**SWEET INTERRUPTION** 8

We came from here: http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/878519/

Continue chatting sistahs!
Carrot cake anyone?

can't hide from me.
fairy, my pups are shihtzu

Nope don't want you to stay too far from us, Sis.
Got to find something to make you smile...brb.

Best Divorce Letter Ever

Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate
in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me.
Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear
Ex-Husband ...
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

ROFLOL!!! thanks sis, i love it!

OK..another favorite..got to keep you laughing Sis..Come on sistahs, we're on a mission here!

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

ROFLMBO!!! Thanks Jaye-that gave me a little laugh too:) My mom sendds me some stuff sometimes that makes my day, but it is like pics and stuff, so I can't really put it here-she sent me one yest that was "why humans get bit" and it was all the dogs in costumes and clothes looking absolutely miserable!! I was crakin up!!

good one sis. it was hillarious

Go on Stacey, try saving the pics to file and post them here. Got me curious now!

More idiots...

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. (No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)

NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL...NOT! An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. (Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)

WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY...READ THIS Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $1,270,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year, "said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..." (...hmmm, could this be the Illinois guy?)

NOW THIS IS WHAT I CONSIDER A DEDICATED CROOK! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. (Wonder if he paid himself time and 1/2 for the overtime?)

LOL

Here's your sign!

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?"

"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "No - We talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it!"

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me! Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So.. is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a bridge...here's your sign."

ha, ha i love them, especialy the one with thecop

I myself need to wear a sign sometimes!!!

i need a permanat sign

I deleted the email-sorry:(

Those are funny-I do love Bill Engvall!!

My fave is when I worked in a restaurant-we had to wear long sleve button up shirts, ties, white pants, and shoes and along shin length apron-I had people that said 2 very stupid things to me.
1. "do you work here" to which I started replying no just to see the look on their face
2."Do you know where the bathroom is" to which I started also saying no-I don't work here just to see the look on their face..

Too funny Jaye... all of them.

You're a smart one Stacey!!! :D
Sis, being that you've lived in Louisiana...


A lawyer and a Cajun are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Louisiana Cajuns are so dumb that he could
get over on them easy... So the lawyer asks if the Cajun would like to
play a fun game. The Cajun is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists
(like they do), that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question,
and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you Ask me one,
and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500. Now this catches

the Cajun's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play
the game. The lawyer asks the firs t question. "What's the distance from
the Earth to the moon?" The Cajun doesn't say a word, reaches in his
pocket pu lls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.


Now, it's the Cajun's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop,
searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches the Net and
even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends
he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives
up. He wakes up the Cajun and hands him $500. The Cajun pockets the
$500 goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the
answer. He wakes the Cajun Up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill
with three legs and comes Down with four?"


The Cajun reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to
sleep. Don't mess Louisiana Cajuns....

I guess my favorite is when a friend or one of my kids calls after they know I've been gone for a while... I answer the phone... and they say "are you home?"... duh!!!

Good time to take a lil break BJ. Ok, one more for our dear Sis...then I'm off to make my round to check on brugs buds :D

A friend's promise:
I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....
Scared me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading.

ROFL Duuuuh..you're right BJ!!!

Looking for help. I found these while out for a sunday drive, and was wondering if anyone can figure out how to make them. They are about 1 to 2 inches tall, and made of beads.
Linda Kay

peacock

lady bug

They are so pretty Linda Kay. Don't know nothing about beaded wire art. The only wire I beaded are simple handles to Joyce's pots.
Where did you find them?

Where's Marion today? Hope she didn't pass out in the dungeon with that ear making her dizzy like it was the other day.

I found them at a souvenir shop at Garner State park. it is about 1 & 1/2 hours from my house. They were about 12 - 15 a piece. Just trying to figure out how to make them.
Linda Kay

I will try to check in here but I am laughing so hard not sure I can type!! I was ready Jaye's outlaugh and DD redecorated her jammie with her nightly decaf!!! Bad Jaye! LOL

I was traveling today. I'm in Gainesville for my annual physical and then stopping by a friends to dig some plants. Took a slow leisure drive down and now just getting ready for bed. DD has been using the laptop working on school things.

Will be home tomorrow night.

Kathy so sorry about Oscar!! I know it is sad so I will shed a tear with you. Hope hubby's finger will be okay.

Tinky, I feel your pain about losing the auction. Next time we'll all help you plan your strategy.

Linda Kay I hope someone figures out how to do the bead bugs. I want the ladybug!!!!!!

I have posted several places, and so far, no one has commented. i will keep looking.
Linda Kay

got some cute pics today in an email-lets see if this works:)

and

Linda Kay I love the beaded bugs!! I think they are wonderful.

Oh Heavens!!!! So cute...those pics, Stacey. Does that doggie loves tuna too?

Been kinda zonked today. All I want to do is sleep. Guess my body's telling me it needs some rest. Hope everyone else has a productive day.

Sorry Linda Kay, truly hasn't dabbled in wire art.

HI Jaye you overworked, didn't you. Are we gonna have to come make you take a breather?

I think so Marion ^_^
Read your doctor's visit went okay? Good!! Then more grog for the pirate!!

Right now the pirate is grog!!! Couldn't sleep last night worried about my test result and for nothing it seems. It is just so good to be back home! Jaye, don't overdo it please. We need you!!!

Aww Marion. Feels so good to be needed! I can assure you as much as I'd love to do more sometimes, I take the lazy way out.
Just been too hot riding in an unairconditioned box truck. He kept saying it will have to be fixed soon, and you know with some men, time is just relative...make it a distant one :D

Hehehe!!! So, you overworry too..pacing the floor before the big check up? My cholestrol result wasn't too good...even though I follow THE DIET closely. Doc said I had to double the med... wrong. Last time I did that, I couldn't move!!! Well, let's see what I could cross out from my diet....aha!! Veges!! :D

sis, behave and do what the doctor says. what would me and kel do with out you?

Good Morning my beautiful sistahs! We got some rain last night. Lightning lit up the sky like fireworks bringing that nitrogen down with it. Loved it.