She was a Gypsy Woman....

no guys that was thedeal if they went last night they had to be up by 11 today and the entire backyard has to be cleaned, weeded, mowed, and the lumber for the garage restacked since they drug it out everywhere, and all the bikes, and bike parts be put away, and all the other junk removed fromthe backyard, but he's leaving as he always does, but if I don't stay out there amanda won't do anything at all pulling the I'm a girl crap and the boys decide it's free time to be as mean as possible to my son since he's not a "born or raised in" child

and other than the few I purchased the rest were trades, on the plants.

Trina, try JJ's idea. And see what happens.

Good morning Jean, and thanks. So far I like it.......LOL

Cloudy and cool here today. 45 degrees and showers off and on.
Glad my Chevy Cav is in the garage. At least it will be a little warmer in there when I'm cleaning it out. BF has a friend who works on cars, so he may want the Chevy.

Trina, do you have a friend replacing the trany, or is your BF doing it?

I end up with my son Kenny goingto the ER and BF yelling at me cause I didn't make sure it was cleaned up, just like he whine at me when they don't do the dishes or the laundry or anything else you tell them...In his opinion I should just get up and do it, nevermind that when I do it I end up eating half a bottle of pain pills and can't move for 3 days

WOW!!!! Kassy, have you had your first frost up there?

By the time my son had a chance to check out the Chevy you asked about and called me back, you were posting pictures of your new Ford.....just as well, he referred to it as "MEH, not outstanding...." Grin

BF, he is taking over his dad's shop, but I'm about done with the waiting, may just go buy me a new one, something big enough to haul a trailer full of plants

Thats why mine never got to do things first, they never held up their end.( I made that mistake plenty of times)
Break the work up into sections tell each what their part is.
If you are afraid that they will be mean to your boy tell him to get his done and he can go with you.

Sorry not preaching to you. Thats just what I would do. Probably not the right thing.

Trina, tell you BF you are trying JJ's strategy. And to be patient because things won't get better until they get much worse.

JJ, your idea always worked with my son!

I guess we think alike JJ ;-)

JJ & Kassy, I think you should go over to Trina's and train her, the kids, and BF!

in this case JJ you could be a saint and it would still be wrong, how do you deal with 4 teenagers who've never had to "earn" anything, its always been handed to them...he's mad at me know because the Bank of Trina has been closed to all of them all summer, I am not an atm for his kids...my kid ha to earn his money, and half of what he earns or gets for birthdays and christmases has to go in his savings account....his kids don't have a clue what that means except austin (14) who hoards his except here lately he brings it t me to hold on too or the older 2 boys just go in his room and take it when they need it, but according to BF austin shouldn't get mad about that

Venice, I might end up beating them for not listening!
When my son was 12 he learned how to wash cloths, and to seperate them too! I worked, so it there was something he wanted he knew he had to wash it.
He also learned to get himself up and out the door for school.

Either of you could be one of those Nannies on TV who turns the whole family around.

it won't do any good...I try to enforce rules...I was raised by the army remember.....and as long as I only enforce the rules with my son, there are no problems, but if I try to enforce ay rule with his kids, like make them do thier own laundry, I am the one not trying to get along, and being difficult, or I get reminded that this is his house and his rules......oh and my favorite if his daughter is being bad, it's not cause she did something wrong, it's because 2 woman can't live in a house together and I have to remmeber this is her house not mine.

Hi kassy,
Clean out my car too. ( its outside) please.

Can you believe this laptop still running this check?
One for the record book maybe.

Trina I don't want you to get into trouble listening to me.
My first H was not nice. Shot at me through the door once and I had a kid in my arms. His answer "I aimed low".
So I finally rebelled and when he seen he couldn't control me it got better. and I got out.

Enough of my advice, usually not good or constructive.

DH is painting his boss's rental property and I promised to help (he hates to paint) and suppose to watch youngest GS later so I better get movin.

Have a great day everyone.The sun is shining

exactly I see us imploding before spring gets here, hence the reason I'm trying to buy a house, I don't want to sleep on mom's couch again, and I'd have to give up all my plants, privacy (and half my disabilty check) and I aint doing it

Can you rent a place before things explode?

Well Kassy I'm sure it is easier when the kids are your own.
But if the parent is not going to stand behind the stepparent( as long as they are not abusing the stepkids) in my opnion it will not work.

But I guess we all know where I would be. I have a motto when I am unhappy

I was looking for a job when I got this one.( when the job sucks)

You're not the only guy in the world, wasn't even looking when I found you. ( for the man) sorry Dave I'm sure you wouldn't fall in that catagory

Ok gotta go paint for I get someone in trouble

We tried the play then pay method with our kids.....only worked with our daughter.....very responsible little Aquarian....grin. Finally got smart....you played, you didn't pay.....no play without advance payment....imagine how shocked they were when it was time for fun and the answer was...as soon as your room is clean and chores are done.

By the time they were HS age they knew how to run the vacuum, dishwasher, washer and dryer...what a mop and broom were for and how to apply them and how to cook and clean up afterwards....we called them Life Skills. My husband had no problem removing video games, disconnecting MTV or padlocking bicycles, etc. as a means of getting the point across. I firmly believe that you do a child a serious disservice when you don't instill a sense of family cooperation and personal responsibility in them.

neither do I Moon but to BF that is unbelievably mean

Trina, in comment of what I've read above, here's my two cents:

I always had to break down Girl's chores for her. She couldn't respond to "clean your room", it was too overwhelming. So I had to break it down: pick up your clothes, then pick up your barbies, etc.. Sounds like a good idea for the backyard.

As far as BF goes, sounds like you don't have a working relationship. When my kids were little, when I got home from work they were mine. DH took care of them all day, now it was my turn. (on the premise of 'you haven't seen them all day'). It wasn't until I got a backbone and stood up to it (I've been working all day, then I get to cook, clean up, do homework, do baths and put them to bed???) that I found I got more respect from him, and it in turn helped our relationship. It was rocky for a while, but is now good as gold.

Nothing is going to change unless you make it change. I think you need to have a 'sit down' with him and explain your point of view. And if he's not willing to help it change, make your plan to get you & yours out of there. It may take a little time, but make the plan.

Because some day those kids are going to be out on their own. You need to know where you stand in HIS life. It sounds kind of like them vs you instead of you & him being the top of the pyramid.

That's just my two cents.

Trina, can't you see, everyone is trying to help you! Don't be stubborn. Take some of their advice, please!!!!!

I understand, Trina. But I am like JJs, These are your children, your responsibility...I will care for my child and my responsibilities....no clean clothes....there is the washer....etc. I have always believed in a 50-50 partnership....without that...I believe in myself and my ability to care for me and mine......the door swings both ways.

my friend had a problem with her kids helping around the house. they were on the computer all the time instead of doing what they were supposed to do. I had to practically yell it at her:

TAKE THE PLUG TO WORK WITH YOU!!

A girl I work with now is having problems with her 13yr old. She took his cell phone away. He's much better now.

I would always have to think (with Girl) what is the most important thing to her, to get her to do her chores etc.. and take that away before she could have/do what she wanted.

And we are only trying to help, because you are our friend and we want you to be happy.

we tried that...6 months ago and 3 months ago, he'd have to be HOME for anything to get straightened out and he has no intentions of doing that. He's one of those look at me I'm a single dad its all about me you being a single mom doesn't mean anything....I got mad because all of my checks were going to pay his bills and none of mine were getting paid, so I blew up, and he acted like I wasn't supposed to have a past before him, If I want something of my OWN then I must not be interested in making an US.

That is a two way street Trina....but, never once have the words love or respect entered the conversation....seems like you need to have a sit-down with yourself and find out how much you are willing to tolerate for you and your child....then sit-down with him and his children. But, you must have resolve and a back-up plan.

i know you guys are only trying to help I'm just tired of beating my head against a concrete wall...you know that little voice in your head that warns you...I knew I should have listened to it and not gotten involved now all I can do is save a little here and there until I have enough to move, cause right now I got bumpkiss he's had my car tore down for a year, the settlement money I got at the first of the year all went to buying 3 of his kids new glasses and I did get new ones too, oh yeah his 19 yo a car, pay his bills up to date, and I got to spend 1500 of 16,000 on the front garden....so I need to save some cash up no matter what

The quickest way to do that is to stop spending....cold but simple fact, Trina. I understand it makes you feel better, but it does not best serve you in your current position.

I did in the beginning but now....I don't know what to do, talking does't make it better, throwing a fit doesn't work, can I beat him with a nerf bat until he gets the point?

that and I know have it set up so that as soon as my check gets here every month 250 automatically goes to my savings....I told him it was to pay off an old loan, he don't need to know it's my security blanket

and on the plus side I only have a year left and then the 33 acres in Missouri is paid for....if nothing else I could put a trrailer up on that property

That is why you have to have that talk with YOU. You have to make some serious decisions about what is best for you and your child. Figure it out, set your goals and know what you want and need, It would seem that you can not change him, so change yourself to accomplish what is in your best interest.

Jean if it was up to me I'd probably move to that 33 acres right now, just so I didn't have to deal with people, because I could see myself becoming a hermit real easily, but that would not be best for my son. and the only reason I haven't moved there already is my mom is sick and they still don't know what is wrong, but they did rule out bone cancer so that's a good thing

Trina, you mentioned living in a trailor. Could you put one on your mom's property? Temporarily.

nah her's is a rental

Rather than sleeping on your Mom's sofa, the two of you could look into renting a place together. That should not change your disability income negatively...