A Flower planted in memory of a friend

Last week a very good friend of mine passed away. I felt very bad because it was too late for me to make arrangements. I cried all week and I am having hard time accepting the fact that she is no longer here. No more gift or card sending. I can not believe she is gne.
She was only 56 years old and the hard thing is that my mother passed when she was 54.

I am having a hard time because I have lost faith in God. He just took to many loved ones from me and it is not fair.

I am trying to think of a special thing I can do in my friends memory. Any suggestions
would most greatly be accepted.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. One thing that I've seen a number of people do is look for a plant that has a cultivar name that's the same or similar to their friend's name so you could do that. If your friend's name is fairly common you should have a number of options. If you go to this page here and put your friend's name in the "cultivar" field, it'll search and find any plants with that name. http://davesgarden.com/guides/pf/adv_search.php?Search=Click+here+to+search+for+plants (no need to fill in any of the other blanks). Or if your friend had a particular favorite plant, you could grow a few of those in your garden in remembrance.

When I bought my house 20 years ago.My grandmother planted several perennials and a lilac bush in my yard.She was killed 10 years ago in a car accident.Those plants have become very special to me.Plant something native to your area.Edge

In the garden, there is a mosiac cross - it's large -perhaps 14 tall and 8 wide. It is made from pottery shards sunk in a cement like material. It hangs prominent on a tree. Nearby there is a bench. Just a quiet, cool and shady spot in the landscape. Sometimes I sit there and remember Rosie who was my constant companion in the garden. Maybe you can do something similar to honor and remember your friend. The quiet time really does help and maybe you can find the faith that you feel slipping. Please accept my condolences for both your great losses.

Something else just came to mind. Do you know what a mezuzah is? (I may have it spelled wrong). A mezuzah is a sacred parchment inscribed by hand with two portions of Torah. It is stored in a protective case and hung on the doorposts of Jewish homes.

I am not jewish and do not want to offend in any way whatsoever so if my saying what I have done with the 'idea' that I was given by the mezuzah offends anyone --please forgive my ignorance and certainly no disrespect intended.

I was at a craft festival and this gal from Asheville had a display containing several beautiful protective cases for the parchment. The cases were beautiful... 4-5 inches tall and perhaps 1.5 inches across. Little pieces of art made from metal, pottery..wood... fused glass.. On the back of these small cases and hidden in the little hollow was a glass vial that is designed to hold the parchment. The front of the little cases were varied - abstract (the glass), little house fronts (pottery), trees, and other earth symbols in metal and pottery. Some were adorned with jewels and colored paper or stones. Some were plain and some painted.

I asked her if she would design one for me in silver. I asked her to build a small tree ...with bare limbs to represent the grief that I felt.. she placed a small silver leaf on several branches - one for each of Rosie's years. The small vile is tucked behind the hollowed out back of the trunk. I've a small photo of Rosie rolled up in there and a small note to her. It makes me feel better. The little case hangs on one side of the window trim where I do the dishes. I wash the dishes and look out the window that faces the garden. During that brief period of activity and thought, I remember her. Nobody knows what is in that vial but me ..Nobody knows there is a vial there except me (and now you) Rosie was always at my side..and in that scenario she'd hang around hoping I'd leave the dishwasher open so that she could get to the food scraps on the plates! Maybe you could find one of these cases that reminds you of your friend and your mom - or maybe you could make something similar.

First things first. If you have lost faith in God, it is because you are expecting Him to carry all life's burdens for you. Have faith in yourself, you can handle this and the other hard knocks life still has in store for you. Remember the good things you and your friend shared together and be thankful you had such a friend. Carry on.......and be that kind of friend to someone else. There are friends and family members who need you.

My 24 year old grandson died from injuries suffered in a car wreck. His favorite flower was the shrimp plant which he discovered and planted lots of a few days before his death. In his memory, I plant a shrimp plant in my garden every year. I dont do this to demonstrate sadness, but to appreciate the fact that we had him for at least his 24 years. All kinds of pleasant thoughts flood my mind as I tend that plant and think of him. I can even smile as I remember what a pain in the butt he was as a teenager. Last years shrimp plant was pretty straggly but this year I have learned how to keep it trimmed and it is a beautiful plant. You can see it in the middle of this small table surrounded by gazania's, one of my favorite flowers.

Hang in there Horny.........better days are coming.

I echo what Jaywhacker said. You were blessed to have her as a friend, and your other departed loved ones as well.

Being "angry" at God is normal when we've lost a loved one. I lost both parents 5 months apart...so I know from whence I speak. LIFE is not "fair" and never will be, unfortunately. Instead of being angry, be grateful for the presence these people were in your life. Try to imagine what your life would have been had you NOT had these people in it !

Do whatever YOU think is fitting to honor this person's memory in your garden. She will know, and love you for it. It's the thought that has the meaning. It can be subtle or obvious to everyone if you want it to be.

Just the fact that you want to do it, speaks volumes !

Did she have a favourite colour? You could always get a plant that was her favourite colour; alternately get a plant that looks happy and pretty (colourful); if you get a plant that looks happy you can dedicate it to your friend and it will remind you of the happy times.

I'm sorry for your loss Horny. Please know that all healing takes time and there's no magic cure out there. Spending time with other people you care about is probably the best thing now. Take care of yourself!

My brother took his life on May 21. Details are unimportant. I planted a garden at my parents home with the help of his chidren (18 and 17) and mine (18and 16). My dad and I prepared the area and my mother is tending the plants with help of the kids when they drop by, which is frequently. I only planted what my brother had growing around his home with his wifes' input. She also drops by and helps mom with tending. It has, I think, helped that everyone is envolved to some degree. Just a thought if others who knew this friend were all to help plant a garden area together with plants that each person thinks remind them of the friend. Meet weekly at the centraly located garden and tend it. Therapy for all and memories galore will be shared. It has helped all of us. Just a thought. As for the faith issue the meeting of friends/family and the miracle of growing and blooming plants has been enough to restore my faith everyday.

gcorrier - please accept my condolences on your loss. The memory garden sounds like a great and healing activity.