Gardening in shared spaces

Late in the winter we encouraged DH's parents to sign up for a 10 x 10 garden plot in their retirement community. They were both such avid gardeners for years and my sweet MIL is now in the early stages of that hideous alzheimer's :(

So we made a deal, we'll do all the planting and weeding and cleaning and re-planting if you will take a stroll and water 2x a week - sneaky, eh? :)

Today was our bi-weekly visit to weed and just visit of course. There are 100 plots, each 10x10 and it always amazes me the varieties of vegetables, flowers, herbs these people enjoy growing. It's so much fun to take time and chat with the residents about gardening techniques and ooooh and aahhhh over their plots. We wish more of their children stopped by to get their hands dirty and laugh and work, but ah well :) These are some of the most enjoyable hours we spend each week.

Clare (MIL) just can't get over these things we call Elephant Ears - she was a woodland gardener and just can't believe them. She must have told me 30 times today - "Can you believe they grow so fast?" The amazement in her face each time she looked at them was great. After we weeded and watered, we strolled all around the other gardens and she helped me point out bugs and butterflies to take pictures of for the BugFiles here :)

Alzheimer's is cruel indeed, but I tell you, these gardening hours bring back moments of clarity that give us all great joy :)

We've squeezed a lot into 10x10

She followed this butterfly until she finally landed and told me I needed to take a picture :)

I said, let's look for bumble bees and she found this guy in a sunflower!

Last one, I promise :) Alzheimer's is not keeping her sharp sense of sight from spotting these lady beetles - enjoy your gardening folks; enjoy it with others as you can :)

Dea

Ahh Dea, I know how you feel. I packed up my business in 2001 and moved to Summerville because my Great Aunt & Uncle (she's my grandmothers sister) moved into a retirement home here. My Uncle has Alzheimers and I knew as he got worse my Aunt would want family close by.

He is now at the point where every time he blinks it's a whole new world, but he still like to work out in the garden. We have to watch him carefully though or he'll drown stuff. They are lucky enough to have their own cottage with lots of places to plant. My Uncle is now 93 years old and my Aunt 91. Her mind is sharp as a tack and I swear she has more energy than I do! I think Alzheimers is hardest on the caregiver.

X

Beautiful folks :) Gardening is something, eh? Thanks for sharing :)

Dea

We've learned that keeping him contantly busy is the best way to deal with him. He also makes cork trivets and trays. Occasionally he paints the trivets with glue and glues the corks with paint .. but that's ok! The family also decided a long time ago not to tell him he had Alzheimers. I think it made a very large difference in his attitude compared to others in the retirement village who were told they had it early on. They just kind of gave up on life after being told.

X

Just wanted to say that this is a wonderful thread and thank you both for sharing your stories.

I've enjoyed reading about the gardens shared by Michael's parents and their neighbors - that's so neat! Something as basic as getting one's hands in the soil really does keep a person rooted (truly - no pun intended!).

X, your great aunt and uncle have a nice place to enjoy. It sounds like the family made the right decision regarding whether or not to tell him.

What a wonderful thread! What a beautiful way to share with them and us.

I spent weekends, the last year of my Great Grandma's life, turning down beds for the "boys" (which are 50 years and more older than me), milking cowns, plowing fields, getting water from the well, puttin' the beans on, etc. Most of those things I have never done and I'll never know who my Great Grandma thought I was but it made her happy. :)

Sometimes I think "knowing" is a lot worse than "having" when it comes to illnesses.

Here's a few pics of the garden today; Clare just adores the elephant ears and when we cut one of the spent leaves off today, she said, "let's use this to gather the weeds so we are organic" Made us both shed a tear - she still has gardening in her roots even though her mind is dimming to other things - you can see the dark ear off to the right that we all put the weeds in.

another view

Happy Gardening everyone :)

Dea

Dea,

This touched me at the core of my being.

I had the privilege of sharing gardening ( this time it was indoor gardening) with an elderly lady that I met by accident.
She was the most precious lady- mid 80's- gentle and from the "old school".
She was senile and nearly deaf-but had such a passion for all her babies. She could tell you everything you ever wanted to know, about her 80+ plants.
I was supposed to be helping her with her housekeeping, but as soon as she discovered my love for plants, we spent most of our time together caring for her "babies". If there was time, I concentrated on the heavy duty cleaning for her.

We had two years together, before she had to go to a nursing home. She could only take a few of her plants with her.

she faded pretty quickly after that. I always wondered if she was grieving for her lost "babies". so sad.

Our elders have been thru so much. When we can help them to live "thru the things they love", it's such a good thing.


Thank you so much for sharing this thread with us.

Deanna

You are so welcome and thanks so much for sharing your memories. Gardeners are truly special people :)

Dea

Been a tad busy with some stuff on the homefront, but thought I'd update this thread with today :) Last October, we planted a ton of bulbs in their 10 x 10 plot. All winter long, she's waited patiently to see what would happen.....

This picture really says it all to me. The flowers mean so much to someone with Alzheimer's. 4 weeks ago she was offering to help us with our grandson as our son was in the hospital and today, she had again forgotten we even have a son - that's ok :)

She was just enthralled with this double tulip and her elderly hand just wouldn't let go of this bloom :)

Have a great week everyone :)

Dea

Dea, I didn't see this thread when you originally started it - it brings tears to my eyes. My mother too suffers from Alzheimer's and it has been so startling and frightening to all of us. She was never much of a gardener, but I take her to nurseries to look at things and she brightens up considerably. And she loves to come to my house which has lots of flowers.

We also have never told her she has Alzheimer's - she thinks she is just "forgetful" and that is fine with us. I'm really glad she has never known as she had a dreadful fear of it for many, many years, and never wanted to be a "burden." (Which she's not, btw.)

Thank you all for sharing your stories - it is such a heartbreaking disease and it's nice to read about some positives.

You sound like a great daughter Murmur :) Hang in there my friend !!

Dea

I'm so tickled to see this thread re-vived!

as I'm planting my beds this year, I'm paying special attention to the containers and beds that can be enjoyed from the patio-for Mama.

She can't walk out to all the far reaching beds around the yard, so has to enjoy them from a distance(thank God, tho, that her eyesight is pretty good!)

She has never been what you'd call an outdoor person, and never planted flowers that I remember, but she loves mine so much, and asks questions nearly non-stop, while she is here visiting. I try to bring her to stay with us for several weeks during the summer, where she spends the majority of her day on our covered patio, in my favorite rocking chair.

when she's out on the patio, she feels like she's as close to heaven as she can be, while here on earth. Isn't that the most precious thing?!

Over and over, she tells me that I got my "green thumbs" from Grandma(her Mother). Maybe one of the things about gazing out on my gardens is that it brings Grandma's memory back to her?

Mama has Alzeimers, and generally doesn't talk much anymore- but, on the patio, with our gardens in full view, she sometimes turns into a "magpye"-chatter, chatter.

She lives with my Twin brother, 100 miles from here. I go down to spend the day every couple weeks, and no matter what time of year it is, the first thing she asks is "Have you and roger been on the Patio, recently?"
It melts me every time-she is so child like, now.

So folks, grow those flowers, and share them with your loved ones. we may never know how much it enriches their lives.

Blessings to you all.
sasha

Thanks sasha - your Mama is blessed :)

Sasha and Dea, you are both such lovely people - I am indeed honored to meet you both.

And, Sasha, I got tears in my eyes reading about your mom. Your story is very similar to mine - my mother wasn't the gardener, but HER mother was and she often tells me I got my love of gardening from my grandma (I think I did, too - and her father was a landscaper in Ireland so it does run in the family!). She also is quite childlike and at times a bit ornery (not much, just a little - and it's surprising because it is sooooooo the opposite of what she was like all her life!!!), but I am still grateful to have her (and my dad).

For at least 25 years I have brought my mother a container for Mother's Day - and it always has Heliotrope in it. She no longer remembers what Heliotrope is, but it doesn't matter - it is important to ME to give it to her!!!! And she loves the containers . . . there's a lot of them now as the last five or six years I have brought nice ceramic ones and refill each one every year. In previous years it was just plastic hanging varieties, etc. I need to get them set up so that they only need to be watered a couple times a week (when I'm there) so my frail father doesn't feel he has to try to take care of them. So far I am able to keep the bird feeders filled, too - they both enjoy that (my dad's vision is bad - macular degeneration - but he can see the birds somewhat).

Whew - the sweet people in this thread have me all wound up - I'm so glad I found you!

Thanks Dea and Murmur,
But, I don't deserve any praise.

I am so blessed to have the best Mother that I could ask for. She was always someone I could look up to, and be proud of.

She has led a simple life, some might say- but, in her quiet gentle way, she inspired us (my brothers and I) to be all that we could be, and to live an honorable life, as we were taught. All four of us chose completely different careers, but she always supported our choices, and suffered silently while we all struggled with our own mistakes in our younger lives, without ever interfering-then rejoiced with us as we matured and "came into our own".

As my father's health failed in his later years, she sacrificed her own health to care for him until the end. Little did she (or us kids) realize that shortly after his passing, she too would be stricken with Alzeimers, and poor health.

She still knows us, and wants to live with us(my brothers and I) rather than a Nursing home, and that is the way it will stay, until it is absolutely impossible, for her well being. Meanwhile, we care for her like you would a tiny child, while she frets about being a bother-which we assure her that she most certainly is NOT!

She has the most beautiful smile, and spirit, 95% of the time (when a little ornriness rears its head). grin. Murmur..you know what I'm talkin' about. LOL

Anyway, I'm looking forward to hearing from others who enrich lives around them, in some special way, with flowers! C'mon!

Sasha

All of you people have shared your moving experiences with us. It has really touched my heart. I wish you the best for all times.

Thanks for sharing,

Chuck

This message was edited Apr 26, 2007 4:18 PM