Oh Pixie! So glad you got out of that situation. Thats not a life , its a prison sentence. You have a lot of guts! Too many women stay for the sake of the kids not knowing that their kids are learning that awful behavior and repeating it.
Amen on Brian getting a clue:-)
To be fair, I have met some very helpful and nice men after my ex, but I moved around too much and enjoyed being single and traveling too much to marry again. I just didnt want to give up my freedom.
Question about men?????
wow - i think i see steam coming off my PC!!
To be honest I hestitated to post for a very longtime. I know most of you are just venting, but some seem to be generally unhappy in their present situations. I can tell you this, because of what I went thru.... ........Life is to short to waste it being unhappy for very long.
I also don't comment on the "What expressions (or words) drive you nuts??" thread because I have a son who can't talk. I'd love for him to say anything to me on a regular basis even if it made me grit my teeth. ^_^
glad you got out celeste and found brian!
Thanks Bill, me too.
OK, I need to apologize....im under a bit of stress and came off as strong and bitter. I
Sometimes my emotions over take me when I'm stressing and I get carried away.
This was meant as a fun venting thread and I turned it dark.... I got carried away and i'm very sorry!!
I'll be back later on when I get this stress out..maybe next month! LOL
No need to apologize! Want to de-stress? Look through the contest pics. Some are so bad I am laughing out loud!
Yes, some are bad.....I didn't want to say it so im glad you did. LOL
Thanks for sharing that Celeste! I'm glad you decided to post because your courage might help someone in a similiar situation.
About "little things becomming big things" and Listen to your heart.
The emotional part of you makes the stupidest decissions.
Dont listen to your heart.
My grandmother always said" Watch an see how a man takes care of his toys and prized posetions,thats how he will take care of you"
Good for you Celeste, there's no reason to put up with that kind of treatment. My cousin married a man who she thought was a great guy but he would turn abusive when he drank too much. The first time he hit her she filed for divorce and never went back.
My husband was a bachelor for a long time before we were married so he definitely learned how to take care of himself during that time. He's a bit set in his ways but they are things I can tolerate.
So glad you got out of that situation, Celeste, you do hear stories of many that don't.
My mom always said watch how he treats his mother.
Yes - I heard the same, Jen.
Celeste, so glad you got out of that situation. That's no life for anyone. It's good you're in a better situation now.
Reading all these stories makes me happy I don't have a man in my life. Sometimes I wish I did, but I'm so picky now I don't know if I'll ever find the right one. I don't know if my ideal man exists.
Victor is right, Celeste. No need to apologize. Sometimes you really need to vent, and you're among friends here. We all care about you and want the best for you. You go ahead and vent whenever you want. It really helps to get things off your mind, especially when you can vent to people who will be supportive.
I've always heard 'watch how a man treats other people, like strangers, when your out with him'. Like how does he treat a waiter? How does he treat the cashier at the store if there's a problem? That' how he will eventually treat you. A mama's boy will treat his mother better than his wife/girlfriend, and that also goes for a man who takes good care of his 'toys' and prized possessions. Sometimes they are treated better than his wife/girlfriend.
Karen
remember ladies that there are two sides to every relationship
Such an interesting thread. I wouldn't tolerate no helping, so they should be glad they're not married to me! :)
My husband does laundry (always clothes, and I'll help out with towels & sheets) and has since we met (I think he started doing his own laundry as a teen - his mother taught him well!). He does the dishes, pays the bills, does garbage, mows and snow blows. He typically does vacuuming but that hasn't been regular lately. He'll help with other cleaning when asked or if we have a list to get through. He gets his own dinner ready (we eat different things) and makes sure I take my pills every day (and we're only 36 - haha). When I'm sick, he takes great care of me.
Of course, he's not like most other people. Even as a kid. Never was interested in drinking alcohol or drugs or smoking. Read Wall Street Journal as a kid. Not totally serious - he was the lead guitarist in bands in high school, with the long hair and such from the 80s.
Not sure how he came out so great, even his mother doesn't know (she never yelled at him as a kid - never had to). She is the kind of person who doesn't think she should get married - she doesn't want anyone telling her what to do. Between the stuff she'd tell/teach him and what he'd observe from her, he knows how to be a good person.
And luckily we're in the age of, at least for our peers, men and women don't have gender roles per se.
Share and be a decent, thoughtful person. And they don't know how to think otherwise. They'd look at someone our age who doesn't help out around the house like there was something wrong with them. Just watching Mad Men together he has the same reactions I do about the attitude towards women. And I wouldn't have married him if he wasn't a feminist (and not be ashamed to say so).
Oh, and Victor, how about these?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=33822276
A bit girly, even for me!
They'd go well with my construction boots. No alcohol, smoking or drugs - what's left?!
I'm into role playing.
Oh, I had to bookmark that page! I love those gloves! I wonder how they would stand up to gardening chores?
Evie, glad to hear you got such a good man in your life. Hold onto him.
Karen
But not while wearing those gloves.
You are very courageous & smart Pixie---I don't know if I would have the guts to leave an abusive marriage. As I read through all the posts, I thought of my own situation---my DH was 51 when we married---he always did the vacuuming, mopping & outside work---now he's very elderly, & ill---I do everything inside the house & outside, & pray I don't get sick---he couldn't help me. But I'm not so young either, but getting smarter---I hired someone to do all the mowing & raking, & taking stuff to the dump---I'm almost ready to hire someone for the heavy inside work---I love my home & want to keep the 2 of us in it as long as possible.....my Mom always says "Life changes constantly, you have to adjust"---but sometimes it's difficult.
Marilyn, that must be tough. I would have a hard time with that myself, though personally, if I had to, I would not have too much trouble living in a condo or apartment. I've lived in apartments before. I would miss the gardening, but would find other things to keep me occupied.
Karen
Celeste, I'm glad you got out of that situation. No matter how Irritating things can get at times, I don't have to worry about that. I just hope my DS is good to whomever he finds. He's in a rebel mode right now and doesn't seem to respect us.
For me, this thread was merely for fun.... If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be here. I had the job of managing a criminal records department... and, I said, I would rather pump gas than come to work and be unhappy.... I only lasted at that job for a year! Life IS too short.
Celeste,
You are great! You remain one of the most positive people I know, in spite of the challenges you face and have faced.
Some people get all stressed out over the tiniest bumps in the road. Others, like you, shine despite huge problems.
David
I second what David said!
Karen
Celeste you are a gem! I sit in amazement of where you have been and also how lucky I am to have a very good man.
We both do our fair share, sometimes I more, sometime he more, but in the end we balance each other out when we need relief. Nobody is perfect, but I'd say I couldn't have planned for better one :)
i am curious ladies what your husbands did for you for your10 year anniversaries. Mine is coming up in several months and her request has been made.
We just had our 15th the other day, so when I think of folks in their 45th and 50th, I think we haven't made it too far. Since I am not one for jewels or necessarily big trips, I do appreciate that we take time out to spend together on a short getaway, some place we both consider special, taking the time out to appreciate what we have.
magnolia thanks - she is looking for that and more :)
My husband tells his pals that my favorite gifts include hardwood mulch and manure....they can't ever believe it.
So is this expectation something quite a bit more than manure, I'm guessing? Lol.
LOL! I think a short trip to somewhere special would really be nice. I would love that if I had a husband.
Karen
I don't even remember what we did for our 10th, that means it was probably uneventful...hmmmm
We had our 20th in Septemeber and we still haven't done anything special except going out for dinner...we were going to go away for a long weekend somewhere...still waiting.
I don't remember the specific year ---but the BEST gift I got was when my DH took me to the mountains (Valle Crucis) for our anniversary.... and as I climbed the stone steps to the mountain inn I looked through a window along the pathway and there sat both my kids at a table. The next day..... he took me to the pound and we left with a little speckled puppy. Rosie - was beautiful (not so much the 5000 fleas she had on her back!)
In fairness, there are plenty of awful women out there too. I know quite a few men who picked real winners. I know three who had older children when they divorced and the kids all CHOSE to go with the dads.
This thread has been thought provoking. I appreciate the varied points of view. We tend to see the world through our own experience and not through the eyes of others. I was taught that great literature is when we experience life in a new way, and not what reaffirms our established belief system. It's the same when we read about the lives of people here.
Laurel
Celeste, I didn't think you came across as negative or serious at all, and I too think you are a pretty cool lady!
I still want to grow up to be a housewife, I kind of like the traditional male female roles. I would love to not work at all ( I think) and just stay home and garden and cook all day. I do only work 3 days a week, and do 98% of the cooking but I enjoy it. DH will do just about anything I ask, and nurses me better than I do myself when I am sick. He does his own laundry, and I taught my son to do his own when he was 9. DH does the dishes and vacuums sometimes, that might be about it for housework.
He does the majority of yard work/maintainence outside of gardening, and pretty much takes care of most of the bills, and travel expenses, and does most of the shopping. He actually likes shopping a lot more than I do, loves to find a bargain.
When we were first married we used to always take a short trip somewhere for our anniversary, the Poconos, Vegas, etc, but now usually just go out to dinner. I also used to get nice jewelry for every occasion, but now that I garden and golf, I don't wear it half the time and prefer something for the garden or a new camera lens. I don't get flowers very often, but love them in the winter when there is none in the garden.
We actually still joke about some daffodils he bought at the grocery store one time, on special. They were almost dead, especially after sitting in the car for a couple hours.
" dead daffodils on sale now, aisle 5, only $2 a dozen"
So, yeah I get frustrated once in awhile, usually over stupid stuff, but overall feel pretty lucky.
Hmm... 10th year... don't remember. I'm a low maintenance kind of girl I guess..... buy me dinner or a daylily (or take me to a daylily garden) and I'm happy.. heck... just working outside, uninterrupted and I'm happy. We've even passed the 20th... still can't remember but through the ups and downs, I've enjoyed the trip.
My best anniversary gift to my wife was a surprise weekend. All she knew was to pack for the weekend. Meanwhile, I made hotel, show & dinner reservations,etc for a weekend in Boston. Her not knowing and not having to plan anything made it fun.
Sounds very nice Dave! Hats off to you, your a gentleman!
Yeah, Victor, we do have to be fair, as there are some really rotten women out there. My poor brother married one the first time around, then went from the frying pan into the fire the second time around. The current one is a real winner. If this one ever ends, I hope he will take some time to be single and get to know what he really wants before ending up in another bad marriage.
You sound like you are pretty lucky with your choice of a husband, Deb. He certainly sounds like a keeper to me. There is certainly no perfect man (or woman) out there, and if the good stuff outweighs the bad, then that's where it's at.
Karen