Stop and visit, talk all you want #3

Misty, thoughts and prayers going out to you and yours.

Marie, I saw that thread, I've been lurking over there in hopes he would join in :) I hope he does decide to be active, I think he would really enjoy DG if he gave it a chance! Welcome to our craziness here BTW Glad to have you.

I was gone all day and feel like I didn't get anything accomplished. And the kids are are all whiny and yelling and arguing. I know they all have colds, I really just want to send them all to their rooms and to bed LOL I don't think there has been one not whiny or yelling word said since we walked in the door :(( I need patience right now LOL

I'll try to check back in later, when things are calmer, and I can actually think.

Hugs,
Janis

hi all, she is hanging in there for now. will try to keep you updated. thanks again

Everyone first all {{{HUGS}}} Ok got that out of my system. LOL

I had a whole list of things I was gonna post about, but as I set up the coffee pot for tomorrow AM, I realized that I really feel lousy, and I'm tired and grumpy, and NONE of the stuff I was gonna post about is all that important, and it was just basically a list of gripes and complaints. So instead of doing that, I'm gonna take my sleeping pill, a muscle relaxer, a pain pill, and my Ny-Quil and go to bed.

I hope everyone had a good day... and Misty I hope your MIL (I think??) is doing alright.

I really appreciate all of you in this thread.
Nite all
Janis

You're allowed, Janis! We all have those days, and this is a great place to come for support--hope you're sleeping well by now, and here's a (((((Hug))))) for ya to wake up to tomorrow.

thanks janis, basically she is my MIL, but Shaun and I aren't married. Been together almost 7 years, though.

Janis I know the feeling. I walked in the door tonight and that is what I walked into. Although I had it times ten. We are staying with a friend closer to my work while I recover from knee surgery and she has 9 kids plus mine and day care kids. Oh and 3 of mine have fevers and are major grumps right now!!

Doesn't it stink!? This is suppose to be a happy time of year!

'Tis the season! LOL, seems like the stress of the shopping, cooking and visiting makes a lot of people grumpy. I would prefer to just give to charity, but it's hard to get everyone else to accept that tradition.

Thanks guys! I'm still awake, the phone won't quit ringing LOL I didn't have a bad day, so to speak, it just wasn't a good day, ya know??? Nothing seemed to go my way. And I"m stressing about a meeting at child support... its a long situation, and a bad one.. to boil it down into a nutshell, my girls biological father walked out on us almost 9 years ago, haven't seen or heard from him since, and now they want me to go after him for child support.... even though he threatened to kill me and take the kids. Its a mess... and I don't want to deal with it. He doesn't know where I am, and if I go after him for child support, he will know where I am. I'm calling our state representative tomorrow, to talk to him about it. I'm just a bit stressed about it :((

I understand about the MIL situation Misty, Jeff and I were together 7 yrs, not married, and I referred to her as my MIL I"m sure she is in your heart, that is what matters :)

Alright, now hopefully I can get to bed, I just feel like crap :(

hugs to all,

Janis

Whew! What a nightmare for several of you: Janis, Tammy and Marie. Fortunately I never had to go through the deadbeat dad thing with my ex not paying child support. He never missed a payment. Guess I'm one of the lucky few in that regard. However, now my son is a deadbeat dad and I'm ashamed to admit he is my son at times, but I still pray for him and I will always love him even though I don't always like him very much at all. It is so heartbreaking for his two children--a boy, age 7 by his ex-wife, and a girl, age 14 by a woman he was never married to--to know that their dad has been(maybe still is) on drugs and won't work, sees the kids only occasionally, won't pay child support and now has a warrant out for his arrest because he is behind on child support, etc., etc. Never thought I would be the mother of a bum! He wasn't raised that way. It seems that most of us here on this thread have our own burdens to bear. Y'all are on one side of the fence and I am on the other (I'm not the wife of a deadbeat dad--I'm the mother of one!) but it isn't easy for any of us. That is why we have to be supportive of one another and give everyone time to "vent" if they need to. Sometimes just getting it off our shoulders can help and it keeps us from taking it out on those who have to live with us. Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying that any of you aren't being supportive--that's not the case at all. In fact, it is quite the opposite--I see you being very supportive of one another and that's a good thing. My prayers are with all of you!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to anyone who needs it))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Marilyn

I know I can never have too many hugs! Thanks!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I needed to get in on THAT Kodak moment! I will not be left out when there's a hugfest going on. LOL I'm a huggy by nature and I have to be careful who I give them to. But not around here. I'm hugging away!

Doesn't sound like the day was perfect but then, who's day ever is?

Don't be shy around ANY of us when it comes to griping. That's why we're here, for goddness sakes.

And here are (((((((HUGS))))))) to Marsue for the worries about your son.

MIL birthday today. I forgot and DH is over there now. I'm kinda glad I had to work tonight. I love the woman, but she's little and Puerto Rican and a handfull!

Good morning all. I wish my ex would pay child support and not be unhappy about it. What is wrong with men and women who go out and procreate and then do not want to support their children. Makes me crazy!!! Hopefull ymy 2 older boy if ever in the situation of having to pay child support will do so willing or better yet not even get married until they know she is the right one and it is for life!! They should have learned a very valuable lesson watching me battle it out over cs.
Kwanjin do you get ot have lots of authentic Puerto Rican food?

Morning all :) I feel a bit better today, but its snowing AGAIN!! School was closed again today, and my monsters are going to play in the snow.

I don't want child support from this guy. I want him to just stay gone, leave us alone, we've been fine without him for almost 9 years. I want to get his rights to the girls terminated, and have him out of our lives permanently. To do that, I have to file papers in court, and once again, he gets my address. I'm not really hiding from him, but I also don't do anything that would put my address in a computer system he could access. My cars have been in other peoples names, my utilities, the whole bit. I don't work, my child support for my sons and the SSI Tori gets have supported us this long. He was never physically abusive but I realized after he was gone the emotional abuse and state of isolation and terror he kept me in. I don't doubt for a minute that he would try to hurt me and take the girls if I upset him. Even after all this time. Its a bad situation, and the child support agency is going to make it worse. So I'm going to call our state rep. he only lives about a mile from me, and I went to HS with his son. He knows me by name and is a great guy. I'm going to see if he can do anything to make child support back off.

My sons dads pay child support without a peep.

Marylin, so sorry about your son. I know what a disappointment my girls biological father is to his parents, and how much they wish he was the man they raised him to be. They apologize to me all the time about it. I do stay in touch with them, but they don't talk to him about me. They know what he is capable of, and want the kids and I to be safe. They also know that Jeff has raised the girls as his own and that they consider him their daddy. They know they have a biological father otu there, but that he left I'll tell them the rest when they are older.

And Marie about your knee surgery, it sounds like your life is a bit hectic!! Hope you heal quickly!

I'll be back in later, gonna go watch the kiddo's out the window :)

Thanks for all the hugs, I needed them

Hugs,
Janis

Hugs given freely anytime, Janis! That's really a scary thought about your ex hurting you and/or the girls. I don't know why child support would want to force him to pay you if you are willing for him not to pay you in order to keep your whereabouts unknown to him. Crazy government regulations, etc., etc.!! :o(((
Take a pic of those kiddos having fun in the snow. We'd like to see, too. --if you don't mind posting them here in public. You could always take a pic of them from the back and not show their faces.

and thanks, KY, for the hugs. I appreciate it.

Well, I need to go pick up my DGS's present from Wal-Mart. They notified me that it has come in so I am finished with Christmas shopping. Hooray!

I have posted pics of the kids before, I"m not going to live my life terrified, I did that when I was with him. Besides, the girls were 2 and a half and 7 months old when he left, so its not like he would recognize them after all this time. Here is Sarah, after bringing me her snow covered hat

This is Tori and Jeff.. that is the side of the house in the pic, I went out on the deck in my socks (these was about 12 inches that didn't have snow on it by the door LOL)

And here again is my stairway to nowhere LOL Its 28 degrees right now, but its supposed to warm up and hte snow change to rain, LOTS of rain :((

How scary for you, Janis! Here's the hope that the state will back off.

Emotional abuse is worse than the physical because the pain of it reaches far into the future. You and your children deserve a life without something like this hanging over your heads.

If you don't want to answer this next questions, I will completely understand. What is the reasoning behind them wanting to collect from your ex? If your doing fine and not on state assistance then why the push for this?

Adorable kids you have there Janice.

How cute they are!

those pictures are great!!
stairway to nowhere,hmmmm,i'm still picturing what a great stairway to gardening it would make! tall to short plants from the guard rail to the porch with a walk way up the middle! lot's of color, hanging plants from the sides,..............gotta build me one of those!!!

Its because Tori is disabled and on SSI. I can't get her on any kind of private insurance, because of her brain surgery in 9/04, because it is now a "pre-existing condition". So I have to have her SSI, and Medicaid. So SSI wants their money from him, which they can't get without going after him for child support. I understand the situation, but that doesn't make it any safer for us. It is just a vicious circle that I have been dealing with for about 5 years now. Up until now, they have backed off everytime I explained the situation to them, but this time they aren't. I can't lose her insurance, because there is always the chance she will need additional surgery in the future. I don't care about the SSI check. All I care about is her insurance. I know there area people out that that "play" the system, and get money and stuff they don't deserve, and i know this is one way they try to weed those people out, so to speak. Even if I cooperate with them, and they go after him, he will just quit his job, and move, and find work for cash. Then they'll put out a warrant for him, for being a dead beat dad, and then he'll come after us. But if I don't cooperate, and lose Tori's insurance, then if she needs more surgery, she either won't get it, because we can't pay, or I'll end up with upward of a million in hospital bills. Her last surgery started out as a 4 hour surgery and a 3 day hospital stay, (what we were told to expect) and turned into 30 days out of 35 spent in the hospital, an additional stomach surgery, 2 helicopter life flights, and a private room at Children's hospital of Pittsburgh (she wasn't allowed anything by mouth for almost 3 weeks, they couldn't have her in a room with someone who was allowed to eat). Add to that the expense of me having to be in Pittsburgh with her, which meant child care for the other kids, and my meals in Pittsburgh, even with having insurance, we had to do fund raisers and stuff to pay things off. It was a mess I hope to never have to go through again, but there is always the chance she will need another surgery, and Sarah has the same condition that Tori has, but Sarah isn't surgical yet. Jeff hasn't been tested for it yet, but I need to do that soon. The younger htey are when diagnosed, the easier the surgery is for them, if it is necessary.

OK, so now you are asking what is wrong with them, right? They have a condition called an Arnold Chiari Malformation Type 1. Basically their skulls are shaped wrong in the back, and surgery is the only method to correct it if it is causing symptoms. Tori's surgery consisted of a posterior fossa decompression (they took out a piece of the base of her skull where her spinal cord comes through), a C1 laminectomy (the took out part of her C1 vertebra) and a cadaver duraplasty. (that is when they open the dura which is the covering over your brain and put a cadaver patch in it to make more space). She had complications after surgery, she developed bacterial meningitis, and then a stomach perforation from the medicine they used to combat the meningitis. Now, the next question usually is, would I really put her (or any of the kids) through all that again? Yes, without any hesitation, because of the difference it made it Tori's quality of life.

Ok, I"ve gone on long enough and my kids want cocoa so I'll check in later :)

Thanks for the compliments on the kids :)))

Janis

Coming from a medical background (formerly a nurse) I understood all of that. I also understand the need for the surgeries. It's very complicated and have seen many a "three-day-stay" turn into weeks. Anything to do with the head and spine is very frightening, as well. Your kids seem well-adjusted.

Well, it's 36 degrees and raining but we've just gotten anther heavy snow advisory posted. Thankfully, neither DH or I have to work over the weekend. Lucky me as I work retail.

I made a deal with my boss that I will work most Sundays and evenings if I can have one two or three day weekend a month. She and her family live about an hour away and she has to bring her daughter, who is hearing impaired, into a special school here in town everyday. She works the early shift and when her daughter is out of school, they go home.

janis, my heart goes out to you. when it comes to your kids there is nothing you won't do for them!!!!! i truly hope that everything comes around for you. hopefully some higher up authority will have a solution to how to keep you and your kids private while they do what is necessary. ((((((((((((to you & your kids)))))))))))))

Sounds like you have a good system worked out with your boss.

Its still snowing here, not sure how much we are supposed to get total. I need to go to the store, but I really don't want to go out with the roads bad (I know how to drive in the snow, I just choose not not unless absolutely necessary). It is supposed to warm up and turn to rain, but it hasn't yet. It is 30 degrees here now. I just looked at our radar, and we should be done with the snow, it its still snowing here. So I'm not sure what the weather is doing.

I like it. I don't have to get up early. If it's snowing, I miss the early rush and later in the day, it's had time to melt a little. If it's too bad, I don't go.

Thanks so much bhaugh! I liked your idea about the steps too.. a couple people have mentioned turning it into a garden staircase. I'll talk to Mike about it this spring, he'll let me do what I want to it. As long as the UPS man can get down the steps to make deliveries LOL

Like I said before, I'm calling John Donimeck. He has helped with other stuff (relating to Tori's surgery) in the past so I know he'll do what ever he can to keep us safe.

However it turns out...(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

No chance ex will have changed over the years? Most of them don't but it never hurts to hope.

Do you guys have the snow advisories there like we do here? Not sure exactly how it works, but I know a level 2 snow advisory means you shouldn't be on the roads unless absolutely necessary, and a level 3 means you can be arrested if you are on the roads, only emergency vehicles are allowed to be out. A level 3 means the kids don't have to make up the snow day either.

I don't think so Kwan, and before it didn't worry me so much as he was in Alabama. Now he has a girlfriend in Pittsburgh PA, which is only about an hour from here. I know through my niece that he spends alot of time in Pittsburgh with her. I know if they issue a warrant for him, he'll freak out. He is an avid gun collector and the thought of losing his guns over child support would send him over the edge.

We don't have those. They just have road closures. A lot of the canyons get closed. In the city, it's every person for themselves. LOL They warn people not to got out if they don;t have to but everybody go out anyway. They all feel they can make it and their vehicle is better than yours! Every year, there's dumb people who pass you like you're in their way and then...BAM!!! into the guard rail or another car! I always stop and see if they're okay but I can't help smiling inside! LOL

We cross posted. I just read that about the guns. I think you mentioned that earlier and I chose to forget.

Even with my 4WD I'm cautious. I'm terrified of wrecking, with or without the kids. Other people scare me more than anything, cause you get the idiots that think they won't be the ones that wreck and drive like the roads are fine. Then they crash and make the conditions worse for everyone else

I'm not sure if I mentioned the guns before or not. Its just a scary situation. There is also a history of serious mental/emotional problems in his family and there is always the possibility that is hereditary. I just want it to go away :)

People should drive more carefully, especially if they've got their kids in the vehicle! I see people all the time fly past me with little ones climbing all other the car! Bad weather or not!

Hi all, just a quick note on 'MIL'-I just talked with her on the phone and she sounds very weak. She told me she is ready to go and don't feel like she has much time left, but she is ready. She knows that she will be in heaven and a much better place and doesn't want everyone to go to pieces. She feels she has lived a good life and is blessed for that. Shaun is checking to see if Sienna will be allowed to go see her in the ICU as she really wants to see her Grandma. More later.........

(((((((((misty))))))))))

Misty, not really sure how to respond. Its so hard ot lose a loved one, especially at the holidays. The fact that she is ready, and believes there is a better place waiting for her, hopefully helps a little. Hopefully Sienna will be allowed to go see her.

hugs, and thoughts and prayers,
Janis