How do you feel about getting older???

I have thought about this question and my SIL answered it perfectly for me in her email. She is getting ready to turn 65 and this was what she sent to me:



The other day a young person asked
me how I felt about being old.
I was taken aback,
for I do not think of myself as old.

Upon seeing my reaction,
she was immediately embarrassed,
but I explained that it was
an interesting question,
and I would ponder it,
and let her know.

Old Age,
I decided, is a gift.

I am now,
probably for the
first time in my life,
the person I have always wanted to be.
Oh, not my body!
I sometime despair over my body,
the wrinkles,
the baggy eyes,
and the sagging butt.
And often I am taken aback
by that old person that
lives in my mirror
(who looks like my mother!),
but I don't agonize over
those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends,
my wonderful life,
my loving family for less gray hair
or a flatter belly.
As I've aged,
I've become more kind to myself,
and less critical of myself.
I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for
eating that extra cookie,
or for not making my bed,
or for buying that
silly cement gecko
that I didn't need,
but looks so avante garde on my patio.
I am entitled to a treat,
to be messy,
to be extravagant.

I have seen too many
dear friends leave this world too soon;
before they understood
the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if
I choose to read or
play on the computer until 4 AM
and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those
wonderful tunes of the 60&70's,
and if I,
at the same time,
wish to weep over a lost love
I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit
that is stretched over a bulging body,
and will dive into the waves
with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances
from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again,
some of life is
just as well forgotten.
And I eventually remember
the important things.

Sure, over the years
my heart has been broken.
How can your heart
not break when you lose a loved one,
or when a child suffers,
or even when somebody's
beloved pet gets hit by a car?
But broken hearts are
what give us strength
and understanding and compassion.
A heart never broken is pristine
and sterile and
will never know
the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived
long enough to have
my hair turning gray,
and to have my youthful laughs
be forever etched into
deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed,
and so many have died before
their hair could turn silver.

As you get older,
it is easier to be positive.
You care less about
what other people think.
I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.


So, to answer your question,
I like being old.
It has set me free.
I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here,
I will not waste time lamenting
what could have been,
or worrying about what will be.
And I shall eat dessert
every single day.
(If I feel like it)


Well said! So tell me.....how do you feel about it??

mmmmmmmmm

phicks...are you thinking? Is that what the mmmmmmmmm is about?
Don't be afraid to say what is on your mind!

Very nice Celeste. Great attitude. Hope I feel that way. In no rush for 65 though - I'll be honest. 45 is next for me and I sometimes cannot believe I'm in my mid-40's.

Pixie, I agree with almost every word! (Not the bathing suit part) In fact, I could have written that! I say this stuff all the time to younger people at work......which is everybody I work with.

This is the truest expression of my own feelings about my march toward Social Security. Well done!

Been thinking about age and numbers recently with my Mom turning 70 in a few weeks and Dad turning 80 on Nov. It certainly is true that you have to adjust your 'image' of what a 'x'-year old person is by at least 10 years, if not 15. This is the best time ever to be older.

That pretty much sums it up quite well. I think you become much more independent in thoughts and actions even as you become less so physically. I know one thing, I don't think I want to live as long as my mom has. She is 94. There is nobody except her children that she knew in her life still alive. Her eyes are almost gone and the hearing isn't too good, she is to say the least just plain board with the whole thing. Short term memory is non existent too but she is rational to talk to, she just won't remember much of the conversation in five minutes. The older I get the less appearances mean and the more actions are important. See through all the frills and just want the facts please. Just go with the flow baby as we all used to say. LOL :)

Pity it takes so long for many people to adopt that outlook!

Old would be better if you got to keep your young body!

Pixie, I love that.. I have to say, I'm not there yet and just pregnant with our first kid but I love it. I want to be like your SIL some day. Of course with some minor modifications being that I don't consider age but milestones as aging. One of the main reason why I turned down 3 marriage proposals before my DH (he tricked me). But when I past that last milestone, I want to be just like your SIL.

Good question. My DDIL turned 40 this week and I told her I very much enjoyed turning 40 which seems to be a stressor for some folks. You really know you're not a 'kid' anymore...people will take you seriously. My grandmother used to say that one of the best things about getting old was being able to say what you think and people not being offended by it. She also liked that she didn't have to shave her legs anymore LOL I'm pretty much comfortable with whatever age I am. Why fight it?

Your SIL's analogy really touched me this morning Michaela. Thank you for sharing it. Although I'm not quite "old" yet, I really don't mind getting older. I told hubby just the other day that I have never been as happy or content as I am these days. My son shares my birthday so next month when he turns 18 I will turn 38. I look forward to the days when hubby and I can "date" without children as when we got married I already had a 2 1/2 year old so we never really dated. We have been best friends since we were 12 and plan to do many "dates" when our children are grown.

I have no problem dancing with the broom (even if people are watching *lol*). In fact, yesterday morning we were walking down the aisle at Lowe's and it was the aisle that the automatic lighting was in. As I walked by the lights would go on. I pretended I was on "stage" and danced in the aisle throwing my hands up to the "crowds". When I got to the end of the aisle was when I realized all the cashiers were giggling at me. My poor daughter 13 1/2 wanted to crawl into a paper sack. She thinks I'm crazy but I think deep down she thinks it's cool. I had alot of fun and although part of me felt a little kiddish, I enjoyed the moment :)

Kim

Kim:

You have hit my philosophy right on the head. I enjoy the moment - what ever it may be.

If this thread had begun last month, my response would have been entirely different from this month's.

I am enjoying my mid-fifties! Finally!!! For the longest time I was looking at this time as the end of my life and wondering what I would leave behind. But then I realized that what I was feeling was just a reaction to the fact that my mom died in her early fifties, and my DDH died just a year ago yesterday. So I was wallowing in the 'wasted time' pool.

Perhaps that is why they say it takes a year sometimes to grieve. This month I feel (and act) about ten years younger than last month. Go figure!!

Or is it the gardening that keeps us young?

Thank you for the response's.....my SIL didn't write that piece herself, she just felt that summed it up pretty good. I had to agree , all except the part about the bathing suit ....im with Nancy on that one!
Victor, congrats on both your parents upcoming B-days! That is so wonderful that they are still around, you are blessed. I miss mine parents very much. I was 25 when my Dad died and 31 when Mom passed, but they taught me it was OK to grow old and I should embrace it, and enjoy it. Dad was 64 when he passed and Mom was 71....I was one of those change of life babies.

Ngam, 94 is amazing!! You too are blessed to still have her around.....give her a big hug when ever you can, and one fron me!

lcosden, congratulations on your first child!!! You my Dear have a long way to go before your old, but you have a great attitude about it! Hate to tell ya.....but it's that little bundle of joy in your belly that will make you gray and age faster more than anything!! LOL

Jan, turing 40 was one of my best Birthday's...tell your DDIL it only gets better ......well minus the aches and pains, those get worse!
I feel the same way as you about age....why fight it?

Kim, your still young at heart and kids will always be crawling in paper bags due to their parents outburst! Hope you and DH have many wonderful dates!

OK...now the saying my Brother & I love:




Candyce...im glad I asked a month later!!




This message was edited Sep 16, 2007 7:38 AM

Weird. Yesterday I said to DH - I can tell I am getting old. "My skin is loosing its elasticity" he looked at me weird.

You can't fight old age unless you found the foutain of youth. If you did find it we all want some! I will even pay the postage.

Fountain of youth was with me at one time! LOL

How cute, Pixie, but it's hard to believe you are that little girl - no camera!

Nope....no camera. I ran from them back then. After this picture I wore that dress one time more. The dress was yellow and white w/little black patent leather shoes and I was all dressed and waiting in the driveway as Mom loaded the car. Well this cute little frog jumped on by and landed in the mud puddle........do did I.

Did you jump in the puddle to catch the frog? Those old memories are wonderful.

Yes that darn frog got me into a mess of trouble!!! My cousin was standing there watching and all she said was "Ought OH!" That was enough to make my mother look. The dress was ruined and my Mother had a new gray hair! LOL

This message was edited Sep 16, 2007 8:53 AM

Pixie you were a cute sweet little girl, nice pic.

Love the Cat in the Hat sentiments.

Getting old isn't so bad for a bit I think. Your way smarter about almost everything, can do and say what you want and for a while are better off financially. The problems come when you reach a tipping point, different for everyone, that the physical or mental deficiencies start to outweigh the advantages. The longer you live the less independence you have, the less people pay attention to your opinions, the eyes of youth roll at whatever you say. In this culture we do not respect old age it just gets in the way for some people. It is unfortunate but true.

I agree.

Way smarter but the younger generation doesn't think so. They know it all!! I have 5 kids and I can't count how many times I had to bite my tongue from not saying "I told you so". To me, that's the hardest job of a parent....letting them make their own mistakes.

They have to learn from their own mistakes just like we did, hard to watch but this is something all parents through the generations have dealt with over and over again. As someone much smarter than me figured out a long time ago, you learn from failure not from success. :)

That was well written and I would love to grow old in that way. Now I know I am one of the younger ones here but getting older has been weighing in on me - especially with the troubles with dh being bipolar lately. I have had to face suicide and that really opens ones eyes to life and death.

Lately I have been thinking how I don't want more time to keep passing in such a depressive state for us all (in the family). Life is good and worth living in my eyes and I have always enjoyed life. I want to grow old feeling happy, secure and loved. I fear a lot these days I may end up growing older and not having experienced all the joys I wanted to. I guess that is my fear. Not sure if that all made sense. LOL

Dawn, I understand what you're saying. I hope for your family that you will be able to get some control over your dh's problems and bring joy and light back to your life. you so deserve it! and I know it can be done.

pixie, no wonder you're such a cute little thing now, look how you started out :0) I'll have to share that Cat in the Hat with a few people...too funny!

kim, wish I could have seen you dancing in the aisle! and there's nothing better than embarassing a teenager...it's probably the most fun you had all week LOL

It truly was. In my mind the crowd was going wild *lol*
I LOVE making my daughter blush. I think it's those "embarrassing" times that make us closer. If I died tomorrow I could just hear her saying...."Remember when mom did.....(fill in the blank, I've done it all to this poor girl).....she was so funny all the time".
I have no problems making a fool of myself to make my daughter giggle and say "oh mom, stop it....everyone is looking" *lol*

I stopped shaving my legs when I started on my head. The Cat in the Hat thing is cute - I've seen it before. Of course the estate of Dr. Seuss is probably not too happy!!

Many good points raised here. We all look forward to growing old healthy but no one wants to be a burden to their kids or anyone else. That's why it's so important to live a healthy life and plan your finances, etc. ngam makes a good point about passing the tipping point. Unfortunately we can't flip a switch.

We can learn so much from the elders, but most of us just don't. We do think we're smarter and listening to them is somehow 'going backwards'. I like the 'I don't care attitude' many older people have. I developed that one early!

Smiling here about how I feel about getting old, well my friends, I am old, in a few more weeks I will be 79 years old. Life has been wonderful and it has been awful. To spent my youth through WWII surrounded by hunger and death. Only a few years later cancer struck me but once again I survived.
After the best husband one could ever have suffered from Parkinson, and was another terrible time for many years, now I am alone, missing him without end. Gardening is one of the few joys in life right now but I wonder how much longer that will be, for one problem I am going to be blind one of these days with macular degeneration, I just hope it will not be too soon.

It has not been a lot of fun for me to grow old, it plays in my mind quite a bit and fear the responibilites my children will have if I can not manage for myself anymore.

Now I just simply say to myself, what ever will be will be

Stay positive Maria. You have friends and family who love you and learn from you every day. You touch more lives than you can imagine.

So did my DH Victor....he does not care what other people think. One example is his habit of wearing work boots with socks up to his knees and a pair of shorts. I can't tell you how many times the 3 DD complained and called him a hick or a redneck! LOL
The other thing was his attitude towards employers who were nasty to their employee's. DH would tell them, "Treat me with respect and i'll do the same for you. Otherwise....I came here looking for a job and I can leave the same way!"

Maria, Victor said that beautifully! You have brought more joy and love to those around you and they will remeber those things about you. The hard times seem to fade into a blurr for loved ones....it's the happy times filled with love that make a lasting impression.

Thank you Victor and pixie, I know exactly what you mean, I tell myself that every day but feeling depressed is a common accurance when old and living alone.

OMG - Pixie my husand is the same way! He don't wear shorts though and when he does it is black loafers, white socks and black shorts ( he won't go out in the sun - white chicken legs). He does not care what people think of him. He say's if they don't like it -&*@)$ &$@( - My DH is a very good hard working man.

I got to edit this.

Then again - I would scare EVEYONE to death on this board if, they saw me out working in the garden.

This message was edited Sep 16, 2007 11:28 AM

My husband was a WWII veteran, when he came home he wore Bermuda shorts when working out of doors, guys would drive by and whistle at him, no man in those days wore shorts, lol, but he said if the British could fight a war with shorts I most certainly can wear them cutting the lawn, and he did there after when all the men started to wear them. He later taught at RI School of design where he had to wear shirts and ties but off they came as soon as he came home

hi all - I have enjoyed reading thru all posts
I'll be 46 in a few weeks, but feel better now than ever - so agree with the "not worrying " so much anymore. I may change my mind when I'm closer to 50 though.
In fact, we go to New England every year for my bd - I was just looking at the RU thread and tried to see if it was close to our route - but no, but it sounds like fun.
Fall is my favorite time of year, and a bd weekend trip - its hard not to like getting older!

debilu, welcome! Where in New England do you visit? Is it a foliage trip also? BTW...im 47, welcome to the pushing 50 club!

Thank you Pixie.. I'm actually in my mid-thirties and DH is almost 40. We just had a couple of bumps along the way trying to have kids. But I heard that kids make people feel younger.. The older when they hit their teenage years.. LOL.. Got to see it that's true.. :)

Have to say, I love that Cat in the Hat sentiment there too.. It's wonderfully funny. Not that I worry about it. I'm probably one of the few people that looks forward to getting old. But it's a wonderfully funny way to see it.. Almost a challenge to the negatives of aging.. LOL..

Last but not least, never worry about people not valueing the elderly.. One thing I've heard from my mom growing up..

When you're young, they (the older generation) are always right
When you're older, they are always wrong
When you get older still, they've been right all along..

One thing that I've learn that I think is still true. Like my grandfather that is pushing 90, sure sometimes his mind is not quite all there. But when it is, you're reminded of all the things that they had told you... And he's never afraid to say "I told you so" either.. :) So, not to worry about the people not valuing the elderly right now. Those people will grow up soon and realize that the elderly has been right all this time.. :)

LOL Icosden, some of my children, a lot older then you are, still think they are right and I am wrong

Yeah.. That's what I tell my mom too even when she's right.. Just don't want her head to get too big.. :)