DG Anonymous

My dad always said that when he died, if we buried him in the Florida sand, he would come back and haunt us. We made sure to bury him in his home soil....and Mom beside him. Last year when DH got cancer, he told me if I buried him in the frozen Illionois soil (even though it was the soil of his birth) he would come back and haunt me. He said I was to have him cremated and bring him to Bama with me...then when I passed on, my family could bury his urn in my arms. Thankfully, none of that was neccesary since he beat the cancer, but any time he gets frustrated with how slow and laid back thigns are down here, I remind him of the promise he made me make him to bring him to Alabama and bury him down here!

Hey !!!! Nobody's going anywhere !!!
We're all staying here in our beautiful gardens for a lonnnng time !
Stop that !!!

I keep telling him that. Someone on our head and neck cancer forum posted that her DH's cancer is back and it is really bad. It has DH scared, even though I keep trying to remnd him taht he had a better treatment and a less severe stage of cancer to start with. His treatment has a slightly higher survival rate and, hopefully, as long as he stays away from heavy drinking (not a problem) and second hand smoke, th cancer should not return...although I do worry abot the chronic sinus drainage from his allrgies....

Bama, that dreaded "C" word sounds devastatingly hopeless to many! I hope DH experiences peace and contentment inspite of his fears. I know you'll continue to encourage and support him. So lets enjoy the "hope that springs eternal" in our gardens and the lovely plans we have for them for them as well!

Its amazing though how many survive cancer these days! I had a very very fortunate early find three years
ago ... didn't even need treatment. (Just had 1/2 of my thyroid removed). The biopsy was very scarey though.
They couldn't tell if the malignant cells had grown outside the nodule. If they had, the survival rate was 40% for
five years. During the wait between biopsy results and results post-surgery, I thought through what I wished I'd
done differently in life & what I would change if it came back positive. I decided I'd been living the life I wanted.
And the only thing I'd change if it came back positive was I'd quit work to spend more time travelling & in my
garden. Thankfully, I'm fine. But it did make me think things through that I'd not really focussed on before.

Tam

Tammy~ good for you and a great attitude! I'll meet you in the garden fer sure! ;0)

DH and I are both survivors. I'm considered cured. Not sure if DH's cancer is ever considered cured. It has a really high mortality rate. But he was really lucky to be in the right place at the right time and saw the only doc in the country who could save his voice box (especially important since DH is a public speaker for a living!) not to mention taht the treatment has a slightly higher survival rate. Being a survivor myself, I understand the paranoia he lives with...every little bump, hoarseness in his voice caused by allergies, cough, etc, is cause for panic. If the cancer does come back, the chances of survivng a second round is close to zero.

Oral, head and neck cancers are among the worst. The treatment is a nightmare (imagine 3rd degree burns in your throat for 7 weeks; losing your ability to taste food for a year, or permanently for some patients; and your saliva getting so thick that you can't clear it except to wipe yor mouth out with Kleenexes every 5 minutes.) Some of the people we saw in treatment were horribly disfigured with cancers in their tongues, jawbones and sinuses. Some of them were as young as 30, with young kids. And the primary cause of these cancers is smoking and/or smokeless tobacco. I get very upset when I see a kid smoking these days. I wish they could see the things I have seen.

Bama~ You're an inspiration and I'm am thrilled you're a survivor. and hopefully your husband will continue to be as well! ;0)

My heart aches for all of you either living with cancer, or in remission, or mourning a loved one. My dad and sister are cancer survivors, and they/we rejoice every day. Cancer has taken too many lives and changed others forever. I lost my son to cancer when he was 15. We were confident of a cure for the first 6 months, and praying for a miracle in the 7th month. He was determined that when he got better that he was going on a crusade to keep his friends and classmates away from cigarettes. He wanted to let them know how terrible cancer was, and that sometimes you just get it for no apparent reason, and other times it is caused by smoking. He figured that if you had a choice in whether or not to smoke, and possibly not giving yourself cancer......then it was just a no-brainer. He was going to tell them that he'd had cancer and wasn't about to get it again if he could help it.

I'm not looking for sympathy here. It's been almost seven years without him, and we're adjusting. What I am looking for, is for people to not smoke. Life is too precious to waste it for a bit of tobacco.

(Climbing off my soap-box now. Thanks for listening.)

Marie

Marie - I smoked when I was younger & I always worry that my stupidity will lead to lung
cancer. I understand that while your risks of coronary heart disease drops to almost no
impact after many years of not smoking, this is not really true for risk of cancer. It was one
of the most difficult things I ever did to quit but thank goodness I did. Its been 20 years
this coming April since I smoked.

I'm sorry you had to go through all you have - it sounds like your son was a very smart &
courageous young man. Its such a terrible loss I can't imagine. You are working to help
other kids and for that I admire you too.

Tam

Marie~ sounds like your son would be just as proud of you today as you are of him. Bouquets to you, and stay on that soapbox perhaps one other person will benefit! :0)

Marie, that is not a soapbox at all - that is caring . . . straight from your heart and your experience. Keep it up, please!

Marie, I am on the same mission...so lets make a pact to keep shouting it form the roof tops. Don't smoke. If you don't smoke, don't start...if you smoke, quit. For those of you who have smoked in the past, it changes your DNA. Not only do you need to worry about lung cancer, but also oral, head and neck cancers. Have your dentist look for sores in your mouth...especially in the soft palate and on, and under, your tongue...but really, anywhere in your mouth. If you have changes in your voice that do not clear up after a week or two (hoarseness or a strained voice quality) see an ENT. Same with lumps in your neck, ear pain or chronic sinus problems.

DH ignored his hoarseness because we had just moved to a town with a lot of dust, mold and air pollution from an ethanol plant and multiple soy processing plants. Since he is allergic to dust, grain dust, and mold, we assumed his problems were related to the allergies; especially since it improved whenever we left trown. Well, it improved because the chronic sinus drainage was making it worse and by leaving town, the sinus drainage improved...but what we didn't realize was that the allergies were disguising the cancer symptoms. We also tend to be paranoid becaue I have lupus and I get ulcers in my soft palate all the time...sometimes they last for weeks or months. One of these ulcers could conceivably disguise a cancer. If you have ever smoked, don't assume that something is nothing. Have it checked out.

Additionally I want to add that smoking is not the only cause of these cancers. A recent new member to our head and neck forum was told by his doctor that his cancer was caused by the same virus that causes cervical cancer...HPV. They can also be caused by heavy alcohol use and even chronic reflux disease.

Remember that if you or a loved one has had cancer, the patients's DNA is permanently changed...what took years and years of abuse to create in the first place, no longer takes years. You can be exposed to low levels of smoke or alcohol and the cancer will come back because your DNA is no longer resistant to it. Any exposure, even second hand smoke, can cause the cancer to come back. Don't smoke around a cancer survivor. If you go out to eat with them, try to find a restaurant that has a no-smoking policy. And don't insist they have a drink at the Christmas party. Not even 'just one glass' of egg nog.

Thank you Bama for those pearls of wisdom. ;0)

Gollee Bama, I learned a lot from you just now. Thanks much!!!

Garden6 - Those pearls had better be very high quality.
She worked for a jeweler, you know.

Ahem, I was a certified diamond appraiser, jewelry designer and I hand knotted pearls...a dying art form. Speaking of which, I had an inviation from the jewelry designer I worked for to come to a fancy open house next week. He really gives me a lot of notice, doesn't he? Heck, when I used to put these parties together for him, I always gave folks at least a month's notice. Plus I hired a string quartet to play calassical music and ordered some of the most awesome food and champaign. One year our little soiree was crashed by John Bon Jovi. It was always a hoot...you never knew who would show up.

Mahnot~ thanks for the heads up!...Bama~ sounds divine, I love classical music. I'll have to remember your qualifications when we meet in the garden so you can give me pointers to practice with DH on his next jewelry buying (for me) excursion! LOL ;0)

LOL! Be glad to. But a lot of buying jewelry has as much to do with what a person likes as anything. Of course, you have to be careful...there is no such thing as a 'deal' in jewelry unless you buy it used. If you buy from retail, if it is cheap, it is because the stones are of poor quality. OTOH, if you don't mind used jewelry, you cn usually pick up stuff for less than half what it costs in a store. But buying used has its own set of potntial probelms...like gold plated stuff marked 14k...or CZs instead of diamonds..or manmade colored stones instead of natrual ones.

Bama, I hear you and I'm paying attention. BTW, when we lived in Asia, a neighbor warn me of gold plated leaded jewelry being sold by vendors in the market as 14k. Can you believe she would taste the pearls to make sure they were real! I on the other hand could envision salt dipped plastics, so I bypass the taste tests. ;0)

I need to get my mother's diamond appraised. Any good ideas how to go about it? I live in the boonies and I sure don't want to mail it nor leave it with someone.

You don't taste the parls, you rub them on yur teeth. Fake pearls are so smooth they just slide right over your teeth. Real pearls have a slightly rough textrure that you can only feel with your teeth. The fake "14k" stuff I used to see all came from Asia. Usually if stuff comes from this country, if it is marked 14k it is 14k. But stuff that comes from outside the US often is not regulated about markings. You really have to be careful when buying used jewelry because you never know where it came from.

To get your mother's diamond appraised you will need to leave it with a certified diamond appraiser or gemologist. Take it to a reputable jeweler, preferably one that is GIA certified. It takes a LOT of work to appraise a diamond....many hours to map each and every flaw, to measure the stone and determine the quality of the cut. Then it has to be compared against diamonds of known colors to get the color grade. All of this takes a day or two to do. Then the appraisal has to be typed up. If you are lucky, you might be able to find an apprasier who can keep the piece for a minimum of a day or two. But I have never met a sinlge appraiser who was able to appraise a stone without having to keep it for at least a day or two.

Thanks. Do you have any price range of costs? And, how does one know they won't switch your diamond?

They usually charge anywhere from $25-50 for an appraisal...depending on how much detail is requiredand if they provide you with a photographic map of the stone. More if you have more jewelry. It is best to take it to a fine jeweler. They live and die by their reputation so if a jewlery store has been around for 50 years or more, you know your jewelry is safe with them.

I was once accused of switching a stone on a client...but before she left the ring, I had done a cursory map of the stone, showing a large flaw in the stone and a chip on the side. I showed her the flaws and had her initial the sketch because I was afraid she would accuse me of having chipped the stone, so to be on the safe side, I went ahead and showed it to her and drew it on the envelope and had her sign it. Diamonds are like fingerprints...unless they are flawless, no two stones are alike and the flaws will serve to identify a stone regardless of naythig that might be done to it (like putting it in a new mounting or taking it out of the mount). Anyway, I had to really clean the stone so I could see the rest of the flaws and when I got done, it shone like it did when it was new. She didn't recognize it...thought I had switched the stone. If I had not sketched the stone and had her initial it, she would not have believed me. The funny thing is that the diamond looked so much better after it was clean..it was full of fire and looked beautiful, whereas when she brought it in, you could barely tell it was a diamond and not some bad fake. It had no fire at all because of all the dirt and could almost as easily have been a white sapphire or one of the early fakes like a YAG. Anyway, I guess she thought I had switched it with a better diamond???? In any case, when I put it under the microscope and showed her the two flaws I had pointed out to her before she left it and how she had signed that she ahd seen the chip and flaw, she grudgingly agreed taht she had seen the flaws and signed off on it. But she still swore up and down that it looked 'different' so then she started sayign that maybe I ahd swtiched the mounting on her. I don't know how she thought I might profit by taking her old used mounting and putting her stone in a new one. She just could not believe it was her ring because when it was clean it looked so different. Anyway, the bottom line is, a fine jewelry store with a GIA certified gemologist or diamond appraiser...or an AGS certified appraiser has too much to lose to even think about switching a stone.

Thanks.

Wow I never realized that much went into appraising a diamond. Your post reminded me that my mom left me some of her ivory. I know it's real I have the original paperwork and case, but I do need to get it appraised.
Thank you for a very interesting post Bama!

Ivory is hard to appraise since most of it is illegal to import into the US. In order to apprasie something, yu have to have a source for a comparable price. Hard to find a comparable priced item if it is illegal to sell in the US. Most modern 'ivory' is actually carved bone or betal nut...although there are some ivory pieces being allowed these days, I believe. Mostly carved bracelets. I used to have a broach that was my mom's and before I learned how to care for it, I made the mistake of letting it soak in bleach to whiten it so it would match my 'new' ivory bracelet (back in the 70s when it was legal). Someone had told me that was the way to get it white again after it had yellowed. WRONG! Within a few months it started breaking to pieces and the rest of it literally turned to powder. It was the most equxisitely carve rose..and it literally turned to dust.

Speaking of caring for organic gems, it is important to care for pearls properly. Do not expose them to perfume or makeup. (In other words, don't put them on till your make up and perfume are on and don't reapply perfume or makeup, especially powders with talc bases, while wearing them). Clean them with a soft cloth dampened with diluted liquid Ivory soap, preferably after each wearing. Don't get them too wet or it willrot the string. Have them restrung every few years. Make sure they are strung with knots between each pearl on silk cord, otherwise, when the cord breaks, you will lose pearls. Insist that the pearls be strung on silk, not nylon, or they will tend to kink up instead of having that slinky feel to them when you run them trhough your hands...nor will they lay right on your neck. Pearls should be stored in a case by themselves or in a soft pouch where they don't get scratched by other jewlery. Even the quartz that is found in basic household dust can scratch your pearls, so it is best to keep them protected.

Oh well, 13 years in jewelry, you forget some things, but most of it sticks with you even years after you leave the industry. The only thing that changes are the ''new and improved fakes'' and the prices....

bama - Gotta ask the expert - what about opals?

So, how do you clean ivory - or can it be cleaned? Here's one of my sets.
Ceejay - opals are my birthstone - I just love them. Actually I love jewelry!

Bama~ you have our respect and awe. So in my log, you're the jewerly expert in the garden. Thanks again for taking the time to share your knowledge and tips with us. Many bouquets to you!

Amen - I second that Garden 6!

That's a lovely set, MySharona.

Every so often, I get my pearls out and wear them around
the house. If I don't, they lose their luster and start looking dull.
Actually, that's what was recommended years ago, but I don't
know if that is still true today. Anyway, they feel so nice against
the skin, and that deep inner glow comes back to them.

Yes, that is what we were told about pearls when I studied them back in 1978. Not sure if they still say the same thing...you know how 'advice from the experts' changes from year to year...especially about health stuff. LOL!

All ivory yellows with age. It is the nature of the beast. Sometimes, if it is a smooth piece, you can sort of polish it up a bit with a soft cloth, but with carved pices like these, there really isn't much you can do except to clean them with a soft cloth and mild deteregent, like pearls. That is a GORGEOUS set...the broach reminds me a lot of the one I destroyed. Consider the yellowing to be like the patina on old family silver...it actually enhances the beauty of the piece. In fact, older yellowed ivory shows growth striations that are not normally seen in new white ivory. The yellowing speaks to the antiquity of the ivory and if anyone comments on it, you can say, "Yes, you can tell it is a valued family heirloom!" then watch them eat crow!

Opals are tricky as well. They are very sensitive to changes in weather (like arthritic bones!) Do not wear them in extremely cold or hot weather, nor extremely dry weather. Do not soak them in oil (that is an old wives' tale and will actually keep the opal from being able to stanilize its moisutre by 'breathing' the humidity of the air.) Some of the old timers say that soaking them in distilled water will help keep them from cracking or crazing, but I think that is an old wives tale as well..besides, if there are any minerals in the water, it could block the ability of the opal to breathe just like the oil does.

Opals just don't hold up well. I have an Australian opal necklace that was my mother's that has a bad crack in it...and she kept it in the jewelry box all the time...only wore it for about a month or so after she got it, then stuck it away and forgot she had it. Opals do even more poorly in rings and bracelets where they are apt to be knocked around and hit against hard surfaces. I've had three opals (two in rings) and all of them have cracked or broken. IOW, I still have not found a way to keep them from crazing and cracking. I've been out of the jewelry biz now for about 19 years, so maybe they have a way to protect them now. Your best bet would be to ask your family jeweler how they recommend that you take care of them. Wish I could help more, but as I said, they always break on me. I love them, but I have given up on owning them. I keep the one my mom had because it is so stunning and it is the only piece of her jewelry that I got, but I'd never have bought it for myself and I don't wear it very often because I am afraid that the crack in it will go all the way through and the stone will break in two.

Bama - thank you so much for the compliment and the information. I just love the set. I have had them for 5 years, but still haven't worn them. I really don't go anywhere that would require that! Actually, you've been a wealth of information to me! I have a couple of opals in differnet setting and a couple of strings of pearls, but don't wear them much either. I didn't know that I should be wearing the pearls once a month for a while. So I guess I could pull the June Lockhart and wear them while vacuuming!
Sharon

Bama - Thanks for the info on the opals. I have had to replace the one in my ring - twice - because it chipped big time. And the jeweler was unable to save any of the pieces to use anywhere else. The last time it happened - several years ago - the jeweler told us about an alternative where we could replace it with an opal that was somehow bonded to something (can't remember now) that would make it stronger. We chose that option, and I haven't had a problem with it since. I do soak it occasionally in distilled water (obviously heard that one) and wondered if it worked. It is in a setting with diamonds around it, and I so wish I could clean the diamond settings, but because of the opal, I haven't done anything. I love opals....

An old European superstition says that one must never buy
opals for themselves. It means tears in the future. They must
always be a gift from someone who loves you.

Well, all my tears are 'cause I don't have an opal. Always wanted
a big oblong one in a very simple ring setting. Sigh.
Can I borrow yours, Ceejay?

There was another superstition about opals, too, and that is that only those born in October should wear them (birthstone, of course). If someone else wore them, they would have bad luck.

I go with Mahnot's superstition. My beloved DH gave it (and then the next year, the matching pendant) to me as a gift. I think the October birthday babies just want to keep them all to themselves. Bad babies! And I recently found a listing of birthstones that placed opals as a June birthstone, along with alexandrite (now, there is one gorgeous gem!) and pearls. So, I can't go wrong.
I would LOVE some alexandrite jewelry, but they're more expensive than diamonds.
Mahnot, my opal is oval, not "big oblong", so you wouldn't like it.

Ceejay, I meant "oval," I'm just tired.
(She really doesn't want to lend it to me, does she? )

Goodnight ladies, sweet dreams.

CeeJay,
Your opal is ither a doulet or a triplet. My first opal was a triplet. It ahd a layer of quartz glued to the top and a layer of black onyx (which, BTW, is actually dyed since onyx is not naturally black). The black layr amde the oals color more intense...like an Austrailan opal. Anyway, after a couple of years, the glue between the layers began to seperate. I was told this was usually caused by the soaking thing...even though I didn't soak mine. I suspect that I had dmaged the glue when I cleaned it with amonia based cleansers.

Here is a scan of the Australian opal pendant I got from my mom. It is a freeform shape and is about an inch and a half long. The mounting is custom made to the shape of the stone. It is one of the few thigns she ordered off the home shopping networks that actually was as pretty as it was on TV...although I suspect she thought the diamond was larger. The stone has a craze (or internal crack) about 1/3 of the way down and thre is a little chip missing from the back, which is really odd.

Most old wives tales have some science behind them...like your nose itching means that someone is coming to see you...it itches because when you are expecting company you clean your house and stir up dust...so before people knew alot about dust and allergies, they cam to assoicate the noseitching with company coming. Anyway, I suspet taht the old wives tales about Oapals being abd luchk is a way to explain why they break so easily. Your opal broke? Oh, well, it must be because it isn't your birthstone or because the person who bought it for you doesn't really love you...

Some itnersting reading is from an ancient historian named Pliney. Back in his day, gemstones were supposed to have special powers (sort of like the New Agers and their crystals). Amethysts were supposed to protect you from drunekenss and making a fool of yourself (which is why they were reserved for royalty when they were hard to get). Emerlads were supposed to protect you from illness. Pearls and angelskin coral hung on a baby's bed were supposed to protect the baby from illness and bad dreams. Wish I still had my old reference books; some of the old supersitions were a hoot.