desperately seeking encouragement...

Cat, it's scary how true that quote is. I love living in New England, but I have lived as well as visited places all over the country, and New England is by far the most unfriendly place. I barely- and I do mean barely- know who my neighbors are...and we are all equally to blame! There are nice people here...it's just that we all really seem to keep to ourselves for some reason. I'm not native here, but evidently I fit right in, lol. I resolve to make a bigger effort this year to get to know the neighbors.

when people ask me why i don't like living here, i always answer, "It's too cold." and i mean that in both senses of the word!

Not the case here, or even in the city.

I've lived in Fort Lauderdale, San Diego & Escondido, stayed for months in Virginia & Iowa. I find the big cities are always impersonal to an extent. People just have to keep their guard up because of the population density. - "you dont know what you've got there". Smaller towns are somewhat friendlier but now in this century people have to be on guard everywhere. Overall I find It's not the geography that makes a place friendly, it's the people. ☺

yes, i absolutely agree that it is the people, but...
i am from the city of st. louis (a very dangerous place, to hear tell of it), the 18th largest metropolitan area in the U.S., have spent quite a bit of time in Louisville, KY and New Orleans, LA, and some in Knoxville, TN.

In comparison, people i have come into contact with in CT over the last 3.5 years are not friendly - and definitely non-inclusive. When we moved here - DH got a one year emergency appointment on the faculty at SCSU, we knew one other person on the faculty slightly. The theatre dept has 5 other full time professors. He was hired one week before school started, and we lived in two cities at once till the end of October. He was never invited anywhere - to lunch, for a drink, to a gathering - nothing. We have now been at 3 professors' houses - one time each. This carries on and on through everything he does, and that i have done, since coming here - work, school, it just doesn't matter. People have no interest in socializing. i mean, most of them come to our big yearly party - some have been all 4 years. But it is not reciprocated. We invited all 3 sets of immediate neighbors in our building to stop by our party - all have moved in since spring - a young couple across the hall, and 2 pairs of 20something roommates downstairs (we printed invitations, i wrapped them in mardi gras beads, and we left them in their doors). No one even dropped in.

Sorry - i am ranting - but it is true. In October, i went to a concert with one of DH's students, who is also a co-worker of mine. That is the ONLY time since moving here i have gone anywhere with anyone without Eric. (Except the RU - thanks Dave47!)

So, yes, i do find the area cold - people on here just seem to be the exception to the rule!

Amy, that is really SAD. I'd go crazy! I'm the kind of fruitcake that talks to people in line at the grocery store or anywhere else. I guess the "silliest friendly" thing I ever did was offer to do the writing on a Bday cake when the bakery people were all gone! Hey... the couple wanted writing & there wasn't anybody to do it, so I volunteered.

I admit I'm not real good at inviting people over. My husband is better at that sort of thing. I help the neighbors when I can, does that count?

I'm not sure how regional the non-friendly situation is - this is said of the Seattle area, too.
I'm from WA, originally, but lived in SF, Los Angeles and Hawaii, too. The big contrast was living in Brazil - you get invited to something on what seems to be a daily basis. LA was cliquish; SF was, well, bizarre (early-mid 70's); Hawaii was pretty friendly, too. Maybe it has to do with the weather being nice, so folks are outside more?
People seem to be so busy with jobs, commute time, kids/activities, etc. But it seems they are inside more than outside in my area. UNLESS they garden. Then they are crazy like the rest of us. Sorry - i should only speak for myself!
Psych - I do the same thing: talking to folks in public.
I sell produce at the grocery store all the time, because people don't know how to select & they get this "lost" look on their face. It's fun to help & I just don't care what the snobby ones think - how much value can be given to the opinion of a person that thinks they are better than others?
It's a daily goal of mine to have fun, where ever I am.

wow - i'm that kind of fruitcake too! it's not so much inviting people over, as just out... when a new faculty person moved here this year, i offered to take her to the mall... when our neighbors moved here from ohio, i made a packet of info about grocery stores, restaurants, the farmers market, and the library...

I was just down visting my parents in Myrtle Beach and I was struck by the difference. My parents have been there far less time that we've been in this neighborhood, and they have already built such a social network for themselves. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that most of the people that live there seem to be transplants from other parts of the country...so maybe the all share that bond of being the "new kid". Plus, all the store clerks and things just seemed to be so incredibly friendly and talkative compared to where I live.

I live in a coastal town in Maine that gets a lot of summer visitors. I saw a shirt in a store here that said "Townie"...boy, did that give me flashbacks to high school, when we moved from Florida to an army base in Northeren Massachusetts. There was such a huge chasm between the army kids and the local kids, or "townies", as they called themselves. It was like one giant, closed off clique.

There absolutely are warm and friendly people here, too...but I definitely do think there is something to the regional thing.

amethystsm trust me I understand the depression problem... although I am not the type to take pills for it but I won't lie about drinking that tea from time to time to help me sleep... I guess talking with my friends and just crying it out was the best meds for me... but I know that is not for everyone... at the time I just bought my first horse... very good therapy.. lots of exhausting work and play... and I know that's not for everyone either...

but now that I have my house and can't afford the horses... I turned to gardening and in winter... crafts... and my dogs always help keep me busy.... and trust me I didn't mean to sound like you were going through a poor me stage.... I know any type of illness can beat us up mentally... even as much as getting the flu... just wanted to share what kept me going... and hope that maybe it can help someone else.. it's not easy to figure out sometimes... I know our situations are different but maybe it can inspire you to come up with your own solution... I am a very open person and I think that reaching out and opening up to my friends helped me out big time.. they understood what I was going through and helped me cheer up and figure out how to keep a better frame of mind..

funny how most of the time I don't get the "everyone is starring at me feeling" because my eyes are a lot better after the surgery... but the mirror is a big problem... it's a bad thing when you wake up in the morning and don't see your own face in the mirror.... facial features even changed.. like my cheeks... but once in a while it still happens like a flash back.. funny how damage like that really does stick with you... sorry if I am opening up too much for some... it's just me... I am not looking for the poor me but just don't mind sharing and it's healing for me too... it seems the more I can talk about it and not freak out it gets easier to deal with over time... 4 or 5 years ago if I wrote what I wrote 2 days ago.. I would be a basket case for weeks... just pulls me right back that mental state....now it's not so bad... it's to the nervous shaky knees instead of crying for days... my one friend told me she thinks I should write a book and really slap a lid on my past... but since my grammar and spelling stink... I think that's out of the question...

I think I might have mentioned to you before that my neighbor gave me a welcome to the neighborhood package also.. something so alien to me.... but i thought it was the coolest thing.... if someone new moves in around here I am going to do the same thing

Allison

Thats great Allison, passing on the kindness you received.

In grad school we had to do a research project. I chose to do it on the long term affects of sexual abuse as a child. It was to be a small qualitative research and I notified my friends of the need for people to interview. I got to interview 2 women who had never told someone about the abuse that was NOT a therapist or close friend. Both told me how healing the experience of sharing their story with me was for them. ALL I did was ask questions and write of their experience, I did not offer anything more than a listening, compassionate ear but both women said "telling another person" was healing.

Listening does work miracles. As a nurse, I've gotten more appreciation for just listening to people than for some of the actual hands on care.

talking to someone who is listening is definitely helpful - i often think that's much of what therapy is all about.
wow, allison - horses! My childhood dream come true. (Though actually last fall, i signed up for riding lessons through a local adult/continuing ed program, and boy did THAT not go well! Perhaps some dreams are better left unfulfilled!) It must have been hard to give them up.
Debilu, what a wonderful calling - i am sure you are an excellent nurse!
i think we are all fortunate to have found ourselves in a community like this one, regardless of our geographic location!

amy
*

I'm sure Dave would agree that medication is only part of the approach and a good therapist can make a huge difference.

amy, anytime!

i just found this thread and have been catching up. Didn't realize there were several people with worse eyesight than me. (I think I'm a 9). Contacts since college. (I'm into peripheral vision!) Now I need reading glasses too- what a hassle.

How are your eyes Amy? Hope they are getting better.

Every depression is different. Some people never need meds. But, if it is truly a chemical imbalance, meds are important. Otherwise you can gain a lot of insight but still feel just as lousy. Both is always best.

Amy, I hope you find your way sooner than later. If there is ever anything I could do, don't hesitate.

thank you, Dave! (my 1st DG friend!)
i am definitely the kind of depressive who needs meds, or i do things like sleep 16 hours a day...
My eyes are getting better, slooowwly. i wore my contacts for the party this week, and they bothered me some at 1st, but it got better - as soon as everyone was gone, out they came. Doctor said i can wear them sometimes on the CA trip, that it just slows down the complete recovery. But i think it is worth it, no question! (Both for self esteem and peripheral vision!)

psychw2 that's a great story... thank you for sharing

I do miss the horses.... but with my health the way it is today... I wouldn't be able to keep up now anyway... but that love is still with me

and Amy if wearing those contacts a few days helps you feel better... go for it!.. are you saying sleeping 16 hours is a bad thing...

;)

I actually still wonder if my chronic fatigue has something to do with that radiation... but that's neither here nor there... just keep taking my vitamins and TRY and stay as healthy as I can

hope you have a great time on your trip to CA... when are you going?

we head out tuesday afternoon, and return the following monday night - it is basically a business trip for DH that i am tagging along on, so he added 2 days at the beginning, and one at the end to make it more of a vacation.
i am SO unprepared and SO behind on things i ought to be getting done here... but, i am looking forward to 70º daytimes and sunshine! and i love going to new places, i just find the packing/traveling part mildly traumatic - back to the crazy Cancer traits.

my boyfriends mom is the same way... pack and unpack about 10 times before she leaves... and she starts like 2 weeks before...I am a day before or morning of kind of packer... just have to remember if you forget something you can always buy it where you are going... but I hope you have a great trip... being in warm weather always makes me feel better.. hope it does the same for you

Onewish,
My wife's family is riddled with Thyroid problems, from severe to mild. My DW's Grave's Disease was treated about 15 years ago with what was a new medicine (no surgey, no radioactive stuff). She had it easy. Her sister almost ruined her life before she had surgery.

good luck!

Allison - i think i am a combination of the 2 - i pack and unpack about 10 times on the day before or morning of! Mostly though, i just worry. And make a lot of lists!

Amy - have good trip and soak up lots of warm sunshine for all of us!! Maybe you can pack some of it in that suitcase and bring it back to the Northeast!! Eleanor

Yes - have a great trip. Relax, take lots of pics and have fun. I'm jealous.

Yes bring back enough sunshine to share with all of us! Have fun. I am also jealous, but looking forward to my next vacation in early March, flying in to Vegas then driving to the Joshua Tree NP in CA and Zion or Bryce or both in Utah.

a friend of mine has recommended joshua tree, but it is kinda far - 60 or 70 miles.
but for several days, we'll be staying about 4 miles from here:
http://www.livingdesert.org/exhibits/gardens.asp
i'll take pictures!

Does anyone know where to get the kind of sunglasses that clip on to, or slip over, eyeglasses? i have looked at several drugstores, and found nothing. if i am going to wear my glasses during the day in CA, i really need to find some!

I've seen them at Sears

The Living Desert looks nice Amy, I really liked the desert in Arizona.

me too - so different than anything i'd seen before! 2 years ago i got to go to Scottsdale, and i drove down th the Superstition Mountains, which was beautiful in an alien (to me) kind of way. i loved the weather, but i think i'd miss the green too much to ever live there.

You're right, I liked it because of the difference, and I also would miss green!

Amy, this is the wrong time of year for a lot of places to stock those slip over sun glasses BUT you might call the places that sell prescription glasses, they sometimes have those. I know they'll be a little (? LOL) spendier then if you could find them a Rite Aid but they likely are the only ones who'll carry them this time of year.

Rite Aid, Costco and ... ? lots of places carry them IN season. Is it possible for you to wait until CA to buy them? or too risky to wait?

Have a WONDERFUL trip and do things you WANT to do. Let it be all about YOU!!! Soak it all up and enjoy EVERY minute of it!

thanks psych! (do i know what your name is?)
i will look in CA - hadn't really thought about the season thing, because i wear sunglasses all year round when there is any sun outside - esp when driving - i have a ton of them, in every color i can find ($ store is great), cause i lose them ALL the time, and they range from barely tinted to REALLY dark

I have ones that stick to my glasses by magnet. Pretty cool except I never have them on outside because my contacts are on.

Dave47 wish I knew back then what she took....I also had graves... but it's all gone now... just take the pills everyday.. now just dealing with the Epstein barr and chronic fatigue ... I give myself allergy and immune shots every week.. but this seems easy compared to the thyroid stuff... when I said earlier that I didn't think there was any thing wrong with sleeping 16 hours straight... some days I wish I could do that

:)

see - and i was tested for that kind of thyroid problem - the sleepy/weight gaining type...
but no. apparently it's "all in my head" so to speak..!

Amy, Don't say that! There is nothing in your head!

Dave!

I think Amy knows me well enough (?). I only tease those I respect.

I hate to think I have an empty head all alone.

ah, but will you respect me in the morning?

Amy wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard that line... my chronic fatigue is "all in my head" to a lot of doctors

get a blood test for the epstein barr .... I think about 90 - 95 percent of the us population have the dormant viris in them... any traumatic event or bad illness will make it rear it's ugly head... and the virus becomes full blown... can't get rid of it but it can be controlled ... if you ever had mono it's a good chance you might have epstein barr.. I know once I found out the reason I felt badly it put my mind at ease that I wasn't just in a deep depression that I was unaware of... or had one more doctor tell me it was in my head there is nothing wrong with me... my best description is how you would feel after being hit by a train and lived.. can't move, everything hurts, exhausted, fevers, even thinking is painful... when mine kicks into high gear my left gland in the back of my throat swells... if I don't take care of myself by taking more vitamins and resting.. it could be weeks before I feel better... last year 3 weeks to be exact... did nothing but sleep and eat soup that's depressing all on it's own... there were days I would just cry and beg for it to go away... but I learned that doesn't help

:)


here is a better description

http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/44/main.html