Yikes. . . I'm really scared.

OK. Some of you know I totalled my car a week or two ago. I think it is completely understandable - I was preoccupied, thinking about my tumor.

The urologist called it a polyp. (My kind of MS comes with check-ups by urologists.) I thought polyps were like, maybe extra lumps of skin, or pimples, or freckles or moles? He later added that they usually were "technically malignant" but that this was no big deal we found it early we'll just snip it out and then it will be gone, tra la la. I still didn't think it was a big deal, came home and looked up "polyp" and found out that it means small tumor.

Then I found out that snipping it out is not just an office procedure with local anesthetic, it's general, which scares me.

A week or so later I had a different, unrelated bladder function test, and the technician cheerily sang "oh look, there's your tumor!" I'm gritting my teeth and thinking 'it's a bleeping polyp! It's not a tumor!' (Shades of Kindergarten Cop?) On the way home from that test is when the fire hydrant jumped in front of the car.

So now I can barely think, I can't sleep, I'm scared and lonely. Everything bad seems to happen in February.

x, Carrie

Carrie --

Keep the faith. My good thoughts and best wishes are with you.

February is almost over -- spring will be here soon and bring only good things with it.

Liane

Oh Carrie, I'm so sorry. I know if I tried to tell you not worry it probably wouldn't do any good. The doctors said they caught it early so it sounds like good news. I know good news would be not having it at all but hang in there. Hopefully it can be taken care of soon and it will be "gone." But don't worry, you're not alone. If you need to talk you can d-mail me. I have just gone through my second breast biopsy in two years and have a biopsy to undergo on a lymph gland soon to be scheduled. Mine so far are hyperplasias - over growth of normal cells. General anthesia is not so bad - you go off into la-la land and forget about everything for a while!! I will be thinking of you and praying that everything turns out OK!! Eleanor

Thanks, Eleanor and Liane.

I've had general anesthesia before, once I had a BP headache thst lasted a week and once I woke up 10 seconds later and it was all over.

I guess it's just that I didn't expect this kind of stuff to start quite yet. I'm not old enough! At least I didn't think I was. . . I don't know if there's a good age to start. BUT NOT THIS AGE! (I'M 46!)

x, Carrie

This message was edited Feb 29, 2008 3:03 PM

Is is a lot to have on your mind Carrie, I know that any lumps, bumps etc can be scary and of course you are going to think of it until you know otherwise. It is only normal. I do hope it is nothing serious but I do often know lumps and bumps are often nothing to worry about.

Several years ago I did find a lump in my breast and I was totally freaked out for weeks!!! The dr agreed I should get it looked at so I had my ultra sound done but I still had the whole waiting time to stress about it which took a few weeks and I remember those being a VERY STRESSFUL few weeks! Luckily it was nothing for me to worry about in the end.

Hang in there and try to think positive thoughs.

Good luck, Carrie.

I'm trying to think positively! Thanks, Victor.

Carrie, we are supporting you out here. On the positive side, the Dr's did not seem to think it was really worth worrying about that much so take a cue from them. I too have had breast lumps that were removed. So far so good. I tend not to focus too much about worrying over it. Just find out what your options are, be positive about it and take steps to implement the option that is best for you.

As far as "tumors" are concerned I think I would have recommended that the lab tech have that tumor between their shoulder blades removed as it did not seem to be anything that they needed or used.

LOL. It's in my BLADDER and it's not supposed to be there and i want it OUT! I can 'feel' it when I'm trying to sleep - I mean I can't really feel it, but imagine that I can. Thanks for your support.

xxx, Carrie

Hi,

Eh, Southern interloper here - but I am from the East. Sorry, I just saw your thread in that tool that shows recent posts on my home page. Hope you won't mind hearing from someone who isn't technically part of the covered group.

I just wanted to offer my reassurance about the general anaesthesia. I completely understand and share your fear of general. For my 1st few surgeries (not tumor related, sorry) I was 10x more afraid of the anesthesia than the actual surgery. I was just certain something awful would happen.

I've been under general so many times now that it's starting to seem almost routine to me now. In fact, now I often stay up late the night before doing stuff and say, "Hey, I'm going to be sleeping most of tomorrow anyhow." The truth is, as Eleanor indicated above, you just go to sleep, and when you wake up you think it's just a few minutes later. I usually ask, "Did I already have my surgery?" They usually give you something that prevents you from remembering anything. When I wake up the last thing I remember is them rolling me down the hall on the way to surgery. Perfect. No memory at all of even seeing the operating room.

Many years ago I had heard all kinds of scary things from my parents and such about the effects of general anaesthesia - spending hours in recovery barfing and stuff like that. Things have come a long way since those days. The whole process is pretty amazing now. A few years ago I had surgery (twice) under general. Afterwards I was given something to reverse the effects of anaesthesia and wake me up. Both times, I awoke feeling fine, and went home right away (someone else had to drive, of course). No nausea, no ill effects at all. On the way home I was sitting up in the front seat of the car, and was sufficiently cognizant to ask about stopping off to fill my medicine on the way home.

As to your tumor, I know you will worry no matter what anyone says, and I'm sure I would, too. I've not (yet) had that particular experience but have known many people who did and are now fine. This is another area where science/medicine has come a long way in recent years.

Wishing you a safe surgery with good news afterward. (Again, please excuse this temporarily displaced Southerner.)

Oh, here on the NE forum we always everyone is NE of somewhere - so where are you North East of? At least the tree to the South West of your property!!

Yeah, I've had anesthesia more times than I care to count as well. I would never really describe it as a party. My systems don't always behave the way the MDs expect them to. And there's the not eating and drinking part - I take oh... 6 pills at bedtime, 8 in the morning, a couple of which make me sick if I take them on an empty stomach.

It's just I have a LIFE to be obsessed with, not all this dumb poop.

Thanks, Scutler.

x, Carrie

Well Carrie this is part of life and you are going to have to find a way to deal with it (not to sound rude)...life always throws us curveballs.....what doesn't break us makes us stronger!

Hope you're better soon Carrie.

Good luck Carrie, it will all work out....don't stress over it! The doctor wasn't very worried so I wouldn't be either. Polyps are very common is this day and age, you'll be fine in no time!!

Best wishes from here Carrie. Try to remember that if you trust your doctor he knows what he is doing and will give you the best treatment and care there is for your problem. When the worry starts to overwhelm your thoughts just try to remember you have lots of family and friends to support you. Getting the best medical treatment is what you can control, so try to focus on that, what you know not what you cannot control. Try to keep your mind full of flowers and future gardens and soon it will be over, life will be more normal again. Good luck.

Think Positive. Positive thinking is healthier then negative thinking. GL

You know you are among friends, Carrie. You will be in my prayers.

Hi Carrie,
- Please take a deep breath (or two), relax, think of your beautiful gardens and remember, this too shall pass.
Sometimes these things get reabsorbed by your body too. It maybe that is gone next time they look. But it's also a good thing that you've found it early and can take care of it.
You can always get a second opinion if you feel it's necessary.
We're rooting for you (basil, oregano, sage, hollyhocks, pansies and delphiniums - oh sorry....I got carried away)
:-)
Deb
Andrew and Ben

It's funny, I have Pap smears every year and mammograms and all the other normal middle-aged-woman stuff, always fine. (Well the bone density is not great, but that's being addressed.)

So this is my very first BLADDER check-up with this new guy, and I find out that a)they don't even do the kind of surgery I had in 1987 anymore, and b)I need to have all these tests every year. I make appointments for all these tests, and the first test is an ultrasound. That technician says my bladder and kidneys are "beautiful". The second test, the MD does himself, and he finds this tumor polyp. The third test is the one with the blabbermouth technician, and again, the only relation to the other to tests is that they're all on my bladder because I had this surgery in 1987.

It's all related to my having MS and I thought I'd gotten over that (or at least used to it by now). But wow, this tumor polyp is a real zinger! Although I have to say (((((everybody))))) it doesn't seem as scary and awful today as it did last night. Sleeping, actually sleeping every once in a while will do that for a girl. :>)

Thank you ALL for all your caring and support. Surgery is March 6, should have results of the biopsy within a week after that, although the MD says he knows what the results will be: malignant. This thing is not supposed to be there in my bladder and I want it out.

xxxxxxxx, Carrie

Good luck Carrie. Like Cat said, you are among friends.

big hugs,
Harper

Thanks, Harper

best wishes Carrie.... try and stay positive... before my surgeries I meditated .... if it suits you give it a try... the nurse said my pulse and blood pressure were so oddly low (normal low)... she couldn't believe how calm I was just minutes before going in.... I slept for just about a straight week after each time... healed quickly... my dr. was very pleased

LOL Thanks Allison - one funny side effect of my MS is my BP is usually extremely low, too low for that stupid machine to catch it. It keeps squeezing up higher and tighter then trying to find the spot as it lets out, and then someone has to do it the old fashioned way in the end! At this point I'm pretty much trying to let go, stop trying to control it and stop trying to be so controlled myself (witness this thread). Funny that you mention that about BP, though!

xxx, Carrie

Yes, Harper is right - you are among friends. We all wish the very best for you

Michaela

I found it! See??? Lots of postive feedback and support. Harper was right - you are among friends. :-)

Doesn't it feel better knowing that soooo many people are holding you in their thoughts and wishing you well?

you are not alone in this, Carrie

Thank you, Michaela. Yes, in fact I reread this thread when I'm feeling REALLY overwhelmed. It's wonderful to have so much caring and support. x, Carrie

I really suck at words of comfort, so...((((HUGS)))

((((((Lee Anne))))))) Thanks. It all helps. Another week and a half, and snip snip it'll be gone!!!

xx, Carrie

Carrie:
If you could use some calm advice,
I've been anasthesia'd thrice.
If t'were not for billing price
The floating sense is kinda nice.

Don:

I've been lying here, wasting my time
Trying to think of just one, one good rhyme!
But it's noon, so instead
I will 'roll' out of bed
And let you be our rhyme paradigm.

But I do charge extra for the fifty-cent word in the last line... Thank you, Don. I can vouch for the fact, for those of you who have NOT met Don in person, when not talking in rhyme, he prefers iambic pentameter, and that will be another fifty cents, please. You can pay the anesthesiologist on your way out.

xx, Carrie

LOL You guys are gooood!!!

I think, therefore iambic.

Ha! Very good Victor, who knew there was all this talent lurking in gardens through out the NE. :)

I think that I shall never see
a poem as lovely as a tree.
A work of art, to you and me,
but to my dog, a place to pee!

Carrie, all the best and just think of all your NE friends holding your hand during the surgery.

I shall, all except Victor, who wrecked a perfectly lovely poem. (Joyce Kilmer) OK, Victor too.

xx, Carrie

Carrie, you have lots of people praying for you at this time.. I have to say when I got my polyps removed from my sinuses, they didn't mention that it could be malignant.. The beauty of not knowing.. I would have reacted like you if they told me that too.. But thinking back, I have to admit, I wasn't worried about the general anesthesiea. I was more worried about the swelling and pain afterwards.. Based on what the doc said though, they caught it early so there's little to worry about. Hopefully yours just isn't too painful afterwards.. Best of luck and we'll all be praying for you here..

Best of luck, Carrie. We'll all be wishing you well!

I hadn't even thought about what I will feel like afterward - it's er... not an incision, or anything, it's umm un-natural usage of natural orifices, if you catch my drift. There's a poop hole and a baby hole and this other hole that's REALLY tiny.... I know blood is the single worst irritant to the bladder, so I might have some urgency, but I don't think that will be a BIG problem, not like cancer, lol (laughing weakly). Icosden, how did your polyps turn out?

x, Carrie

Not sure Carrie.. Never asked.. If I did, I'd still worry probably. Now that you mentioned it, I think I'll call the doc and ask if they biospied the polyps.. Humm.. Crap.. Now I wish I didn't know about polyps.. **sigh**