yeah, I don't partner dance much, at least where I connect with the other person, not since on a swing move I ended up in the band. :-)

My chainsaw faux pas are not even close to Jax's extremely frightening tale, but I've had my share of scares and darn lucky breaks!

Oh...how about the time in Santa Cruz heading out to the flea market (I was/am "Leave the Flea to Me") with my little Ford Fiesta and loaded 4x7 utility trailer from the little mountain cabin I lived in, when I neglected to secure the hitch? On the seriously steep incline which was the one lane driveway (one side was long drop, the other hillside), the trailer came off the car. I had secured the chain, so it stayed attached and was heavy enough to jolt the car kind of backwards. The back end of the trailer dropped to the ground, hitched pointed to the sky and it rolled into the back of the car, slightly jack-knifed, fortunately missing the window, though denting the car. I was alone with no one to call (I always live in the boonies), dog in the car, and pastured horses watching the show. Not sure now exactly what I did, but somehow got out of the situation and I know it wasn't with brute strength. In those situations, I mentally call on everyone I know with the knowledge(or maybe the common sense) I don't have.

Oh-then there's the hole in the gas tank situation out in the desert about 30 miles outside of Las Vegas in which I used chewing gum, twigs, and leaves to plug the hole. (THat lovely area is now an expensive housing community). Drove around like that for 3 days until I could get it fixed.

Hmmm...the time the riding lawn mower jumped up and turned around on the hill here with me on it, trailer attachment and all, on its own? This was following many trips down the hill during which the brakes did not work, so I had to ride it down (OH MY DOG!) and aim for a soft pile of weeds to slow it down (I was hauling a lot of heavy stuff down to what was the garden at the time).

Now when I do dangerous stuff, I have the phone handy. Sure don't know what 9kittymom will do from Oklahoma, but at least she'll be informed....lolololo...she's first alphabetically on my phone (called her from the roof last week - so afraid of heights, but, gotta do what I gotta do).

I'm thinking to eventually change my name to Fopaaz (get it?)
Now I'll shut up. :-)

LOL 4 paws, you are a trip. : )

(on a swing move I ended up in the band) LMBO : )
~Lucy

Lol!! I think you have a few more stories to share with us :o)

I know this thread is a few years old... but I have a story to tell that I'll never live down.

Hubby and I had a retainer wall built (professionally) that stands 10' tall on one end... it's 280' long, in a horseshoe shape. The drainage pipes are about 12' apart around the wall at the ground on the lower level. Until we got the sod set in the lower level, we had rivers carve into the dirt at each drain pipe whenever it would rain. We managed to fill each of the rivers, a little at a time until it all leveled out... but it took months. The only "river bed" we couldn't get level was the one at the end of the wall... the lowest end of the property. We decided that all the dirt we filled in that place was just getting washed back into the lake.
While hubby was at work one day, I decided to take matters in my own hands, and tell him about it later.
I decided to make it into a dry river bed with river rocks. So, I set out in the pick up truck to the rock yard. I chose my pile of rocks, and figured I was only getting a 1/4 yard load, so I can save the $50 delivery fee and just have it loaded in my pick up.
I got home with it just fine... although, I think the load stressed my shocks to their max. I backed the truck as close to the wall as I could, and threw the rocks over the wall to the lower level. Then I got in the pick up to pull it out of the yard, and onto the driveway... and I was stuck. The more I tried to pull out of the hole, the more stuck I got. Neighbors came out to help. I had lumber under the wheels... we tried a chain and another pick up to try to pull... no matter what we tried, it just wasn't happening. I had to call a tow truck. It ended up costing me $105.
I think I'll have it delivered for $50 next time I get a bright idea.

BTW... hubby woke up the next morning to go out and see this expensive river bed he just paid for... and all he saw was rocks laying all over the lower level... he was not a happy man.