Tall *Tree) Tales and Chain Saw Adventures

Thanks moon if tomorrow doesn't get it going gonna have a smash it up party, want to come? Just bring a sledge hammer.

I hope you get it fixed, Flowers, it's nice not to have a car payment.

Looks like the DNA steering the 'planning' aspect of home improvement projects is strong in our men.

Do any of you have experience with "hold the ladder for me" stuff?
My husband will climb 50 feet up a ladder and ask me to 'hold the ladder' or 'put your foot against the ladder' to try to steady it..to keep it from slipping...or to RESCUE it if it does slip.... Now, does he really think that I can stop a ladder that is falling over with a 170 pound man clinging and squalling at praying at the top by using my foot or my whole body for that matter? Did he not get any PHYSICS in high school?? Surely there is a formula that will tell him that once it starts to SLIDE -- there ain't no woman in the world that's gonna stop it.

I saw him climb a ladder up two stories during HURRICANE FRAN to clear the gutters so that they would not "overflow and STREAK" the windows that he recently washed. At what point would it dawn on him that 1. hurricanes are known to blow the wind and rain sideways thus streaking and smudging clean windows REGARDLESS of how well your gutters are functioning...... 2. Hurricanes don't give a if you have clean windows ---you just have to hope that the storm leaves your walls up.....3. You can't climb a ladder in 90 mile/hour wind and expect to NOT make like balloon boy! 4. A woman can only suffer fools for just so long......... (which is why I LET him climb ladders and tie ropes to trees to 'direct the path of descent'

I am not as mean as I sound...it is just that when I am at the bottom of the ladder.....preventing the fatal and dreaded 'slide' ----He has this hook taped to the end of a stick in his hand and he is scraping it inside the gutters and showering me (the gal saving him from a certain death slide) with leaves and spiders and lord knows what else as he cleans out those gutters...so that they don't overflow...and smudge his windows.....

Lol Rosie.....that is exactly why we have such a lovely life insurance policy....even checked it for a "dumb move " clause....

HAHAHA I ask my husband all the time if he took physics in high school...very fresh!

missingrosie you have a gifted way of explaining things and a most dignified way of handleing husbands. I think we all have taken a backseat to stupidity in order to leave hubbys integrity intact Your a good wife! Bet you have been married a long time. Lets just hope they don't log on to Daves and find out we were just playing dumb lol

38 plus years of thinking " Oh man, look what he is up to now......."
Thanks for the compliments Flowers - I think we are all pretty special - we were put on earth to help these poor misdirected souls.

yep would have been 39 this year for us and still don't regret sticking it out through thick and thin and believe me we had a lot of thin lol. Good memories are forever! Now we know what the person meant when he or she said " can't live with em and can't live without em." Keep doing what your doing rosie its working.

Thanks Flowers....I know its working ....... but I hear all that booze isn't good for the liver---
and the magic pills..... well, the pills are expensive and are so bitter....

but the nightly prayer --well that is free and good for the soul!

and if 'he' acts up and really aggravates me .........I will fall on his body one night with a pillow in my hands ---dead weight with all that booze and pills in me!!!! (snort!)

You aint right Rosie rofl!! And if that doesn't do the trick and he wakes up with a head ache just tell him he was dreaming and said something about eating a marshmellow.lol

HA! I will have to remember that!!!

OMG, I am rolling in laughter here!!
Hi Rosie, im Judy, you are hysterical at telling your stories.
All of you are too funny!

Well, I love the where are the tools stories too.
My "D" H, has tools everyplace, can never find where they are and his favorites saying in the whole world is "I never loose anything"
Duhhh, thats because I put the stuff away, like where they belong. LOL then if he can't find something which is always right on top of his piles of stuff, he just buys another. Oh and while i am at it I'll just say When i need a hammer or screwdriver, can't find a single one! They are in his work van, all 15 of them!

Geesh, Maybe I should "loose" my sewing machine, just so I can get a fancy one, because I 'Need" it! lolol.

LOLOL, Oh, and My other favorite is when he Is looking for something right on top and I find it he Say's in exasperation Where did you find d it. I tell him even show him right on top of his stuff...He always says I looked there!

Thanks for the Morning giggles, glad i happen to notice your thread.
Waiving Hi to Moon, Trina, Flowers...and Lynnie, Good to see ya's!

Oh yeah, i am still laughing at the hurricane story!
LOL, DH got a Harley this year, keeps it parked on the side of the house.
Well, when we were having rainy season a month ago, Finally stopped raining for a short time. Now you could tell it was going to rain
again but DH had to go out and dry his new beautiful baby off. Then says "It Better Not rain, I just dried my bike!" LOL, like nature is going to listen to him, not two minutes later, it rained buckets!! Could hardly contain my laughter. I said why don't you put it in the shed, nope he's gonna ride it when it stops raining...lol OKayyy then.


Well have a good day all, hope whatever projects DH's are up to go Mishap free.. hehehe.

Hi Seed...how are ya? Yeah, my DH believes the uterus is a homing device too. Amazing how selective their vision can be....lol My DH always compares his tools at work to tools at home....he can find "everything" at work, cuz when he puts a tool away it stays where he puts it.....gets really upset when I tell him the same thing applies at home....where ever he puts a tool, that is where it stays...unfortunately that could be a counter, top of the dryer, kitchen table.....ya get the picture....grin

You all are so funny.

I have the same thing with the tools.. and he will repurchase the same stuff over and over and over...... how much Gorilla Glue glue does a fella need?? .... or rustoleum spray paint -- what is he DOING with that stuff??? I'm waiting for the FBI to show up.....THEN I'll know what he has been up to.... But what really gets me going is that he will say (to the 'air' to 'nobody in particular' (but I am the ONLY one there) "Gee I left my ______right here..... I wonder where it is........ I put it right here......... (he is convinced I throw everything away (I do) and he SAVES everything.... you want to hear something that I still find incredible? When we married ---we lived in Brooklyn ...this was 39 years ago........ back then no credit cards --cash for everything... well recently I told him he HAD to clean out his desk...and a few cabinets.. all were jammed with papers and stuff. I could not get in there to do the taxes..... One Saturday ---he did it ---- About a month later...I found all these boxes in the attic.... stuffed with receipts..... He saved (HE SAVED!!!) ALL THE SUPERMARKET RECEIPTS from then til now!! He had all the electric bills... he had every single warranty book/instruction book for every single appliance we ever had... I bet he saved the instruction book from our first TV that still had a 'picture tube' ----- When I asked him WHY in heaven's name was he keeping this stuff..... His reply 'you never know when you will need it.' He has piles of stashes of papers everywhere and every Friday I go 'a tossin.' So, he just walks around afraid to actually confront me..... so I get the "Gee..... I had that Craftman Club book right here....where can it be...... I was sure it was here...... " Now why do you need a Craftman Club advertisment from 2002???

LOL, you forgot the the foyer, even the bathroom has old junk in it, he saving yet another part. LOL, never know when you might need to replace a broken part with a broken part...roflol.
And too funny, our kitchen table serves as the "office" Where he sits and eats has about 1/3 of scace for his dishes! the rest is the never ending "paper work." lol, which is also in the real office, and the living room where he keeps his piles, I mean files...snicker,snicker.

Oh Yea...got to love his mess!

I'm doing pretty well thanks, lifes busier then all the dickens, but things are beginning to slow down again, I hope.
how are you? You guys have moved at record speed, lol...

Oh hahahhaa, I hear ya!

LOL, I am in the middle of clearing stuff out. I am concidering calling the Salvation army, the paper shredders and house cleaning. Going to put a sign up that says if i find it, it's mine or it gone!

Do you ever catch him 'lifting/hefting' the garbage bags. When he thinks I am not looking --he will come home on a Friday (my day off from work) and he will 'try' to inspect the trash bags. I am one step ahead... I tie them up good and if I catch him opening.... there is hell to pay. Sometimes he will get brave and say ' Gee this bag feels sort of heavy.......' he looks so miserable...I almost feel sorry for him.

LOL 'replace a broken part with a broken part' I hadn't thought of that but you are right!

It will be 39 years for us in February. DH is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met....an IQ above 150....that being said, I am still amazed that in nearly 39 years he still hasn't learned that tools don't have legs.....they do not walk away. There is a file cabinet in the work room much like your DH's desk....service manual for a 13 inch B&W TV that we got as a wedding present....right next to the instruction manual for a Radio Shack AM/FM clock radio I gave him for his 23rd birthday....I think we have purchased a half dozen since then....lol Of course, he wasn't too happy over the couple hundred dollars worth of expired rebate coupons that spilled out.....I realize he is a busy man, what with his job and his position as president of the Procrastinator's Club....a position he achieved by default....no one got around to voting.....ever, but.....do we really need the Chilton repair manual for a 1969 VW Beetle?....Hubbys....can't live with them....law protects them...grin

So, When is the last time you tripped over an 8 track player for a car? I think it came out of the VW ......LOL

LOLOL...checking the garbage bags? too funny, My dh only checks the kids Garbage bags after they clean their rooms.
Amazing what kids throw away. He checks them then has a field day to discover anything of his, like a sock he's been searching for for oh a couple of years....He loves when i do the thourough cleanings, which i have learned in the last 24 years only once in a great while.
The minute i throw something away he's searching high and low, for it.

LOL, so does the 8track player still work? LOL again.

Here is a favorite of mine...DH does alot of rehabbing for people. Now, most people bring home stray animals my guy bring me a bag full of their junk, because he thinks i might be able to use stuff!! Thoughtful isn't he? LOL, the last place he did, he brought me a bag of kitchen towels and oven mits, ahem. and this set of Sheers with dangle balls on them, oh just lovely....NOT.
But i do have to admit sometimes he does bring home really nice stuff too. Like hanging lamp, This gorgeous chandelier(gave it away) have no high ceilings...And a perfect Garden Umbrella!

Oh my Gawd!! President of the procrastinaters club, ROFLOL so glad i was not drinking anything.

LOL, and you know he is going to read that craftsman advertisement as soon as he gets a chance!

Gotta shake my head, my honey does work very hard long hours soo in his defense sigh, i wait as along as possible before I ask him if i should hire him. LOL, just love the look he gives me...LOL, we have a basement full of stuff that he's gonna fix, when he has time, I just say ok I'll add it to your list!

Well my DH had his own shop and hired a bookeeper, the problem was she only did the books about twice a year and come tax time guess who had to straighten out that pile of receipts and such. He knew where all his tools were at work but when working at home I was constantly picking them up and placing them where they were supposed to go. I think he knew I would do it and let me lol. Oh and I loved it when he wanted to wear the same outfit all the time even when we went out or I wanted pictures made. But they are comfortable he would say! Honey you have a closet with clothes, nice clothes nope couldn't convince him to wear em. Gotta love em girls even if we can't figure them out lol

true but some things you can't help but cock your head to the side and look at 'em and go "How have you not killed yourself yet?" Just make sure your life insurance is up to date and keep his important medical info memorized for the next trip to the ER!

Mrosie! You are married to my husband! Confess! Does he bring home not one but 3 or 5 of the same brochure from the hardware store? Why do you need 5??

LOL OMG I forgot they do that! My current 'Hubby' brings home 3 of those shoppers everytime he gets one!! why?

For the same reason he drinks orange crush all the time Trina lol Go figure

LOL...I sure missed ya flowers, glad your back!

Ladies, ladies ladies,
they are MEN, quite frankly they just cannot help it.
They are wired that way, and NO one can change it.
I know, believe me I have tried.

My father just last week had some paint left in the bottom of a can. Doesn't know what to do with it, so he pours it on the shed steps. ON THE STEPS! now mind you, my mother, bless her keen sense of cleanliness, has been scrubbing the porches and windows and such and when she discovers this glob of 'leftover' paint dumped on the shed steps, she thinks maybe it was accidentally spilled. So after confronting hubby he admits, he poured it out on purpose, cause he thought that would be a grand spot to get rid of it. What a dummy. So now mother has to scrape all that up and clean that too. Of course dried hard as a rock.

I said not to worry mother dear, father is a typical male specimen. I spray painted something last week out on the lawn,(if you could even CALL it a lawn, more like huge patch of weeds, lol) and my silly husband was upset because I got some overspray on the................. GRASS!

You simply can't win for losing with a man around.
But then what would you do without them? I couldn't fix plumbing or squash really large spiders, you know?
So I just have to smile real pretty and pretend like he is normal, while trying to keep what is left of my sanity. I try to convince myself he is mentally uncapable of changing, and the poor hopeless man really has no clue and cannot help it.
And anyway it IS the truth!

I DO need him to squash big spiders, FrillyLily, you're quite right! I'll just keep quietly throwing everything out...he wonders why we have so much trash.

Lynnie your one smart cookie lol.

Seed sounds like you need to keep the Salvation Army pickup hotline number on your fridge LOL Oh and don't you love it when you are totally zapped from work kids family and need a day of rest and he decides to start a new project and desperately needs your help? Like "where did all your friends go? Let them hold the dang ladder or fetch your tools lol. But must admit did love the outcome he could make it happen.

Are you guys all talking about my DH behind my back??

He is like a terrier, likes to dig new gardening beds: "here ya go". Well, gee, thanks! Now I have to fix it all up and them try to put something in it.

Pack rat??? I should take a picture of "his" area of the basement. "Never know when you might need that schlabotnick". (If he hasn't needed it in 10 years, what makes them think they'll need it in the future??)

I must say I don't have the paperwork issue. That's my area. I have a huge accordion file for warranties, booklets, etc. Every now & then I go through it and throw out what we don't have anymore. Do I find these things pulled from the garbage? Of course! (I abscond with them at a later date) I must say I've gotten 2 hair straighteners and 1 blow dryer replaced @ no charge when DD blew them out before the 1 year warranty is up.

But... has anyone found, in all this clutter, that there IS one or two occasions where yes, we have used that schlabotnick, or needed that darned piece of paper he had shoved between those books? I have, and the s**t - eating grin on his face says (in his mind) that it was all worth it...

What drives me nuts is when I ask him to do something and get an Okay....for days...and then decide I should just do it myself, so get started on the project and he comes in and starts telling me how to do it....used to result in a big fight until I got smart enough to say, Can you show me? and then gradually slip away and let him do it...grin. The next step is to stay on him to finish....just tell him, I was happily doing this and you took over....you finish it. and then cross my fingers....lol

OMG....(grin) I think we have all married the same man....I didn't think cloning had gotten that advanced.....lol

Unfinished projects? Let's see... we have trim wood in the basement (unpainted) for around the back door we replaced 3 years ago (only primed - not painted).

When we bought this house, we had a month and 1/2 to fix it up before we moved in. Mostly cosmetic work. He had a project going in every room. 2 days before moving day his older brother (yes ~ one of THOSE older brothers) said "we could sand & refinish the dining room, living room and sunroom floors". DH was so exhausted he almost went for it. I stepped in and said to BIL "go home. now".

It would seem that DH truly believes he's a "pro from Dover" and I am his clean-up crew responsible for all cleaning and fine tuning...."Hey, I did the hard stuff"......must be a glutton for punishment, cuz he is still upright and taking nourishment....LOL

Lol Smiley, it is easy to get overwhelmed. As we all have figured out,there is always something to fix or change. I started a simple paint project last winter well it evolved into wall murell,cedar beam and replacement windows. I still lack three rooms to paint and figure by the time I get them done it will be time to start over. Not complaining just get tired lol

yea and you had to supply the nourishment too Moon, whats up with that?? lol

Projects are like the Medusa head...for every one you finish, two more crop up....just wish his interest wasn't so "academic"....No Honey, books will not level the table....grin

LOL. He often says as he is getting ready for work or bed "You love me....keep telling yourself that"

I have trim in the basement for the new window that was put in FIVE years ago! I know I'll ask him where the miter saw is.....
I have marble flooring for my bathroom sitting in the basement, along with a new console sink.....2 years? 3?
I have a sagging ceiling in the kitchen (wrong support beam when they built the house) 10 years....last time I reminded him 'oh I forgot about that.' I can literally stick my arm under the hall wall into the bedroom hahaha maybe I should grab his foot.