Language in D-mail

Can we have a word-blocker for D-mail like we do for thread posting? I know if someone uses a cuss-word in a post, it won't be posted, and big bold red letters suggest things be re-written. I'm wondering if we can have the same for D-mail. For instance, to keep the kids of subscribers from reading "mommy's d-mail" and "wondering what that four-letter word means."

Thanks,

C'mon. We're adults here. I'm sorry, but do they see your email too? I don't think we have to be monitored in private posts. And no, I don't swear.

This is getting down right ridiculous.

I never leave any site where my grandkids can veiw a passworded exchange. They are supervised if the system is on and they are online for any reason. It is my responsibility to moniter what they are exposed to not any webmaster. If Mommy gets d-mail, Mommy should sign out. if she doesn't want children to view. This is pretty well a "protected" site but Dave & Co. need sometime to garden ;-)

For real! It is one thing to monitor and edit the posts because they are posted in a public forum. Dmail is supposed to be private.

If you don't want your kids reading your Dmail, set them up on a separate screen name and password protect yours. Put a nanny program on their screen name so it blocks out the things you don't want your kids to see/read.

If we start puttng controls on everything that is typed there will be no meaningful conversation left to have.

Are people really so brain dead that they need outside controls to monitor their children? If I had a child living at home you can bet your boots the computer would not be in their bedroom, or behind a closed door, and I'd make darn sure I knew what they were reading and what websites they were accessing. I've even been chided here for using a common euphemism for a certain bad word which I rarely, if ever, use.

Ditto to all above..

Larkie

My kids or grand kids do not use this with out
i am in the same room .
there is no way they can use this with out me .
that why passwords security setting are for .
who needs BIg brother 24/7 for adultD mail

I'm wondering who's using language children shouldn't read? If someone's sending you mail you don't like, tell them to stop.

Claypa
I'm with you. Communication is key, not restrictions. If you dont like how somebody communicates either tell them or don't open their d-mails.

Or contact Dave thru the contact us button at the bottem of the page.

Good grief ! The day they do that is the day I leave.

Don't you know how to say to your kids, "NO?"
Are we gonna have to brush our teeth and comb our hair
and wash our hands before we sign on?
Nuts.

I totally agree. When my kids were fairly young, we went to visit the in-laws in New Jersey. (What a beautiful state.) For some reason my MIL had started cussing, and I mean like a sailor, even including the F word.

I know I'll never forget it because it was so awkward, but after the FIRST time, I just said, "Mom, Jim and I don't cuss in front of the kids at all. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't either." Problem solved, and we've never had to deal with it again.

All that to say, if you don't like four letter words, let your preferences be known! Nobody here is a mind reader, and some people obviously do not take offense at using them. If you are offended, speak up to the offender.

Apparently this was a bad idea. No need to get so irritated about it, folks. I was just suggesting that the requirements for posts viewable by subscribers have the same triggers that mail does. I think it's strange that the requirements aren't across-the-board.

And, for the record, I don't have kids.

As a parent, I think it is my responsibility to monitor my own children and what they view. I don't think there has ever been anything in my dmail that they have not seen in a public restroom or heard on TV or even out in public. I have made the choice to explain the word and what is wrong with using it. I'm guilty of cussing. Why lie? My kids know it is out of anger or humor and that both are bad. I think most parents have secretly giggled or almost died the first time one of those lovely words comes out of their two year old.

I have on occasion told a member here that their language was inappropriate or that if they did not tone it down, it would be done for them. Even though they may not have seen a problem with what they said or how they said it, they did change what they said or refrain from doing it again. I'm sure I also say things that rub people wrong.

Most importantly, my email and dmail are private and my kids should not be reading it! My kids know to ask me about it when they see or hear something questionable.

I'm not going to have a fit if Dave wants to curse block my dmail but I don't feel like he should have to.

Jen, No harm done. Discussion is good and maybe reading this will sway people to think before they type. :)

My reference for even asking the question.. Acceptable Use Policy Item #5. It isn't specific, but refers to all content placed on the site.

angelsong , sorry that no one saw your sentence started with "for instance". most have jumped the gun on "kids" and "monitoring". The rules should be "across the board' like you mentioned.

What is the point of having dmail if it is not private? Otherwise every conversation could be posted on the forum and/or sent to regular email. I'm not trying to be argumentative, just another point. I have no idea how easy or hard it would be for Dave to add that feature to dmail or if he even wants to.

I don't think d-mail needs to be regulated, if people are putting stuff in a d-mail that offends you, all you should need to do is ask them to stop using that language and since most people here are nice reasonable people I'm sure they'll respect your wishes. And if they don't respect your wishes, then you probably don't want to be exchanging messages with them anyway! The reason for enforcing the rules on the forums is because there are so many more people who could potentially be offended by inappropriate use of language and it would change the tone of the site completely if there were 4 letter words all over the place, but in messages between two people I think we're all adults and can remind people of our preferences.

Let's please be gentle when someone makes a suggestion. Most of the replies on this thread are certainly not gentle! Imagine if you received replies like these to a suggestion that YOU made. :/

We've never moderated dmail and I'm not planning to start. It's a private communication and has no impact on the membership at large like the forums do.

dave

I've been hollered at so many times on this site it doesn't even phase me anymore. I seem to have a knack for disagreeing with the majority. So, thanks Dave, but it doesn't matter. Forgive me for even mentioning it. I did end the d-mail conversation, and got more snotty sarcasm in response. It wasn't even a conversation I initiated, and it's not like I can delete D-mail.

Angelsong, sorry you had to put up with nasty D-mail and snouty remarks No one should have to tolerate that. I do cuss in private when angry and I am not proud of it but I dont do it in posts nor in D-mails.
I know it can be hard to do but I would turn that "conversation" to Dave and crue. One should NEVER be afraid or ashamed of doing it. Its you right to be respectfully treated even in mail and even in disagreements.
Janett

Dave, you are totally right. AngleSong, I apologize for not being more gentle. For some reason the concept of Dave's monitoring our Dmail hit my hot button for dealing with a big brother type monitoring private communication.

Although I'm not in agreement with your initial suggestion, I agree with how Janett_D put it. There will always be a few bad apples. Just don't take them up on their conversation. If it really got out of hand, turn it over to admin. Gardening and plants should be enjoyable and therapeutic.

Puldeau: This thread started with a PROPOSAL and a QUESTION.

"Can we have a word-blocker for D-Mail like we do for the
thread posting?"

That is the SUBJECT of this thread. The "if...." part is only an
example of why one might desire such an objectionable move.

true mahnot & the "question" has been answered thank u

Yes, it has. Thank you, Dave.

SORRY! am old and grouchy
i just cant image kids on computer with out adult present or safe guards in place
kids and computer's are as dangerous as playing with guns to many nuts on net .

I'm fine, guys. Don't worry about it.

Just let the record show that I'm one of those "rotten younger generation lazy people" ya'll love to complain about. It was my suggestion that all you "adults" learn to control your mouths.

My mouth Is locked in open position
WHo said any thing about lazy ? im lost

Rotflol......Tazzy where on earth did you get that picture from. That cat looks scared to death or mad as a hatter.
Janett

self portrait LOL

It would be very upsetting and a breach of privacy IMO to have D-Mails read by anyone other than the person to whom it was sent. I am very glad that Dave's answer to this question is never have/never will. Thanks!

Now if someone e-mails me in a language that isn't appropriate I'd let them know. A friend will understand and someone else would just end up as a foul mouth who I don't communicate with.

I've been reading this thread and thinking of how other forums handle this- some let you block D-mail from an offender forever, for example.
When my kids were younger I told them I knew how the check where they surfed. And I did. The one time #2 surfed inappropriately of course I found out. That ended it. This is not the solution for everyone, but it works for me.
AngelSong, hit the delete button on the offender and imagine you're flushing him or her away.
Tazzy, love the cat photo. I think he's angry.

The problem isn't in ending the conversation. It's been ended, and I gave the offender the "last word". It was in opening the original remarks towards me and seeing language I thought quite inappropriate for DG. I was simply curious how the mail got passed the Acceptable Use Policy.

This is really a non-issue. Dave has spoken (along with the voice of the masses), and the decision is made.

Someone from DG started a D-mail message like that? Mental, seriously mental.

It sounds like it was the tone of the message in addition to the language that was offensive in this case--even if you block the use of certain words, if people are trying to be nasty they would find a way to be rude/nasty without swear words so having a swear-word blocker wouldn't really help, I think the only thing to do in that case is pass the message on to the admins and have them deal with the person.

Ideally, no one would ever curse, swear, or be less than civil to anyone else in the forums, in private messages, or in real life.

But every person decides how they will conduct themselves in our forums, in emails, and in real life.

All we can do is set out guidelines for how we will treat our members, and how we expect they will treat us and other members within the public areas of our site. We can't dicatate how people talk around their family, friends, co-workers and neighbors; likewise, dmail is not public communication, and we have far too many other tasks to monitor how individuals choose to express themselves to one another privately.

Unless someone is being harassed or threatened by another member AND they construe it as such a serious threat they would get their *real* email administrators (gmail, aol, comcast, whoever) involved if it had come through their personal email account at home or work, then it's a private matter that should be resolved privately.

Like in all other aspects of life, some folks rub each other the wrong way. Misunderstandings happen. It's up to the two indivduals to draw on their interpersonal skills and solve the problem privately, or agree to disagree and leave each other alone.

There's no "delete" button with dmail, but you can make a "delete" folder, and drop unwanted messages in it.