What bugs you?

I'm the same, bivbiv, when I'm out - I often have conversations with strangers. It's an extension of a smile.

Exactly, Paws. What a nice way to put it!

I've run into a few grumpy shoppers, but most of the time, I've found a smile gets a smile in return.

I've been the harried mom with kids hanging from the cart yowling through the store, so I try to catch the eye of those in that situation, and smile an encouraging smile. I figure she needs to know it's okay - she WILL survive those early years and she won't resort to eating her young (although she will want to from time to time!)

And some day I might well be that older, lonely-looking shopper or the one in the wheelchair, so I make an effort to give them a genuine, encouraging smile at them as well. Who knows? For some of them, wandering around the store might be the highlight of their week, and if a stranger's smile lets them know they aren't invisible, so much the better.

I think a byproduct of smiling and chatting with strangers is I find I'm often the informal, voluntary "go-to" person in the store. Some days I walk out the door shaking my head and chuckling because I've set a new "personal best record" for the number of people who have approached me and asked me where to look for something. I guess I have an invisible sign on me that says "Ask me anything - I shop here ALOT!"

Oh.....and I've also been that mom with a 2-week old infant boarding a plane, and finding every person next to an empty seat suddenly looking down (avoiding eye contact, and no doubt praying fervently that I would pass them by ;o) But other than a pressure-change that caused a really cranky episode with my oldest when he was a tot, I was lucky - my kids tended to sit reasonably quietly for the duration of the flight. (Now, cross-country car trips without benefit of DVDs or video games....that's a whole 'nother story!)

My theory on why cell phone use in public places is found to be annoying to so many people is that it is human nature. When two people are talking within ear shot of you you can hear a conversation that makes sense because you hear both sides and you can disregard it easily as something that is not important to you personally.

But if you hear only one side of the conversation the human brain tends to want to fill in the blanks and it is more difficult to ignore it. The more effort it takes to tune it out the more irksome it becomes.

As for using the cell phone while driving...I do not think it is any more dangerous than talking to someone in the seat next to you. But that is only if you are using a hands free phone. But I also know that if the conversation, in person or on the phone, is distracting in any way it should be postponed until you are off the road. Driving down the road is not the time to argue!

I have an aunt that talks with her hands. We tell her "Don't talk and drive" and she doesn't own a cell phone!

This message was edited Jul 26, 2006 12:08 PM

My cousin's husband learned the hard way about cell phones and driving safety - and an oncoming family lost both their little girls on their way home from church. Now - it could just as easily been a cup of coffee or a cigarette that caused the distraction....so this isn't a condemnation about CP.

No matter what - we are just going to have to agree to disagree on some of these things.....

Interesting perspective, Stinkerweed.

Yes, any distraction while driving is the problem, not just cell phones. Perhaps the phones are what are most easily noticed. I'm not so sure all drivers can talk to someone next to them any more than on a cell phone. Some drivers should just drive!

(Terry, I'm the go-to person for reaching tall items...lol)

LOL, only very small children EVER ask me to reach anything for them. I'm the one balancing precariously on one tiptoe wedged into a tiny space on the bottom shelf, trying to reach something on the top shelf without pulling the whole shelving unit over on myself ;o)

Well, there you go - if I saw that, I'd automatically assist. It's part of the Tall Person job description.

Any distraction while driving is dangerous. My first husband reached down to pick a comb up when it slid off the dashboard. His car went off the road as it came to a curve, turned over five times, and caught fire. Three other people were miraculously unharmed and got out. He died at 29 because of a stupid comb.

oh my!
This is why I insist that nothing is moving around in the car when I'm driving. I worry when I hear things rattle around when we're cruising the curvy, mountain roads around here. I don't want to be distracted by them, or, if there is a problem, be hit by flying objects.

I'm sorry for you to have to have experienced that loss, bivbiv!

Thanks, Paws. I included this story because I think it's an important thing to remember when driving. You're wise not to have distractions. And curvy roads are the worst!

Several years ago I made a trip of about 50 miles with a woman who scared the living daylights out of me. She heads up the window treatment department for a local furniture store, and they're the ones I use for all my clients' windows. She drives a big, oversized van which has racks in it for fabric sample books. She calls the truck the Big Marshmallow. Anyway, there I am in the passenger seat, while she's driving, talking to me...and paying bills! I mean she was writing checks, addressing, stamping and sealing envelopes as she steered with her knee! When I complained, she just laughed and said she was used to driving while she multi-tasked! After we got back, I told her I'd never ride with her again; and I haven't. I do know someone reported her for reckless driving once. The company has a sign on the side of the Big Marshmallow, so it was easy to get the phone number and report her. It didn't change her driving habits, though.

I just try to minimize the distractions from inside - there are plenty on the outside.

Which reminds me of something else that really, really, REALLY BUGS ME!!! People who run red lights! That's something I see all the time, and it makes me very angry. I've even seen school bus drivers do it. I'll never forget about 10 years ago a gravel truck--one of those big, heavy dump trucks--ran a red light and killed a whole family of tourists. So sad.

Yeah, and who run them while talking on cell phones and putting on make-up or shaving, while paying bills, reading the newspaper, and feeding the baby.

(I'm not making light, bivbiv. Sick humor.)

Maybe driving isn't regarded as the serious, dangerous, skillful activity that it is.

My DH says there's a nutty woman he sees frequently on his way to work. She drives down a busy highway applying makeup. I actually saw a woman putting mascara on using her rear view mirror. When I drive, I am really concentrating on what I'm doing. Sometimes when I'm with DH, we've driven down some street that I've been on frequently, and I'll notice something I didn't know was there. That's because I don't sightsee when I drive! He teases me about it, but I think that's a good thing that I really only notice the road.

Been searching high & low, and by golly .. I think I've finally found a legitimate lil diddy that truly drives me batty and bugs the dickens outta me .. to no end!

Why: ya reckon .. did the {program writers} just hafta put the 'delete' option immediately above the 'rename' option, in the drop-down menu that appears .. when we 'right-click' on a photo thumbnail or document file -?-

The 'delete' option in such a position, has certainly become the burr under my saddle, I tell ya. I've trashed more items 'accidentally' this way, a few too many times.

However, the flip side: is that my recycle bin is protected .. and nothing is ever completely 'gone'. Ahh, but it sure can take a wee lil time to pilpher though, to retrieve 'em. .. LOL ..

Reckon I'd best mosey over to the computer forum and make the proper inquiries over there .. and won't be a buggin' any of you guys. .. HeeHee ..

- Magpye

Edited: to fix a couply mis-spelins. (lol)

This message was edited Aug 3, 2006 10:16 PM

Magpye, I was thinking that myself just the other day! I was trying to rename pictures.

I have a couple pet peeves. ANTS! I hate them. That is one question I will ask God when I see him. What was the purpose of ants?
Lazy people. Lazy people who try to justifiy thier laziness.
Iknow I will probably be a lone duck out here on this one, but it bothers me that celebrities get totally grilled for something the you or I could have said.
Mel Gibson is a good guy, he is a good actor, he is a good producer, he made a mistake, he was drunk and like most men when they get drunk, he talked smack. This type of thing annoys me. Mel Gibson may be an oscar winning actor but he is also just a guy who has a problem with the bottle.
Sure the stuff he said was stupid, thoughtless and I am sure he wishes he could have taken those words back. I think it is time for the media to just leave the man alone. If he need rehab, fine get he rehab but it is just getting old, to have three of my headlines be about Mel Gibson.

Angel:

You've created one of the most visited threads! So glad I have DSL to read all this. =)

Neighbors dogs coming over to my house and tearing up my plants!

Neighbors plants coming to my yard to tear up my dog and my arms... (30 foot Himalayan berry vines)

One of my pet peeves is when trying to watch what I eat for health reasons, people around me are always trying to get me to eat something, that I for whatever reason cannot eat. When I say that I would rather not eat it, they continue to push the food in my direction and insist that I try it. It is only then that I have to explain that I have a medical condition and that I refuse to eat certain foods. Than they look at me as if I am lying. Also, if I am trying to loose weight, I find that people knowing that I am trying to loose weight, keep offering me food that is obviously not on my diet. I think it is called sabatoge or making them feel less guilty for eating unhealthy food.

Just tell them "If I eat that garbage, I will die!" People that inconsiderate don't deserve a further explanation...

Sitting at a red light and watching someone in the car ahead of me empty their ashtray out the car window really ticks me off.

Also.........

I'm not too thrilled with all those bought and paid for politicians-- who have apppointed themselves some kind of superior moral authority--climbing up on their soapboxes, waving a Bible in one hand while their other hand is behind their back, raking in the cash, shaking down everybody and everything.

John

Interesting thread! I used to have so many peeves that I was beginning to be a peeve to myself! I remember reading something, can't remember what, but it was about how to shift a negative into a positive. For instance, I couldn't stand people snapping gum especially when I was stuck in a lineup and couldn't leave. So what's so positive about that?? Well at least the ear drums are intact! Or when there aren't any close parking spots to the shopping mall entrance......at least my legs are still strong enough to walk the extra distance. Or how about the endless laundry piles.....kids wear the clothes and they're dirty in five mins!!.....the positive is that the dirty clothes are evidence that you're surrounded by loved who wear those clothes!

But not everything I find to be a peeve is that easily shifted to a positive. My main peeve is having neighbours who allow their properties to become unsightly. My new neighbour is a young single guy who doesn't care a fig that the grass is knee high or that his dog's doo is left on the lawn and stinking up the surrounding area. My old neighbour kept this home immaculate and I'm glad she doesn't have to go through the distress of seeing what it's become. It just brings down the look of the whole street when something like this happens.

I get bugged when people don't wash their hands after using the restroom! EWWW! That's just NASTY!

When my train gets into Grand Central Terminal in NYC, I sometimes stop in the Ladies Room before continuing on to my office.
It amazes me how often I see women leave the booth & go straight out the door!

Heck, if I go into a booth, even if it's only to adjust my clothing or something that has nothing to do with bodily functions, I ALWAYS wash my hands when I exit the booth. It's 2nd nature for me. Leave the booth - head to the sink.

I have confronted them about it sometimes.
Once a woman came out of the booth & headed straight to the door. I called out to her, "Excuse me, Miss."
She stopped & turned. I asked (very sweetly, mind you) "Did you forget to wash your hands or are you just a nasty person?"
LOL! She was stunned at first, then replied (VERY indignant) "I did NOT forget!" I just shrugged & said, "I guess you're just a nasty person then." She walked out - without washing.

Another time, a woman left without washing. When I left the restroom I spotted her at the bakery across from the restrooms.
She was picking up different packages of pound cake. She'd pick up one, look at it, put it back & pick another. She handled about 4 or 5 like that.
I went up to her and said, "It's is disgusting that you didn't wash your hands after using the bathroom - and then come out here and start touching everything. The next person who comes along has no idea you touched that with your dirty pee-pee hands! You are a nasty person!"
Then I walked away, leaving her there, VERY red-faced & speechless.
About a month later, she was leaving a booth as I was going in another. She didn't see me, but I recognized her. Guess what? SHE WASHED HER HANDS! I guess I made an impact on her after all.

Nancy - cleaning up the city - one pee-pee hand at a time!

As for cell phones - I just have a problem with the VOLUME some people use. Especially on the train or bus. This also applies to people talking to each other on the train. Other people are sleeping, reading, etc. Why do they have to speak so loudly?!?! They are sitting right next to each other for pete's sake!

One woman was sitting across from me on her speaking very loudly on her phone. Other passengers were giving her annoyed looks but saying nothing. I was TRYING to read my newspaper.
Finally I folded the paper & started to join in her conversation - at least the half I could hear. She got very indignant & said, "Excuse me! I wasn't talking to you!" I said, "Oh! I'm sorry. I just figured you were speaking so loud so we could all enjoy it." Someone nearby started to applaud. About 3 or 4 other people joined in. She got very embarrassed, ended her call & spent the rest of her trip looking out the window & avoiding eye contact with me or anyone else.

I think the problem with cell phones is that the speaker doesn't hear themselves through the earpiece as they would on land-line phones. Since they can't hear themselves, they think the person on the other end can't hear them either - so they tend to talk louder.

Distractions are another thing - to drivers AND pedestrians. Here, it's illegal to drive using a cell phone unless it's hands-free. That law is broken all the time.

As for pedestrians, I once saw a woman nearly get run over by a bus because she wasn't paying attention. She was so busy gabbing on the phone, she stepped off the curb - she didn't even have the light, mind you. People were yelling out to her as traffic came to a screeching stop. She looked up to see a bus about 3 feet from her. She just looked annoyed as if to say -why is all this traffic in my way & continued to cross the street. Sheesh!

I was nearly hit by a woman who "sort of" stopped at a red light. I was crossing in front of her & was nearly hit by her car that was slowly inching forward - into the crosswalk! She was yapping on the phone & didn't even notice. I slammed my hand down on the hood of her car. That caught her attention. She slammed on her brakes & looked shocked. Her window was open so I turned around, went to her window and shouted, "THAT'S why there's a law about using cell phones while driving, you idiot!" I grabbed her phone & tossed it a few feet away - forcing her to pull over in order to get out to retrieve it. As I walked away, I told her the next time, I'd throw it down the sewer.

Maybe I'm too "in-your-face", but that's the way I am. I don't think I've ever left anyone scratching their heads wondering what I meant. I'll spell it right out.

Nancy - bold & blunt - and may get my butt kicked for it some day. LOL!

I have to second Magpye's delete option peeve.
I'm not too happy about Early Bloomer bad mouthing our hard(ly) working elected representatives. Doesn't Early Bloomer realize we have the best government money can buy? Especially in Pennsylvania.... our state legislature is about 5 times the size of California's, and they get about a fifth as much done

Me again... LOL!

What's with those idiots driving around with their windows open and BLASTING their music for the entire state to hear? They'll pull up next to me with the bass up high & I can feel MY car vibrating!

One guy did that to me & looked over to me with a look that said, "Hey, baby! Ain't I COOL?!?!"
I said to him, "The higher the volume, the lower the IQ."

LOL!

Nancy

Nancy, I understand, empathize, and share your feelings, but I fear you're going to get more than your butt kicked one day. People are frequently shot in road rage confrontations...situations not dissimilar to what you're describing. If I were you, I'd be afraid of provoking a reaction even more extreme than my own. I think you're confusing boldness with foolhardiness.

Thanks for the concern, biv. But not to worry, I don't mess with everyone.
The woman driving with the cell phone I suspect was more scared of me than I'd EVER be of her.
The idiot with the stereo pumping is probaly STILL at the intersection trying to figure out wht "IQ" means.
The loud yappers on the train - too many witnesses. Besides she knew they were not on her side.
The non-washers... they are too stunned/embarrassed to react. By that time, I'm out the door.

I pick my battles VERY carefully.
But I have no problem swatting at nasty little gnats.

Nancy

But please don't forget that those nasty little gnats are strangers, and you're not psychic. Even timid types have been known to strike back simply because they're frightened; and, as you said, the woman whose phone you pitched was scared. And for all you knew, the guy with the blaring stereo could have been someone who wouldn't have hesitated to shoot you because you bugged him. After all, appearances can be deceiving; his dumb facade could have been masking a violent personality. I still think it's just a matter of time before you confront the wrong person. There are a lot of wackos out there!

So what are we to do? Let the wackos take over??

The trouble is it could be seen as bullying behaviour and that can get you into trouble too.

Last year a driver in from of me in a car park gave me the finger because I'd beeped my horn as his car nearly rolled back into mine from several feet away.

There was a group of children watching and I got out to confront him about his behaviour. He was an elderly man (with his wife), I told him calmly I was unappreciative of his mode of communication and that I was merely trying to do him a favour by telling him he was getting too close. He was extremely rude to me and told me where to go. I took his instruction and went to find a space.

As someone had seen that I had got out of my car, they assumed that I was the aggressor and came to see if the man needed any help. He pretended he was terrified of me and I was threatening him while he had done nothing to encourage my actions! The "helper" then decided to subject me to a torrent of personal abuse whereupon, having failed to reason with either party I simply burst out laughing at the ridiculous situation and wished them luck as I walked away (still having insults hurled at me).

If you are lowering yourself to "wacko" (quote) level then perhaps it's too late to stop them taking over :)

Tplant, I'm sure you're a pacific person and wouldn't advocate that we take to the streets to rid them of wackos, would you? LOL

I don't think we're turning the reins of civilization over to the crazies by choosing not to give them the opportunity nor the excuse to vent their hostilities on us. An insignificant incident can escalate to a ridiculous and dangerous point unless reason takes over.

And as Baa has so clearly illustrated, situations can be misinterpreted. You're right, Baa. When we become one of "them," then they will have indeed taken over...and won.

My question still stands? How can we prevent people from performing such bad behavior? Are we just to submit and accept it as part of our daily life? I'm not saying to declare war but I sure am fed up with all the rudeness that is out there. People today seem to lack integrity and worse don't even know the meaning of it! I asked a group of teens to explain "integrity" and they couldn't. Where did we go wrong? This is one of my pet peeves. Total lack of respect for anyone and even less for elders. I'm glad I won't be around to see the long term results....

Ok, my 2 cents..... the thing about not washing hands bugs me too, but do you wash your hands everytime you touch your purse, wallet or cell phone? Studies have proven that those surfaces are dirtier than a toilet seat.


How's that for something to think about?

Janis

I know, Janis.
Everything is germ-ridden - phones, money, the poles on buses & trains... and no, I don't wash my hands after touching everything. I might as well live in a sink. But it seems like it should be common sense to wash one's hands after using the restroom.

I don't do it in consideration of anyone else. I do it for ME.

Nancy

Nancy, clap, clap, clap, clap!

I can't believe the people who WON'T wash their hands in a public restroom. I wash mine at home everytime. Also everytime I blow my nose!

I agree, there are a lot of psychos out there today. I'm sure everything said has been said by our parents, grandparents, and their grandparents, but I think the world is too full of people who have nothing, so they feel they have nothing to lose. Killing you means nothing to them.

Tplant, it seems everyone caters to ''these'' people now. No one seems to expect anything from them and also adopts THEIR ways. I'm glad to live in a small backwards town. It does take a village!

I think the only time I every 'got in someone's face' about something was the time my 84 year old Mother and I were shopping at Lowe's in the garden center. It was very hot and we were in line to check out. There were only about three people in line. Mother walked over to look at a plant that was very nearby. She wanted me to look at it too. I took a few steps over to see it. Then walked back and pushed our cart on forward as the line was moving up. A man and woman were behind our cart. The man accused me of cutting in line! I could not believe my ears. lol I said, "Excuse me". And he repeated it in a very agitated manner and had a few other things to say. I let him know that I had not cut in line and that I thought he was being very selfish and foolish to behave in such a way about an 84 yr. old woman walking with a cane was ahead of him waiting to check out. Some people can sure be insensitive.
Lin