Raise your hand if you love hand watering (in moderation!)

Do I get in trouble if I attach it? I've had friends sending it to me constantly!!! I'll take a chance and if I'm wrong to do so, I promise to never do it again.

Almost spit my cup a Joe all over the keyboard for that one!

OK the neighbors that I would like to aim that thing at are the people that live across the street from me. We have not formally met, and we do not know their names, so we call them the Enigmas.

We call them the Enigmas because we have witnessed or have been violated by the following:

Fast Food debris left on their lawn for almost a week until their gardener came and cleaned it up
cigarettes butts beer bottles and used condoms on my lawn after a rager party they had
ATV ridden up and down the street and all over their lawn
German Shepherd vs Pitt Bull fight on public street
Very bad 4 letter words used in front of small neighborhood children
Carpool ride honking at 6 am

I could go on, but you get the picture. So what makes them the Enigmas?

Once a week, they have tons of people come over for a very loud, very long Buddhist chant session. I thought Buddhists were all about respecting the Earth and its creatures. Also, the people that come to the gatherings often park their cars in front of my house, finish up a cigarrette, grind it under their heel, and then casually say to me, "Hey, beautiful garden you've got."

HUH?

Totally need/want/gotta have a buttopiary...

Croclover, I have never, ever heard of such horrid neighbors - and I also thought Buddhists were about respect, etc. Sorry you have to go through this all the time - and what a perfect name you have given them! The house next door to me just became a rental so I am a bit apprehensive. My only hope is that the rent will be high enough to have a better chance of attracting good folks. The house has been empty for ages (don't know why it didn't sell - seems to be a good little house with a nice view) so I'm used to quiet and privacy on that side. Could be an interesting change.

Well, thank you for your empathy, and the Enigmas are renters. The high price of rent here doesn't stop people- average 4 bedroom home rental goes for $1,600 or more. Nothing against renters- I was one myself less than a year ago. Don't expect "pride of ownership" from a renter, but DEMAND that the landlord maintain a certain level of upkeep so his rental remains on a certain par with the rest of the neighborhood.

The high price of homes doesn't stop people from buying here either. Average 1500 sq foot home in my neighborhood goes for $658,000.00-$720,000.00 so now two or three families buy the home and build sleeping structures in the garage (which is against the law) and we'll have 8-10 cars all belonging to the same house trying to find places to park. Sometimes I can't find a spot to put my trash barrels on trash day.

Maybe I need a couple more buttopiaries

The community I live in has "rules" about upkeep, cars on the street, etc., but I can't imagine it being enforced (or who in the world would do the enforcing!). My daughter lives in Trabuco Canyon (Orange County) and their housing prices are like yours - astronomical! They continue to go up and up and up where I live, but nothing like CA, nor for that matter, like Seattle (where I lived for most of my life).

And I think you need at least a half dozen buttopiaries!!!!

I have a very good friend who lives in Trabuco Canyon. It's just a ten minute drive up a surface street for me. It's a very lovely place- gorgeous homes- in the same zip as Real Housewives of Orange County BTW.

I do belong to a Homeowner's Association, for which I pay $54 a month for lake/pool/tennis/clubhouse priveledges PLUS CC&R enforcement. Unfortunately, the guy who patrols the neighborhood to look for violations in his officially marked car (which I pay for) seems to to be eternally asleep at the wheel.

And Yes, I do need multiple buttopiaries. I am friends with many of the folks in my neighborhood. Perhaps I can grow them in my back yard and then give them as present for Christmas.

Murmur - that is SO disrespectful ROFL !!! I don't imagine
the guy next door does much entertaining in his yard LOL.

Croclover, I'm laughing so hard I almost typed Crocklover.
Gee, but you're polite. I would have called them something
involving their mother.
I bet they get lots of traffic, if this is visible from the street LOL.

This has been a great thread to read!! I am fortunate that I don't have any neighbors as yet who would be deserving of the buttopiary. I will definitely remember to use it if the need arises.
It has been very enlightening to see how many others have the affliction of handwatering. It's easy to think you are the only one our there. It drives my husband crazy that I spend so much time watering after spending a lot of $$ setting up a drip irrigation system. You are all correct, hand watering provides the opportunity to commune with your garden. Wouldn't give it up for the world.

It's about 8:30 here and I just got in from deep watering my roses and planting a new lovely climber named Polka.

The Enigmas are having a chant session tonight. Not sure if it will involve condoms.

Croclover, I literally laughed outloud when I read about the chant session!!! You do have a wonderful way of looking at things - and finding the humor in even a negative situation!

I did a bunch of hand watering last night, but tonight got caught up in weed whacking which, of course, resulted in weeding and raking. (And aching.)

And I'm thinking now that it would be great to have a buttopiary on wheels - that way, no matter what neighbor was being a pain, you could share the art work. Why, one could even rent them out!!!

A moblie Buttopiary? SWEET! Let's take it a step further. How about we add a remote controlled airhorn to the Buttopiary. That way, when the neighbor comes to have a closer look..

Well, I try not to get too overheated with my annoying neighbors. I'm not planning on moving- can't afford the property taxes. I am going to make the best of it, and just nail them with CC&R enforcement whenever I can. And, I can always remember that it's a rental house, and they could move away. Every time the end of the month rolls around, my hubby and the other neighbors all watch to see if they're packing.

It's not the chanting that really bothers me, it's the debris and the general lack of respect for their fellow neighbors. The chanting is not my cup of tea, but I respect their right to practise their religion. See? I'm a respectful neighbor. I am more than willing to live peacefully side by side with some chanting if they were cool. But no! They have to be lame and leave beer bottles on my lawn!

Oh, yes - remote controlled airhorn!!! Now THAT's funny!!!! In fact, that's downright hilarious!!!!! The mental picture of the look on the recipients' faces is enough to put me on the floor!!!

Can you imagine? They see this thing. "Oh looK! A topiary! How sweet! You know, I'll bet that really nice gardening lady sent me that! Is it a swan? No. Is it a Hippopotomus? Nope. Is it- wait a minute- that can't be a Buttopiary. It just can't! Why who'd want to send me something like THAT? Maybe I should just lean over here and get a closer look..."

BRRR-BRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAP!!!!

Hoag Heart Center. Immediatly.

Have you heard that "Smell-O-Vision" is coming to
your TV soon? With all the electronic wizzards
out there, could this somehow be hooked up to
the airhorn? I'm just asking.

Well, Mahnot, that's a very fine contibution to our Buttopiary. Unfortunately, Smell-O-Vision, I hear, is still a few years off from becoming a reality. Fart spray purchased at a local joke and gag store, however is easily attainable and we shall solder the spray to the horn. Now, our Buttopiary will delight four of the five senses.

Don't you think that maybe someone like Glade may
be interested in collaborating with us? I mean, it
would open a whole new area of possibilities for
their products:
Room Odorizer - for when pesky people overstay
Burnt Pancake - for when uninvited guest "just happen"
to drop by at dinner time - again
Septic Sewer - for when people want to crash
your backyard BBQ

I think you get my drift.

I went to bed laughing over this continuing saga, and now I get to wake up laughing at it again!!!

Ahhhhh . . . Mahnot, thank you so much for adding fragrance to the conversation - I wanted to, in fact, I even considered asking if anyone had a pet skunk . . . but I figured my offering of the lovely photo was quite enough!!!

this is hilarious, even funnier than when I first saw the picture of the buttopiary

Mahnot and Murmur I do believe that we have some serious work ahead of us. I think Mahnot's idea of apporoaching Glade with the idea of an entire new line of scents could prove to be lucrative.

As far as using Glade for our Buttopiary, I am still a little perplexed as to where we should "plug it in". Hmmm.

Ok, this thread has totally devolved into the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Thanks for brightening my day with the laughs. :-D

As for hand watering--I LOVE IT and all the benefits associated with it--for me AND the plants. ;-)

Have a lawyer send a nice letter to the landlord on official stationary...

Yes, this thread has degenerated to a whole new level of juvenile immaturity. Connie started this thread, and I had the pleasure of "meeting" her in the DG chat room the other day. She is a very kind lady.

She is also a teacher.

Mahnot and Murmur, I think we may have to stay after school for detention.

Or, I could always send the landlord the buttopiary. Maybe I can add the buttopiary to my trade list and the landlord and I can plant swap.

For the giggles I've had with this, I would be more than happy to stay after school - especially if we can keep laughing like immature juveniles (it really is the kind of humor my eight year old grandson would adore - of course, he would be shocked to hear his grandma talking that way!).

My daughter would undoubtedly be happy to come help you pack up the buttopiary for your landlord - and might even deliver it for you. She has a serious touch of impishness in her personality. I've no idea where she got it.

Well, Murmur, they are discovering new things about
genetics every day. Why, I just saw something the
other day that said you can even blame your mom
and grandma is you're fat. Don't know about you,
but I take that very personally - especially when
I see them eating 2 all beef patties, special sauce,
lettuce, pickle, onion, on a sesame bun. Harumph !

Gardenwife, I don't know about you but I have NEVER
received a nice letter from a lawyer. That's not in
their genes. "Why don't sharks bite lawyers?"
"Professional coutesy."

Croclover, I couldn't possibly stay for detention.
I have a daughter who is working on her doctrate
in English Literature, with a Master's in Art History.
I'm not allowed to end my sentences with a
preposition, have to watch that I say "libRary"
instead of "liberry", have to say "Whom were you
speaking to?" instead of "Who ya talkin' to?"
Don't you think my life is hard enough?

Oh, rats ! I forgot the cheese.

I had my tongue firmly planted in my cheek when I said "nice". ;)

Well, no wonder I didn't get it. That level of sophistication
is just way out of my league. After all, I'm here talking about
a buttopiary :o )

ROTF!

Alright, so I get home from shopping this evening and the Enigma child, who has graduated fromhigh school today is standing on the front lawn with her friends and one of them parked in such a manner as they are blocking half of my driveway. HALF! But you see, I'm cool like that and don't say anything because it's graduation night- let the kids have a little fun, right? But then at 11:00 at night, her little friend (whose pants are hanging halfway off his butt) are cranking their car stereo as loud as it can go and I had no idea bass could be this loud.

I thought that this would be a great time for a Buttopiary, but because teenage children just don't speak butteese, the buttopiary display would be completely lost on them.

So....

I decided that to get even with them, if the car is still parked halfway in my driveway tomorrow morning, I am going to be suddenly overtaken with the urge to hand water . Very close to their car. Then, after that, I am going to mow with my reel mower. Then, I'm going to cut a nice sharp edge with my hand edger. Then, I'm going to sweep, and I have a feeling that for some reason, my sweeping technique will have become rather sloppy. And all I can say is it might get a little messy.

So, as you can see, I have brought us safely back to the topic that was originally started- hand watering.

omigosh . . . I didn't think I could laugh any harder than I already did, Croclover, but that is too funny!! "They don't speak buttese???" ROTF!!!!!!! But with their pants as low as they are, you'd think maybe they do . . . but I guess it's a different dialect?

Hope you have a perfectly lovely time in your yard today!!!!!!

This tread is just too funny after reading from the beginning and i don't know how I missed it.
I also love to hand water but having to get off to work so early, I can only water late in the evening but I love to be able to get out there and inspect each plant and see how it is doing..I also have terrible neighbors on both sides that I would love to aim the hose at and since they all probably think I am crazy always out there weeding or watering or just looking. I can see them look at me with a strange glare as they drive by since they always seem to see me with dirt on my face.
We did get relief yesterday from the watering and we finally got some needed rain and still this morning it is raining and my plants and vegetables seem very happy and I can see the fish in the pond love it too..I just hope we get more next week, I leave Sun. for our annual convention and hoping my hubby will water and I don't come home to dead plants..It has been so hot here the last few days it makes me think I am back in Texas..

Well, Murmur,
I am officially in my mid-30's now so I am not going to try to speak the language of teens. Instead, I will just soil their car. Another thing I might do is collect all the stink bugs I have on my Bachelor's buttons and put them on a trowel. Then, without saying anything, I will sneak up on Mr. Droopy Drawers and just tip my trowel and let those guys just slide right down the back of his pants.

VS-
I know my neighbors think I'm a little strange/obsessed with my plants too. Every morning while they're on their way to work they can see me pacing up and down the sidewalk like George C. Scott in the opening scene of Patton staring at my plants.

Yup. Croclover, mid-thirties is a whole different world in language. I'm in my early 60's - it doesn't get any easier, I tell you!!! Hmmmm . . . droopy drawers . . . stink bugs . . . why does that make perfect sense???!!!

VS, so sorry you have trouble on both sides. Thank goodness for our gardens to hide in or at least find solace, eh??!!

I'm off to the PNW Roundup - can't wait to meet some DG folks!!

Carole

I'm not looking at any of the new postings 'cause
I'm scared stiff. I'd look in the obituaries in
Lake Forest, CA, but I don't think I'd find "Croclover"
listed in there. I'm also terrified I might find a
story: "Teen Kills Eccentric Gardener for Damage
to Automobile."
Somebody, please, tell me: Did she make it OK?
I'm afraid to scroll up. Thanks.

I'm not hurt! I'm just a sucker!

I went to my parent's house to help with a powdery mildew emergency. Then my dad and I went to the nursery and drooled over some plants, and he bought some gorgeous bleeding hearts. Then he offered to help me dig up some St. Augustine grass in my back yard so I could put in some flagstones to lead to my circa 1979 spa. Then we salvaged part of the pickett fence from the front yard that I tore out last May, and we dug some holes and mixed some cement and put in some posts.
Then...

My mom invited me to go have a little sushi and a glass of Plum wine with her. Then we had yummy crepes for dessert and wandered around the Irvine Spectrum- a really neat outdoor mall/social gathering area.

So, how did I get suckered, you might ask? I mean, it looks like I'm the one who Tom Sawyered my dad into BUILDING a fence on a grossly humid day, and then I get to go out and eat sushi for dinner, mom's treat.

Well, I found out over dinner that my mom and dad were in a tiff and weren't speaking to each other, and both wanted to get out of the house and avoid each other!

DUH! I shoulda figured that out! Saturday is their date night and they always go out to dinner or shopping or something. Instead, the dinner converation was all about how my dad is leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor because my mom is on a cooking strike because my dad won't make coffee in the morning, because my mom criticised how he was washing the dishes, blah, blah, blah!

My parents are so immature! I had to work so hard to not burst out laughing during dinner.

And don't worry about the teens hurting the crazy gardener lady. They may have pretty droopy drawers, but mostly the teens around here are just spoiled and lazy so if I soiled their car, they would most likely shrug and bring their car to the Auto Spa for a hand wash!

At this point though, I'm about ready to throw my Buttopiary in the van, put it on my parent's doorstep and then doorbell ditch them.

And they would totally deserve the airhorn and the Plug-in.

Croclover, I'm laughing yet again - I started out thinking, "how silly." then realized that your parents are probably about my age (or even younger), and my husband and I get into some of the stupidest fights ever - mostly the non-speaking to each other variety. So if I wake up to a buttopiary one of these days, I'll know you found your way to Whidbey Island in Washington State!!!!

And I will love very minute of it!!

Glad you had a productive and enjoyable day, despite the circumstances!!

Croclover - you're ALIVE !!! I'm so glad :o)

Your mom has PLUM wine? She's totally right and
your dad is wrong - it's all his fault. Tell your mom
I'll be right over.

I just don't understand it! My parents grew up next door to each other, were high school sweethearts, raised three children, own a business together, been through so many ins and outs and ups and downs, but I tell you- they fight like 8 year olds! They've been married almost 36 years and still get into the lamest fights!

My husband and I are going on 8 years of marriage and we have more mature arguments than they do! At least ours don't result in no dinner and dirty underwear on the floor!

Sheesh! What ever happened to "Don't let the sun set upon your anger?"

At the very least I'm going to go string my dad's ugly rabbit statue up in a hangman's noose because he hid my green squirrel. We don't approve of each other's choice of garden statuary.

Oh- another lover of plum wine, eh? Our favorite sushi bar Maki Maki has Plum Wine. I know PF Chang's has it too. I'm glad I've never seen it in the stores, because I'd be hittin the bottle all day every day. It's truly and elixyr!