Garden Etiquette

It was my birthday yesterday so I held my annual party. Last year people were letting their toddlers tromp through things and pick stuff so I tried to politely let them know that wasn't cool with me. This year both adults and toddlers were picking without asking.

I don't understand it. My parents raised me in a way where I'd never pick stuff from people's yards without asking first. What is up with people? Admittedly I'm a more territorial person because I'm one of 15 siblings and if I didn't protect my stuff it would end up eaten, stolen or damaged. I'm trying to relax a little more and adjust to people who are more devil-may-care, but it's not like these people are around when this gimpy gardener needs help weeding, planting, etc. In fact, I sent out an email before the party asking for physical help because of the pain I'm in post-surgery (it hurts to type now but I've got a bee in my bonnet) and no one offered any help. So can you blame me for being a upset that people feel free to take the fruits of my literal blood, sweat and tears?

I had to stop one friend from making dandelion clocks! Argh!

Do you guys have that experience? How do you handle it?

spidra, belated happy birthday. i feel your pain. about 5 ft of my property that meets the road is planted with many beautiful, and in some case, expensive flowers. people walk their dogs and let them roam amongst the blossoms, peeing on everything! my poor hostas are all yellow. i am going to post a sign and hope they will get the idea. here is a pretty picture to cheer you up!
ciao

Spidra, sending my hopes and thoughts for a fast healing from your surgery. Not being a birthday celebrator I never have your problem, but if I did, upon seeing the first person molesting my plants without permission I would announce to all that upon the next incident of petal picking the party would come to an immediate end, and stick to the decision.

i think this is a better image

Just tell them at the beginning that they might want to watch the kids cause some of your plants are very poisonous and toxic to children. that'll usually do the trick. and just be sure and tell them that you can't remember which one's they are but there for sure is two of them and your not sure if the other ones are or not.
That's why i like thorny roses, they get bit once and they're done. no hard feelings, just life.

Thanks for the birthday greetings and good wishes, folks.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I should make picket signs to put up at parties "Please Don't Pick Without Asking First"

Len, I can't get away with saying they're poisonous because they're strawberries in many cases.

I had that problem when I lived in North Florida. I had antique roses in my front yard behind a chain link fence and people would pick the flowers and buds .. finally in desperation I posted a sign that said:

Feel free to sniff and enjoy but when you pick my flowers you are stealing my seeds.

It actually worked.

X

Happy belated birthday to you.

I don't have any friends who have little kids any longer but I do have friends now bringing their grandchildren over. Most are very respectful and they steer their kids into appropriate areas to play but there have been a few who sit down to relax and socialize while letting everyone else discipline their little darlings. When this happens, I kneel down to the child's level and tell them that if they pick the flower for themself that no one else can enjoy it. I ask them to please not pick the flowers at this house. If they pick the child picks again, I tell them that we don't pick flowers at this house and that they need a time out for five minutes before they can go back in the yard again. I take them by the hand and walk them to their grandparent and let them know I am giving them a time out and why. Everybody uses time outs in this area so there's no risk of hurting anyone's feelings.

I don't know what I'd do if time outs weren't acceptable and used all the time. Maybe send out invitations that say "Mom and Dad's Night Out" or "Adults Only" or flat out let everyone know that I don't want any of the flowers picked and I don't want the kids running around in the flower beds? This is a toughie. I don't envy the position your friends have placed you in.

Another part of your problem was that you asked for help which wasn't given. Perhaps it would have been more effective had you called a particular friend or friends and asked for some physical assistance. By sending a general email to more than one person (if I understand correctly), you encountered the "let George do it" attitude. I'm betting that you would have gotten the help you needed if you'd asked directly.

Next year I think I'd have signs posted in the garden making it clear that picking isn't allowed. I wouldn't even say anything about asking first. I'd make it clear that it's verboten, and I'd enforce it by taking the child by the hand and returning him/her to the mother. And if that doesn't work, then the next year I'd issue invitations that make it clear the party is for adults.

Happy belated birthday!

This is indeed a tough one...especially considering your limitations at the moment.

I have run into this same situation and have to really "bite my tongue" sometimes. The problem usually eminates from "non-gardeners" who have no clue most of the time, how much work, time and money went into the plantings they feel so free to pick.

I agree that it is hard to convey the message without sounding like an ogre, but people should just know better anyway !

Last May, I had my garden on a tour and I was worried about people coming with children...kids being kids and all...it's just their nature to be curious. I actually had the reverse situation happen. The kids were extremely respectful and had obviously been pre-coached by their parents on how to behave, or possibly because they were children of gardeners they learned this at home. It turned out very well and the kids DID enjoy seeing butterflies, bees, and a very "scolding " scrub jay who felt his territory was being invaded ! LOL

Handling adults though, is another entirely different situation. I see nothing wrong with warning people ahead of time that helping themselves to what they want is NOT acceptable...unless they ask first. There is a way to do it, nicely, and not offend or embarass.

I think we have every right to make that known at the beginning...we work too hard on our gardens to allow some ignoramous to tromp all over beds or pick flowers or fruit etc.

Bad breeding comes in all shapes and sizes and in all economic and social levels.