OK you answered me, now I know what to do, thanks!

as a courtesy to our dial-up friends, here is the continuation. You have provided very interesting and thought provoking opinions and I thank you. I know what to do now, lol

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/p.php?pid=4028741

This is not on my watch list, so should this 2nd thread get impossibly long, somebody pls feel free to carry the baton and start subsequent ones.

You're an Angel Voss, thanks! You hear that people? Voss is cutting us loose and telling us that this thread is our responsibility.

After reading thru this whole thread, it seems to me that:
1) We don't intentionally let someone go unanswered.
2) Some don't answer because we feel there are others more knowledgeable that will eventually get the question answered.
3) Some don't answer because they meant to but didn't get back to it.
4) All WANT to make people feel welcome.

I think the original thread also did a good job of pointing out that most of us would like to have a post/answer "acknowledged". Some nearly went nuts when it appeared that Voss was not reading the answers to the thread she started!

There were some great thought provoking posts on the previous threads.

Bravo ...in my opinion one of the best threads ever!
you forgot to mention sending off answers and having the broadband drop out (it happens here) ...the post just goes "poof" and is gone.
This should go into "classic threads" as it is a must read :)
chrissy

I agree Chrissy! Every year we should each read it, just to remind ourselves of what we are here for. It is so easy to get busy and forget. Great idea my friend!

Snicker, we have the opposite going on our tropical gardening forum...we can't shut up! heheheheh, and that's why I LOVE hanging with you guys..
Merry Christmas and Happy Botanical New Year!

I know!!!! I can't keep up!!!!

Same back atcha my friend! Have a wonderful....

Ditto :)
chrissy

Bravo? Is that a thread in a forum or a forum I never saw?

I think she was saying "Bravo" to Psyche's comments.

lol

How strange, just found this but I am watching the other thread. It never showed up in the "thread watcher"! Checked the links and they worked. Vossners' link to here from the old thread should have popped up. Must be the DG gremlin!

Guess that's what dial up does for DG... Thanks much Vossner...

Soooo, I have a question...

How do you feel about participating in a thread and one DGr will announce "XXX" you have Dmail.
Like, wouldn't I knOW if I have Dmail?
Why is it sooo important to announce it to all?
I find that rather rude.

Anyone?

Is it possible to setup one's DG home page in such a way that DMail wouldn't be noticed easily? I've also wondered about the "you have DMail" posts.

I don't know, guess I should have researched it a bit further.

Any ideas anyone?

It's a good question podster. I'm looking forward to seeing what other's think.

Lots of people stay logged in and go straight to a favorite forum. I think I even used to have my home page set up where I wasn't even notified of d-mail although if I look up to the top I will see I have messages these days. I think a member named terryr may have helped me set up my current home page but it could have been somebody else.

Many people use web mail and don't check it regularly- I'm very guilty. If someone lets me know I've got e-mail, I go and look for it. Please be mercifull and forgive me, I am a sinner and some people have had to tell me to go check my d-mail or e-mail in a thread because they know I need to be told to go look for something ;) I'm thinking public announcements might be "friendly reminders" or rather accommodations for members who are computer challenged... like me.

Also too, some people ask to be d-mailed in a thread. I'm relatively sure I've posted that I have d-mailed somebody in a thread at some point in time just to let them know I am following their rules.

When I first got started in the threads, it was always disconcerting to see XXX-you have d-mail shortly after I had posted something...I thought I was doing something wrong, and they didn't want to tell me. Now, I read it as "I have something to tell you that may not be of interest to everyone else". Don't know if that is true, or if "they" really are annoyed at me, but at this point, I just don't think about it. I have done it myself, when something in a thread reminds me of something I wanted to say to XXX, and just forgot, or got off on another tangent. I don't see it as being rude. At least, I never intend it to be.

Do you know when you have Dmail or do you need to be told?

Yes, I agree with Shari
Most of the time it just means this may not be so interesting to the whole thread, or it's already been discussed- and mostly pertains to the person they're dmailing. It just an acknowlegment phrase. I hear you, and have a possibly not ready for thread viewing thought, question, answer....something like that.

Hey podster, I generally now know if I look up at the top of the monitor. It's e-mail that I pretty much need to be told I have and then if I don't see it I have to go look in some spam account filled with Viagra and Rolex Watch ads. One of the reasons why I prefer d-mail unless somebody is trying to send me a video clip or some sort of an excel or access file that d-mail can't handle. Come to think of it, I received a real nice Power Point presentation on sand hill cranes recently but I found it on my own before somebody shouted out to me to go looking for it. These days, the d-mail shows up at the top for me if I'm looking for it. I don't know about Islandshari though. Maybe nobody walked her through how to set up her home page so that d-mail shows?

Oh I know when I have d-mail...that is if I refresh, or hit "home" or something like that. I am on dial-up. It's not by choice, that's all we have available on the island. But inbetween answering all the different threads I am active on, I generally find my d-mail pretty quick.

Well, I'm gonna jump in with another irritation. 'Reading a thread, I noticed a new/young DGer was asking where to find XXX plants. Since I had some, and the person being asked was not going to offer any, I posted I'd send a Priority box full. All that I asked in return was 'postage and to share' when these plant needed to be separated. I then checked this person's want list and crammed many nice starts into the box also. D-mailed to let 'em know box was ready and to let me know when it arrived. Nothing heard for a week. I happend to be on a forum where this person began discussing one of the plants I sent. I was annoyed to say the least, but I continued to wait. Finally, I d-mailed and said since the pkg hadn't reached 'em, I'd have to start a trace. Immediately rec'd a response that "I thought I had, or maybe I was thinking I had already." No thanks, just "got it."
I had to send another d-mail to ask for postage 2 wks later...and got flimsy excuse.....finally sent CASH thru the mail, no note, no thanks. This all took nearly a month.
My question is.....Do I post neg. feedback about this person, who may just be new and immature.....or do I wait and see if it happens to someone else?

BigBubbles ~ I agree... I have encountered the no pays and I hated to have to ask. Then heard "well I thought I sent it".

Some DGrs don't seem to know the etiquette of a quick Dmail thanks or even offer to reimburse. OTOH, a few DGrs mail thank you cards with cash to unexpectedly reimburse for postage. The good and the bad...

Now, I only choose to share by my choice. No reimbursement expected. I also Dmail with a warning that the parcel has been sent or received if I am on that end. And mention that I have left good feedback. Feedback is rarely left.

pod ~ who understands dial up which is provided by "Possum Bell"!

Geesh, what a dilema! I don't know about the feedback, but I would definately keep an eye out, and if you see them asking again, I would d-mail the people they are asking and warn them. Of course, that puts you in the position of being a watchdog, which is again, unfair. I am always so stunned when this kind of thing happens, but it does, and too often. I will be watching to see what kind of responses you get.

"Possum Bell"...lol...must be related to the "turtle wire" we get here...

I guess I was just stunned. Should know by now......"No good deed goes unpunished!"
I wasn't expecting gushing praise. Just a simple "thanks, I got the pkg and was surprised that you included so many of the other plants I've been looking for." Getting that envelope finally, with cash and no note, was sort of a slap, like I was badgering.
Think I'll just let it die now that I've "vented." I've had people "forget" before, and I've let it go. 'But this one really got to me since I thought I was doing such a nice thing, plus adding way more plants than expected. And then not even getting an acknowledgement.......
Thanks for letting me rant....

any time!☺ I think we have all experienced the "no good deed..." and it is frustrating, but those random acts of kindness do add up...and maybe that person will do something nice for someone else...who knows.

bigbubbles, it was incredibly rude and assuming that the other member couldn't take the time to contact you to let you know that s/he had received the package. How long does extending the common courtesy of a follow up d-mail take? When a person goes out of their way to be nice, one would think a simple acknowlegement and thank you would be in order followed up with a very nice comment in your feedback about how kind you were to share. Mind boggling that you had to recontact them for reimbursement of the shipping costs as I have no doubt they knew they hadn't paid you and can't help but think that member probably wouldn't have paid if you hadn't "reminded" him/her. Some people are like that, they know their obigation but wait around to see if you remember before they fulfill it. Come now, that adds insult to injury. Truly bizarre that this person couldn't be bothered with a simple thank you and acknowledgement of receipt of the plants followed up immediately with remibursement for the shipping and to be quite blunt, newness to the forums is no excuse. I doubt seriously if I'd contact other members but I might consider adding feedback that was real simple, something to the effect of,
"Hurt my feelings to stumble across a thread in which s/he discussed plants I had gifted to her/him. Saddens me that I wasn't told s/he had received my gift box because I always worry about plants making it to the other person. Had to "remind her/him to reimburse me for postage."

Must admit it would be a cold day in He E double hockey sticks before I'd ever send that member anything again.

I've sent things to other members without ever asking for postage and it never ceases to amaze me how many members I have to initiate a d-mail to find out if they got their package from me or not. Things can happen in the mail even when there is a delivery confirmation on a package and I certainly don't want to be viewed as an Indian Giver if something never makes it to the other end. Incredible how many people don't even bother to take the time to leave feedback. Maybe they forget, I don't know.

What I can say is that fortunately there are considerably more members who are considerate and they do let me know when they receive what I send them and some do take the time to leave feedback. For this I am appreciative because I do worry about plants in the mail and I do like people to know that if I offer something, they're going to get it.

Yep ~ and maybe they'll read this thread!

Pod...so funny you mentioned etiquette book...I gave mine to my DD to thumb thru and she was quite amused. Guess we were a little 'uptight' a few yrs ago....but good manners don't go out of style. I'm glad things aren't so rigid and formal anymore....

And as for.."you have d-mail"....I always see it as private correspondence.....I'm not offended by it at all. Well...maybe... if I'm 25th of "the next 24 people to d-mail me will get a cutting of my articlioclurousem," or whatever!
I don't think people know how much "stuff" that is written on DG actually goes further than they think. Our neighbor was telling me that the "one bite" dog bill didn't pass earlier this year. I knew it did, so Googled something about bad dog, and guess what? The entire thread I had started about our other neighbor's son's pit bull popped up. What a jolting surprise... I'd find it, but I'll lose what I've written here....Will track it down after this post.
I was posting while you were posting so I'll comment further.....
Thanks Equilib...you've nailed it.

edited to read..."frightening dog experience" is what I "googled" and the entire thread popped up

This message was edited Dec 26, 2007 10:07 PM

Yes, BB I followed and participated in your pit bull thread.

And again, etiquette should require that we be tactful about those we speak of... I.E. tacky homes in the neighborhood. Which has been squelched on other threads. Rightfully so...

Bubbles! I love saying that.

this is what I have worked out for myself. If I offer to send someone something, it's like offering to take them out to dinner.. You pay the bill or don't offer..this is the only way I can get around from feeling slighted in any way. I make it a priority not to do alot of trades or offers because of this , and when I do offer, it's because I want to, have the excess and let them know right off the bat that they owe me nothing, however if they feel like sending something in return down the line...so be it.

Truly it's worked well for me...
miss you!!!

Randy....I've done that, just sending someone something because I wanted to. And invariably...they write back offering thanks, and reimbursement for postage...which I deny. It's a gift because I initiated it. This one just "got away with me" because so many people were trying to help this person get started gardening. These were good-sized plants I sent that had to go in a Priority box, so I made sure it was okay with the person to send an $8.95 box. I want to think it's just a case of immaturity...not something more sinisiter like taking advantage of DGers' goodwill. But it has made me a little more wary of who I send plants to.
Miss you tooooooo

Although I would agree with not offering if you don't intend to pay the bill, I believe they had worked out an arrangement where the recipient was to reimburse for postage and it appears bigbubbles even contacted the other person to see if $9 was going to be ok with her. That's a little bit different. That's sort of like asking someone if they'd like to go out to dinner but would they be in a position to contribute the tip. Barring that, at least if you take someone out to dinner, regardless of who pays the tip, you get to see first hand that the person is eating your gift of a meal. Not so when you ship a box in the mail. I seriously don't think it's unreasonable to expect the recipient to acknowledge receipt of a box of plants or seeds for that matter that somebody took the time to collect or dig up, that somebody took the time to pack properly, and that somebody took the time to drive to the PO and mail off. Time is worth far more than money to me and good manners really don't go out of style.

Me, I don't do trades at all so there are no expectations what so ever of getting anything. I must admit that if I feel as if someone might try to reciprocate, I won't put a return address on whatever I ship out. I figure the PO can track it back if they need to because of the delivery confirmation. Basically, if I have seed or plants and am in a position to share, I will offer it up. And I haven't accepted postage from anyone except Clare because she sneaked around and zapped my PayPal account without my knowledge! Clare! You reading this?

And come to think of it, I get more people than not offering me postage that I won't accept. Many more good eggs out there than bad eggs.

Yes, this was my first bad experience, and I did eventually get it settled.
Last fall I rec'd quite a few brugs for postage. I appreciated the time it took to I.D., wrap, and mail. 'D-mailed promptly that I'd rec'd them, thanked 'em, and sent a check or Paypal the next day...each time. This fall, I made sure to send a cutting of a special one of mine to someone who'd been more than generous last year. And I made sure she knew it was a gift.
I haven't traded...just sent plants or seeds. I wouldn't expect postage for seeds or small cuttings, but since Priority boxes have gone up, I couldn't afford to send very many boxes without reimbursement. Still.....I think that not acknowledging receipt of the box is what really irked me.

Pod...I remember that thread. Did they remove it?

I understand that she had made and arragement, and that is my point. Take as much of the disapointing elements out as you can.

I tell ya..if ya tick the Bubbles off..you really must have done a job! LOL..Cause Bubble is the coolest easy going gal there is!

No way! It was just hidden...

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/687980/

Randy...that's so nice.....

Pod...I meant the "tacky yard" thread...That was a doozie....

Pod wrote...
"I.E. tacky homes in the neighborhood. Which has been squelched on other threads. Rightfully so..."

Ooops Sorry ~ wrong thought.

I only saw one "tacky home" thread. The thread was on a different state forum. It was removed at the request of the member that started it. Not sure which one you saw... so sorry, I am not any help there.

That's okay, my mistake, thought it was the one on Garden Design a while back...it was mean.

Watching UT game, then running in to ck DG. Have tv in computer room, but only tv without cable in house....