Surprise visits good or bad?

I don't care what they think.
I keep my house as I like it.
I love my friends and cherish their friendship.
I invite visitors and have them frequently.
Nothing better than having a friend or two visit for a day or two or three.
I welcome visitors and guests.
Sky's the limit with me.....

I am fortunate to be blessed with considerate friends who would never think of just dropping in unannounced. I think that's rude; I don't do it, and I don't want it done to me.

My in-laws also showed (and were shown) the same consideration, as well as a neighbor we had for 18 years. Our neighbor became like a mother to me and still is even though she's now in NH. In all those 18 years, I never showed up at her door without calling first, nor she at mine. We also have snowbird neighbors we're friendly with, and neither of us just drops in. In fact, I may have my adopted mother to thank for this. She once told me that she'd explained to the snowbird lady that I worked hard, liked my privacy and that my home was my refuge, so she told her she never came here without calling to ask if it was a convenient time to come over.

I'm not unfriendly nor aloof. I just observe the Golden Rule in this respect.

For those of you who love drop-in visitors, then that's fine for you. I've forgotten who posted earlier about having friends even leave curtains for them in their absence. I just thank my stars I don't have friends who'd dare do that! Let alone bring someone in to tour my home! Different strokes, etc. It obviously made the poster happy to have friends like that, so that's nice for her.

I just have to answer the last post. I let a few friends read the post and they agree, there are far and few between who open their doors so freely to family/friends and strangers as do we in our circle of friends...I have experience much tragedy in my life and have been able to survive, grow only due to the grace of God, family and friends... Barely a week goes by that I don't have a home cooked meal left for me ., that someone went by and looked for that special gift ie.(curtains/step ladder/ new type of washer etc.) and thought how it would make me smile to receive such a gift...to those friends in passing who have decided that because my work day is long, why not walk the dog while travelling to town, to those lovely ladies whose husbands drop in and help with decks/flooring/pumps/drywall and whom I can never repay and who say it's a gift for all the kindness and caring I show to others and a simple thank you is all that's required.. I'm very independent, enjoy time on my own but if there is anyone who wishes to join me, my house is always open. You'd be shocked to learn that the contractors building the home next door have access to my home for water, hydro and perhaps a coffee..am I an idiot..I'm highly educated who puts trust in thy neighbors...

I just don't know how to express what true friendship means to me..it certainly isn't a call asking if it's an opportune time for them to visit.....if they've thought enough of me to want to drop by ..then by the Grace of God, my door is open at any time, and as I smile typing this post, if the Lord has sent someone who likes decorating..then all the better...my home is lovely, it's country and quaint.. all who enter say that they can feel the love within my home...I imagine that it's from the love that everyone leaves behind them on their visits....and you are right, this is not for everyone, but all the family and friends I have feel the same..I learnt well from my grandparents, parents, in-laws etc. that we could always drop in with friends (without notice) even to this day ...and we'd be welcome and more often than not a meal would quickly be on the table and fit for a king/queen.....I praise the Lord that this is what I learnt from my family and am honoured that my children continue opening their homes as well...

We've all been raised differently, not one any better than the other, but here in my circle of friends, it's a lifestyle...

Wow Betty,

I truly stand to learn a lot from you. If I could live up to a fraction of what you live, I would be such a better person for it.

Thanks for a wonderful post.

Boel (pronounced Boo-el)

Beautifully expressed, Betty.
Kiska

Well I for one have just learned to plan for my little guest on Fridays, it's become something to look forward to, LOL. Guess it's all in how you look at things, ie glass half empty/half full?

Oh, I love the glass full. As long as I had time to clean it. LOL

LOL

Visitor or elf? Am excited, came home last night to find some little elf had put a new telephone/p.a. system in the house..one in my bedroom and the other downstairs in the craft room and a meal in the refrigerator while I was at work yesterday! ...now to find out who that little elf was????? now that will be the fun part....lol have a great day...

Betty - great surprise.. Send the elf to my house when you're done with him, huh? =)

No, it does not burn the bottom at all... I like surprise visits by others, no problem. And I like to door-crash at others too! I always do not believe in calling and visiting, though sometimes it becomes inevitable. Perhaps the nearness of locations would prompt that. But when intending to visit someone for a purpose or if it is a bit too far to travel, I have to call to inform the arrival. I personally do not bother too much about how one's house is - messed up (by kids and the elders alike...LOL) or if it is spic and span. When I know someone is visiting, we try to make the house a bit presentable, if we have the time as we are a working couple. If not, we just expect others to not look at the mess, LOL!

This is a nice thread, thanks for starting it.

It irritates me to no end to be honest. My mom's best friend for 40 years does this. She now lives out of state and will literally NOT call until she is in town and then sometimes she needs transportation or a place to stay!!!!

It boggles our minds because in so many ways, she is a wonderful person. But my mom has a lot of health issues and we are darn busy people. Call me a week in advance and I will be GLAD to prepare a room and change my schedule for just about anyone.

I am not too concerned about my house...I have 4 kids and have learned to pick my battles..but my time is crazy for most days.

I don't get how people think it is ok to just drop in. Even my best friend in town...we call...it's just the polite thing to do. To assume people do not have plans or do not want quiet time, or have just gotten out of a fight lol, or are cleaning, or...or.... or .........WHATEVER......just amazes me.

Burns my bottom!

But at least planned or unplanned "guests" can't just walk in---I keep all doors locked.

Another question would be: how much time DO you need to welcome company? Same day notice can get me in a panic.

Apparently someone's friends have a lot of money, if they can just pop in the leave little gifts for you, such as a new tel. phone/p.a. system, leave meals, do your drywall, plumbing, etc. for free. I personally do not know of anyone who is able financially or would just do any of those things for free. As for leaving my doors unlocked so that the construction people next door could pop in and use my gas, water, bathroom, etc. that would not wash. At most any construction site I know of they plumb in the water and set up elec., and bring in a port of potty first thing. Sometimes I think people post absurb stuff on these threads just to see if other people will be sucker enough to believe what is written. Not saying that it could not happen, but truly where in the USA would that occur? Or just about any other country in the world. That would be an ideal community, and that is not the world we live in today. One would have to live in a small, closed community, know everyone and probably be kin to them. And frankly, some of my kin I would not trust as far as I could sling them. LIZ

LC2 - I think Betty's point was some family member came to visit & did something nice for her. She was probably serious in the act, but not serious that the "magic elves" came & did it.

ROTFLOL

That is a good point, my father lives in Sointula, they never lock their doors and everyone comes and goes pretty freely, it's an island community in BC. Beauty,eh?

That was quite a post LC2sgarden...NOPE- what I post is absolutely the truth...no nonsense..no fibs...I'm just that type of person, always opened my doors and always will...what would be the purpose of living if one couldn't truly love 'thy neighbor' in the general sense of the word...the construction firm is one that I've never heard of..neighbor told him that he was sure I wouldn't mind..the large generator they would need to build the foundation/house would be extremely noisy; have lots of neighbors who work night shift and need their rest during the day..so loud noises would keep them up half to day..so why not share the hydro..Ron, the owner has agreed that in exchange for my generosity that he will, when backfilling the foundation will bring over all the huge boulders for the pond I made..as for the water.. we pay FLAT fee to the town , so I let them turn a knob...wouldn't you? My hydro panel is in back bedroom and door is always open..if someone needs something that I have and thinks they need it more than me..well, help yourself..

I listed before that I had mega tragedy in my life, if it weren't for trusting people out there God knows where I'd be...so now I go out of my way to open my doors and befriend anyone in need!

As for people dropping off gifts, I feel so cherished, they are all wonderful friends..as for myself I MUST be a great friend to have as well or why would they be so loving and caring towards me...the Good lord certainly has blessed me!!!

Funny story, my brother was passing through town and saw about 12 cars in my drive on Monday and stopped by to visit..couldn't imagine what the special occasion was..came in and only saw strangers as I allow a group of painters use my studio as a get-together drop in centre.... he found it charming to have all these ladies and 1 gent make him coffee and offer him treats...(on my behalf)!!

I could go on and on as to people's generosity...just this week

a lady who lives a few blocks away and who stops by when she sees me in the evenings to admire all the work I've done on the property and knowing the long hours I work in the city and how difficult it is for me to get to post office, generously offered to pick up my mail and drop it off..told her the back door open is always open, just set mail down anytime you pick it up...imagine..another newly made friend..but then at same time she told me her niece had lost her 'teddy' and was very sad..I had several which I had made and gave her one to please the child until she found her 'teddy'...
I've lived in town for 2 1/2 years and the only family I have in town is son/DIL and 2 grandchildren..but now include many more in my 'family' unit..

Bernice, a few doors up who has a bread and breakfast has difficulties sleeping..many times when I'm up for work she'll call over to make sure I'm o.k. as they've perhaps seen my light on during the night...she has bookings during the spring/summer and felt I would be so welcoming to a stranger that her overflow will be directed to my home...(as long as I don't poison them with my cooking-NOT a good cook) lol..could always place order at restaurant up the street and feed them...

Liz who spends the winter in Florida called to say she picked up two lovely outfits for me and is anxious to see how great I'll look in them...she returns mid-May...just about the time that the rhubbarb leaves will be ready to make the walkway stones for her garden..I'll enjoy spending the day teaching her the 1-2-3 method so she can enjoy them in her garden...

today I'm having siding put on the house and I made homemade soup, there's a fresh bread and butter on the counter, pop in the refrigerator and a note on the door...thanks for making my home pretty...come in and have lunch...


So dear friends, it's not all 'take/take/take' I am in every sense of the word a 'GIVER' as well...

Are my friend rich? Some are extremely rich, some live moderate lives, some from paycheck to paycheck...you would never know which ones are which...a great circle of friends..maybe that's what's missing in the world..getting back to hometown values..

Is it possible, yes it is..but each one of us has to open our doors as well as our hearts..as I said before, is it possible to be hurt by some of these individuals? It sure is...but the joys far out weigh the bad part..I so do want to believe in my neighbor (people who surround me, people I've come to know and cherish on DG and other sites...those I've met personally or those simply by their posts! Know that any of you would be welcome in my circle of friends/family and home...

I really do feel sorry for those who would rather believe the badness of the world today than what sunshine really exists in some of our lives...


And LC2sgarden, I an bit offended that you think people and no communities such as I and where I live do not exist..we are more in numbers than you believe...so I will challenge you in a friendly way..I will post tomorrow the name of the construction firm who is working next door, and will advise the owner to accept a collect call from you my friend inquire to verify the existance of the thoughtful individual...how's that for a challenge lol...that would make my day as it would then open the doors to DG members who take the time to post, express their feelings..to those individuals whom I have come to care/love and pray for to know what they post is accepted as truth and that no one should challenge their values or what would be the sense of all of us being here...when you post I listen, I pray, I cry, I laugh, I admire and most of all I call you my FRIEND!

Just thought I'd post a few photo's of some of my lovely friends who use my studio...some of my painting is included as well...

Also, these sites are meant for friendship..let's enjoy each other..

OOOPS forgot the site
http://www.picturetrail.com/members/edit?p=47

Loosing it, in log-in, just use my password 5342740 tks

Betty I have to say, and I'll post it here and not in Dmail that I admire you. Not only for your open heart but for the fact that you have such a forgiving nature. I'm afraid if someone called me a liar to my "face" I would not have been so gracious in my reply.

Betty,

That is truly wonderful you live in such a pleasant and honest community! I've been searching my whole life! LOL! But honestly in my area---and others I've lived, we've always been the neighbor to go around and introduce ourselves. We've taken garden goodies, baked goods, pulled in people's trash cans, etc and sometimes besides the initial surprised and delighted greeting from neighbors most folks I've met will barely wave back and smile when they see us out and about. I think it's a turn the world has taken in general and perhaps this is what Liz meant. I've never felt comfortable in any of my homes to leave a door open. I think it's wonderful you shared with the contractors! I've been one myself and usually people are discourteous and annoyed because contractors are always in the middle of a mess---wonderful you helped out!

Bettypause - your post is a joy to read and if we're in your area, would stop and say hello.
Kiska

Betty, I tried to log into your picture trail site and I couldn't seem to manage it. I'd love to see some of your paintings!

Wasn't there a song that had words to the effect "the amount of love you receive equals the amount of love you give?" You must be loved. :) Most days I consider myself lucky if I'm just liked. :)

Diann

Ticker, don't know why, I'll post some tonight at home, but here at work I may have a few projects for you to view...

Basement cement floor...with all the traffic I received and the crafters enjoying the basement I decided to paint the floor with faux rock..took me about 1 1/2 weeks..mega sore back, but it's done

try this site..
http://s178.photobucket.com/albums/w255/bessiemarie0/

Diann - think it worked ..there are a few photo's...please excuse house..took roof off and siding, they are working on it today...I'll post new photo's when it's all done...

Very nice. :) Your kitty could be a clone of my Bandit. :)

Diann

I'd like to add ... God bless you, Betty ... but I see He has already. :-) Such a lovely post.

"Do you like surprise company? Are you one of those folks that is just tickled pink & purple to have someone show up unannounced, happy they thought enough of you to come? Or does it burn your bottom? Do you get disgusted that your house isn't clean, you had no time to prepare a snack, and you have NO idea why they would come & not call first to make sure you're dressed & proper?

Survey says...."
Burns the bottom! Coming un-announced is rude. So many variables to this one. I could have plans already, I could be sleeping, I could be walking out the door, or going on vacation, I could be knee deep in dirt and hair askew, who knows.

And flip-side I never show up uninvited. Recently, a friends wedding occurred, (a few months planned ahead, Las Vegas Quickie Style) and I was not sent an invitation. I got "word" from others, but not the couple themselves. People just "showed up" if they wanted to go. From what I heard, it was a disaster. We didn't go because I felt that if the couple wanted us to be there, they would have invited us. My husband thought we should have gone for the fun of it all, but I was put off by it. BTW, we were not close friends, just aquaintances via other friends of ours. Some people may call us old grumps (we are 45), but I say older and wiser. :D

Anyhoo. I didn't think people showed up unannounced anymore. Even my own Pop scolded me in 1982 for doing it right after I moved out.

Sue, you're right; there are many variables. I'm an interior designer, and one day I had an appointment with a client in her home. The plan was that I'd look at the rooms she wanted to change, then we'd have a "working" lunch during which we'd discuss her overall wants and needs. After that, I was going to measure the rooms so I could do space planning. Some designers charge for travel time; I don't, but I'm on the clock when I walk in the door.

Shortly before lunch, my client's phone rang. It was a couple calling to say they were on the way there with their child. My client explained that she was just getting ready to have lunch with her decorator and that she'd probably be tied up for a couple of hours. "Oh, no problem, we'll be there in about 20 minutes." My client was not happy about this. She said they only called to see if she was home so they "wouldn't waste the trip" if she wasn't there. Her friends arrived soon thereafter and weren't the least bit concerned that my client had to prepare more food (she'd done individual chicken salad plates for the two of us). Obviously, nothing was discussed over lunch, and it became clear that they were there to spend the afternoon. So I left. It took two weeks for us to be able to coordinate our schedules so we could finally get the necessary time together.

Sorry, but no one can convince me that couple wasn't rude. No, friends aren't an inconvenience; but their untimely, unannounced visits are.

Btw, I didn't charge my client for the "nonworking" lunch, but she included that time in my check because she felt it was only fair. Unlike her friends, she was considerate.

Sue:

When my kids were smaller, in the infant stage, I remember being too busy for company and if someone just popped in on me, I would be miffed for ages,lol. Now, it seems I've mellowed and I feel that my life is fuller for that day because someone came to see me. I just can't be peeved about it anymore and if I'm busy, there's not much that can't wait.....life is too short.

Betty, I know your town very well because my sister lives there. Her hubby and his family have been there since the olden days (my guess is that you would know the name if I were to say it). People there are great and having lived in the city my whole life, I was a little taken aback by the friendliness and hospitality. Everybody waves at you when you drive by......sheesh, don't give me a heart attack, you don't wave at city people like that because we're not used to that,lol. If I'm not up there to visit my sis, than I'm up there to see Tom and his daylily farm.
Believe me folks, such places do exist.

erynne,

glad to hear you still remember those early days as a mom---embarking on that journey now and it makes me even less hospitable for the pop-in, not to mention hardly quite presentable-ha!

Tir_Na_Nog,
I sure do remember! Here I was a zombie half the time and living in pjs, when people would just show up.....ahhhhhh! Don't you love it when people show up at baby's nap time and it's the only time YOU have to get stuff done, like have a shower?!!! Sheesh, I'm glad those days are behind me.....but then now I deal with teenage stuff.....fun, fun.....not!

Erynne

So very glad to meet you Erynne, oh my God, isn't that lilly farm the best..don't know if they are open as yet, promised a daylilly to a lovely lady on DG who sent me 'Sadie's beans'..I've watched ..but think it's open in mid May...How exciting to learn that you have family in town..would be great to have them drop by or more importantly for you to visit when you are in the area...lol..and you don't have to call ahead....I'm sure I'd know your family..if you feel like you could share their last name I would be interested...you are right, it's such a lovely town...many changes even in the few years I've been here, so much growth..construction business making mega dollars...real estate is just booming..and those who have older homes are beautifying them like crazy..on the side of me, towards back yard, young couple just built a beautiful home, next door next home going up, and I'm also doing a major renovation, but the people don't seem to change and think that's what attracts outsiders to the area...have you seen the beautiful complex built on the water just down from me? Think they are almost sold..Georgian Bay has to be the most beautiful area there is..when my husband passed away, I had to selll my place on the water in Port Severn, hated to move, but this is town is very similar...of course, with being Recreation Co-ordinator for over 20 years...I knew everyone and every age..between starting up day care, to teen dances, to bingo, to crafts, to seniors etc. there weren't many I didn't know..same goes here...guess that's why I'm so social and treating people I meet as friends..that was part of my job then and still my job to make people feel at ease with the work I'm doing...it's good for ones moral living in this type of town..live next door to the variety store..she never calls me Betty, it's alway 'nice lady'..so simple and yet so nice...

If you can imagine, I travel to Toronto every day..it's almost 100 miles each way..because it's a family business and we're 5 of us, sometimes 6, I get to commute with different ones..so there's a lot of gabbing going on..I work at Hwy.7 and Weston Road...IF you can call it work, I'm there to do telephone assessments for those in dyer need i.e. consumer proposals and bankruptcies so I must listen and be compasionate..no/no, my sister in law says I must not be compasionate, I must show them empathy...I always want to take them home and help them...BIL and SIL just shake their heads... you just made me laugh when I read about everyone waving and talking..

In the morning my SIL and I get in elevator and it's 'and how are you today' / what a great morning...etc.etc.- offer them Tim Horton mini's and when we get off the elevator they virtually are looking at us like we're daft...imagine, someone making early morning coversation, smilling and being pleasant.....but now, I know most everyone in the building because I eat lunch in restaurant downstairs and talk to everyone....there are a few men who are taking an adult learning class to upgrade themselves into another type of work..think it's sponsored by compensation board, I see them in the am and at lunch.. one of them is always treating me to coffee/donuts .. they insist, so, back down I go once I'm sure they've left for class and pay for their next coffee as I don't want to take advantage..laughing..it's a vicious circle...would be better to just pay for our own..

You've been so kind to post, as many people do not have the opportunity that I and your family have to live in "God's country" up here...may it never change..hope you keep in touch and PLEASE drop by..other than regular working hours, I'm usually home doing some project either inside or outside...coffee's always on....

Look forward to posting with you again...you don't know how you've upped my spirits..the good Lord always sends me 'earthly angels'...to easy my hurt...have a great evening...Betty

well I think they do that out of consideration. they probably know you and know you would go to a lot of trouble, and they don't want to put you out. they figure you really do wish to see them as you have been so polite and told them to come back soon. and since your house is always so clean and spotless everytime they've been there, they are certain it wouldn't be an embarassment.They really had no idea that you were just "keeping up appearances", not really wanting to see them at all.