About Those Manners

This came up in another thread and I didn't want to take that thread completely off topic, so I'm posting here.

What manners/etiquettes are there that you just don't understand? What ones do you break all the time? What ones are your pet peeves?


I've never understood why it's such a big deal to put your elbows on a dining table. Maybe that makes me a redneck, but I just don't get it. Obviously, I break that one all the time.

My BIGGEST pet peeve as far as manners go is chewing with your mouth open. Drives me insane. It doesn't matter if someone is chewing gum, it'll still drive me up a wall. I think that's the first thing a child should learn....chew with your mouth closed. Then they can learn to use a spoon, etc. It's the sound for me.

Ok, so dish DGers....

Can anyone tell me what "P's and Q's" are? I had a Great Aunt who used to babysit us and she used to tell us to watch our "P's and Q's" or she'd get the dingbats after us. I know that "P's and Q's" represent manners, but how exactly? I've never figured out what dingbats are either....at that age (2-3yrs old) I always thought it was her jar of rubber bands and that she was going to shoot them at us. She was actually a very, very nice lady....she put up with us.

P's and Qs - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=P's+and+Q's

Sneezing without covering one's face! Ick! If no hankie is available, the bend of the elbow will do, or just turn your head!

Yep, I agree with the chewing peeve, too. Also talking with mouth full.

Using the thumb instead of bread to "load" your fork.

I have to agree with the chewing.

I also cannot stand snapping gum. I'm not real fond of people who leave me a voice mail whether at home or work and don't leave their name.

I could care less where your elbows are at the table. LOL

Heather, great thread!

I have to say the thing I detest most is someone burping at the dinner table. That probably grates on my nerves more than anything and everyone at our dinnertable certainly knows that it's a huge No-No!

Chewing with your mouth open or popping your gum is up there too.

Normally at the dinner table here, we start off with only the one hand holding our fork...other hand in our lap, but as the meal ends many people have their elbows on the table. It really doesn't bother me that much, but it does bother me if it's done at a nice restaurant. (weird?) I think we tend to be a bit more civilized in public. LOL

I'm interested in what others have to say about minding their P's & Q's!

Oh, I can't even begin to list them, there are too many.
I suppose most of my peeves are due to inconsiderate behavior.

People who walk into stores or places of business with bare feet
or without a shirt. 100° degree weather is no excuse. Wear a shirt
for the few moments you are in a store, please.

Blowing your nose at the table. I am sorry, I feel for those with
allergies, but please don't hock, snort, spit, or dig for gold while
eating in public. It is thoroughly disgusting.

People who come into the other lane right before driving, as though
they were driving a mack truck while making the turn. Please stay
in your lane, thank you.

People who litter, especially those who chunk dirty pampers in the
parking lot. There is absolutely NO excuse for this behavior, I don't
care how stinky it is. Find a trash can or carry a plastic bag.
Tossing cigarettes out the window is even worse.

Oh, I can't get started, I'll never quit. So I'll leave it at four. For now. ;-)

P.S. I'm one who never puts elbows on the table, and never let my
kids do it when they were little. I guess it just happened, because
my mother never instilled that in us. I'm not sure why it bothers me, I
guess it just seems, I'm sorry, lazy. (Ducks from the flying tomatoes)

Having said that, when one is home, one is home, and if you want to
put your feet on the table and it's your table, have at it. LOL.

LOL WUVIE, lucky for you all my tomatoes are long gone!

Handshakes are a big one for me!!! I hate getting a dead fish because I am a female! A male afraid of a firm grip is no man in my eyes! It's even worse for a woman in this day and age to not offer a firm hand in my opinion!! I just want to take it and squeeze until she or he winces...show me some respect please! I know in the old days it was custom for the woman to offer her hand and have it kissed but I can't remember the last time my hand was kissed by a true gentleman other than my DH!

More to follow...great topic!! Kids are fighting and Mommy needs to intervene. =0p~~~

Newhobby, I hear you on the handshake. I think men expect a giggly,
tee-hee limp-wristed greeting.

I always give a firm handshake unless I'm greeting a tiny old lady
or something. However, on occasion I run into a man who feels the
firm shake coming on, so he increases his shake as though to say
"You may be tough, but I'm still the man." Ha!

Brinda, whew, I'm safe, then? LOL

I agree. Chewing with your mouth open is nasty!

Maybe it's the area I live in, but I also HATE seeing guys blow their noses with their fingers when they are outside. Souble YUK!!!

Also interrupting.

Spitting! along with using fingers to push food on a fork(Sac) , and burping.

Cell phones, in public. Yack yack yack, then tell me something like,"Excuse me, this is private conversation."
Not if you're in public, it's not. Am I supposed to go away because someone's using their phone?

Don't get me started with cell phones!

I confess to being an interrupter. It's a terrible habit I am trying to break. I think it's when I get excited talking to someone and just HAVE to tell them something or agree with what they are saying. Comes from spending my days with parrots with a limited vocabulary! lol

lol Kaperc!

Here's something on cell phones for those of you who are irritated by them... sorry it's so long but is really worth reading. What type of technology will they come out with next?

Devices Enforce Cellular Silence, Sweet but Illegal
By MATT RICHTEL
SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 2 — One afternoon in early September, an architect boarded his commuter train and became a cellphone vigilante. He sat down next to a 20-something woman who he said was “blabbing away” into her phone.

“She was using the word ‘like’ all the time. She sounded like a Valley Girl,” said the architect, Andrew, who declined to give his last name because what he did next was illegal.

Andrew reached into his shirt pocket and pushed a button on a black device the size of a cigarette pack. It sent out a powerful radio signal that cut off the chatterer’s cellphone transmission — and any others in a 30-foot radius.

“She kept talking into her phone for about 30 seconds before she realized there was no one listening on the other end,” he said. His reaction when he first discovered he could wield such power? “Oh, holy moly! Deliverance.”

As cellphone use has skyrocketed, making it hard to avoid hearing half a conversation in many public places, a small but growing band of rebels is turning to a blunt countermeasure: the cellphone jammer, a gadget that renders nearby mobile devices impotent.

The technology is not new, but overseas exporters of jammers say demand is rising and they are sending hundreds of them a month into the United States — prompting scrutiny from federal regulators and new concern last week from the cellphone industry. The buyers include owners of cafes and hair salons, hoteliers, public speakers, theater operators, bus drivers and, increasingly, commuters on public transportation.

The development is creating a battle for control of the airspace within earshot. And the damage is collateral. Insensitive talkers impose their racket on the defenseless, while jammers punish not just the offender, but also more discreet chatterers.

“If anything characterizes the 21st century, it’s our inability to restrain ourselves for the benefit of other people,” said James Katz, director of the Center for Mobile Communication Studies at Rutgers University. “The cellphone talker thinks his rights go above that of people around him, and the jammer thinks his are the more important rights.”

The jamming technology works by sending out a radio signal so powerful that phones are overwhelmed and cannot communicate with cell towers. The range varies from several feet to several yards, and the devices cost from $50 to several hundred dollars. Larger models can be left on to create a no-call zone.

Using the jammers is illegal in the United States. The radio frequencies used by cellphone carriers are protected, just like those used by television and radio broadcasters.

The Federal Communication Commission says people who use cellphone jammers could be fined up to $11,000 for a first offense. Its enforcement bureau has prosecuted a handful of American companies for distributing the gadgets — and it also pursues their users.

Investigators from the F.C.C. and Verizon Wireless visited an upscale restaurant in Maryland over the last year, the restaurant owner said. The owner, who declined to be named, said he bought a powerful jammer for $1,000 because he was tired of his employees focusing on their phones rather than customers.

“I told them: put away your phones, put away your phones, put away your phones,” he said. They ignored him.

The owner said the F.C.C. investigator hung around for a week, using special equipment designed to detect jammers. But the owner had turned his off.

The Verizon investigator was similarly unsuccessful. “He went to everyone in town and gave them his number and said if they were having trouble, they should call him right away,” the owner said. He said he has since stopped using the jammer.

Of course, it would be harder to detect the use of smaller battery-operated jammers like those used by disgruntled commuters.

An F.C.C. spokesman, Clyde Ensslin, declined to comment on the issue or the case in Maryland.

Cellphone carriers pay tens of billions of dollars to lease frequencies from the government with an understanding that others will not interfere with their signals. And there are other costs on top of that. Verizon Wireless, for example, spends $6.5 billion a year to build and maintain its network.

“It’s counterintuitive that when the demand is clear and strong from wireless consumers for improved cell coverage, that these kinds of devices are finding a market,” said Jeffrey Nelson, a Verizon spokesman. The carriers also raise a public safety issue: jammers could be used by criminals to stop people from communicating in an emergency.

In evidence of the intensifying debate over the devices, CTIA, the main cellular phone industry association, asked the F.C.C. on Friday to maintain the illegality of jamming and to continue to pursue violators. It said the move was a response to requests by two companies for permission to use jammers in specific situations, like in jails.

Individuals using jammers express some guilt about their sabotage, but some clearly have a prankster side, along with some mean-spirited cellphone schadenfreude. “Just watching those dumb teens at the mall get their calls dropped is worth it. Can you hear me now? NO! Good,” the purchaser of a jammer wrote last month in a review on a Web site called DealExtreme.

Gary, a therapist in Ohio who also declined to give his last name, citing the illegality of the devices, says jamming is necessary to do his job effectively. He runs group therapy sessions for sufferers of eating disorders. In one session, a woman’s confession was rudely interrupted.

“She was talking about sexual abuse,” Gary said. “Someone’s cellphone went off and they carried on a conversation.”

“There’s no etiquette,” he said. “It’s a pandemic.”

Gary said phone calls interrupted therapy all the time, despite a no-phones policy. Four months ago, he paid $200 for a jammer, which he placed surreptitiously on one side of the room. He tells patients that if they are expecting an emergency call, they should give out the front desk’s number. He has not told them about the jammer.

Gary bought his jammer from a Web site based in London called PhoneJammer.com. Victor McCormack, the site’s operator, says he ships roughly 400 jammers a month into the United States, up from 300 a year ago. Orders for holiday gifts, he said, have exceeded 2,000.

Kumaar Thakkar, who lives in Mumbai, India, and sells jammers online, said he exported 20 a month to the United States, twice as many as a year ago. Clients, he said, include owners of cafes and hair salons, and a New York school bus driver named Dan.

“The kids think they are sneaky by hiding low in the seats and using their phones,” Dan wrote in an e-mail message to Mr. Thakkar thanking him for selling the jammer. “Now the kids can’t figure out why their phones don’t work, but can’t ask because they will get in trouble! It’s fun to watch them try to get a signal.”

Andrew, the San Francisco-area architect, said using his jammer was initially fun, and then became a practical way to get some quiet on the train. Now he uses it more judiciously.

“At this point, just knowing I have the power to cut somebody off is satisfaction enough,” he said.

Newhobby, that's so interesting. As someone who doesn't own a cell phone I would find that satisfying also.

I think we need one of those public service announcement campaigns targeting abusive cell phone users. If we could stop even a few it would help. I remember hearing about a restaurant that added a fee to the bills of cell phone users - it was posted as a policy - but I bet someone sued them.

I can't stand people who use them while driving!!! I don't know how many accidents I have had to avoid due to someone yapping away on their phone and not paying attention to the change of lanes!!! I found a Grumpy sticker for the back window of my car that says Hang up and Drive!

We stopped for a frozen yogurt one day and watched a young woman come out with a big cone, get into her car and drive away - and it was a stick shift!! Hope she had to stop suddenly. Splat! lol

Wow, glad to know there's folks out there that feel like I do.

I didn't think about the handshake. That's another biggie for me too. I always shake hands "like a man". It's such a let down to see a man shake DH's hand seriously, then shake my hand like I'm a china doll. DH says it's because men are afraid they are going to hurt us little ladies. HA! I'd rather have a sore hand for 10 seconds than feel like I just got done handling a warm fish. (well, sometimes cold too!) Or, on the other hand, there's the men who just don't even shake women's hands around here. Go figure. Those are the guys that, after they shake DH's hand and ignore me, I like to walk up to and say, "I don't shake hands, I give HUGS!" then I grab 'em and squeeeeze as hard as I can. (I hope y'all know I'm kidding, but wouldn't that be fun?) tee hee hee

Blowing your nose at the table is really uncalled for, isn't it? Icky, yucky, gross.

And the cell phones....that can be the most rude thing! I love the idea of being able to jam them. Last Christmas while searching for gifts for DH I found something similar....but it turned off TVs. ANY TV! In the airport, in the store, anywhere. Imagine walking into the Sears TV dept and hitting the off button.


Ok, I thought of another one that makes me crawl the walls. Teenage girls who talk a million miles a minute and you can't understand anything they are saying. My niece, whom I love to pieces, does this. We constantly have to tell her to slow down. What's bad is when they aren't related to you, are in a huge group and you can't tell them to slow down. It's like an onslaught of a whirlwind of words that just leaves me spinning and exhausted. It's like a secret language designed to take out anyone over 30.

Alright. A day has passed, I think I'll post another one. LOL.

People who are too darned lazy to return the shopping carts to the
coral. Okay, we're not talking about a coral halfway up the parking lot.
We're talking numerous corrals in a small lot, but people are too darned
lazy to take them back, stating "That is what the cart pushers are paid for."

I would LOVE to live in an area where one has to pay to get a cart. If you
return the cart to the coral, you get your money back.

My younger brother is one who has actually said something to the lazy
people. A woman put the groceries into the car, barely moved the cart
away from her car and proceeded to get in. The coral was a mere ten
steps away. My brother took the cart from her, said something along the
lines of "Don't trouble yourself, I'll take that for you." and took the cart to the
coral.

Oh, so many times, I've wanted to do the same. Burn a calorie, get a little
fresh air, exercise. Instead, they think of it as "not their job". Ugh.

I like Aldi's for that reason. not only are the prices CHEAP (and most of the products are as good as "name" brand) but you have to put a quarter in to get a buggy, to get the quarter back, you put the buggy back. I have never not even once seen a cart not put away (and I've been going to Aldi's for close to 20 years!

My manners peeve... kids interrupting when I'm on the phone. They can be outside at the neighbors, but let me get on the phone and I can't hear myself, let alone the person on the other end. It makes me nuts!

People that cut you off in traffic, or pass you just to take the next exit. Oh..... or someone that pulls out in front of you, to immediately make a turn!!

Can I get one of those jammer-thingies for those idiots with the sub-woofers that you can hear coming for 4 blocks?

A taser kind of thing. Not that I want to hurt anybody, I just want to fry the electrical system watch their speakers go up in smoke. >:)

LOL Moby,

The town near us decided to make the boom-boom-ba-boom
nonsense worthy of a ticket. Well done, I say, especially as the
mother of two boys. I could hear them coming down the valley only
to turn it down as they neared the house. No siree. Mom busted 'em!

Woofens, the cutter-offers. Oh, that burns my cookies. The people
who are too good, or too important to wait in line, so they ride the
side, passing everyone, then shove themselves in at the last minute.
Once in my life I saw a cop actually tell the person to get their butt back
at the end of the line or get a ticket. We all laughed, cheered and
clapped while Miss Goodie Two Shoes made a very uptight U-turn.


Whoops. Corrected a typo.


This message was edited Nov 10, 2007 3:43 PM

AAAHHHH Wuvie, you must be speaking of the members of the "ME FIRST CLUB". those are the ones who think that the entire world is to wait on them and they don't give a ???? about anyone else! that really gets me.

Yes, the ME FIRST CLUB, aka MFC, drives me bonkers too.

Once while we were at Disney World it started to just pour, I mean coming down in buckets. Everyone in line for the ride/show suddenly started pushing everyone else to get into the building. Understandable. However, there was a young woman left standing in the rain holding a baby about 18 months old. Oh, did I ever get ticked! She looked ready to cry. I loudly made some comment that encouraged folks to squish a little tighter and the woman and baby made it into the building. Can you imagine, leaving a toddler out in a rain storm? Sheesh. Just because folks don't know you personally it's like they have a right to ignore you or treat you badly....but a baby?

DH's pet peeves are nearly anything in traffic, lol, and old folks jumping line. I swear that where ever he goes he attracts the old ladies that jump line and it infuriates him. I'm waiting for the day he loses it on someone's Gramma.

DH is from England and a very good, but aggressive driver. It took him a long time to get used to the wait in line thing if there was room in the lane to move up. He's an engineer (and we know all about them, don't we? lol) and to him it was inefficient. He got tired of me getting angry and finally stopped. Just took some re-training, that's all. :-) That being said, he is definitely the one you want to drive behind or next to - he signals everything he is doing, etc.

How about riding with someone who thinks every driver on the road is out to get him? "that guy is going to cut me off" No, dear you have sped up every time he put his blinker on to try and move over. SIGH

I am a terrible interrupter and am working on paying attention so I can catch myself more often. I ask myself 'does it need to be said?' giving me a minute to chew on what I was going to say.

I too hate limp handshakes and gently point this out to younger gentlemen when I get one.

My pet peeve is when people stand near you and expect you to move without saying excuse me. Please don't stand behind me and expect me to know what you want - speak up it, works!

Oh, oh, and the door holding, too!

I always try to hold the door for people, but when they just
brush past me without thanking me, it makes me want to say
"You're welcome" which I have done a few times.

It doesn't matter if you are in a nasty mood, two words are
not that hard to get out. Say it, practice it, "Thank you." Heck,
you don't even have to smile if it hurts that bad, but at least
be polite when someone does something nice for you.

When in traffic and someone lets you in or out, are you in so
much pain or so self absorbed that you cannot acknowledge their
kindness? A smile, a wave, mouth the words "Thank you." You know,
when I do something nice and people don't at least look my way, I
wish I had magic powers to take it back.

Good grief, people. We all live in this small world. Is it going to hurt
if we're nice to one another?

Wow, this 'getting it out' feels good! Too bad I'm singing to the band.
LOL

(Photo is of luffa blooms)

Couldn't agree more ~ that's why this hangs in my house...

Oh, I want one! And a sign for the car, too!

My DH re-taught me to say please more often - I'd just gotten lazy. And I remind him how big he is when we're in a crowd.

WUVIE, I do say "you're welcome" to those folks. Probably get shot one of these days.

Oh, Moby, I love that! Did you make it?

Mind if I copy it? :-) KM

I know this thread is referencing manners, (coming from pet peeves)but I am convinced that these things are related to good manners/ettiquette......Top of my list would be.....smacking gum! Do females really have any idea what they look like, mouth open...cracking that gum?

Then there is their male counterparts..with the pants so low, you see more than you wish to.

It all goes back to a lack of home training and respect for others! Don't disrespect me by gossiping loudly on your cell about personal stuff. And please, don't use that profanity in my presence. Or hawk and spit in public...ugh!

Or worse, in my eyesight...a young mom...verbally abusing a child .... I know I am going to get in trouble someday for saying something to her.

Js, I agree.

While many of us have had bad days with the kids, being older
and / or wiser with more sense makes me want to ask a woman of
any age verbally assaulting a kid "If your child disappeared tomorrow,
how important would this moment be?"

DH is really big on the thank you for holding the doors, he says he wants to drop the door when someone just walks through like he's a doorman and owes it to them.

Another biggie for me, but that doesn't actually affect me anymore, is folks stealing the handicapped parking places. Grrrrrr! That always bugged me, but was made much, much worse when I drove a van for a handicapped woman a few years ago. Then there's the folks who'll park their small cars or motorbikes in the yellow lined areas....those areas are for the ramp of the van to fold out onto so the wheelchair can actually get out of the vehicle. DUH!

I remember having to wait in a parking lot at a plaza with only a few handicapped spaces. A man had taken "our spot". He came waltzing out of the bank, fine as could be. Sure, you're "only going to be a minute". Right. It never takes a minute to do anything. Meanwhile we are sitting in the van trying to figure out where else we could park to get my friend out because in 5 minutes we're going to be late for her Doc's appt. Grrrr.

There were lots and lots of nice folks we ran into that held doors, helped us get seated at restaurants, moved things that were making aisles too narrow, etc., but every time someone would steal a parking place I wished so badly that I could write them a ticket.

I hate limp handshakes, but please don't try to hurt me. That is just ridiculous. I was recovering from a broken finger and a overzealous handshaker re-broke it.

I too say things to moms or dads for child abuse. I tell them there are better ways to deal with a child. I also tell them that they are going to have a child who yells at them because they are so used to being yelled at that they think it is normal behavior.

Nose blowing at the table, doesn't just bother me, it nauseates me.

When I am visiting with someone, I expect them to turn off the tv and stay off the phone. If what they are watching or who they are talking to is more important than my visit, please just say so and I will leave. I can understand to some degree...like if you walked in just after 911 and the whole world is watching or if your boss calls you while I am there. Casual calls or soap operas don't qualify in my book as being more important than a guest, that is unless you just don't have the guts to let them know you don't want them there, maybe that is the message and I just missed it.

Charlene

I xposted with some of you. I totally agree with the verbal abuse of children. I can't handle that either. Don't you just want to go over and scoop up the kid and take them away? In that situation I often don't say anything because I'm afraid the kid will just get it worse when I walk away.

A re-broken finger from a handshake? Holy cows! What were they trying to do? That's ridiculous.

Oh, I just remembered another one....yelling at the TV. As in football is on right now. Um, I'm the only one who can hear you! Don't freak the dogs out please.

I also do not like it when someone calls me and they are eating. I can understand if I called while they were eating - I would call back. I think this goes back to chewing with your mouth closed - can't do that if you're talking.

Wuvie I am one of those that will say things to folks not returning their carts. I try to keep it quippy like your brother so that they don't get hostile though!

My mother had a rule, "No singing at the table." So that rules now applies to my son although I've never heard it anywhere else and imagine it only applied to me!! LOL I should ask her about that...

Cell phones drive me nuts as well. Especially people that feel obligated to answer them no matter where they are. The way I look at the phone is it's MINE, I will not be tied to it or obligated to answer it. That's what 'silent mode' is for! :) Oh and turn the thing off during church, movies, meetings, and dinner!!!

Nicole

Glad you like the 'nice' sign ~ wish I could say I made it. I suppose you could copy it but it can be had here for 15 bucks. :) http://www.catalogfavorites.com/itemdy00.asp?c=h&T1=P28119&GEN1=All+Home+and+Garden&SKW=+house&PageNo=3

No singing at the table? Wow, I guess I've never experienced
a table singer, LOL.

Now I will have to ask my mother about that one, ha ha!

Another pet peeve? Literally a PET peeve. People who chain
a dog to a tree for it's lifetime. If it is enduring the elements of
each season, it is not a pet. It is a dog on a chain.

If you want a pet requiring limited attention, zero interaction
and lack of any effort, get a rock.