thirty sixteen - lol!
desperately seeking encouragement...
I like thirty sixteen too. I definitely am feeling the late thirties blues...particularly since I just got back from visting my parents in SC and I already miss my mom, since I don't get to see her much. I feel like I'm still a kid, but of course I'm not. I'm an adult who doesn't feel like they've achieved as much as they should have at this point in life. I'm looking forward to that inner peace that you say comes with the next decade, that's for sure.
Noreaster - don't look back with regrets - look forward with anticipation.
We walk the path before us and learn along the way. Some of the journey is rough - perceived as if no progress was made. But our perceptions are not always based in reality.
Surely there are difficult situations you have walked through that have given you insight & wisdom, as well as enjoyable times that still bring a smile of remembrance to your face.
You may be dissatisfied with your "achievements", but I can guarantee you carry much more treasure than you realize!
back from NYC again...
we are having our BIG yearly party tomorrow night, and i am so unprepared - eek!
at least it has been keeping me too busy to obsess over my "failings" lately, no, now i just obsess over the house, and the food, and that no one will come. (Which is probably at least somewhat healthier.)
the problem with evite is you can check it whenever you want to see if there are any new RSVPs, or even if someone has viewed it and NOT responded. i check it kind of a lot. blah. (25 yeses, 8 maybes, 16 nos and 20 something non replies, but who's counting...)
This message was edited Jan 10, 2008 10:44 AM
Thanks, Katye. I know I'm just in a strange funk right now...there is something about New Years that is pretty depressing, if you let it be. I do have a lot to be grateful for and know that so many people have it far worse and have much bigger struggles.
Good luck with your party, Amy. People are so bad about RSVP'ing sometimes.
Quote;"Noreaster - don't look back with regrets - look forward with anticipation.
We walk the path before us and learn along the way."
What wonderful sentiments Katye! If you don't mind i'd like to copy that and paste it on my fridge. I need to remind myself often of that and im sure others do too. I believe we are our worst critic's when it comes to achievments and failures. I for one am very hard on myself in several areas and DH is always reminding me not to be so critical of myself. Thank you for those words, I have a feeling I will read them often!
I agree with Pixie, Katye.....really wise words! Thirties seem pretty young to have accomplished a whole lot yet.....unless you're one of those who peaked in high school!! LOL Lots of time left.......slow down and appreciate yourself for the perceived "failures" that made you stop and question what is important to you. I, for one, really love late bloomers! More depth!
whew.
everyone is finally gone. mountains of leftovers. i can finally sit down!
I think for many, there are times when it seems as though we must perform or meet a pre-determined set of expectations.
If the bar is set too high, it will only continue to be out of reach - leading to disappointment; smothering one's hope & determination.
I know that funk - it hangs on...like white on rice.
After giving this lots of thought over the years, I came to the conclusion that while life is not always easy, it is meant to be enjoyed. Our lives often come under intense scrutiny from others, some of whom mean well. But I find it unnecessary to dance with an illusion of "shoulds" & "ought to's".
We walk our paths - no one walks them for us.
Looking back is not a negative: it will give you an indication of where you came from. But it's not your whole life - it's only a part, a measure of the distance your feet have brought you.
There's so much more ahead - things to see, touch, learn, people to walk with, laughter to share, and all that life entails, both positive & negative.
I do hope that you did not feel as though you were being judged.
But I bet I can safely play the "Mom" card and tell you not to be so hard on yourself!
Pixie said it - "we are our own worst critics". You alone know the difficulties & trials you face & it really doesn't matter how others measure them.
I would encourage you to look ahead down the road a ways and put one foot in front of the other:
it's a new year with new adventures, some of which are bound to make you smile...
Don't forget: Spring is just around the bend!
wishing you the very best, K
Amy - You sound tired - must have been a full house!
Hope all went well and you rest well.
Now that the party's over (and successfully), i return to the land of the lost. Extra lost, as DH is off to Seattle today (via newark).
i know people dream of days where they'd have nothing to do, no set schedule - but to me those days are a nightmare! i feel alone and adrift, and think of a million things i could do (or should do) and i don't do any of them.
and it is an awful, foggy, rainy, windy day here - which doesn't help - and makes me even more stressed about Eric flying cross country...
eek!
It's overwhelming if you think about it that way, just do one thing at a time, like the saying "An ant can move a mountain... one grain at a time." I tackle each day on a day by day basis, thankful for every day, rain or shine. ☺
Land of Lost = LOL? Maybe we all spend time there, Amy, and maybe we all have things we could or should be doing and we don't. I have a lot of paint chips to study for the kitchen so they're on a ledge on the kitchen wall. There are a lot of things to be done and little point in attempting any of them if I'm not in the mood.
Let us know when Eric calls and says he's safe and sound.
New Day's Resolution:
as much as i don't feel like it, i am going to go out to find a tailor (?) to alter some pants for me, take some clothes to goodwill, and maybe to take shoes to the repair place.
then at least i will have accomplished something today. and maybe because i said so here, i will actually do these things, and not just think about them.
part of how i got started gardening was it gave me a reason to at least go outside every day... at this time of year, i have to find other reasons...
thanks pirl - his flight isn't til 6pm, so he won't get to Seattle until after midnight our time - but i will let you know!
OK! Get the clothes to be altered ready and put them on top of the Goodwill bag and grab the shoes and get it done. Then reward yourself with whatever makes you happiest.
Teach the cats some tricks. They actually like the attention.
made it back - it even stopped raining! the sun appeared briefly before setting, and the light was all lovely and pink.
DH's filght is delayed - so far - 19 minutes, but the airline's flight ETA is 25 minutes earlier. i figure, if this keeps up, he may get there before he leaves...
i'm paying $12/pair to shorten pants. (Does that sound reasonable?) On those "What Not to Wear" shows, they always say that if you have trouble finding clothes to fit you, stop obsessing over being built wrong, and accept that you will need to have things altered. So, when i actually found some pants that fit in the other directions, i figured i'd give it a try... (somewhere we were talking about short legs recently...)
The shoe guy said he'd have to shorten the back straps on my slingbacks, and he CUT them. With a scissors. Right in front of me. EEK. i think he is a crazy shoe murderer, but i'll find out the truth next week.
so i think i will stop babbling about my very mundane afternoon now..!
I paid $10.00 for shortening last year so $12.00 isn't unreasonable.
amethystsm, DH pays 6.00 in Vt, but women cloths are always more. Go figure. DH doesn't trust me and likes to give the business to this nice VietNamese tailor. I did a dozen pairs of new pants for an 18 year old recently which turned out great. But I wasn't too worried as the style for them is to have the bottom be a little saggy, so it wouldn't matter as no one would see the hem or the expensive shoes this kids wear. Patti
I always joked when my nephew came over wearing those silly baggy pants that 'swept' the floor that I would not sweep or vacuum when I was expecting him.
There is a cute kids dvd series - Veggie Tales. One is a takeoff of Lord of the Rings and the kid is named Bilbo Baggy Pants.
That sounds cute, Victor. I liked Bilbo Baggins!! Cute take-off!
Just discovered this thread and found it very interesting mostly about the holidays or any day of the year some of us feel lonely and not very happy.I do very much so because I live alone though I have a great family they have their family and work to take care of. but I am the kind of mother you never wants to put any demands on them.
I never think of only looking through my own personal keyhole but at the whole world and that can be very depressing too but it does make me feel one of the most fortunate person that I am here and not "there". I have traveled to many counties where I would not want to live.
About eyes is always a problem no matter what the problem may be with them. My son is legally blind without his glasses, they are very thick almost obliterating his eyes.
I have macular degeneration, can not see with one the other is getting injections to save at for the time being. I have to go through this right now, or will be totally blind in about ten month,
This is the reason I a can not spend too much time on the computer, have to rest it a lot.
Amy, I wish you the very best and may your eyes always be as good as they can be.
Maria
wow, Maria, injections in your eye!? sounds scary, but better than the alternative.
thanks for writing!
*
Good luck Maria! I miss you on the threads.
DH is in Seattle on his way to the hotel... yay!
such a long flight, considering he is on an 8:30am (WA time) flight home on Sunday...
Amy - glad DH made it to Seattle! I understand your concern cause I was nervous when both of my girls (and they're adults) flew to California and back last summer. DD#2 flies between Albany and Baltimore all the time for her job, but that is a short flight - only about an hour. She is there now and due back Sunday. Maria - it is good to hear from you and I hope the injections are helping. My SIL had a cornea transplant last summer. He is considered legally blind. He has decent vision in the operated eye but that is his weak one as it was the worst before surgery and he is having trouble making it do the work it is supposed to - like see. Once he has the other eye done hopefully he can see normal. He is back to work and is doing OK, but he can't drive so someone has to drive him everywhere he needs to go. He drove before the surgery but only to and from work. If he had to have his eyes tested at the DMV he never would have passed the test. In the past few years his eyes have gotten so much worse. I think he is very depressed and still has to wait 6 months until the other eye is done cause the first has to heal completely. It makes me appreciate being able to see, being independent and not relying on someone else. Eleanor
Amy - so glad DH arrived safely.
Maria - always good to see your posts. We do miss you, as Victor said.
Good luck to all who have vision problems.
Amethystsm... just saw this thread today.. sorry so late... but I wish you all the best... I have been wearing coke bottle glasses since 2nd grade... even my feather weight glasses are pretty thick now... but the big story for me is my thyroid messed up my eyes big time when I was 23... the muscles that hold the eye are supposed to be pinky finger size... mine grew to thumb size... no room for all that in the eye socket so they push out... really badly too.... putting tons of stress on my optic nerve... I had two surgeries a year apart... and they removed most of my eye socket.. really just a frame left... and decompressed my sinuses to allow for the muscles to fit in better... I was lucky in the fact that I did not have double vision after the surgery.. which my dr. just about guaranteed would happen...
so a long story not really short... but before the surgery constant pink eye (the wind would be enough to blow dirt in my eye because they stuck out so far...and get an infection).... headaches.... the pressure behind my eyes was intense.. if I sneezed too hard my eyelid would flip backwards... and hurt badly... (boy did that freak me out the first time it happened... couldn't figure out how to get it back)... couldn't hold on contact on my eye they would just fall out because of the new curves... more or less like an astigmatism .. and the possibility of going completely blind... constant shakes.... weight loss was unbelievable... I ate six times a day and still lost 40 pounds... looked like one of those nasty models... if I didn't eat I would feel sick... when I did eat I would choke on my food because of the swelling in my neck wouldn't allow the food to pass freely... (I stopped eating out at that point)... couldn't sleep... I didn't want to leave the house .. because I would think everyone is staring at me.. (and some people used to come up and ask me what is wrong with me.. and I would just freak out crying... yes I learned how cruel people are) there are probably a few other things i forget about .... but that's ok.. you get the point
my story continues with keep plugging along... go see new doctors because you never know the next one might have something better... all together with the 5 year struggle I went through 7 doctors ... which most of them I could tell after a while they were just guessing because I was a one in a million case (I had two that even brought in other colleagues to see the profound freak of nature I was... these were supposed to be specialists.. yeah sure) .... and it just so happens the one I kept for 3 years put me in the right path but couldn't finish the job... the last one I found was the best... he fixed me right up and was the only one out of 7 who knew about this surgery... the others never said a word about it... I tried every medicine that was made to try and slow the production down.. my thyroid just laughed at it... matter of fact I had to take the radiated iodine treatment TWICE because the first time didn't make a dent in killing it off.... so you guys understand it was a pill that is stored in a thick lead container and I had to remove it myself while the tech. had on a radiation suit... and they took a geiger counter to make sure it made it into my stomach... it made me sick to my stomach for days... had to sit in a dark room for almost a week because even a normal house light was too strong ... flush the toilet twice after use... run the shower for 10 minutes after use... if I touched a child or small animal they would have to be rushed to a hospital so they wouldn't get sick or die... that all went on for about a week... I couldn't watch TV, couldn't read... no computer... just sat in a dark room listening to the radio with a piece of cloth over the light on the clock radio so I could see to change the station or turn it off... want to talk about going nuts... felt like I was in the worst jail ever
it was a life changing experience... that's for sure... but in the end I see some backlash in my health that I can only chalk up to that radiation ... even though most doctors won't admit to that... and because none of the pills would work no matter how strong... at the time I really didn't have a choice
moral of the story... what doesn't kill us really does make us stronger.... just try and keep your spirits up because I really do believe in positive healing power... and when you can't deal with it... find some Valerian root tea... it's what they make valium out of.... that will calm you down (sort of a joke .. don't take it wrong)... but seriously just keep at it and hope for the best... when you can't deal with it... talk to good friends to pick you up... I am lucky enough to say I had 3 good ones that ran to my side when I was flipping out (brought me candy cards and whatever else they could think of and stay up all night with me)... and I hope everyone here can have that in this life... even just 1 will do... but it changed my outlook on life and beauty... and made me realize it can always be worse... I know it's a terrible thing to say.. but there are many many people with worse problems... and that's one of the things that kept me going.... if they can do it... so could I... so try and keep your spirit and chin up... even though I was young and dumb when this all happened it did make me a better person in the long run and I am actually thankful for it... if you ever need a friend to talk to ... let me know
Allison
WOW Allison, that was some trial to endure. I'm glad you made it thru and benefitted from it. Not everyone does, some people continue to get stuck in the "why me?" when the question is really "Why NOT me?" I don't like my glasses but I'm so grateful for my vision and the bad that is gone!
Incredible, Allison. So sorry you had to go through that.
Allison - you are a very strong person to go through all of that and keep your spirit. I'm so glad you had some wonderful friends to help you through it. Eleanor
thank you for writing your story, allison! your ordeal with the radiation pill must have been truly awful - i can't imagine - it sounds like a science fiction movie... i am humbled by your eye problems, and realize how minor mine really are. You are a survivor! It is good that you had the support of friends to help you through it!
you are absolutely right to say that other people have it worse - your own case being a perfect example - and my life is great by many people's standards. but the fog of depression obscures clear thinking and sometimes makes me feel trapped in a dark room alone, even when there is no legitimate reason for it. One of the reasons i started gardening so intensively is that (for the months when it is possible) it gives me a reason to go outside every day. Otherwise, sometimes i realize i have not gone out my door for 2, 3, sometimes 4 days at a time. Now i just have to find reasons to go further than the "backyard" every day. If i am not in school or working, sometimes i talk to no one but Eric for days or weeks at a time. When he is traveling, it is only a couple of short phone calls a day. So this site is really a blessing to me!
i don't want anyone to think i am claiming that i am worse off than others. i know that i am not. but some of the problems i do have are helped greatly by connecting with people who care - and i am fortunate to have found so many on here!
Don't want to pry, Amy, but there are good treatments for depression.
Amy, I agree the computer can be such a blessing for making connections. I do find that it sometimes gets in the WAY of making connections with flesh & blood local people! I sometimes spend too much time on DG or other computer stuff. I have not lived here very long so I really should put more effort into making a network of friends here.
yes, i have been on medication since 1994. Good medication since about 1996. It takes care of most of the regular problems of clinical depression. (probably saved my life in the 90s too) But then there is the situational kind, and meds don't fix everything (if only!)
don't worry - i am pretty open about most everything... (sometimes too much so!)
: )
i moved to NYC, a city i had never visited, to be with my (now) DH in 2002. i knew no one else there, and he is not a very social person. i had a LOT of trouble making friends there. When the opportunity arose to move to CT in late 2004, i thought it would be much better, but it has not been the case. i lived here for over 2 years, feeling isolated, before i found DG...
When I moved to Connecticut from my native So. California, someone told me this story about New Englanders. After 5 years living in a house, you invite your neighbors to coffee. After 10 years, they come.
hahahaha - that sounds about right.
i want to be a southern girl again.
Funny Cat. Where did you grow up, Amy?
st. louis, MO (which isn't exactly southern - except compared to here!)
i probably felt most at home in Tennessee, though. i've also spent a bunch of time in Kentucky, which i like a lot too, but i never actually lived there.
Cat, if you have any suggestions re: what to do in Southern CA, jump over to my CA gardening thread here: http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/803872/