Question about our departed members

...as in "pushing up daisys"?

There are many beliefs on this web site and I think religious connotations are best avoided.

How about "In Memorium" or "In Loving Memory" and a lily? That's clear, simple and respectful to all beliefs.

My two cents worth.

right... as I said, it's a little too flippant. But I do love daisies!

I think a white lily would be good, too.

I have been watching this thread for a long time, and I must say that it is a testament to all of you, and to Dave and the other Admins, that this is even a topic of discussion. Bravo to all for showing such sensitivity about a subject that too often is just brushed aside. You make me proud to belong.

Islandshari - You are so right. I do think people need to keep in mind how much work these special requests are for Dave to do and how willing he has been about putting in the time. Programming is time consuming, but this is a worthy project.

I think a forget-me-not with In Loving Memory says it all :)

To me, having 'In Loving Memory' written where ever my mom's name comes up would be upsetting. I wouldn't mind the icon, but seeing "in Loving Memory" would be too much.

Just my opinion,

Deb

Dave, thank you so much for working on this.

Deb, What would you suggest?

Again, I think a lily (like a white Easter lily) might have religious overtones... my vote would be to stick with the forget-me-not.

Deb, would a simpler "In Memorium" be better as far as you're concerned? I really do think having an icon with no text will generate a lot of confusion. Even after it's established, new members will feel like they're not "in the loop" if they end up asking about the icon... and somehow, it would be more embarrassing to me not to know that a little blue flower means "in memorium" than not to know what "Uber" designates.

Hmm, Dave what would it take (in programming time) if whatever icon is chosen, have an explanation pop up when the mouse pointer hovered over it? You made it seem easy when you added the hover box to our user names.

Critter,

Well said. I do agree that some text would be nice.
The forget me not is quite nice.

:-)

Deb....I know that your Mom is still too fresh in your mind to want to even think of her as "gone"....I miss her too...Would you be OK with "In Memorium?" We do need something to explain the Flower. Love ya!! Jo

I think in most cases we have year of birth and death when the memory garden notice is submitted.

Why don't we display that information on their member page - just a simple "YYYY - YYYY" beneath the flower image?

I think most people will instantly recognize and understand that means the person has died, and it avoids all the pitfalls of trying to come up with a one-size-fits-all epitaph

Terry, very tasteful and PC.

Terry, seems like a good solution for an international site.

Terry's idea has the same simplicity as "In Memorium" -- and additionally, it lets us know how recently we've lost a particular member of our community.

Terry, another agreement in that the date mention says it all.
Very nice.

Just for the record, we don't always know one's year of birth. Sometimes it's not written in any of the resources Joan and I go through to write the Memory Garden. There have been many times when we've actually had to pay to get info from a newspape, some newspapers do not let you "read" them without paying a fee of $3 or so to do so. (and we still can't get all the info).

And would it not require more work to put in a different date for each one? You can look in the Memory Garden and find out when one passed away, whereby "In Memory" is simple and easier for Dave to program. It also urges one to read the Memory Garden as some will wonder, "When?" and isn't that what the Memory Garden is about? To read and remember....

I think a forget-me-not and "In Memory" is a gentle reminder...

Well said.

That's a good point... we don't want to end up with "? - 2008" on an icon.

Also, from a programming standpoint, using the same icon and the same text for all is probably far simpler.

MistyMeadows said:

"Is the plan to also have the forget-me-not and "In Memory" appear beneath every post the person ever made?"

Yes, I think that's part of what we're hoping for... it would be really useful when older threads get bumped up.

I hope there's an easy way to add it to the birthday list also...

June, yes as critter said...that is the plan. A forget-me-not next to their name in the birthday list and then under any post they've made it will have the forget-me-not and under that "In Memory" or whatever is chosen.

I'm not sure if we ever discussed a link to the Memory Garden and I'm not sure how hard that would be for Dave, but I think the whole gist of this was so that people knew when a departed member's birthday appeared on the list, that we would know that they were no longer physically with us. The same goes for posts that these dear ones have posted in the past.

Honestly, I hope that we can clear this all up soon and I know that Dave is working on it as fast as he can, but I think that these discussions are really hard on the family and friends left behind that are reading this.

Blessings,
Kathy

Perhaps the logo could be a link to the Memory Garden,
or "In Memory" on mouseover?

Just a thought.

Good idea :)

In no way do I intend for this to be insensitive to Deb, whose loss is fresh in her mind, her heart, and her memory at this time. I'd like to weigh in for the Forget-Me-Not and the simple "In Memorium..." It is simple, tasteful, and universally understood. It's also PC. Can we avoid holding this important issue in suspense until sensibilities are soothed?
Or, how about one central location like the Birthday section that says "In Memorium" there only. And then, just put the Forget-Me-Not flower wherever the name pops up in the posts? Deb?

I don't know, I sit and cry just reading this. For me, I would like things left as they are. No icon, no "In memoriam", nothing. I reread posts mom made fairly often, and truthfully, I'd rather not see anything indicating that she is no longer with us. Now when I read her posts, it's just reading her posts, and they look like any other posts. With the icon and whatever phrasing, it will just be pointing out that this is my dead mother's posts.

I was not bothered by a member wishing her a happy birthday, and I was saddened to see that that post was changed after someone pointed out that mom had passed.

I just don't see the need for this at all. Those that knew mom, know. Those that knew any other member that has passed away, knows. Why does it need to be indicated for those that didn't know her, or, any other member who is no longer with us. Maybe, as friends of members, you all would like this reminder, but as a family member, I wouldn't. I don't know how many others would be effected by this, I know Les still posts under Frankay's name. Will she have to see an icon and In memoriam, whenever she posts?

I realize Dave will do whatever the majority wants, but I for one, wish things would just be left as is.

Just my opinion,
Deb

Deb, I was just thinking about Les posting under Frankay's name. I like seeing his name come up on new posts, so I would be sad to see her name go to something else if she didn't want the icon on her posts.

Deb -

I think the intention of this thread is amazing. But I did think when first reading the posts that it was kind of nice that you mom lived on every time someone wished her a happy birthday. She's still a part of the list and her postings will assure that it will always be so.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I do think it's neat that your mother meant so much to so many. She must have been an amazing person and I'm sorry that I didn't know her.

Kathy

forgive me but i just found this thread. is there a site on daves titled "Memory Garden"? i have heard mention of this before but wasn't sure what people meant.

Mamajack -

I just found this thread today, too. There's a forum called Memory Garden on the right side of the page that lists the different forums (or communities). It's under the Daves Garden Community heading.

Kathy

yes...there is... http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/f/deceased/all/

smiles..Diana

I don't mean to add salt to wounds here, but the icon is also so that others won't be in situations they'd rather not be in as well as remembering. I know for some the loss of a loved one is still fresh.

I think it is an honor that one has even reached the Memory Garden and would have an icon/remembrance of them. I wonder how many have been members here that have gone on that we do not know about. :(

I said when we first started the Memory Garden a few years ago that this should be done. Perhaps we wouldn't be having this discussion if it had been done on onset.

I don't see what kind of situations others might be put in that they'd rather not be. The worst that could happen is someone sees the posting of someone who has passed, and ask them a question.

To me, I don't see the icon as an honor. I see it as pointing out, "dead person here", and I simply don't see why that needs to be pointed out.

Deb

deb, i didn't know your mom but i went to the memory garden and read about her. and i loved that first picture of her. i know she had a hug for everyone. i have tears in my eyes and my heart for you right now. i wish i could hug you.

Mamajack - Well said. I, too, went to the Memory Garden and read about Doris, too. What a wonderful woman.

I need to add something about that picture I posted of your mom, Deb...Heading there now.

Hello Deb,

Were it not for the discussion of an icon, I may never have known about
the Memory Garden. As mamajack mentioned, many will visit the garden
and come away with a sense of what a wonderful person and much loved
member Dave's Garden had the pleasure of knowing.

(((Big hugs)))

Karen Marie

and because of your mama, deb, i found out that daves has a prayer forum. after reading about doris i started reading about pins and someone mentioned the prayer forum.