8 Tips for Handling a Toxic Coworker
by Caroline M.L. Potter, Yahoo! HotJobs
Times are tough enough without having to deal with a toxic coworker; but if you do, you may be stuck with them longer than usual, thanks to a weakened economy. Consider these hints to ease the tension:
1. It's business, not personal. Elayne Savage, author of "Don't Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection," says, "It's way too easy take something personally and think behavior is about us, when it is really about the other person."
2. Avoid negative bonding. "At some point, the negative person will complain about something that resonates with you and your circumstance. Do not join in!" warns corporate relationship expert Tony Chatman. "Don't even empathize. If you 'bond' with someone on a negative issue, they will feel that they have found a partner in their distress and they will look for you every time they feel something negative," he states.
3. Find out what's really eating you. Darcy Eikenberg, a professional coach and HR expert, urges professionals, "Know why this person is bugging you. Sometimes we're annoyed by someone who actually reminds us of the worst qualities in ourselves. For example, the workplace whiner may actually be expressing things you're thinking but don't feel safe to say. As Stephen Covey says, 'Seek first to understand' -- knowing why this person's behavior bugs you is the first step to changing your reaction to it."
4. Don't get too close. Workplace expert Donna Flagg, author of "Surviving Dreaded Conversations" to be published in October 2009, thinks steering clear is a solid survival strategy. "Keep a safe distance so as to avoid getting sucked into the toxicity. It's contagious," she believes.
5. Seek a sympathetic shoulder. "Unfortunately annoying coworkers are a hidden reality from most job descriptions," reveals workplace legal expert and former prosecutor Robin Bond. "Sometimes the best remedy is trading stories with a close friend (outside of the office) and finding humor and comfort in knowing you're not alone," she counsels.
6. It's all about inclusion. "If you really want the person's behavior to shift," suggests Amy Dorn Kopelan, co-creator of www.thegurunation.com,"try to include the toxic-minded people in more and more activity. Ask for their input. Ask for ideas. Don't let them grumble their way to effective discontent with the business and with the people around the office."
7. When in doubt, check it out. Is a coworker really acting in a toxic manner or did you get their tone wrong? Savage recommends, "Check out what you thought you saw or heard so space doesn't get filled with hurt feelings, anger, and resentment. Something on the order of, 'This is what I heard you say. Is it what you meant?' can work wonders."
8. Exit, stage right. Babs Ryan, who wrote "America's Corporate Brain Drain," says you may have just one option in the end. "Only 1 percent of bullies are fired; action is usually taken against the [bully's] target. If you work with a toxic coworker, your only choice may be to leave as quickly as possible -- especially if the company supports that bully repeatedly and has already exited several of the bully's targets," she states.
