DG Names.....What's your real name??

Interesting turn of events here!! Well anyway, Audrey, loved the pic of Beaver Lake. When the girls were young we used to go there a lot when we went out to the farm to visit my parents. We always went during the migrating season and watched the geese besides hiking the trails. Interesting fact - when my father was a kid they called it Mud Lake and he and his brothers used it for a swimming hole. He couldn't get over the changes they made to it when it was turned into a wildlife refuge. Eleanor

Victor has my 100% support. I'd also prefer that carrielamont not reply to any post I make and I'll return the favor. I've had enough of her rudeness. Calling Memorial Day "Dead Soldiers Day" is cruel for those of us who have lost someone in war and my husband, who lost his 19 year old brother in WW II, finds the comment revolting, disgusting, and something only an uneducated, rude and heartless person would say.

The phony apologies don't work for me either. She once apologized to me in a Dmail for starting a thread aimed against me but edited her thread (of course) to feign innocence. The gig is up, carrielamont!

That's way cool that they turned the lake into a wildlife refuge.
People here are trying like mad to preserve the wetlands and keep developers from coming in...one of which was HD. Thankfully, the city said no.

One of them is home to Egrets, ducks and all sorts of cool wildlife.

Victor, you have sent me on my kiester laughing many a time. I am not an old biddie. I garden, I golf (when time and temp allow) I work 50+ hours a week running circles around my 18 y/o employees, I work my butt off at the gym, I hike and swim, ride my bike, pull never,never, never ending weeds in a Zen like mode with my zen plugged in listening to panic at the disco or pete yorn or alicia keys, etc.....I recently passed the half century mark. Old biddie?? don't think so and if carrie thinks that ,she must be looking in a mirror. I thank the many men that inhabit this forum....Victor, Al, Dave, Jasper, Thom, WC and any I have neglected to mention. The fun and information is awesome!!

Victor, I think you're tops, and miss your humor tonight.

Can't blame you, Victor. I had a similar experience at a place where I worked. I said things along the same line except that was a face-to-face. You just have to stick up for what's right. - Lynn

I am aspiring to old biddy status myself, and I feel I have earned every wrinkle and ache. I am sad to think my friends here took that as an insult when it was meant in fun. If I have unknowingly offended anyone, I am sorry. Please accept my apology. I value and appreciate the friendships here and did not mean to hurt anyone. Carrie

I accept your apology and hope that in the spirit of what I thought this forum is about, others can do the same. Life is too short to dwell on our own mistakes let alone the mistakes of those around us. Thank you for owning up to the point that you may have spoken out of turn. Let's move on here as there is so much we all have to offer including you Carrie.

Laurel

I swore I was not going to get involved online by putting my foot in my mouth over this. But, I feel bad for ALL the bad feelings and this should be a lesson to ALL of us for shooting our mouth off. This should never have happened. We can't let this tear us apart.
Was it worth it? How many friends did we offend? Is this what we really want to happen to this wonderful community? I am not pointing a finger at Carrie- but as she is the current voice will use those remarks as an example.
PLEASE think about what you say... It can hurt and hurt deep.
This is what I found about the word biddie. It is a comment none of us should use. We should only refer to each other by our names. We all deserve respect here. And additionally, this does not address the remarks made toward Victor. Dmail for personal comments.

Well, Art Linkletter used to say, "Kids say the darndest things," although he always left off the second part, which was "... and sometimes even get away with it." "Biddy" is not a very nice thing to call someone, and if you really spent your childhood calling your elders "old biddies," it's a minor miracle you survived to adulthood.

"Biddy" is actually a very interesting word because it has two separate origins, both fairly well-documented, which is unusual for a slang term. The primary meaning of "biddy" is "chicken," and it first appeared in the early 17th century. The word probably came from the nonsense syllables used to call chickens -- something like "here biddybiddybiddy," I suppose. By the late 18th century "biddy" had been adopted as a derogatory slang term for women, much in the same unfortunate way that "chick" was in the 1960's.

However, "biddy" in this sense might have died a welcome death had it not been for the influx of Irish immigrants into the U.S. in the early 19th century. Young Irish women often had their passage paid by upper-class American families, for whom they would then work as domestic servants while they paid off their debt. The practice was so widespread that such women came to be known as "Biddies," from a shortening of "Bridget," a common Irish women's name. This use of "biddie" reinvigorated the word, and ever since it has been employed by insolent children to torment their elders.

Interesting history lesson. I have hurt feelings in the past while trying to be funny, so now I do try to think before I speak/type.

I confess to having that smart a** personality that might do the same. I would never intentionally hurt anyone and would feel terrible if I thought I had. The internet is such an open space and sometimes we think we're talking to ourselves. So the shoe could be on my foot. Someone is feeling terrible and it could have been me. I did not know the history of the term "biddy". Now I feel sensitized. How many times have I heard people make anti-semitic remarks that were, in my opinion, far more insulting? Hundreds. Probably thousands. It's about healing folks.

Laurel

I will side with Victor and Pirl on this.

Carrie, you have offended a lot of people many times. I feel you type before you think, You have apologized so many times, it's meaningless, and offensive at this point.

The old biddy reference was extremely offensive.

Some of you newer, and lovely people who are trying to smooth things over--- that's appreciated, but you don't know what we've been through with Carrie, and her ridiculous offensive remarks.

Thank you, Victor and Pirl.
I have been stepped on a time or two myself.

One of the problems with writing online, like e-mail, is that one can't hear the tone of voice. i have gotten myself in trouble a few times - last week as a matter of fact.
i try to assume everyone usually means well, butsometimes things just get away from us...

Polly is right with every word she said and the last sentence is quite relative. For those who haven't been hurt and abused by the said offender it might be easy to dismiss but we, who have been here, are constantly amazed at her poor choice of words and then her sly editing to appear virtuous. Several of us have complained to the authorities. I hope they take notice of the "elephant in the room" this time.

Sharon was very offended by the words of the said offender and with every good reason. There was nothing civil about the remarks made about Kentucky.

"Biddie",
Pirl

Polly, you have hit a big nail right on its head. I have said to employees too many times to count "stop apologizing for your behaviour.....change your behaviour" Sadly, I've only had about a 25% success rate with that. Behaviour is hard to change.

I am not saying this holds true in this case.. I am going to stay out of it... but I offended someone and I am not even sure what was said... I went back and checked old posts after the person d-mailed me... I HAVE NO CLUE... I even tried to write back and find out what happened... I never want to be the mean person... bad part is to this day I still have no idea why this person was offended... I tried to say sorry for something I didn't know about and still was ignored... trust me I am the last person to go out and hurt someones feelings or insult... life is just too darn short for all that nonsense...but a joke taken wrong is easily done with typing ... you can't see the persons emotion behind typing or where it was coming from.. things can be taken wrong very easily

Now that an apology had been made, we can move on and hopefully think before we respond, but realize that typed words (sans inflection) can be misinterpreted any number of ways.

This is a fun forum and has a lot of great people posting in it and will continue to be such if we use discretion. I've been guilty of it myself and realized (albeit "after the fact" ) that I was wrong and offended some members.

Now, where were we.....

Unfortunately, JD, a few of us have had apologies and as we've said they no longer have any meaning. They can't be viewed as sincere when it's a constant habit of offending people, editing the post, then apologizing. It simply doesn't work.

Pirl and venu you are right, as I mentioned that when I found I hurt someone trying to be funny, I think first and try to be careful to not to make that mistake again.

Hi Everyone, I am sorry all of this has happened. I am a DG newbie and love this site. We do all need to respect each other. Since we don't know each other "personally", we need to watch our words as they can hurt feelings. This is such a fun thread, I for one would like to see it get back on track. I know I am not perfect either.
Respectfully,
Becky

I received a dmail from one of the new participants on this forum reading me the riot act, and implying I was very un Christian for not forgiving Carrie.

I do not apologize for what I said. Please, if you don't know what's been going on, don't chastise me.

I would love to see Carrie change, and would certainly welcome her on the threads if she did. But deleting her offending posts and then saying she's sorry, and then more nasty comments is just wrong.

I stay away from this forum a lot, just because I don't want to hear her nastiness. And if I recive dmails such as the one I got, I will stay away even more.

I agree with pirl & venu, and no, I am not using my real name. Real names make it easier to get personal which is a double – edged sword. Thats what D-mails are for. Besides it’s silly to have 2 names for each person, it makes things much more complicated. I’ll use my real name on sites when they change the screen to 128 bit encryption … for payment details! ☺

- to each his own...

JMO.

mamasita ~

You mentioned this in a post up above ...,
"I am a first: first child, grandchild, great-grandchild and niece. Does this mean some day I will be the matriarch?"

One of my other screen names in various places is 'matriarch2many', because I, too, am a first: first child, grandchild, great-grandchild and niece. I love my life. It's crazy, but I love my life.

Hi Candyce,

I think my position will only hold weight with my brothers. I haven't seen most of my cousins in years so the title is just fun. I haven't met too many other "firsts" and find it interesting! In my family, it was the male children who held the attention. They got me!

I love it that someone else shares my feelings about it!

Good morning. Allow me to clear the air about this since there seems to be misunderstanding, especially by newer friends. This was certainly NOT an inadvertent mistake, or a joke taken the wrong way, or not being able to detect tone or meaning because it was written. We've all done that. If it was a 'first offense', or a post by a new person, it would have been different. As for typing before thinking - read the post again:

"Ouch, Carrie, that was unkind, Victor is friend to all and steps on no toes (not like me, who tramples on toes before I've even had breakfast)"

Inadvertent? Yeah right. She also now likes to abuse the 'strike-through' function to include potentially offensive or borderline remarks and 'get away' with it by crossing it out, yet leaving it in the post. Unintended? Give me a break. What she does is the total opposite of how some are rationalizing or explaining it away.

I have been a regular on this forum for about 1 1/2 years now, and probably post more than anyone else, so I am well-qualified to say there MANY times where Carrie did this very thing. She has done it on the Writers Forum as well and from what I hear, other forums too. After she insulted Sharon a few months back with the book remark and issued the same non-apologies that politicians often do ('if anyone was offended', etc. - I knew she would do it again here - and predicted it in my post), one would think she would be careful. Well guess what? A couple of weeks back in the writers forum she mocked Sharon's popular 'Aunt Bett' article series, saying Aunt Bett would be performing open-heart surgery.

To say that there is a pattern here is a gross understatement. I too, take offense at anyone implying that I am not forgiving or tolerant. It has been the exact opposite. I am not thin-skinned and chose to ignore all her digs that were aimed at me. If anyone does not believe me when I say there have been many offenses, please say so and I will take the time - hours if necessary - to dig them up. That is, provided she hasn't deleted them, which is her usual method. And I was the one who spoke up last time (after the book remark) and urged everyone to end the back and forth because I only saw it spiraling downward. I did so, even though I spoke out against her remarks. So Laurel, I did fulfill my middle child role.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard about her through emails and dmails. It's literally in the dozens. After the book remark I heard from people I did not even know - lurkers - saying how disgusted they were with her and how she was a major reason they did not post.

Forgiveness, especially after multiple offenses, requires remorse. So sorry, I certainly do not apologize for anything I posted yesterday. My only mistake concerning her was too much tolerance.

Nicely put, Victor. Although new here, I have experienced first hand the same type of scenario in the working world. I handled it exactly the same way you did.

Thank you, Victor. Very well said.

Welcome back Victor. ☺

So glad you posted Victor and you did a fine job of explaining the situtation to those who haven't been the subject of her nasty comments.

I ran across this quote this morning and thought it fit the situation since some new people can't seem to grasp the impact of what it feels like to be attacked:

Justice will only exist where those not affected by injustice are filled with the same amount of indignation as those offended. Plato

Thanks, pirl. I think that's appropriate, too.

Victor, you have great character, as do those showing you support.

And, that's why we love him so much.

You know, Deb, Victor is an all around great person, and it is really nice to have good people in our lives, even via cyberspace, so thank you for putting words to that fact. If I ever need a smile, I know I can take a look at what Victor has posted, and undoubtedly there is my smile. Same with a lot of others, Jasper Dale included, Al, Dave, all of them. There is a great depth to people who can cheer us up with just a word or two. And if you add the ladies who always play off the things the men say, Pirl, Pixie, Amy, and all the others, we get to spend the day laughing.

I don't want that to stop, because we all need it.

We sure do love Victor here.

And he does have great character, or as he would probably say, IS a great character, Deb.

Nicely said, Sharon.

I think making a stand takes courage. I think Victor is courageous.

Being an ethical person is a being a courageous person.

Wow, it doesn't pay to be off line for a couple of days.

Hi mamasita in Hopewell. It's nice to know I have a neighbor at Dave's.

Ditto the Plato quote!

Candy,

I lived in the city of Po'k a little more than 25 years ago and then in the town for a year before we moved to Hopewell. Things certainly have changed in this area over the years! Did you grow up here?

To me Hopewell was an important Chiefdom beginning about 600 A.D. in the Ohio Valley. They built geometric platform mounds.

Any trace of them in Hopewell, N.Y.?