Stop and visit, talk all you want. Pt 22

Crissy, I'll give you the advice I give my other friends in the midwest..."Keep your head down!!!"

LOL Duck!! Duck!!! LOL I just hide under the covers with my kitty!

Thank you Celia, you're a sweetheart too (just like Crissy said!!) ♥

I arrived at the hospital about 2:40pm and there wasn't anyone in the room. Phyllis was wide awake and not liking the tube down her throat AT ALL! She really wanted me to yank that puppy out. Of course I didn't! I sure wanted to though, anything to make her happy. About 3pm, my 3 "sisters" came in and it was hugs all around and a lot of talking, me catching up on their lives since I last saw them. I left about 6pm and walked home. At one point, a therapist of some sort, had to do with the respirator, asked who we all were. It came out of all their mouths we were all sisters, me being the good one! The lady looked to Phyllis and Phyllis just nodded in agreement, with that ever present twinkle in her eyes, then her belly started jiggling as she laughed! Poor woman!! It was really funny, and had all us girls in tears and about rolling on the floor in laughter.

Tomorrow, the tube is to removed. They've been weaning her off of the machine for a few days now. I don't know that she'll ever be able to go home, but even in the nursing home here in town is fine with me. It's only a few blocks from the hospital and still with-in easy walking distance for me. Course a month from tomorrow, the doctor will release me so that I can drive again! YIPPEE!!

I know that sometimes things happen that we don't want, but they turn out to be a blessing. I rest in the knowledge that Phyllis never gets to see everybody together at once. Yet with this, she is. Everybody is here. All her kids, her grandkids, her brothers and sisters, they're all here and visiting with her. It's been many years since everybody has been together like this. Not a family reunion, not a wedding or a funeral. Everyone here, rallying for Phyllis. She hates anyone to "fuss" over her, yet I know she's loving this. No matter what happens, the knowledge that Phyllis gets to see everybody all at the same time and she's not looking down from Heaven and thinking "now they get together!" ☺This all sounds strange, even to my ears, so I hope you guys understand what it is I'm saying.

It was a good day and I'm happy. I look forward to hearing that beautiful voice of Phyllis', saying my name again tomorrow.

With that my friends, I will wish you all a good night! I'll report back, probably tomorrow evening, and let you know how the tube removal went. Hopefully, without a hitch! Phyllis' sister is here, the one from Maryland (or DC whichever she decides to say on any given day!), and I'm sure that Phyllis is going to need the tube removed so she can tell her to just hush already! LOL

LOL I'm so glad to hear that she is having that stupid tube removed. Those things are horrible! All of the family being there is really cool! I hope you have a good day today, Terry, and let us all know what happened with the day's events.

Hi Everyone,

Terry, so glad to hear you are on the mend.

Well, I am sorry to hear about your dear friend Phyllis. Sounds like she is getting much love from all who love her and thats most important.

I definatley understand about the gathering all in one place. It is thrilling and probably so helpful to Phyllis...

...When my mom passed, all of her family was there. Meaning her children and grand children. We are a family that has been split from childhood and not always present at the same time. (we all are pretty spread apart). Anyway, we never thought to take a photo of all of us together! So what i am trying to say is maybe someone can take a photo for Phyllis with everyone together.

HI...Celia, How are you doing today?

Well...I know I post very irregular, (lol) been busy and yet so behind it's rediculas.
But i do what i can when i can and well what can I say i call it Judetime. But i do enjoy coming and reading about your days.

Keeping you all in daily prayers for good health, in mind and spirit and just have a happy gardening times.

...Back to work see you later!
Judy

Crissy, for some reason, I just KNEW you had at least one cat! LOL More pics of your gardens?

Terry, I know exactly what your talking about. Family get togethers shouldn't be planned; they should happen just for fun. My bros and I do it for fun. Sounds like Phyllis has the PERFECT support system!

I'm doing okay, for now. I never know when the waterworks are going to turn on, though. LOL My DH told me last night that he thought I was remarably strong through all of this. I told him he was wrong. Inside, I was 3 years old again.

Judy, thanks. You're a sweetie, too!!!

LOL that's all the garden I have LOL nothing looks any bigger really. I'll take new pics this evening and see if there is any difference in those. We just moved in last September so haven't spent any time preparing. We just threw some stuff in the ground to see if it would grow and how nice it would look. It stormed for about 5 hours yesterday evening and by the time it stopped it was 10pm, and since I was up all night with heartburn I was running late and didn't look at anything to see what kind of shape everything is in, my hubby will probably go out and look today after he wakes up. I won't get home until 6:30pm or so.

Ugh!!! Heartburn!!! Ugh, I say again!!! You and I are a lot alike, Crissy. I stay up at night because of acid reflux. I'm taking meds for it but sometimes it's too much. I eat good things but...

Have you thought about evergreens in your yards? I'm just now getting them and I should have done those first but I wasn't sure what to plant, so I waited. It looks nice but it needs more in the winter.

Good evening all. I'm not sure quite how to explain Phyllis' family. They all have families of their own and it's when something bad happens or if somebody needs something (money), that Phyllis is remembered. Her siblings are different, but most so far away. All in their 80's. Her brother is here in IL, in a 'burb of Chicago, Jean (sister) is the one in DC or Maryland depending on her mood, and another sister is in FL. The siblings kids are all scattered thru out the states. All of her sibling have gone home, but Jean. Phyllis has 6 children, 2 in IL, 1 in Indiana, 1 in PA, 1 in MO, 1 in OR. 13 grandchildren. At 1 point, 1 lived right there in town, the same town she lived in and we lived next door. Yet it was me who called for ambulances, me who took her to the doctor, me who did her banking, me who did her shopping and picked up prescriptions for her, John who fixed her faucet, me who painted and cleaned her home when she was coming home a couple times from a long year stay at a hospital, me who stained the wood on new windows she had put in, me who painted the outside trim of those new windows, John and I pruned trees, we planted flowers when she wanted flowers, etc. etc. I did what I could, whenever I could. It wasn't a bother, she was never a bother. NEVER. And so that's why I was referred to as her daughter, then it became her "good" daughter. John was her son who fixed things for her and Krista was her grandchild. Who she loved to watch movies with and she loved to read to Krista. I love her kids, I do, it's just that they take advantage of her and they know I don't like that. They don't visit as often as they should and they don't take care of business like they should. They always know when Terry isn't happy with them☺ All of that is the reason I'm so happy that they're all here, at the same time. 1 left yesterday, 1 left today, another leaves tomorrow. I know Loretta made reservations to fly out I believe on Thurs. How long any one else is staying or when they plan to return, is anyones guess. I'm HERE though. I don't ask for kudos for all I've done for her over the years, I only ask for the respect to let me know when something happens. And so it goes that I'm a little angry at them for not letting me know she was in the ICU at the hospital. I guess shame on me for letting too much time pass without calling her. I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone but to me. John understands, but he's seen it all too.

This is what I learned today by eavesdropping, because not much information is given to me even when I ask. Her kidneys are working, but not well enough to sustain her as is. Her heart is only functioning at something like 20%, a valve isn't working and I didn't understand it all. All I know is that none of this is good and my heart hurts. If she needs to "go", then I will bid her goodbye, but it hurts just the same. I guess the best thing today was getting there and being able to speak to her without the tube down her throat. I didn't know that at some time last night she had pulled it out, they're not giving me that info until it actually slipped out today in front of me. I don't know why they don't tell me, I only know they don't. And yes, it hurts. But anyway, today she told me loved me and I heard her say my name over and over again. It was just the 2 of us, and she told me it was nice that I was there, just sitting while she slept. That it was comforting to her. It was painful to watch her take breaths and tears flowed down my cheek, but I wasn't leaving her side. She needs me she says, she doesn't understand how much I need HER. She has enriched my life in ways that are simply indescribable.

Today the comment about me being the "good" daughter was said again, but that time it felt as if it was bad thing. What happened is this..the 1 daughter was leaving again, came back when tube was pulled out by Phyllis. She had given everyone in the room a hug, except me. She was right beside me, yet I didn't get a hug, so I told her not so fast. I was laughing, but then she said sarcastically, "oh yea, I should give my good sister a hug before I leave". I just said yes you should, as I gave her a hug. ;( Phyllis doesn't leave me out of anything, yet at every turn, they're leaving me out. Again, like I'm bad because I did everything I could to help their mother when they couldn't or they wouldn't. So???

I don't know. Now I'm crying yet again and probably babbling and not making sense to anyone. So I'll just take my misery and go to bed. No, they can't get rid of me, no matter how much they try. I won't let them. Phyllis wouldn't want them to, so I won't because I can't.

Terry, you had ME crying, too! I'm so sorry that happened to you. She should have known better.

My heart is hurting for you. Don't forget we're here for you, like you are always here for us. Everything you said made perfect sense. At least, it did for me.

I go back to work again today. Ugh...I'd rather be getting plants in the ground I didn't get to yesterday. And playing with the new camera.

Misery loves company! I told John this morning. It took me forever to fall asleep last night. I was so upset. When I told John, I started crying again and you know what he said? I'd forgotten that he thought this a long time ago. They don't like that I do what I do for their mom. They don't and they won't, but they don't want me to do it either. When he said that, things started clicking in my head. They didn't call me because...??? It was claimed nobody knew my phone number. Phone book is too easy? I don't know, but when they did call? Where did they find my number? In Phyllis' address book, that she had taken with her. Where was I listed? Back in the R's? No. I was the first thing they saw when flipped the book opened. Ahh...that's why (daughter) Jean seemed ticked when she told me. Because that tells them once again that their mom relies on ME and not on them. And now I understand why they called when they did. Not to really let me know. No, that just went with what they needed. You see Loretta has lived in Oregon for years and hasn't driven in years and Aunt Jean is here and she hasn't driven in years, so they needed somebody to drive them to and from the hospital! Big ole duh on me for taking so long to figure that one out (biggest laugh on them because I'm under doctor orders not to drive!!!).☺ I said it again to Phyllis in the company of Loretta today. That when it comes to Phyllis, I'm a LION. I do whatever it takes to protect her. Loretta nodded, and Phyllis said, "I know you do Terry! That's why I need you so much". So as I said last night, they can't drive me away. Yes, they can sure hurt me, but I will not go away!! What I think they might possibly realize at some point, is that Phyllis kept NO secrets from me. I know them all. The good, the bad and the ugly. What they also don't realize, is that Phyllis would run things by me, because she said she was too soft. I gave her my honest opinion and let her make her own decision. Oh yes, me the Lion. You know why? For a variety of reasons, but a lot has to do with their taking advantage of her. They come for a week-end, right? They make a mess out of the house, dirty up sheets and towels and the whole darn house. Do they clean it up? Do they wash the sheets and the towels? Run the vacuum or wash dishes? Nope. Because Jo the cleaning lady is coming. I've talked many many times to Jo. It drives her batty when they come and they leave her their messes to clean up. And they're doing it again!! Can you believe it?? A grand-daughter was telling that she didn't remove the sheets, she left the bed unmade, like in a hotel. And then Loretta says that's good, because Jo is coming and she's going to clean. I then inserted myself. You bet I did!! Jo is thru the homemaker thing where they come into your house and clean and run errands and things like that. Phyllis doesn't live AT HOME anymore, so the homemaker thing won't send her out!! Are you kidding me?? IF Jo comes on her own, Phyllis has to pay for their messes?? Why??? They aren't spending every waking moment at the hospital for pete's sake. You have 7 ladies that were there at the same time and they can't clean the house? Jo would be ticked because they're only supposed to do "light cleaning" thru this homemaker service, not deep cleaning. Yet she had to do deep cleaning. She wasn't about to leave all that mess for Phyllis. An elderly woman in a wheelchair. For pete's sake. For crying out loud and everything else there is to say. I really want to smack them all upside the head. Did I mention that everything they cook is made from scratch?? Yep. And they don't clean up the counters, the dishes, the floor. Nothing. Think the vacuum might be out of bags or something like that? Guess again I would say because who recently ordered 2 big packages of them on the internet?? ME, that's who!! My gosh, are they dumb or what? I'm ticked, yes I am. But you know what?? It's so much easier to just laugh hysterically at how dumb they are. How do they sleep or look at themselves in the mirror? I don't know how they do. You know why I laugh? Because in my own weird way, I can hear Stacy, their dad. My gosh, he'd be hootin and a hollerin! And that makes me laugh thinking of what all he'd be saying!! Man I miss that man!!! LOL

Phyllis is doing so so. Her water intake has been cut down to almost nil. Her kidney's aren't working properly, so she's retaining too much fluid. They had a nitro patch on her, but her blood pressure was too low. So they took that off. She was moved out of the ICU and into a regular private room (that Medicare won't pay for. dumb dumb dumb kids). She doesn't remember from one minute to the next and at one point she took a very brief nap. When she woke up, she didn't recognize either Loretta or myself. Just that we were "good people". I thought Loretta was leaving tomorrow, but it's day after tomorrow. And there's nobody to drive them anywhere. I haven't a clue how Loretta is getting up to O'Hare (airport in Chicago) on Sat. or how Aunt Jean and her grandson are getting here to hop a train back to wherever it is they came from. Which means I don't have a clue if they flew into Chicago and took the train down or took the train the whole way from DC. And I don't care. Not my problem and I'm laughing again! I'm awful ☺ By next week, they'll all be gone. Phyllis will be out of sight and therefore out of mind to them. Have I said they were dumb yet?☺☺☺

I know you all are here. Today, you might not realize it, but you were here, with me. I took you all with me to the hospital today. You were all perched on my left shoulder and Stacy was on my right shoulder. Stacy kept whispering in my ear to go get 'em and you all were egging him on!! Shame on you!! ROFLOL!!

John and I dug up a lot of plants today at my parents and moved the HUGE peony into one area. Poor thing had to be divided and chopped down. Hopefully it survives. It's so the wrong time to be moving it. Tomorrow, we dig up my grandma's "Naked Ladies" and plant them in another area. Then my dad can finish with his Round-Up spraying so I can plant all those flats of native forbs and grasses I've got! Oh, I also am giving my mom 2 of my Ceanothus americanus (New Jersey Tea's) after we dig up the 2 Autumn Joy sedum. I swear the PROfessionals they had landscape their place only knew a handful of perennials. And those sedums plus the dayliles are ALL OVER!! And really really soon, we need to pull up the weeds that are taking over in our beds!! My gosh, I about fell over when I walked by the front coming home from the hospital early this evening. And the maples that are popping up! The neighbors have 2 trees with the whirly gig things and they all blew over here and have sprouted! Ugh. And then how about getting the 3 shrubs and 1 tree and 3 forbs that are patiently waiting to be planted?? It might be August before we get things done here!!! uh-oh...dat's no so gooood as my great grandma would say in her broken English...lol! I need to pull weeds, plant things and then take pictures to post. New computer and I don't have my photos on here. bummer.

O.k. My Cubbies are slaughtering the Brave's, so I need to give them my full attention!

Go Cubbies!!! ROTFLOL I'm a closet Cubby fan...shhhhhh...don't tell.

I'm glad we were there with you, Terry. I can just see it now! GET 'EM!!! Those people should be ASHAMED of themselves. And you can tell I said so.

I had a so-so day at work today. Not much to say. It was work. ☺

Good morning, everyone. We had some thunder last night. It was soothing to me and I fell asleep easily. Working this afternoon.

Keeping you in my thoughts, Terry.

Yea, heartburn sucks. It's been awhile since I've had it, but I do need to get that acid reflux medicine, that would help A LOT! LOL! Actually, I think mine was a prelude to either salmonella or a stomach virus, it acts like both. I went home sick Tuesday, had yesterday off so I was home when my storm shelter was put in (which I'm questioning if it was put in right) and stayed in bed most of the time, except when I ran outside to take a picture then back to bed, got the runs yesterday so I took Pepto to get rid of them, then I read online that if it is salmonella to let it happen because that's what gets rid of the bacteria LOL a little late. Now I have the runs again but I don't feel as bad. Maybe this crap will go away before I make a dr. appt in a few minutes LOL Now I'm weak from not eating so I ate some eggs, they ran right through me!
That's why no new pictures of anything. I want to post pics of my storm shelter too, to get some opinions about it and what I should plant on it. It's about a 4 ft mound.

Terry, I am so sorry you're having such problems with her family! They should be thanking you for simply being there. What a bunch of jealous, ungrateful a**ho&^% It's hilarious they were "expecting" you to drive them everywhere but you can't drive! That's funny.

This message was edited Jun 13, 2008 12:46 PM

I'm back!! I fried my old keyboard, got a wireless board and mouse, those won't work right and my cuz doesn't come to town til next weekend. I finally gave in and got a standard today to hold me over.

Lots of storms around here since I have been gone and tornadoes in KS heading this way tonight too.

Glad to have you back!

Oh pepper, I know I'm not the only one saying this, but I am soooooooooooo afraid of them. I got a storm shelter, everyone is laughing but I am not going to spend another night in the laundry room that I know isn't safe, but it's the safest room I've got.

Did you plug in the remote thingy and connect it to the mouse and keyboard? When I got my wireless keyboard and mouse that's what I didn't do, it took me about a month to figure out what the problem was LOL

I followed instructions to the end. It worked, then didn't, then did, then the mouse didn't work, etc. I give up til next week.

Celia, I'm just now reading this. For the first time. Get 'em, you said. Wow. You were on my shoulder today! I swear you and Stacy had to have been. You know I'm not told anything, so let me set this up for you all----I walk into the hospital at the same time I do every day. I see Phyllis laying there, with an oxygen mask on. Nobody around. What happened? I lay my purse down, and walk to the nurses station, where I can't speak. Because I can't stop the tears. I just kept thinking, what happened? What happened? The nurses looked panicked, until I could finally speak. Then it was "and you are?". And I knew. I knew that to say I'm her daughter isn't the truth, even though she thinks of me as one. So I said thru my tears who I was. And suddenly, they no longer cared. I'm not family, I'm not on any list, so therefore I have to ask a "family" member and I cried more. I'm the one who's always been the one to call. I've been on more lists than any so called "family member"!! I explained that the "family" wasn't telling me anything and Phyllis wouldn't want me to NOT know and I cried. I couldn't stop crying. They couldn't help me. Finally one of them said something about giving me a phone number. "Oh but can we legally do that?" inquired another nurse. "I have phone numbers for Pete's sake, but they won't tell me anything!! Please tell me what's going on!!", I pleaded. One said they thought they were staying at Phyllis' house, but they didn't know the number. sigh. I GAVE them the blankety blank number!! So they dialed and no one picked up. You know what I got then? "Sorry". Man, I wanted to give her sorry, that's for sure. It took about 5 minutes for me to compose myself to go back into the room. Walking into the room, I noticed a small sign that said something about isolation. Huh? I just sat and watched her struggle to breath and I struggled with why her family is doing this to her. Why?? I cannot be the only person to know that their mother, their sister, their grandma, their great aunt, wouldn't want this! Come on!! And so I sat. When I'd been there about 1/2 hour, a daughter and Phyllis' sister and grandson walked in. The sisters grandson, not Phyllis'. About 5 min. later, the nurse, the CNA and the respiratory therapist came in. They talked about needing blood work tomorrow and Loretta (daughter) asked what for. Of course they told her. First thing they asked when they came in was who we were. I'm surprised they didn't tell me to leave when Loretta said that I was"the neighbor". I'm being treated as if I'm insignificant. And I'm far from being insignificant. When they said what the blood work was, they used medical terms and Loretta knew what they were talking about, because she's been a CNA for over 40 yrs., but I didn't know. And so I asked. And I was ignored. I'm insignificant to them. I'm hurt and I'm mad, but I'm more hurt. I'm NOT insignificant! The respiratory therapist and the CNA walked into the bathroom to take their garb off and commented how hot it was. And so I leaned back to them and asked why she was in isolation. "You'll have to ask a family member", I was told. I'm holding in my tears. And that hurt when they said that. Finally I had an opportunity to ask and was told she had some strain of a staph infection, that's very contagious to open sores. I wanted to say, "Oh like on my knee, ya mean??", but I didn't. Then the sister said something and Loretta said something and they looked to me and I started to cry. It had nothing to do with what they had said, it was over. I couldn't do it anymore. My gosh I wanted to scream at them. But instead I walked down the hall to the waiting room and as I walked in, the sister's grandson was walking out and I grabbed him. He held me as I cried and told him how I felt. I learned he feels the same way. They're not telling him anything either and they're all acting like she's going to go back to the nursing home, but she's not. He's knows it and I know it. This is a 20 something year old kid for crying out loud. Then his grandma walked in and that ended that conversation real quick. She and I spoke for awhile and I just can't be rude. It's not in me. I listened to her tell me the same thing she's told me for over 20 yrs. Finally I was able to make my break because I really needed to go to the bathroom! I went back to the room to say good-bye to Phyllis and give her as many kisses as I could. I tried to speak to Loretta before I left the room, but the tears came again and so I asked her to walk outside with me. And there I told her everything. I don't like being ignored. I don't like being on "the list". That they're all making me feel insignificant and I'm not. That I know more about them than they do of me. And I cried. I told her I didn't understand what was going on and most importantly why it was going on. That Phyllis wouldn't want this. Don't any of them know that their mom doesn't want this? I couldn't stop. And then Loretta was crying and holding me. And I still couldn't stop saying over and over "I'm not insignificant, I'm not, I never have been, please don't treat me as "just the neighbor", Phyllis never thought of me as that, so don't do it, I love Phyllis and she loves me, I'm not insignificant" and on and on I went. By that time, I wasn't just crying, I was sobbing and I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't see Tony, Phyllis' grandson walk up, till he was beside me and I went from Loretta's arms to his arms. I was in the middle then, Tony was holding me and Loretta was holding me from behind and telling me over and over that I wasn't insignificant. Poor Tony hadn't a clue what he stumbled onto, but then he did. He said he would call him mom who has POA, and make sure I was on "the list". I couldn't walk home. My head was throbbing and I couldn't stop crying. So Tony brought me home and I've cried me a river. You wonder how could I have any tears left? I don't know, but they're flowing again and I can hardly see what I'm typing anymore. If Phyllis is able to hang on much longer, I'll be surprised. I need to tell her that's it's alright for her to go Home. To go, be with Jesus. And be reunited with her beloved Stacy. That everybody will be alright. She's so very tired of fighting. She doesn't need to do it anymore. It doesn't stop my heart from breaking, but it's o.k. to go Home.

Oh, Terry, Terry, Terry!!! Oh, is all I can say. I have a heart for you to cry on and you go right ahead. My tears are coming, too. I can't stop them anymore. Tell Phyllis it's okay. That's what we did with mom. And if you have any questions about the medical side and no one will answer then let me know. If I don't know, I'll find out.

Crissy, been there, done that! LOL Soooo feel your pain.

Like it can't receive the signal? That's really Weird!

Terry, I am so sorry Honey, I feel your pain. When my grandfather passed my half aunt (my mom's half sister, same mom different dads) decided she needed to sue my mom for my grandmother's health care, also my mom was the executor of the estate. She called me a b*&#@$ and said we threw my grandmother away like an old shoe (who had Alzeimers and couldn't take care of herself) when we put her into the Nicest care center in the city. Then she sued my mom for all of my inheritance. She said that "her Mother" not "Their Mother" wasn't as bad off as we were saying she was, even though she hadn't been to visit "her Mother" in at least 6 months for 30 minutes a pop, and me and my mom were there every day for a few hours, and not at the same time. She tried to get my house, which that didn't work because my name was on the deed, but a judge who needed to go out and buy a brain cell gave her custody of my grandmother, which led to ALL the furniture in the house, when my half-aunt was done the house was vacant, no dishes, beds, tv, dining table, nothing, she took it all. She took her out of the rest home, then moved the whole housefull of furniture into a 30x60 someodd something added on "Living Room" to her house. As soon as she got all my grandmothers furniture into the house, back into a rest home my grandmother went, and this one was very old and worn out. I had to fight for 5 pieces of furniture I wanted back after my grandmother passed 4 years later. The judge said that my half-aunt had the legal right to keep the furniture until after my grandmother passed, in case she got better and got to go home. That line was fed to the judge by my aunt and he bought it. Does anyone know of anybody who has recovered from Alzeimers at 83 years old, after having the disease for 10 years? My mom still talks to her half-sister, it turns my stomach to even acknowledge her as a half-aunt. After all of the lawsuits were over, my half-aunt's husband looked at me and my mom and said, "Now that that's over, I have to sue my brother." What????? He has passed on since then and she claims to be a better person without him. Whatever!!

My mom picked her brain until she came clean a few years ago, all of this stemmed back when she got married at age 15 to her husband mentioned above, and my mom lead a normal teenage life. My half-aunt blames her too young of a marriage on my mom because she was just too much to handle and she had to get out of the house because of it, my mom was 2!

This message was edited Jun 13, 2008 10:17 PM

Don't people just suck sometimes? I don't get it.

They'll get theirs one day, I hope.

Gonna be here in 8 days!

Celia, I don't know where that is, but it's beautiful. I would lay on the sand and let the water wash over me to help cleanse my soul of all the pain. My tears would all wash along with the rain washing over me. Such a nice thought, thank you for that (even when you didn't know)☺

Crissy, people do such weird, mean, hateful, spiteful things. I have no idea how they look at themselves in the mirror or sleep at night. Let alone justify their actions. I don't think these siblings will be suing each other, but it will be a "I get this" type of situation. I want nothing, but my memories. That's all I need. I suppose I could say nanner nanner on them because I have their dads bench. The one he sat at day after day, repairing things, cleaning fish, whatever all he did, he did at that bench. Actually Stacy and I struck quite a few bargains..lol. I have an old feed sack, a milk can (he was a dairy farmer) and a small milk bottle. Who knows what all other bargains we made. I only know and remember I insisted on paying him whatever I had seen them go for at antique malls. The last one, the small bottle, we made before he passed and before I had paid him. Phyllis was insistent that I have the bottle because Stacy had said so, and I insisted on paying her. I would gladly give it all back for just one more day of sitting under the Aspen tree with him.

Phyllis' kids have left for the time being. I believe her sister and her sisters grandson are still here, but I'm not sure. There was no one at the hospital yesterday. The day before, she had some soothing music playing when I arrived. My husband got the nurse yesterday because I couldn't figure out the dang thing. Even she hadn't a clue. So she found a CD player and some CDs of Gospel music. I put those in for Phyllis and she liked that, a lot. And I had my talk with her. I hope my permission to go Home is enough, I don't know. I hope so. She's so tired and is struggling even more with each passing day to breathe. The oxygen mask doesn't seem to help much, if at all. it might give her oxygen, but it's the breaths she's taking that are so very difficult for her to manage. I held her hand while she slept and I prayed. I'm struggling to find the strength I need and on the other hand, I have a peaceful feeling in me. The tears won't stop though. At every turn and every thought, it always comes back and hits me hard in the heart that she's leaving me. It's for the best and I know it's time, it doesn't stop it from hurting though.

Celia, if I could remember all the initials and all the words they used, I would ask. My brain is in a fog from my misery. I think I'll need a heart transplant after this because mine is shattered.

I can't thank you all enough for listening to me. It means so much to me and I hope you all know that ☺ For now, I'm going to go pull some weeds and try to plant the plants that have patiently waited for me.

Terry, just know that I and the rest of the "Girls" are sitting on your shoulders. I have things waiting for me, too, but I'm here for YOU. PHYLLIS knows you love her and nothing else matters. Not the relatives or the horrible disease that is taking her from you. You can have half my heart. Pain is lessened if you have friends to share it with. You have us.

Be at peace. Monty is...

Thank you Celia. That means more than you know to me. I'm a dog person, so you understand that when I say Monty is/was a good looking kittie, it means something!☺

A daughter showed up sometime today, she'll leave tomorrow. Another will drive in for the day tomorrow. The youngest son was here for a half hour and then went home. Poor baby is having a hard time, she says sarcastically. Phyllis' sister is still here. I can't take much more of that woman. My my, she brought up a subject today, then decided that Phyllis didn't need to hear it. THEN she said something and I agreed with her and you know what the loony did? She argued with me! I used to laugh at her. She's so easy to egg on, because she's so easy to get all riled up. I know, I'm mean, but Phyllis would always laugh and give me a wink. But now? Thru this? Man. She's on my nerves. She's on everybody's nerves. I learned today that new orders came in and that is too wean her off the oxygen mask and she's to go back on the mask only at night. I have a feeling, a sense if you will, that Phyllis continues to fight because her children and her sister keep telling her to. sigh. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger I still feel peace, but also sorrow for her kids because they won't allow her to go Home. Something that her kids like to say, is how their dad changed in the end. There's so much more to that story and they can all thank me! It makes me laugh at what they don't know and what I do. It amazes me the gas money they suddenly all have, or the money for airfare, that they didn't have as far back as last year! How do they sleep I wonder again. I sleep very well, because I rest with the knowledge of all that I have done when they wouldn't. And yes, Phyllis does know I love her. 3 woman have touched my life in ways that I can't describe. My paternal grandma was 1, my best friend is 1, and Phyllis is the other. Not one more than the other, they each have common attributes. Such as kindness, love, generosity (not in anything monetary), compassion, unconditional love for me, nonjudgmental, supportive, you think of a word to describe something of that nature, and they're all wrapped up in those 3 women. Did I say love? Only 1 man has touched my life in the same way and that man would be Stacy, Phyllis' husband. No other man can compare. It's the kind of love you can't use to describe a spouse. My husband is all those things, but my love for him is very different. I love my dad, but it's not anywhere near the same. It's in how my dad reacts or what he's willing to give me (not much?). I actually could of knocked my dad upside the head, he made me so mad. You know when you're upset and telling something and your voice gets loud? Not yelling loud, just up a few octaves and not hollerin either. But my dad said they could hear me and that "he knew how I felt". Bull. And I told him so. That's my dads biggest problem. He doesn't know me and I've never been allowed to express myself in the way that I do and always have needed to do. I really needed something or some reason to lash out and he gave me the perfect opportunity. I couldn't though. I only told him he didn't know how I felt and I walked out. sigh. And no, it's not that my dad never supports me, it's when I need it the most that he's not there. I feel like an alien around him, my mom, my brother and my sister. I'm so different. In every way that matters. Or matters to me anyway. And so I come her and I can express myself in the way I need to. You don't have to read my words, but writing it helps in itself.

We worked outside today. The weeds wanted to take over, but we got a really good start on them today. We're probably 75% done. I think my energy is almost back up to where it should be. That's at about 80% now. I need to take some recent pictures, because all my plants are growing and doing so well. I have to figure out this new computer first! It has the card reader built right in it? I'm not sure how it all works, or what the picture program is that opens up, I haven't messed with it yet.

Tomorrow is Father's Day and we go to my parents. I'll stay till John needs to come home to get ready for work, then have him drop me at the hospital. I'd rather be there. Isn't that sad? Oh well.

I'm exhausted, so I'm going to sign off for now. Have a great evening to anyone who's still up! ♥♥♥

Oh my I have a ghost! The door on my computer desk that hides the computer tower just closed by itself! I have no fans on, the ac is off, cat's alseep with Dave, hhmmmmm...

Anyway, Terry, Celia's absolutely right. Whatever you need we are here for you. Tiga (Teega) is at peace too.

Remember I said I talk to anything? Well, ghosts are another! Weird things happen and usually it's me saying "come on grandpa!" Because either of my grandpa's would pull tricks on me. Or it could always be Stacy and his antics...lol. Speaking of Stacy, I think I've figured out how to use the built in card reader on my new computer and also figured out where the pictures are actually stored. Now how to make the pictures a smaller size, I haven't figured out yet. It has to be easy, I'm just not seeing it. Anyway, back to Stacy, here's our dining room and the bench/table under the mirror, is the one Stacy and his dad made in something like '45.

Crissy, Tiga is adorable! Wrong computer for me to show off my baby Cricket, who rests in peace. Best dang dog I've ever owned. Small Maltese/Poodle mix. White. Fluff ball.

Let's see if my picture works...

edited to add a missing word..

This message was edited Jun 15, 2008 10:48 AM

YEA!! it worked!!! Here's another. The Catalpa I planted in spring of '06 has finally, for the first time, bloomed. Here's a shot of the blooms...

Nice Catalpa! That's pretty! That's a nifty little bench/table thing. I don't have any furniture left except for one round end table that's about to fall apart. The only thing that was worth anything was the hutch. It was from my grandfather's brother's first mother-in-law. It was cherrywood color (not real) with beveled glass, not lighted inside and 3 drawers below the hutch part. It stood 6 1/2 ft tall and was 4 ft wide. I sold it just before we moved, I didn't want the glass to break in it, if someone could replace it, it would have been expensive. So I sold it to a family for $500.00. Most of my grandfathers tools have broken, but my husband is using some of them. I'm sure my mom has some stuff, but my evil aunt kept most everything.

Thanks! She's got a kitten look and uses it to her advantage. Talk about a rotten cat, she invented spoiled! She's 12 now and has everything figured out, she knows exactly what she's doing! Ha! Dave just got up and she just conned him out of some Temptations, I just fed her 1/2 can not 10 minutes ago.
Now, she's my best friend. I've never seen a cat that understands complete sentences before, but then again before she showed up at 3 weeks old I never liked cats, but like the little con artist she is, she conned her way into my heart and now Dave calls her my daughter LOL

Talk about talking to everything, I talk to the wheelbugs on the sunflowers! Dave said that I was nuts, I can't figure out why LOL

Do you think I should put my 3 irises on my new storm shelter?

Here's the round end table

Still settin' comfortably, Terry! LOL That table is very nice. I like it. And you have a very country home. I like it, too.

Crissy, yeah, put the iries there. That would look very pretty. What colors are they?

I got two more plants in the ground tonight. The one on the left is a yellow barberry and the other is a variegated euonymus.

This message was edited Jun 15, 2008 11:41 PM

Why thank you Crissy and Celia! I think our house falls into the farmhouse category. When it was built back in 1896, it sure wasn't smack dab in the middle of a town! It has certain Victorian type aspects, but none as ornate as a true Victorian home is. I only know I love it. I wanted my sisters house (a 4 square), but since she wouldn't sell, I bought this one☺Now to win the lottery and put back wood windows and put back old leaded glass windows where they belong and stained glass where it belongs. Take off this awful white vinyl siding too.

Crissy, your table is very nice. I don't see that it's falling apart? The iris' would work there, but if it's possible, I'd made a whole bed. Using shrubs, forbs and grasses in there. I'm also sorry. I thought when you said your cat rests in peace, that she had passed on. I didn't realize she was still alive. I did write "is" in the present tense, but I do tend to that with things or people that I love. My aunt is still my aunt even though she's now in Heaven.

My grandparents didn't keep any of the "good" ole things, they threw those all out and bought new some where along the way. I did find an old crock in my grandma's basement though. I also have a cuckoo clock that they got long ago and I have grandma's ruby and diamond ring. I was forever pulling up the weights and one time..lol...I didn't know that when you set the time, you had to stop at each cuckoo or the cuckoo got stuck! I thought grandma was going to knock me one, but she only smiled and said it would fix itself! Her ring was something she never wore, but always made sure to have me hide it when she had various stays in nursing homes to re-hab or things of that nature. I didn't have to have them, but it is nice to have them. Since I'm a cuckoo, it sort of makes sense I have it, don't you agree? LOL

Something happened last night for the first time. My best friend always had people doing it, but I never have. The doorbell rang last night. Dang it! I had just taken my shower and put my pj's on. Eating a Popsicle for a really late supper, and the doorbell rings? Ah well, you know me..lol. I get up and a man stands there. I can just tell he's not selling anything, he needs something. Probably at the wrong house. Nope, right house. He wanted to know where I got the horizontal lattice from we have around the front porch! Then he starts pointing out things and asking me what colors I had on the house, where did I get my mailbox, etc. etc. Then his wife got out of the van and was asking me questions too. They're rehabbing a house the street over and are interested in what all we've done here. They were a nice couple, I didn't get their names and they didn't get mine either. Ah well. Makes you feel good when people have noticed and do make a remark.

Now to Phyllis. She's doing remarkably well, considering. They are weaning her off the mask, she hardly wore it yesterday at all. So Krista was able to come up. That meant so much to both of them and I was glad it could happen. She doesn't want to go back to the nursing home, she wants to go home. The only way for that to happen is if I go live with her. And this is where I say I must be wired differently than anybody I know. My life stops for Phyllis. It stops for anyone I know that needs me. I don't do what I need to do at home, it's not going to fall in, so I'm not worried about it. I keep hearing how this one has a trip that's planned forever and you just can't cancel. Why? I feel like saying that I'm very sorry Phyllis didn't "plan" this better for everybody else!!

And I spoke to the daughter who has POA. And I made her cry. I don't mean to, but they know I speak the truth. I am now on the list. I spoke to Phyllis after and she was aghast that I was never on a "list". She didn't know such a thing existed and cried when I told her I wasn't on it. I didn't mean to make her cry either. She said everything I've said here, that most times I'm on her list and they're not, that if a problem arises, they call me, not her family, me. While everybody is gone, doing their own things, I'm there. I always have been. And so it goes. I don't complain about what I do, I only complain about what they don't do. And that goes for everybody *wink wink*, because I'm very good about stomping my feet and insisting that people do what they're supposed to do! She relies on me for that.

Oh gosh and I forgot something! Yesterday was fathers day and my aunt and uncle came too. To my parents that is. My aunt in very much into native plants also. She's given me a plant and of course all she knows is common names. So she gave me a "yellow coneflower". There's about a half dozen different native plants that go by that common name! It's not 2 of the ones I'm (now) familiar with, so I really have no clue what I've got! Since she got it from the same native place I get mine from, I'm not worried about it not being native or something that really isn't native. Now to get it planted!!

I think I'm going to do something with the fence and put the irises in there, their purple. I think pansies would look good on the shelter, but I don't know if they would hold up to the weather. I got some wonderful ideas and I think I'm actually going to get off my duff and do it, just as long as I don't get so hot I pass out (and it doesn't take much heat for that! LOL)

Terry, LOL no apologies necessary! It does sound like she passed on. I know how it is, my hair changes color when it hits air :)

The top of the table is loose from the post-thingy (I can't think of the name of it!!!) and it can't be tightened. It's actually plywood underneath LOL

That is so neat when people come by and take notice of all the hard work you've done. When I bought my house the guy who lived in it before us, he was the person who designed the house (I think he saw this floorplan in a model somewhere and told a builder he wanted an identical floor plan, or close to it.) I am so glad Phyllis gets to go home and you got all the problems straightened out! Great News!

OMG, Terry, that's so exciting!!! LOL ALL of it. Phyllis going home, people asking about your home...I have people stop and look at my roses sometimes. It's very satisfying.

Crissy, you have a good idea going there. Keep on keepin' on! LOL

Isis is sooooo lazy!

Pansies won't work now, but they will in the spring or this fall. Summer is too hot for them.

The table is loose from the pedestal? Don't you hate that when you can't think of the word to save your life? Or, how about when you're saying something and then the thought flies out of your head as soon as you've started to talk? No matter what you do or the person tells you what you just said, it's simply not in there anymore! My husband and I were pulling weeds yesterday, and I said "I've noticed that.." and I stopped because I couldn't remember what I was going to say!! My husband repeats what I said, and I had to say I know what I said, but the thought is gone now! And it's got nothing to do with age either. I've always done this and yes, I've always been a blonde☺ Changing my hair color to red made no difference either! LOL

Phyl doesn't think that the nursing home will take her anymore. She's afraid she's got too many problems. I do know that today she's turning yellow. She's jaundice. Not quite like your pretty flowers up there Crissy, but that awful yellow of jaundice. Her sister Jean leaves tomorrow, YAH!! Phyllis' (and her) brother, is coming to get her. It took Phyllis' daughter Jean 2 hours to get her moving so they could come to the hospital today! Then she gets there? And she takes a nap!! Sister Jean said today, again, how everybody had these plans already made, yadda yadda. I finally took that chance, that opportunity, to say "shame on Phyllis for not planning this better!!" My my my. She didn't catch my sarcasm, but daughter Jean did!! LOL

I walked home today. Nice sunny, but cool day. I stopped at a neighbors that I see, but haven't really met. I know the husband, he doesn't remember me..lol..but he came home while his wife and I were chatting. I stopped there because I noticed that their balcony is really open, where ours is not. I wondered if they knew what it looked like when the previous owner here changed part of the porch and had the siding put on. People kill me, nobody notices anything. They have noticed all the work being done here though. And she noticed I was here early in the am and stayed late in the pm. But they haven't a clue on the balcony. What cha gonna do? Laugh. That's about all I can do! I also found out they're moving. Maybe somebody will move in and fix it too. It sure needs it! Goodness gracious!!

I hope I added the right photo. Here's looking towards our house. I'm standing on the sidewalk on the southeast front of our property.

Here's another that I like a lot. Now to get everything to grow up like it's supposed to! Here's from the side street looking towards the sidewalk that's from the street to our back/side door. I especially want that vine to grow over the arbor!

Sooo Beautiful Terry.

Terry,
I think that you share the most Beautiful friendship with Phyllis. You are blessed with eachother.

LOL, I know I don't need to say, but will anyway...Cherish! Phyllis will forever be with you.
Thank you for sharing the story of your family. It's always rough with some members, but I'm thrilled that you are
indeed Phyllis's girl.

I am so happy and sad. I certainly relate to you relationship with your Friend and "Mom"
Just continue to enjoy and love eachother everything will be alright.

A Lovely relationship sure be to be told.

Hug to both of you.

Peace,
Judy

Ah Judy! Thank you!! I do cherish! Trust me and believe me when I say that. I told her daughter Jean today that Phyllis thinks she needs me, but I need her more. We cherish each other. She will always be with me, just as her beloved dearly departed Stacy is. He's never far and here I go, being weird to some ears. I talk to him. Always. I "feel" him, just as I "feel" my paternal grandparents, my uncle, my maternal grandpa and my aunt. I just do. O.k. here's an example of why I know they're here. John and I were trying desperately to dig up my grandmas "naked ladies" and the ground was so hard and they just weren't budging. Without a thought, I raised my eyes to the skies and said "grandma, please help" and the ground moved freely and easily. It just did. Scientifically explain it if anyone would like, but you can't and you won't change my mind ☺ They tried to explain my car "righting" itself while I was driving and hit black ice---but my immediate cry for grandpa and my car corrected itself on it's own? I should of been in a spin and flown off the overpass, but I didn't. Or when the boat was moving faster than I could swim, trying to hang onto Krista as I swam, but the boat kept moving and I looked to the skies and I said, "grandpa! Uncle Don! Stacy! Help me please"....and the boat stopped moving, yet the wind howled around me and the water was still whitecapping. I can't explain why or how I know they're here with me without sounding like I'm totally off my rocker.☺ I have many many more that make no sense to anyone, but to me.

Terry, it very much sounds as if you're coming to terms with all of this. Much more upbeat. Yea!!! for you! And such lovely homes.

Hi, Judy!!! LOL I got your pics. Very pretty. Mind if I copy?

Crissy, I didn't mention how pretty your coryopsis is. Mine bloomed today.

Celia, I don't like to lose someone I love, it hurts a lot. But there isn't anything I can do. I can't wave my magic wand and make them better, so really, there is no choice but to come to terms. I think finally voicing my feelings to at least some of her kids, made all the difference in the world. The outcome is still the same, but I'm o.k. with that. What is it that they say? If you love someone, set them free..and I know it goes on, but just that part? Makes a whole lot of sense to me.

If you're talking to me about the lovely homes? It's 1 home, it's mine, all mine...LOL I sent pictures to a friend of mine down in TN and she has so many questions! She told me she wishes she was here to walk around and ask a ton of questions! I do too! I think I can do it here too...here's all the photos at photobucket. They were all taken over the last month

http://photobucket.com/terry_04