Slump Down In Your Chair & Tell Me All About It..... Part 2

Those certainly were the days! From 20 to 30 I wore a size 7 shoe and 7 junior everything else. I loved to wear the sling back 4" high heels to work every day. (worked in an office back then.) I had knockem dead legs and the fellas used to pant after my feet.

Then I turned 30, the feet spread out from medium to.....what ever comes next in fat feet widths. They don't make those sexy high heels in a wide shoe at Naturalizer. Well that was the beginning of that next phase in life. By 35, that extra 5 pounds I put on was determined to stay and invite all their friends to join them in the thighs, hips and behind.

Sometime during all these changes, I no longer found myself in the juniors department, I discovered Missus clothes. Now after being a painter full time for the past 15 years, high heels are only a dream since I tend to sprain an ankle wearing them and showing off my legs will knockem dead still, but not in a good way at all.

By 50, all those friends of the first extra 5 pounds, invited a few more friends and they pay no mind to me at all. They've decided they want to stay indefinately. In some ladies minds, the larger bra size that came with this might be considered a good thing. NOT ME!!!! All it does for me is keep disrupting the keys when I lean over the keyboard. Oh to be a 34b once again. Abstaining from the beer for a couple weeks is only good for 1 pound and hardly seems worth the trouble.

If anyone ever accuses me of having extra baggage, there is no way I can deny it. I don't think I'll ever be the real me again.

:^))))

My body too is a collection of spare parts -- most of them VERY generously sized.

And the Lord said-- "Hips" and I thought he said "Ships" --- and my reply was -- "I'll take a-- fleet!!" To quote Steven Kings "Thinner" [not exact] -- ..."from the back [when he was walking] his butt looked two dogs under a blanket having a fight"

The top half -- well my bra looks like two hub caps sewn together!!

Then we get to my feet -- poor undernurished lil things -- size 8/9 but skinny as hell. The feet are having a running discourse with my butt about carrying around the avoirdupois!!

In my younger days my waist was so tiny it looked like I would crack in half... lol Truly an hourglass.

I love this forum/thread -- y'all are all as nutso as I am -- I'm in a kindred place.

Have a great day,
Marie

Darius,

That cartoon is so absolutely true!!! ROTFLOL

Judy

Zingy Marie, glad to have you join us here!

Molly, funny how things spread, isn't it? My once petite (and pretty) size 6-1/2 feet are now 7-1/2, once lovely legs now have ugly visable veins, my height has dropped an inch... Hey! Maybe that's the problem... my height just decided to spread out all over my body!!! No wonder I'm wider, LOL.

I saw a commentary by Andy Rooney one night and he was saying how peculiar it is that as we age our bodies shrink, but our feetget bigger. And I thought it was just me! I used to be 5'8 1/2' and wore size 8 1/2 shoes. Now I'm 5'6 1/2" and wear a size 9 or 9 1/2 - totally not ok. Alas, I didn't lose any weight with the 2 missing inches, so I'm becoming short and squat! If this keeps up, I'm going to look like an M&M, without the pretty skin tones!

Sequee

LOL -- M&M

I would post here, but I can't stop laughing..........too too tooo much.

Hap

1) MSJen is back home, biopsy results should be known on Thurday
2) I think Sequee has a broken foot, apt with doctor for tomorrow.
3) Haven't heard from Twyla since the cement blocks fell on her.

I'm flat on my back. I hurt it pulling, tugging or lifting... so much for Spring Planting, but I'm going to blame it on this thread, saying you all just made me laugh too dang hard.

DH is waiting on me hand and foot, why get up and work when I can just lay here and be served!!!!

Judy

Bottom line here - we're all falling apart, but we sure know how to have a good chuckle!

I really don't think it's broken, but it is now so swollen I can't even wear my sneakers. Now my boss is cool with the sneakers, but I'm not so sure how he'd feel about the flip-flops or slippers!

After the "walking cast" he won't mind!!!

Judy

Now you stop that! I'm waaaay too bust to have a broken anything!

"Broken" swells far less than "sprained"....

Still haven't heard from Twyla about her leg after the cement blocks fell on her. ????

We really are falling apart.......

Comes with age... Like today my big serrated slicing knife all by itself bounced off the counter and then off my leg leaving the most interesting like of tiny cuts all in a row...

or dereliction, LOL.

Thank God it wasn't ON!

lol lol I bet Darius has never owned an electric knife!!! What you say Darius?

Oh, ugh!! the days when I could buy size 8 samples from the manufacturer's rep are gone forever. As a teenager, my dad could span my waist with his two hands. Granted, he was a large man and had large hands!! I held my own in a size 10 until I turned 50, and then everything went to H*** in a handcart, where there was once a nice little 34A that didn't get in the way has turned into a 40C (and I just got measured by an expert today) so who says God doesn't have a sense of humor.

I now know the meaning of fat back, and I don't mean the edible kind. My legs look fine, if you are nearsighted and can overlook the Mapquest illustrations that some evil gremlins tattooed on me while I was asleep.

I'm not even going to mention my backside except to say that the Queen size Leggs pantyhose I bought to wear to DIL son's wedding wouldn't get past .........uhhh....anything. I stretched the waist band and measured it, and it was only 40 inches around...and they were supposed to fit up to 200 pounds. Now I ask you, do you know anyone that weighs 200 pounds and has a forty inch waist? I didn't think so.

I guess if I really cared about it, I'd tackle the South Beach Diet but ya know, dieting makes me really cranky, and I have to think about my loved ones and the misery I would inflict on them, if I was in a bad temper all the time.

Never mind my feet. I'd go barefoot all the time if my arches hadn't caved about the same time as I developed those interesting arm flags. You know, that flesh that just hangs there when you put your arms out to the side?? It's especially attractive if you dare to go sleeveless.

Thank goodness my hair is a perfectly natural color. Loreal's Butterscotch, which must be a food, doncha think?

Reminds me of a story......

I was at a party and overheard the local plastic surgeon talking about implants.... I pulled up my plant leg and said "what do you think about a few injects just to fill them out? He put his hand on my back and said "Hon, just your luck it would fall and you'd have 44D ankles." Thus my quest for silicone injections ended.

... he was so right everything "falls" after awhile

I'm here very sore bruised but ok.. hand very sore but remember thats my fault... i'm fat thats all i can say.. feet size 7 have wide foot i always always go barefoot.. i like x large tops small bottoms.. about it awful shaped body.. and its got lot of replacement parts or parts gone.. Includeing MY MIND...i see such nice shoes but just does not work for me.. i love slippers though.. footies....well must get on house Jessica made such a mess..Sequee hope foot is not broken, get well quick for you.... JUDY.. Back pain to be gone .. your so lucky to have someone wait on you, i always did it for yrs... You all be good.... blessings.. Twyla

LOL, meezer. I remember about 10-12 years ago I went to Saks to get a dress for a Fund Raiser and headed for the dressing room where I proceeded to disrobe. As luck would have it, their dressing rooms are very upscale! Mirrors on every wall. Well, I pulled the first dress over my head and accidentally looked behind me - Holy cow! Talk about your buns heading south without a passport... I was so upset I just got dressed and ran out! I had NO IDEA I looked like that!

Funny thing is, I'd kill to look like that now!!!

I haven't been here in a while and I missed so many laughs. But I have to get all the new babies to bed before the heat drives me out of the garden. Oh, and of course there is that pesky thing called a job that helps me feed my addiction :o) So much to catch up on, so forgive the long windedness.

I didn't know that I had sock sisters out there. Once I was conducting a training class for some of our more conservative execs, and it didn't occur to me that when I walked the hem of my slacks would kick up displaying my socks sticking out of the tops of my ankle high boots. They were fluorescent orange with cartoon style snails! At the end of class one of them commented on my whimsical footwear. Still not sure if it was a compliment. Any Birkenstock people out there? I have an embarassing number of these, and I love the gardening shoes.

As for the body parts, nothing is where I remember it all being (or the size either). Going braless is definately not an option, but on Mothers Day . . . . Let me start at the beginning:

My mother, sister and I were going to garden and then have forbidden take out food for mothers day. I needed my sports bra to work outside, but it was in the dryer. So, while waiting, I threw on my T-shirt and Jeans (without hole, but with hot pink underwear). Tucked the pants legs in my socks and put on my gardening boots (red with black polka dots and lady bug faces molded on the toes). Hair in pony tail and no make up. Quite a sight. The doorbell rang and it was just the time my sister was to show up. So, I go bounding (or shall I say bouncing) down the stairs and threw open the door and my arms yelling, "Duckie" (my sisters nickname); however, on the otherside of the door was a stricken looking state trooper. He stared right at my chest and then turned three shades of red. I guess to have somewhere else to look he looked down and seeing those silly boots looked back up and just stared at me. I had to ask him what he wanted. He eventually regained his composure, the poor thing. I don't think he could have been more than 23 years old if a day. Turns out one of our new city transplant neighbors reported hearing a lot of gun shots in the area that morning. Didn't even phase us because it is turkey season and the guy across the river does a lot of air rifle practice. Really could've used MollyMc's hubcaps.

Godbless everyone. I am sending up prayers for those in need.

How do you all expect me to get over my "messed up back" if you keep making me laugh out loud, like that!!!! It's the rolling in the floor that did it in!!!

Judy you are right on, no electric slicing knives in my kitchen. : ) I think I owned one about 30 years ago, though.

This knife was a special one I bought to slice the biscotti I sell, cuts through the almonds like butter. Works on legs, too.

If I could just take some of the weight I have around my belly and move it backwards, maybe I wouldn't have jeans that look like someone vacated the backside. None of the women in my family have a fanny.

I am perfectly proportioned - fat all over!

Y'know, we disparage getting plump, but when I was a child the person I loved best was my grandma. Her size didn't matter a hoot to me (or even enter my conscious mind), but I remember the wonderful softness when she held me.

As compared to my bony Grandmother Scarbrough!!!!

Hubcaps????? What's that, I have an extra set of Pony lug covers for the Mustang.

We don't even talk about the van. Not even sure if the wheels have caps.

Yall are so funny, I am about to P myself over yall's "Quips".

I can always use a good giggle or more and am so glad I finally looked into this thread.

:^))))

i'm giggling like a fool over here, wasnt sure if it was because y'all are waaaayyyy out there, or if i was seeing this through the drugs, lol.

Y'all just had to "go there" with the body parts, eh? lol. Back in july of 93, i weighed 253 lbs....44DD, bustin out of a 24 jeans, 53 in. hips, add that to a 5'10 frame and man alive was i a biggun.
In july of 94 i lost my 100th lb. Went from the above to 153, size 10, 34c, looking good, lookin good, lol.
Now, i'm very comfortable at about 165ish, in a 12, although 10's are still okay, but get this, i sported a 34c consistantly until i had my hysterectomy in dec of 03...in the 1 1/2 years since, i've gone from a 34c to a 34DD....now what gives with that? caught a size ways view of myself the other day and i was mortified, lol. Not sure where they come from, but no other part of my body has been affected, its all gone "there". wierd, eh?

Molly,

Many apologies -- I have maligned you. I am afraid that they were Zingy's hubcaps I was referencing. Puts to mind the image of a sort of "modern" valkyrie. Perhaps your lug covers would work equally well? Just have to watch out for where the holes are :- )

Radiation therapy did that, you think? Well if it did, women will be lining up!!! lol lol

that would explain the left one, but not the right one, lol

maybe just got the hormones to working over-time!!!

Later.....

Irishbelle,

You remain in good stead. I am very easily confused, so bear with me. LOL

:^))))

You girls have me giggling all evening as I catch up.

Was glad to see you post, Twyla. Hope it's all better soon.
Sequee, chances are it's not broken. If you can walk on it at all. Badly sprained no doubt.

As to the rest, plastic surgeons have been stealing the good parts and installing them on movie stars and jet setters. LOL

Laughin' & Laughin' so hard DH came in to ask "Wazzup?" I said it's my co-crazies on DG.

Y'all are too much!!

Went to Walmart for a few things. HAD to stop by the garden center. Rescued a baby sago palm from the markdown rack [$2.50 - I think] -- and @ $.49 each -- two pentas, two caladium. Poor babies were so neglected -- now Mamma Maria can nurse them back to health. There was a redbud tree there that looked forlorn. Have to see if they grow here and go back tomorrow and "start adoption prodeedings".

Have a great Tuesday all!!
Marie

'adoption proceedings' - indeed.! ROFL

Just keep it up, you whackos, and I'll have to have DH install a windshield wiper on my monitor to keep the coffee sputters in check. Not telling him about the pony lug covers though, there's three vintage Mustangs here and I'm sure he'd need a dozen of them.....we have enough Mustang parts to build another car. He has no other vices though so it could be worse!

This thread is such a hoot, I end up laughing everytime I sign on. Like I said, keep it up! LOL

Zingy....my husband heard me too and he is at the other end of the house. This is so much better than anything on the TV. I don't know when I have laughed so hard.. After this I went to bed and was bored out of my mind..........so then to sleep..

Hap

PS...have a great day kids....off and about again to day.......

Where can I buy some of those hot pink undies? How big do they come in colors like that?

I haven't seen them. Anyone know a tent maker. Bet I could have some made.

McMolly said:
"By 35, that extra 5 pounds I put on was determined to stay and invite all their friends to join them in the thighs, hips and behind."

"By 50, all those friends of the first extra 5 pounds, invited a few more friends and they pay no mind to me at all. They've decided they want to stay indefinately. In some ladies minds, the larger bra size that came with this might be considered a good thing. NOT ME!!!! All it does for me is"
That extra 5 pounds I put on has determined to stay and invite all their friends I swear this is some kind of mulilevel marketing scheme. The more their friends come the more multilevel I increase.
My weight is all in my Jeans or lime green pants. I need to work in the yard. I have got to find those pants.

Have a good day everyone!


Sandy

Anyone seen Omar?