Any Interest in a ALA-NON type thread?

Watch Reply
More
Mark unread Print Skip to new
Previous
1 2
1AnjL (AnjL) Fremont, CA(Zone 9b) Dec 30, 2008

wow! do I really need this thread right now! thank you so much for starting it!

here is a thread about the trials and tribulations that I have been going thru these past few months.... http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/931346/

I am not ashamed to say that I am one of Cheryls siblings that is sober 11 yrs & 8 months. but even with all that sobriety, and activily working the program, life stuff still happens :( we just learn to deal with it in a new way. My DH is also sober 9 yrs, so we both work AA and Alanon programs.

one tool I recently learned is called the four circles:

they are:

Event
Thought
feeling
action

so many pwople who are addicted, or live with an addited person combine the thought and feelings, and then react. I am learning to break it down.

Here is an example of old behavior

My DH comes home in a bad mood.

My thought and feeling is he is mad at me for something I did (assumption)

so, my reaction to him is defensive and angry. then, he reacts to my anger...etc, etc.

now...with my new tool :
Dh comes home in a bad mood, I think, gosh, he must have had a bad day, I emphasize with him, and ask him about his day (new action) instead of immediately personalizing it and thinking it is all about me.

even if he IS upset about me, instead of becoming defensive, I can listen to what he is angry about.... if its something I am willing to change, I tell him I will work on changing it (doing laundry more often...etc) if its something I dont feel I need to change, I just say "I am sorry you choose to be angry over that" and I walk away.

I wish I had more time to post right now, but its midnight and I have to get up early in the morn. I like the idea of a one day at a time thread! that would be wonderful and may also attract more attention from those DG members who are in the same boat. My suggestion though, would be to make sure it is on a forum that is closed to non subscribers (red * next to forum in the list of forums) just for annonymity reasons :o)

please dmail me a link, or link here if you all decide to create that thread!! would be great if we could have daily topics too....kinda like an online meeting!

{{hugs}} to all!

AnjL

Post #5942760
Quote
Sonoita Sonoita, AZ(Zone 8a) Dec 30, 2008

Thanks Anjl!
It looks like Pea is occupied so I will start a new thread for 'One Day at a Time', I haven't located my books, but Any of us can post the daily thought. Later today I will post where the thread is located.
Sonoita

Post #5943603
Quote
Tplant Pembroke Pines, FL(Zone 10a) Dec 30, 2008

Anjl -- Wonderful advice and congratulations from someone who knows and understands. (28yrs sobriety) Your husband is a very, very fortunate man to have you! Only wish mine could have hung in there as you have but it didn't happen.
Ted

Post #5943605
Quote
Sonoita Sonoita, AZ(Zone 8a) Dec 30, 2008

Here is the link to the new thread

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/937676/

Please come join us!

Post #5943674
Quote
Previous
1 2

Post a Reply to this Thread

Please or sign up to post.
Back to Forum Homepage

More General Discussion & Chat Threads

Go to all General Discussion & Chat threads
BACK TO TOP