About Those Manners

WUVIE- That pay-for-the-cart system is common in Europe.

My peeves: People who think that just because they are calling a cell phone, that I have to answer it because it must be with me at all times and that I am therefore compelled to speak to them at the moment that they happen to call me. Somehow people have come to believe that because they are calling a cell, that it's rude not to answer. As if you have nothing better to do.

Second, the stores that have decided that I want to be thanked by the cashier by name after making a grocery purchase. This is particularly annoying when they call me by my first name.

Third, I don't like being asked if I need change on a restaurant check.

No singing at the table is actually one I grew up with too, and enforce at my home :) Mom used to tell us that Merle Haggard was the only person only every allowed to sing at our table, since he stuttered so badly as a child, he sang so he could be understood (not sure if that is true or not... but its what she told us ) LOL

Janis

Wasn't that Mel Tillis?

Moby, I think so, I remember my mother telling me the same story,
that he sang what he could not speak.

Interesting, isn't it? Singing and speaking uses opposite sides of the brain.

This REALLY makes me want to go postal: Standing at the counter of a store for up to 5 minutes before the cashier is darn good and ready to acknowledge that I'm alive, and standing there, ready to make a purchase. Then, they can't be bothered to make eye contact with you, or say Thank You when you're finished. Complaining to the mgmt. is a waste of time...they usually just respond with, "Well, what do you want us to do?"

Just had somethinglike that at my bank, so I responded with "Educate your staff!"

Might have been Mel Tillis... hmmmmmmmm now I gotta think about it :)

And here I thought I was the only one taught not to sing at the table. Yes, there were certain behaviors that were not tolerated at Mother's table. But, how else would you teach children how to behave in a public restaurant??? As well as men not wearing a hat in the house, or removing it when talking to a lady. Yes, folks, I beleive there are still LADIES out there. Even though we are now stronger, more independent and even smarter (smile)..we still want to be treated as LADIES!!! So, why is that so hard for some teens to learn? Why do they accept that hard, downright nasty, badboy atittude from the young men? I feel it is totally disrespectful! How can you approach me, trying to talk to me..mumbing something where every other word is profane...and your clothes falling off of you???? I would not disrespect myself long enough to respond to you! HEY! MAYBE THAT IS THE REASON I AM NOT 18 ANY MORE!!!

Wow ya'll thank-you! I could only manage to read halfway through this this morning. Just as I was wondering about the humanity of the world I read your thread and see how many other people cannot BELIEVE there is a ME FIRST CLUB! Living in a big city now I see evidence of it's members alllll the time.

Like you Wuvie, I see it on the roads, especially with ongoing construction projects---AMAZING how many people don't "see" the "LANE ENDS" sign until wow the very last second....I see it at the store, people wanting to hold up the traffic so they can let passengers out at the doors (and I'm not talking lil' ol' ladies), people not wanting to put the stinking carts back---yeah, there is a cart boy but don't you realize that's factored into your costs not to mention RUDE---I've had my car dinged by flying carts and will always walk one back even when the corral isn't close, people (usually male by the way) who SPIT mid-walk and even on walks--honestly what are they spitting? I never have to spit. People who talk on cell phones and drive, or WORSE people who've not even turned them off in places of worship *gasp* do they think the Lord is calling?---the litterers get me to and it's sad I've seen kids even drop something--that parent sees---and says "hurry up" rather than "clean that up." Don't they realize the world is what it is because we are the teaches? Who will do it if we don't? And isn't it funny in a car full of people to see the driver is on a cell phone, I like to presume they think they are talking to someone FAR more important than those in the car.

Now being a new mom I have a new peeve. Playgroups designed for the Mom. I mean, it's a tough job, sometimes thank-less, the monetary pay is nill. Some days I wonder what I got myself into and I think of the decades of the work.

But by goll I don't let my daughter see me down. I literally get down on the floor and play with her most of the day, I make a fool of myself in public just to get a smile, I talk to her all through the stores and explain what we're doing and what this is and what that is....ever notice how kids notice everything---she's 1 and points out litter because she knows the word "trash."

My PEEVE is in trying to do "playgroups" and the moms tell the kids to go play and then they go sit down to gab it up. I've seen this many times....I actually was left alone on the playground, playing with MY daughter and having other kids ask me to "tie my shoe", "push me", "help me" and they'd even knocked into my bike on the sidewalks edge when going past with their trike, 3 kiddo's were trying to lift my bike off and none of the other moms gabbing it up even noticed. I had to help them with baby on my hip. I didn't even know the mothers or these kids. Similarly, other parents who let their babies sit in carseats for hours on end (as done in church, playgroups, etc). The babies seem quiet and good. They don't complain hardly ever. I never used a carseat other than in a car for my daughter. I always thought she was just to active to "sit nice" but now I wonder if really it's that other babies just aren't engaged so they don't know the difference?

Believe me, I know it's hard to be the parent of a baby. But not dealing with them on their level and making them the focus... more sad to me than anything I guess. They really are the future and all the peeves we have stem from what manners we've been taught aren't they.

That said, I've never heard the rule about elbows on the table, yikes---hope I've not been guilty of offending because I didn't know about that one!

I've said it before and I'll say it again---Wuvie, you crack me up, you need to write a book!!!!! =)

Jasper, the invisible customer syndrome. I hate being part of that club but like to tell myself---hmmm I must be looking so thin these days they can't see me? I never get prompt service at the paint counters of any store.

The DH and I were noticing how there is terrible service at most stores. There are some stores people continually go out of their way to assist you. I've noticed this at higher end places but includes: Toys R Us (you will get asked several times if you need any help and at checkout if you need help out), Victoria's Secret (not like vulture sales people but sincere "may I help you" service), any brand new box store (only while new----like trained by headquarters or something, lol, but you can watch as the service there declines), and..... ______?

Saw an old man on PBS the other day who'd fought in more than one war. He was being interviewed in a cafeteria and had his dessert pie in front of him. The host asked him, "Do you think the world is better today?" He said, "No. It's worse. It used to be 'I'll share my pie with you' and today its 'this is just my pie'." Couldn't have said it better.

Charlenesplants wrote;" When I am visiting with someone, I expect them to turn off the tv and stay off the phone. If what they are watching or who they are talking to is more important than my visit, please just say so and I will leave."

I'll certainly agree, except in one instance. UNINVITED "drop ins". This is a pet peeve of mine. People who decide that their company is so wonderful and fascinating that I will drop everything just to spend time with them, at their convenience. They arrive with "HI! I wasn't busy, and I figure your bored, too, so thought I'd pop in and visit for a while. Let's sit down and have some coffee, and maybe a snack?" The fact that _I'm_ up to my elbows in dishes, or mopping the floor in my oldest, dirtiest clothes (at least, hopefully in clothes:). I'm supposed to drop everything so they can relax in my home?? And lay out a spread for their snacking pleasure? I understand that many people don't have a lot to do during their day, but I DO!!

JasperDale wrote;" Standing at the counter of a store for up to 5 minutes before the cashier is darn good and ready to acknowledge that I'm alive, and standing there, ready to make a purchase."

And when you do finally get their attention, the phone rings. These poor counter people are incapable of walking and chewing gum at the same time, so why not give the caller a cheerful "Jones hardware, thank you for calling, and I'll be with you shortly" take my money, and get back to the oh-so-important customer on the phone. Oh, no! "You want prices on what? Let me write this down. I'll go look right now. Oh, no, I'm not doing anything......."That's when I take my purchase (the clerk seldom notices), ask for the manager, and hand them my "almost" purchases. I tell them "Next time I'll call on the phone. Maybe then someone will acknowledge me. For now, It's HD all the way."
Of course, the blank look on the manager's face tells it all.....

My stepdaughter, who waffles between 'loving me' around the holidays
and not speaking to us for months on end hopefully has a littering story she
will always remember.

Evil, nasty, hateful stepmother (me) took the kids to the doughnut shop. Driving
down the road, I noticed something fly out the back window. I pulled to the side
of the road and asked who threw the doughnut wrapper out. Never one to
confess, I could clearly see the other kids still had their wrappers. I made a
U-turn, parked the car at the curb and told her to go get that wrapper. At first I
thought we were going to have a major war, but that child was not getting back
into my car without that wrapper, I didn't care if she had to call her mother to
come get her.

She retrieved the wrapper and could not believe I had the gall to make her pick up
trash. Guess she missed the whole point, but I hope she remembers that day.

Edit to fix quotation.


This message was edited Nov 14, 2007 12:20 PM

Manners... where have the basics gone?

Nothing irks me more than people who do not know how to use their ustensils when eating in public. Hey, when you're alone at home, you can use your hands or a shovel for all I care. It's a different story in a restaurant, at family dinners or in a cruise ship's dining room.

The thing that gets me most is when someone grabs his fork like one might grasp a flying arrow: holding it across the left hand's palm, firmly held with the 4 fingers, tines pointing away from the thumb, thumb sticking up like they're hitch-hiking. The unsuspecting steak (or fish, or pork, or whatever) is then stabbed savagely until the tines grate against the plate's porcelain, making everyone at the table cringe.

Having secured the fork in a solid grip, the knife is then grasped with the right hand. It is held in similar fashion in the right hand, except that the thumb is rolled across the 2nd and middle fingers. Thus prepared, the manerless oaf attacks his dinner. Using a sawing motion , the whole piece of meat is then cut into bite-sized pieces. The knife is then put away and so begins the shovelling. AAARRRGGGHHH!

Even worse are people who will attempt to eat with chopsticks in asian restaurants. Rice flies all over the place, stuff is dropped on the plate, on the tablecloth, on themselves, on the floor. Eventually surrendering to frustration and hunger, they will switch to the knife and fork they never learned to use properly.

They will, in all likelyhood, end up using their chopsticks to drum on the teapot. They'll probably make walrus impersonnations by sticking the chopsticks up their nose. Carpenters-at-heart will stash them over their right ear. The more creative will improvise a geisha's coiffure by sticking the chopsticks in their hair.

Don't even get me started with people who can't muster the dexterity to twirl long pasta on their fork using their spoon for support. Who hasn't seen spaghetti strand suckers? Who enjoyed it?

Off with their heads, I say. But again, I could be wrong.
Sylvain.

Sylvain, I take it you dine out frequently? ;-)

When I was a teen, I worked at a grocery store bagging groceries. We were trained in HOW to bag things properly and there was a system to doing it...i.e. not putting a canned ham on top of loaves of bread (DUH ! ) however, today it's another story. I get so sick of having to tell the sacker NOT to put canned goods on top of eggs, etc. or having to tell them that a gallon of bleach and three bottles of pancake syrup, cooking oil and apple juice are going to FALL RIGHT OUT THE BOTTOM of that flimsy plastic bag...then they look at you like YOU'RE being difficult !

lourspolaire...that was hilarious! Sounds like something Erma Bombeck would have written!

I'm not fond of the cashiers who make change by placing the bills in your palm first and then setting the coins on top, which immediately slip off onto the counter. I don't understand how they can make change all day long and not realize that you should place the coins under the bills.

This message was edited Nov 12, 2007 11:01 AM

On the note of change, I don't think many even know
how to count it. If the charge is 7.08 and I give the cashier
a twenty, they hand back the change the computer has
calculated and say "12.92 is your change."

Even worse is when the charge is 10.10. Hand the cashier
a twenty and a dime and they are completely lost.

Can't anyone count these days?

The following may be a bit anal retentive, but when I
receive change in bill form, it should be heads up, lined up.
Even at the local ATM, money comes out every which way.
Huh? A bank of all places, I kid you not.

I also hate the stores where they are trained to ask for your phone number for every sale. Most of the time they don't even ask "May I have your number?" They just bark out "Phone number!" and expect me to recite it for them. I understand that it's their job, but I get annoyed at the ones who get angry when I politely decline.

The next time they say "Phone number?" reply "Bra size?"

Bwa ha ha ha!

ROFLMAO !!! I'll have to remember that one !

Tir, I am with you on the whole playdate thing!!! I tried playgroups but couldn't get into the whole, my child runs my life and OMG you give your child a swat!?! I hate judgemental people! Ummmm, yeah, they get a swat on the rear if they are doing something dangerous! Do I like giving them a swat? Heck no!!! But I'll bet they never run into the street again or try and touch the stove!!! Don't even look at me and assume I am a bad parent because my toddler is throwing a fit in the parking lot and refusing to get into his carseat....I pulled him back out of the car twice and planted firm swats on his diapered butt...SEATBELTS are a safety issue and he WILL get it on!!! That only happened once in his 2 1/2 year life, he's usually really good and gets his water or a small treat after getting buckled in...something to look forward to. You know how many dirty looks I got during that one episode though?? Good grief!! There was a man sitting in his van a few spaces down though who, when it was all over, said he understood having had four kids himself and not to feel too bad, I had handled it well! I shot a quick smile and thank you, ducked my head and got the heck out of there....why should I have felt ashamed? Because everyone thinks they know what kind of mother I am....Uh, I have two very happy and well behaved (on the most part) children who love me....if they didn't love me then I would know there is an issue....good grief!


As for the cart thing in the shopping centers...I am guilty only on those over 100 degree days when the kids are sitting in the car with it running because they need the A/C while I am loading groceries. If there isn't a stall right next to me I have to leave the cart there or turn the car off just to return the cart...sorry!!! If I don't have the kids or the weather is nice, I will take it back as long as I can keep an eye on my car at all times if the kids are in it!! Normally, I try to park near a stall anyway, easy access to a left cart and easy access to leave one!! LOL!

There are stores here where they ask for your phone number even when you pay cash...so I just make up a number and give it to them, usually with an area code that doesn't even exist, and they don't know the difference.

There are local chains that do it for every single sale, it's not a card security thing, it's just obnoxious. And when you decline they have a little speech they launch into about how it's helping you by tracking purchases so that they can do market research. Once I decline, the discussion should end.

This message was edited Nov 12, 2007 11:35 AM

Aw, newhobby, you don't sound like the type to leave carts
just because of laziness. Weather extremes are of course a
different story, especially with little ones in the car.

For the discipline in the stores, oh my gosh. There was a wave
of those mothers who would simply allow their child to scream and
rant and rave on the floor. There are the mothers who actually walk
off, leaving the child to cry as they continue on to another aisle. Last
week a woman did this and her kid was screaming his head off
while she just went shopping without him.

I felt like grabbing him and running to the other side of the store just
to give her a dose of reality. A woman in the local area recently dropped
her ill behaved child off at the side of the road and drove off. Another
mother called the cops. I don't get this. I've never had to actually carry
through with the threat, my kids knew not to push it, and yes, because they
would indeed get a spanking. Not a beating.

My cousin once became very upset with me because I would not move
the car until her daughter sat down in a seat with a buckle. "She doesn't
like to wear it." Aw, okay, let her stand up. Give her a handful of cookies
and let's give her a cigarette to boot.

Pfft.

We would have pulled the screaming/crying fit in the store, ONCE...and probably never lived to tell about it.

I agree with every pet peeve mentioned above. but this one from tir_na_nog is one of my main peeves:
" people (usually male by the way) who SPIT mid-walk and even on walks--honestly what are they spitting? I never have to spit."
That is so true--I have never seen a woman doing the spitting. Men must salivate a lot more than women--it must be so because they are the ones who do the spitting. Thank goodness lots of sunshine on that spittle probably dries up any germs that may be crawling around in there!

LOL! Wuvie, your cousin has a lot to learn!! While I was in the Air Force I was in Security Forces (military police) and let me tell you....the only time I would absolutely with no questions asked issue a ticket was if I saw a kid out of a seatbelt or someone speeding in the school zone. OMG was I a witch about it!!! I even issued a ticket to an Army MP (we were supposed to stick together and let them off) but he was going 10 over in a school zone while kids were GOING to school...not in class already but walking to school! He wasn't happy with me but what the hey, don't speed in my aor (area of responsibility) and don't put the kids safety at risk!!!

Shoot, I need to get the house cleaned up....I'll check back in later...kids are being good which means Mommy can clean without constantly getting after them!!!

marsue, it must be a manners-not-taught issue. My DH NEVER spits and that's not due to being hen-pecked either. He just never saw the need. My brothers on the other hand... sigh. Putting your gum anywhere but the trash that's another one.

Dogs off a leash running through my yard...running through the park, pooping at leisure---no one picking it up---me, stepping in it. SIGH!

Mike, sounds like you and I grew up in similar households!

BTW, wuvie, I just wanted to add that if you did grab somebody else's kid and ran to the other side of the store "they" would probably arrest you for kidnapping! A lot of parents don't discipline their kids when they are out in public because some overzealous nut will turn them in for child abuse. It is a shame that things have come this far! One time my granddaughter, whom I kept every weekday for the first 6 years of her life, was with me in Hobby Lobby. She was about 4 or 5 at the time. Normally she was a sweet, well-behaved child but this day she was being a real pain in the behind, wanting everything she saw, etc., etc. Finally I told her in no uncertain terms what I was going to do if she didn't stop--never touched her mind you, just told her very calmly that she was going to get a spanking.. She let out an ear-piercing scream that you could hear all across the store. You could have knocked me over with a feather because she had never done that before! I promptly picked her up and started walking toward the front door of the store with her. She had stopped screaming by this time so I put her down and was holding her hand. I became aware that there was a younger woman following me. I thought that I was probably about to be turned in to Suspected Child Abuse and Neglect (SCAN) by some well-meaning busybody who thought I was abusing my granddaughter just because this woman had heard the scream of a child who was not getting her way. I told my granddaughter in a voice loud enough for the other woman to hear: "That was not acceptable behavior and if you want to go shopping with me in the future you will have to learn that you can't have everything you see." Wouldn't you know it-- the other woman was parked just one car over from me. She followed me all the way out of the store into the parking lot and I actually thought she was going to follow me home, but she didn't. I know there are cases where parents/grandparents are abusive but this was certainly not the situation in my case. My GD and I both lived over that experience, thank goodness! LOL The point I am trying to make here is that back in the 60's and even into the 70's a parent could spank their child in public and everybody witnessing the event was probably standing there cheering for the parent's willingness to discipline their child. Nowadays, strangers just assume you are being abusive even if they haven't been witness to the circumstances that led up to the spanking.

Amen Marsue!!!!!!!! It really is a shame that we are afraid of the spanking nowadays as a form of discipline...to each their own as far as raising their own kids but please do not judge how I raise mine as long as there are no immediate signs they are abused!

There was one instance when DH was playing with our daughter (3 at the time) and I had already had a long day!! While roughhousing, she ended up with nursemaids shoulder or something like that, her wrist was popped out of joint...Oh my, was I afraid of what the Dr. would say to DH. Yes, I made him take her to the urgent care, she wouldn't let us near the wrist and I was scared it was broken!! My biggest fear is that they would think Rose was abused and the injury would cause a call to CPS!!!! Luckily, the Dr. said it happened a lot with kids her age because the bone isn't fully formed and no issues in the future will arise once it is snapped back into place. Whew! We are ever so careful now because if you are holding the child's hand and say they trip (of course you don't let go and let them fall) the same thing can happen very easily in different areas of the arm until their bones are fully formed. Thank goodness everything was fine!!!

Sorry, we are getting off the main subject of pet peeves...guess mine is being judged without being known....

Wuvie, we eat out at least once a week, cruise 4 or more times a year when the whim hits us. Nonetheless, our manners don't change wether we're home or in public. To us, it's not something contrived that we have to think about.

Manners are learned behaviour that allows us to live together more harmoniously.

You think that spitting is bad? I had a co-worker who used his thumb to block one of his nostrils and blew the other one out on the sidewalk. He then blocked the freshly cleaned nostril and repeated the process for the other nostril: disgusting and mortifying. He didn't know how to hold his knife and fork; forget about chopsticks. Naturally, he was a spaghetti sucker.

Sylvain.

LOL, certainly I would never actually grab someone's child and run to the other side
of the store.

Lours, my question did not pertain to manners so much as it did your
experiences with other diners not having them. ;-)



This message was edited Nov 12, 2007 2:41 PM

Have been reading some of your 'pet peeves' and for the life of me couldn't really think of anything....then made a call and there it was..the thing that drives me crazy...

Had to call 411 for information..automated service which in itself is fine..goes on..name..is it a residence...is it a business..what city please...you go through all the loops and then the recorder says "DO YOU WANT THIS NUMBER"...omg...why do they think you've called 411, why you went through each prompt and gave answers..'no, I'm just calling for fun!!!! xoxs.e..rlckiwo.kku...that's what you'd like to say.

wuvie, you are so funny!

. . .and having to press 1 if you want English? --now THAT's my pet peeve!

ohhhh, not wanting to irritate anyone but goodness do I agree with the press one for english!!! Where do we live again??

You know, it seems odd, but wouldn't it be better
if all of the calls were in English, then if an alternate
option were available, it could be at the end of the
menu?

For a menu in other languages, press two. Now that
makes a lot more sense.

Oh, wait, yes, I have another peeve! I'd like to know who on
earth is in charge of how highways are made. What kind of
numbnuts created an intersection where people are trying to
get off the highway in the same exact lane others are trying
to get onto?

It's just sheer stupidity!