Strange dmail I just received

Dave, Terry, anyone, I just got a dmail from some who has just signed up today, PalmLvr, is not a subscriber. They asked 'What did those seeds cost. Have you planted the seeds yet."

NO reference to anything! Has anyone else got one?

No, but it not unusual to get strange D-mails. some folks seem to think that a d-mail is a response to to forum statement or more often to a comment in Plantfiles. I make it a point to respond to all d-mails, but in these cases it will be something along the lines of "Say WhaT?"

Thanks Farmerdill, it could be that as I have posted pics of palm seeds in PlantFiles. Strange that anyone should think that's the only thing I have there! They must think my user name is linked to the entry.

Farmerdill's right - some people mistake a dmail for a reply to a forum thread; that may be the case here.

I really think I have to be a mind reader to know which seeds they meant! I don't know if I should answer to it, I always do answer dmails but this seems too strange!

It's also possible they saw the initial post in a thread you started in a subscriber only forum, but they can't see any subsequent replies or post their own reply there, so they dmailed you instead. They probably don't realize the extent of the site and the thought never crossed their mind that you might have posts or entries about multiple different types of seeds. The way I would handle something like this is if they were polite in their message, then I'd probably respond, but if they were rude or shouted at me in all caps or something like that then I'd be more likely to ignore them.

Most of the ones I get of this type are from Plantfiles. They realize that asking a question in the comments section is not appropriate ( altho a few of them take that route) click on user name see send d-mail and click on it. Since many sites do have a send a private note to the poster option, they assume this works the same way.

uh oh........it's not appropriate to ask a question in the comments section in plant files???

**blushing guiltily***

Actually the comments section is for rating and describing your experiences with the plant. If you put a question to me under comments, it might be three years before I return to that plant and see it.

Ohhh..ok...my mistake....that's not the comments area I was thinking of..........I guess it would be a thread under a PF picture wouldn't it? stupid cold...i really should go to bed before I get into more trouble.

Just forget I was ever here ;)

For me comments on my PF threads come up in the watched threads.

My comments come up in the watched threads too, any PF entries are automatically threads started.

threegardeners, it's perfectly acceptable to make a friendly comment under the 'comments' section where you either just want to say 'well done' or ask questions, it happens to me! That is a nice gesture if someone wants to compliment a pic, I haven't seen anywhere rules stated as to what should go there.

ecrane3 you could be right, but the user's name being Palmlvr gives a clue, and I have posted pics of different palm seeds. The message was just as I put it,

"What did those seeds cost? Have you planted the seeds yet?"

For someone who has just signed up that was very intuitive to click on my user name, see the dmail link and then to mail me, no 'Hi', 'Cheers', nothing. They may be used to forums where you can contact another member, but some DGers who have been subscribers for a while haven't found out how to dmail someone.

It did make me feel uncomfortable, the person may be fine and just curious, but the way they phrased the question was as if they already knew me and were having a conversation, this question being in the middle of it!

Farmerdill, things must have changed, because when I was just a Member I was posting pics in PF, someone commented on one but to view it (not just reply to) I had to subscribe. That's why I became a subscriber (curiosity got the better of me!), I had no idea what being a subscriber would bring, but it did seem strange then that I could not view a comment on my own pic.

I get emails similar to this all of the time. It's usually some who just in the past day or two signed up and I simply get an email saying "I'd really love to grow this plant!" It always leaves me thinking which plant they are interested in and nine times out of ten they offer to pay or ask for postage first. I think that what Farmerdill says if correct, but for the trading feature also. Now that each Plantfiles entry has a area for members who have the plant for trade, the sender of the dmail automatically assumes that I will be able to reference which plant they are interested in. I almost always respond and explain the trading system, with the have and want lists, and have initiated some good trades!

Here's an off topic question, but I know the old trade lists gave you the option of listing whether you wanted to part with a plant for postage or trade only. Does the new system have that option and I missed it? There are some items I don't mind giving for postage, but some are harder to come by and I would like to trade. I just get so many postage offers now that I figured I must have missed a check box somewhere.

Just to clear up a misconception. Comments on Photos in the plantfiles are treated as a forum. We are alerted when someone comments on a photo. In the comments section on the plant itself, there is no alert. It is simply there to give a person information about that plant good or bad.

Thanks for clearing that up Farmerdill, I hadn't thought of the Comments section and you are correct, the 'Reply' to an entry is what I was thinking threegardeners meant.

I don't have a trade list, it sounds like an invitation to a free-for-all if you are getting lots of requests from people signing up just to ask for something.

Have you sent them back an email before you came here? I would feel terrible if I was new and found a thread here being negative on me when I did not know how things worked yet. It they think it went back to a thread or to a plant files entry they have no idea you dont know what they are talking about. And like me here (and no one else on this thread) when I respond online to threads I dont add greetings - often - if they tought of it like a thread they would not add a greeting, but if they thought of it like an email they would I would think.

Hi MitchF, I have stated earlier that I was not going to reply to this email as it seemed too strange.

However, I did think of doing that, I also thought of the 'what if' they happen to see the thread. On balance, considering they had signed up on the same date probably just to make the comment I considered the chances of them becoming a subscriber was very low, and probably not at all.

If this person does happen to subscribe, and sees this thread (highly unlikely but possible) then considering also their forward approach, i.e no greetings, no cheers, no reference to what the heck they were talking about, then I am sure they would have the nerve to come here and say their piece, hopefully it would be an explanation or an apology at having not expressed themselves better.

Somehow I don't think they would think of it as an online thread either, as they had to navigate their way to my user name, where it says 'Send ... a dmail', that does state 'mail', and if they could find their way there they are, in my opinion, savvy to the use of forums as well.

Having considered all of this prior to posting here, and some of you may think I jump in feet first, but no I do consider all things carefully, my only option to find out if others had received any strange dmails was to ask here. By doing so I considered if others had received something strange then it should be acted upon by DG Admin.

DG has had spammers and scammers, I felt much safer asking first than perhaps availing myself to an opportunist. Or if anyone thinks I should avail myself to these people regardless please feel free to say so! The internet can be a dangerous place please remember.

Wallaby you owed them the chance to respond, or a private email to Dave to see if this was a spammer. This does not sound like a spammer - they ask for things or want to sell you something. This person did neither one of those and sounds like just got a little lost at how to do things. I know when I first signed up I did a lot of stupid things in Dmail before I knew how to get the hang of it.

Mitch, since Wallaby isn't giving the persons name in order to give them a public scolding or something, I think posting about that Dmail here was fine. Everyone has their own way of responding to Dmails, and choosing not to respond to an abrupt communication like that doesn't seem odd or rude to me. If this person is a newbie finding their way around, they'll figure it out, and I doubt Wallaby's lack of response to their initial Dmail will haunt them. :-)

Thanks for that Critter.

MitchF, I do believe I owed them nothing.

Yes Wallaby did - Palmlvr in Post #4014873

Critter - all I said was Palmlvr had the right to know and have a chace to fix or explain before Wallaby went here and posted the email, and there name. No one needs to respond but it is rude in my book to start a thread here before they ahve a chance to explian in private. It is not the strange email, or if you answer or not, it is about common respect for another human and giving them the right to stand up and answer for themselves before they are spread here.. you are right before if the email was forgoten or a kind question returned back to find out what was going on then it would be long forgoten - but what happens when they come here and read all this, they will never forget this and it will stay with them.

MitchF, I wonder if you have read ALL I have said here. Please do tell, what beef do you have with me? Who is now being rude?

Mitch, I read through the thread too quickly, I guess, and I didn't see that a name had been posted. Not sure how I missed that...

In any case, it was an odd enough Dmail that I might have asked the same, to see if anybody knew anything more about this person... but yes, it could also have been handled privately. However, the discussion in this thread has been fairly mild, more about confusions than about accusations or anything, at least the way I read it (and yes, I did go back again and re-read from the top, this time).

Either way, we seem to be at a dead end, with nobody else reporting getting odd Dmail from this new member. If this person does happen to subscribe, is there any reason for them to come across this thread? If not, maybe it could just be removed.

I know by poking my nose into this difference of opinions, I'm just asking to have it smacked with a newspaper by both of you, LOL... but I think you've both made valid points, and I'd rather not see two people that I like continue a disagreement until it turns personal... and this seems to be getting close to that point.

I'll poke my nose back out, now. :-)

No beef, just trying to help you look at it from their side of things. Just think if you were them and came here and saw this...

Critter - Never a problem with an old friend, I have been shown error several times on here and some of those times not too long ago!

That said good night all, may each one of us find peace.

Critter, I appreciate your intervention, thanks. From this point I should make no further comments, but there are one or two things I think I would like MitchF to see, as he expects me to see how this person might feel.
As many people do not seem to read everything, maybe my points should be made in bullet style for easy viewing.

1) I DID consider the possibility of them seeing it, as stated above, but I had no way of knowing if anyone else had receive dmail from this person without mentioning a user name.

2) A user name does not necessarily name a person, it is only that, a username, and many people will sign up to any forum just to make a one-off comment.

3) Have you considered that I may have been distressed and worried about this dmail? My reaction was that if this person had just signed up for the reason of dmailing a lot of people in order to make some sort of inroad to whatever, perhaps they want lots of free plants, then others should be alerted that they were not the only one receiving this dmail.

4) Regarding it being the decent thing to reply to a dmail, I fail to see what the difference is from receiving a request for example your bank details on an ordinary email, or buy insurance, etc, but on DG it happens to be to do with plants. If you don't know the sender, and they have not been a regular member, then I would assume it is the correct route to be cautious.

5) On a momentary thought that I would try to find out what they were on about, it also occurred to me that our dmails use our regular route to IE or whatever you may have, as Dave recently pointed that out. I am not that computer savvy, I know only a little, and I also know there are many clever people out there who have means of making connections. The obvious one is through a regular email, some will put a virus on your computer even if you open them and be transmitted to all your email addresses. How ureasonable then does it sound that if I replied to this person it would maybe give them an inroad to my computer? The funny thing is, I did a Disc scan last night as it was running slowly after I had downloaded some pictures and this usually frees it up. Today when I started up the computer there was a blue screen telling me that Disc C was dirty, and it went through a recovery programme after checking all files, they were called 'orphaned files' and were transferred to new files. Hmmmm, you see, strange isn't it! That has never happened in the 2.5 years I have had the computer.

6) You might or might not be interested to hear that I had some terrible memories the following morning, after the dmail, as I was waking. I don't know if I should really tell you that I had a bad relationship for 18 years, and that was 21 years ago now when I left it, you may just not be that interested as it appears I should be more interested in the feelings of people unkown to me. I had not been through this for a long time, but it soon came to me that the dmail had triggered a long ago experience of someone trying to phone me not long after leaving the marriage. It was obviously from a public phone box, and it kept ringing and cutting out. I had feared it was the monster who had threatened to kill me, and he had found out where I was, I cannot tell you the fear that was instilled in me. It happened to be my daughter trying to ring me from her school, but the phone wasn't working properly. By the way, he did find out where I was, and rang me, I spent the next hour screaming down the phone to him, he had never heard what a monster he was but he knew. So, the point being here is do you hold hands with the person you know on DG who is known to you, and does their best to help people, or straighten out problems, or do you hold hands with an occasional stranger?

MitchF, it did not take me long to realise where your beef came from, and I am sorry you felt you had to air your bitterness here instead of on the original thread. I was just starting to feel I might renew my subscripton, but if people feel free to attack me with no real reason on here then the wine is tainted, I cannot enjoy tainted wine.

I am willing to make peace if you are, but you must also realise the errors of your accusations. You were correct about one thing, about how a bad experience can stay with you for the rest of your life. My bad experiences never seemed to stop, but I have lived through them and coped. I hardly think this small occurrence would have the same impact, might you not admit it was a little (or a lot) over the top?

Wallaby - I dont play games and I try my best to treat everyone how I would like to be treated. You are not going to bully me or make me feel bad for wanting a fair world where everyone is treated with respect. I am not going to say "sorry" for trying to give who ever this member is a fair shake, life is not fair but I still feel everyone deserves respect.

No one asked you to hold hands, just not drag them out here in the mud. A simple dmail to Dave would have cleared it up, without a dmail to them. There was no need for this thread here just to make them feel like a bad person for not writing a dmail the way the rest of us have learned. That was my point... respecting them just means not bring it up in the view of the whole site but rather talking to them or Dave first and moving from there.

Maybe it's time for a simple dmail to Dave now, I'm getting very tired of this person dragging me through the mud.

On a much kinder note, I would like to thank the very kind and generous person who has renewed my subscription. I was extremely touched by this gesture. A humble thank you.

I am saying no more.

Perhaps this thread has outlived its usefulness? DG is a friendly place. The only mud needed here is mud on our shoes from gardening.

Amen

Life is complicated enough without hurting any one's feelings. Let this close on a note saying "Lets all be friends and make peace", Dave's is a wonderful site and sometimes its best to not continue to reply to have the last word. Have a awesome day where ever you are.

Didn't have time to read thread entirely but I recently got a dmail from someone I didn't know asking:

Some of these come up in web searches. Since D-mail is the only reference, they may join just to contact us and never check back into Dave garden. I have had that happen. Even some of our regular subscribers ignore D-mail. I never worry about it, just try to hold up my end.

Wallaby, I'm glad to see you will still be around the garden. I would hate to see you leave.

I have also received a few dmails from non subscribers. It's my choice to reply or not. I think I've only replied to one of them....I guess I just go on my gut feeling. It feels strange, to me, when I receive a dmail from someone I have never even seen here at DG.

Thanks mg, nice to feel wanted :-)

For whatever it is worth:
I subscribed to DG last August a year ago...............it took me until January to figure out how to get around on DG............everytime i would make a post and ask a question on a forum, no one would even answer.....................I would come back on several times a month and try again.....................It would have been so nice to have been welcomed to Dave's site and someone take my under their wings for a couple of days to help me navigate my way around.
Eventually in January of this year I finally got going and understanding...............since then I LOVE DG.
As far as unusual dmails go, I got one the other day on my classified ads with a big big order from someone I didn't recognize. I went to their home page and saw only 8 threads started over a couple of years and they were in the classified ads. I felt that they just wanted to buy and resell on ebay or somewhere since the prices were so low...........i was very polite and told her there were many order ahead of her (which was very true) and I would get back to her by this weekend. When placing the ads, I just assumed people who wanted to grow the plants would be dmailing...................so I have mixed feelings about selling plants to people who don't even grow them and intend to resell????????????
The purpose of the ads was to empty my shelves as i love to propagate and both benefit DGers who love to grow them..........

Well, I just wanted to note that I've gotten confusing dmails but nothing ever came of it.

However I personally just made a decision to take myself out of the address exchange for privacy reasons and don't intentionally post my picture here (maybe I did before but changed my mind after learning you couldn't unpost them....lol).

I did this not because of anyone's dmails but because I'm suddenly uncomfortable of the thought of lurkers. If you're a lurker, no offense and this is aimed at no one, you aren't necessarily bad, but how would anyone know? At least with a dmail you know who you're dealing with.

Either way, if they can't get directions to my house, no harm done.

I should be more careful, but I am not..................this sounds horrible to say...........but I am never afraid..............house is locked up good and the shotgun is not far away..............

lol...gessie, no firearms here, and I like open doors which is why we live in the middle of nowhere..lol

but I recently realized *light bulb* that I talk a LOT and probably give too much personal info, cause I've felt safe

but then I get paranoid--like I said, not aimed at anyone--all it took was noticing how many views versus posts on a favorite thread to realize we weren't alone---and I had been carrying on as if I was hanging out in a living room with friends. Just didn't realize someone was taking it all in without contributing---don't know why the thought creeps me out a little but it does. I do have to remember that this is a public site and people can read and contribute as they please, whether their lurking creeps me out or not

My DH traveled for 35 years of our married life....always home alone with the kids...and then alone. Trained myself not to be afraid of the Devil. Don't watch movies or tv that suggest and portray ugly. Trust everyone until proven otherwise. As for the cyber thing. I'm not a fifteen year old girl that the predators are after. If I were to post a picture...you would all run...lol. Overt fear is also a tool of Satan and keeps us from enjoying life as we were intended. Now I don't go to certain parts of town or down a dark alley. I am prudent in most ways. For someone looking to do evil, there are lots of opportunities other than lurking around DG. Not trying to put anyone down that has reservations or fear. I would do as gessie....check it out.....delete it. I give too much information about my location but usually it is to compare plant needs with another that has simialar climate and earth.

Very true Lou. Most of the dangers from the internet are annoying but not overly dangerous except in certain categories. I would not published an actual address in a forum although I am listed in the phone book and anyone who wanted to could find me. One thing that does concern me is identity theft. Birth date has become the identity of record, so that I will not publish. All in all tho, the internet is not any more dangerous than a neighbor or store clerk. I don't like the US vs THEM mentality that crops up between subscribers and members, But I have learned to live with it.