How do you feel about getting older???

Thank you DonnieBrook. I'm feeling better nowadays.. But I'm in my 4th month now.. So, maybe the nausea phase is over now.. **keeping my fingers crossed**

I've just seen too many kid that were not told the difference on what is acceptable behavior and what isn't... We have little kids all over the neighborhood here.. I've seen both types of parents.. Some that tell their kids that no and others that let them do whatever they want..

Real example in my neighborhood: Some little one (in 2nd grade) down the hill got in a fight.. Both punching and kicking too.. One mom stepped in and said that's not acceptable. The other mom was pissed off that the responsible mom stepped in at all, saying kids will be kids.. (And she called the cops saying the responsible mom held on to the kids to keep them from fighting.. Cops laughed at her of course..) But what does that tell you?? The responsible parent's going to have kids that know fighting is not the way.. The other is probably not going to learn that unless someone else teaches them that fact.. Have to say.. If you don't tell the kids when their young what is acceptable or not, the morals and values are just not going to get developed..

Well, the mother has a better idea of which children her own kids should NOT be playing with.

The same thing was happening when I was raising kids 20 years ago. If there are pre-natal and post-natal classes (e.g. "Mummy and Me" at local YMCA) in your town, you are likely to meet parents who share similar values to your own. :-)

Michaela

Can you imagine how I feel, a great gandmother, the way I see how parents let their kids get away with most anything? How ever, there is an other side to it too. I went to a fleamarket a couple of years ago, one woman tending her wares, her daughter about 6 years was with her, the child touched something, the mother slapped her so hard that the little one flew up into the air and landed flat down on her back screaming, I said to her do you know you could get arrested for that kind of punishment to a child, she answered I can do anything to her, I am her mother, I said not in this country, better make sure you do not do that again, sooner or later you could be charges with abusing children. It really upset me no end because I think this is just as bad as letting children do what ever they want.

Oh that's terrible, Maria. I am very firm and believe in tough love and all that, but if I saw that I probably would have called the police.

Tough love is like standing your ground after you have made a decision for the good of the child. Slapping and hitting is just bullying, in my opinion. But, there is a time for a good whack on the bottom sometimes, too.

I agree, though I would call that incident more than bullying - that's abusive.

Mine got quite a few whaks on the bottom one got a good spanking, she was about 5 years ot so old, one day I saw her run accross the street just as a car was comining, I dold her not to do thet , she might get hurt, she said ok, the next time my husband and I came home from shopping, she was at her GM who lived accross the street, guess who ran across the street, that little bratt. We asked her why she is doing that, she said to see if I can beat the car, wll that did it, she really got pattled , did not do it after that. We were tough parents but with all the affection and love both of us gave.

I agree Maria.. Coming from one extreme.. Dad used to beat the crap out of bro and I for disturbing mom when she was making dinner and making dinner run late.
I agree with tough love but I don't think physical punishment will come into the picture if you bring the kids up properly. A tushie smack might be wanted once in a blue blue moon if the kid did something positively atrocious that can endanger their or someone else's life. But I think that's the only exception. But if you start teaching the kids good values young, I don't think they will be misbehaving much..

I have to say, I spent a lot of time taking care of my little cousin when they were young. They never misbehaved with me. Maybe with their parent and my parents but never with me. I will only play with them and give them attention if they are well behaved. If they misbehave, I ignore them. They always behaved with me.

Ico, My father was a terrible cruel man, he beat both of us when ever he thought we did not behave, he had bamboo stick he beat us withthen laid it down in a cornerr where we had to nkneel on it.
My sister was not getting it very often, she was the younger one, I was always blamed for her misbehavour, I should have taken care of her better, my mother never said a word in our defense. Also we were never allowed to speak less we were spoken to first, if I did he would pick me up by the ears and simply drop meI used to think all parents were that way, but have fortunately have discovered in time they are not and because I married a foreigner he disowned me for ever.

Maria - how sad to be disowned after such a difficult experience as a child! I think you are a very compassionate person, however, in part because of your own experiences in life. I believe that what goes around, comes around in life. It is of great concern to me whenever I see that young children are not taught any boundaries, because I fear that they will not be likely to say no to drugs or violence without having been taught respect for other people's property and a healthy respect and hesitation where safety is at issue. Some parents seem to get it, and others seem to be too busy to put in the time it takes to teach a healthy awareness of appropriate personal boundaries consistently.

Donnie, you are absolutely right, it has always bothered me when children seem to get away with most anything , I have seen it in the market when I child wants something and rthe parent says, no, the child starts to scream blody murder, the parent gives in, now is that the right thing to do? I say let him/her scream, next time it will do the same thing knowing it will get it.

Maria.. I know your pain.. I still speak to my mom but I haven't spoken to my dad for over 10 years now.. And they're still married too.. My mom used to try to defend my bro and I but she was slapped around too then.. Dad usually beat us when mom was busy or not around though.. I still have a ridge on the top of my head from protecting my bro too.. **sigh** I tell myself I am who I am today because of the adversity I've endured growing up.

I truely think that there are non-violent ways to raise children..

I think that many people find raising childen very stressful, thank goodness we have arrived at a time when having children is optional. Effective birth control is now available - if you can afford it.

It really does take a villiage to raise a child - but too many parents think of their children as possessions - not responsibilities, and such parents are often very hostile if another adult reprimands the child for inappropriate behaviour

My poor kids . . . I would be ferious if an adult DIDN'T intervene (not with physical punishment - be an appropriate verbal reprimand and let me know what was going on)

I agree Michaela. And if my kid was fighting with another kid, I'd expect any adult in the area to physically restrain the kids before one of them gets injured too.. Then prehaps even bring the kids to one or both of the kids parents to let them know what is happening. I don't condone violence and expect most people to have the same values.. It's just distressing to see some parents overindulge their kids.. I mean when you give in to the kid "everytime", think how the kid will handle their first disappointment outside the home. Not going to be a pretty sight. That's all I can say..

Sorry, but the 'village' cannot be trusted. Two parents (and many times even one strong one) can raise a child effectively, DESPITE the other parents of the village. That's the number one problem in raising my children today - dealing with the failures of other parents.

Dunno about that.. I say yes, the buck stops here but the parent can't always be everywhere. In off chance that the parent aren't around that "one" time, I hope there are others in the "village" that can step in temporarily til the parent comes back..

But that's the problem. There are no longer enough parents in the village who share this view. Case in point - good friend of mine, who has custody of all 4 of his sons after his divorce (the mother did not even want custody!) has a 14 year old son, who has a girlfriend. His curfew for his son is sundown. The kid's girlfriend and his best friend have NO curfew! At 14! Another friend has a 2 AM weekday curfew! Can you believe this? Wait until you actually have children and get a look at the other parents. Good luck hoping for the responsible parent to do what's best for your child. Don't hold your breath.

I just want to add I am very glad my children grew up at a time, where the had to be proprly dressed to go school, there was no foreign interference such as television, music that realy is not music, the ads they saw were reading the newspaper ot the magazines we carefully chose, they implanted the same values on their children and I am very glad to see that. Aside from that, living in a rural area, if the wanted to visit a friend I had to drive them there at the invitation of friend's parents. As a family we had lots of fun, skiing, staying at the seaside for the summer, lots of scating at our pons and playing baseball in the field. We aslo traveled to most historic places such as Gettisburgh, Philadelphia,Washington mostly for teaching purposes and plays in NY city, how exited they were to see Sound of music on the stage and going around Manhattan island with a boat to visit the statue of Liberty, and so many other things it would take forever to talk about it, They went to boy scout campsand girl scout camp for a month in the summer, having a ball.

Life was great and simple, I was astay at home mother till the youngest was 16 yeaes old

I'm hopeing to instill good morals and values before those troublesome years..

you will

I once read this terrific article in the Parade Magazine that comes with the Sunday paper. The article was advice to new parents. Basically, the article said that part of effective parenting involved ensuring that a child's bedroom was a bedroom - no tv, no computer, no telephone.

With the tv, computer, and telephone in the family room/ living room, parents were much more able to supervise what and when children watched tv, what internet sites the kids were visiting, and the kids had to learn to share.

Well, I never let my kids have any of those things in their bedrooms because I wanted them to grow up and move out. I didn't want them to think I was running a 5 star hotel for their benefit!

Seandor, I really had to smile at that, because that is exactly what I did, the first time when I saw my baby I just gave birth to, I said, Ok, little one, we will always love you, take very good care of you, give you the very best education, help you in any way we can but after this is done you are on your way be indepentent from your parents to lead your own life what ever that may be.

They did, all four of them.

Both my daughters are amazingly creative and resiliant. Doing without meant developing their imagination and the ability to postpone gratification. Their sense of self comes from their character not a credit card.

Is this not a wonderful feeling for parents? Oh, there were problems , we helped to solve them if asked but never interfered when the were adults, at that point it was there life, not ours.
One is an Artist, very creative with two masters , one is a psycho- therapist, one has two masters as a teacher now teaching also special needs children. The fourth one went to pre-med school but did not like it wanted to have a business of his own, just like is father, lol, and Dad helped him to purchase a bicycle shop in place of tuition.
My grandson is Dean of admission at Haverton college in PA, he was recently voted the one of ten best deans of Adm, in the country, he is only 34 years old. The other two GC are still in College, the forth is still in elementery school. GGC are just babies

I did a great job on 1,2,3,4 but on #5 I think I may have goofed. He is shy, not one to stay out all night, he'd rather sleep in his own bed.
He doesn't party like most kids his age, and has no problem staying home on a Sat. night to watch movies with his GF & parents. He's smart but his shyness keeps him from excelling in area's that he is brillant in. Compt., Math & science just comes natural to him, but having to talk in front of a classroom is where he has his problem. When I bought this compt. I spent over $3000.00....why? Because it has every program you could ever imagine on it. You can make your own cartoons, web page designs, ect.... If I knew how that would be great but I don't....he does. I paid the $ so he could create(he's also very artistic) everything and anyrhing his little heart desires. I was in hopes he would love it enough to go to school and learn more. It back fired......he can do more than some of his teachers and the class's they want to start him in are way below his level. He needs to find a teacher who will say "Show me what you can do on that thing and THEN we will place you appropriately" Haven't found one yet and he refuses to go to a class that teaches him the same things he figured out for himself 4 yrs, ago.
In grade shcool he had a teacher like that. He reconized that Josh was bored in his class and that he as a teacher was not challenging Joshua's mind. He put him in an advanced science class and what a difference!!! He was eager to learn and not just sitting in class tapping his pencil anymore.
Josh also said he is not moving out.....bought his own TV, DVD, and CD player for his room. He provided his own 5 star hotel and bought his own car. I truely have no reason to kick him out....we plan on moving down back anyways and this house is to stay in the Plaisted name for ever. My DH relatives once owned a fourth of this road I live on...."Plaisted Land" as they called it. There are now only approx. 92 acres in the Plaisted name when there was once 320.
Josh being a Plaisted gets to keep this land for his children....he can not sell it unless it is to another Plaisted. We have it stated in the bill of sales when we bought this piece and the other piece of land. It was DH Uncle's dying wish...so it shall be. Josh is very much family oriented so I have no worries there, he will keep it for his children and the legacy shall live on. I hope!!

What a wonderful legacy. I am proud of both you and Josh.

LOL Pixie, sounds like he definitely provided his own 5star accomadations.. :) Sounds like one bright cookie you have there.. The shy ones tend to leave the nest later though.. He will definitely do you proud though..

I have to agree with you all. Kid's not coming til April but I've already discussed with DH about how we're raising the kid. No TV, phone, computer in the bedroom. We agreed that we want the kid to spend time with us instead of staying in their room. Well... Maybe if they misbehave, they might get a time out then.. :)

And, if there's all that cool stuff in the kids' bedrooms, is that REALLY a time out?

lcosden - look the other way fast when someone suggests you co-sleep with your children. Let them develop security and self-confidence from sleeping in their own bed....alone!!! I have seen the impact on children of the co-sleeping nonsense unfortunately.

Victor - I think some parents (especially those who generally feel entitled to someone else's generosity) would prefer to leave it to the village to do what they should be doing! I have known parents who thought the teachers should take the time and trouble to instill the appropriate boundaries.....so they (the parents) could focus more on their own agenda....and that results in some pretty predictable problems with their children. Having said that, I could use a village right now to keep me straight!

I agree on both counts. We never let the kids sleep with us on a steady basis. Once or twice - that's it.

Yeah, I think there are appropriate exceptions once in awhile.....and that's not the problem. It just seems to me that kids pay the price sometimes with so many of the current parenting philosophies that appear to spring from parental fatigue or distraction. I am so impressed with the Moms and Dads who make it a priority to spend quality time at home with their young children, especially when it means doing without some things for awhile. The results are sooooo apparent in the behavior of the children.

Absolutely. We make it a point (and plan to continue this) to eat together as a family with no tv's on or anything. It's time to talk and relate the day's activities. Definitely no tv's in the bedrooms. We've never had one in ours.

I don't think you can go wrong with that approach!! I hope to meet your kids one day....and of course they'd probably choose just that moment to embarrass the heck out of you! LOL My well-behaved son would sometimes do that to me, but oh well.........kids aren't programmable, and none of us is perfect!! Enjoy your kids while you have such a great opportunity to influence them, Victor!!

Thanks Louise.

I've been resisting this thread because the title was a little scary: How do you feel about getting older??? I find myself agreeing with most of what we're saying. I'm definitely happier than I've ever been, even though my body is a washout because of multiple sclerosis. All the dancing in the aisles and ice skating and running on the beach is beyond me now. My body definitely feels very old (although as long as DH likes it, works for me)! Although I do have many forgetful moments, I see time in a much more flexible way than I ever did before.

I'm agreeing with Michaela - I have such vivid memories from age ~ 3 or 4 to around 16 - 17, the 'good old days'. Then college was a blur, my 1st husband, a blur (a bad blur), my diagnosis and my 2nd husband a horrible, scary, blur of domestic violence, then when I was around 35 (and my younger daughter could walk and was toilet trained) I kicked him out and became a single mother. Then life started over! It was great, I mean I was in a wheelchair and all that, but I was ME, with two little girls who became a reason to be good and do good and teach good. (We were the Girls Club.) Then I met my DH and started again, and since then every thing's been good. I mean of course there are bad times; my father's stroke and my brothers' attitude towards him and being the family mediator and people dying. That makes me feel old.

I remember realizing I was older than my kids' pediatrician and than my internist. Having men call me ma'am instead of miss. (Even on the phone - how can they tell?) And sorry, Kassia, I do dye my hair. I feel like the wheelchair detracts from my appearance; people look at me and see a wheelchair, not a person. I like it when they see some semblance of me instead. So I dye my hair. Also my DH is ten years older than me and when I let my gray hair take over, I feel like I look his age. He's been 100% salt and pepper since way before i ever met him.

My DD who just turned 17 is applying to colleges and writing her College Essay. It's about me!!! Talk about rewarding! All about the good things i've taught her about life - apparently some of it got through.

Carrie, You have traveled a rough road and stayed optimistic, conquered many 'demons' and came through with strength and courage. And above all a zest for life that is evident in your post!
So my friend, I hope to meet you one day but for now...
I APPLAUD YOU!!!

Hats off to you, Carrie!

Carrie:

You are my hero. (And, I don't say things like that lightly!)

To make it stand, you wet it !


To make it wet, you suck it !


To make it stiff, you lick it !


To get it in, you push !

Dang........!

Threading a needle when your older is NO JOKE !

Carrie, you sound like an amazing person.. I salute you for all you went through. I always say, we are who we are due to the adversities we go through. The hardships shape our character. Sounds like you went through some bad ones and then some. But you came out a better person for it all. And congrats on being the subject of your DD's college essay. Talk about major complement. Must have done something right to inspire to write about you. :)