Do you have a funny gardening story?

After sharing these stories on other threads, another kind contributor gave me the idea for this one - FUNNY GARDEN STORIES. My apologies if you've already heard these on the other threads. Please share your stories!

After reading other threads on the subject of keeping deer out of gardens, I just had to share my efforts at detering deer. It was not successful, but sure makes for a funny story......

Several years ago I rented a plot at our county community garden which is between two rivers and surrounded by wooded areas. (major deer corridor) Hoping to fill my freezer with purple hull peas, I planted seven 50' rows of them. This is akin to opening a candy store for deer. I tried everything to keep the deer away. And I mean EVERTYTHING! I started by staking the corners and running string around the parameters of the plot tying plastic Wal-Mart bags and plastic ribbon every 12". Even adding helium filled mylar balloons later. Nope - they just thought these were party decorations and, by the number of hoof prints, several would attend the party at one time.

Next, I tried soap chips, cheap perfum, etc. Nah - this just added "ambiance" to the party. After being told the human scent in human hair would deter them, I had my hairdresser save bags and bags of the stuff he swept up off his shop floor. (that was kinda weird spreading other people's hair about my garden) Well, of course this was another failed attempt so the next advice I got was to pull out the big guns. I needed a stronger human scent......URINE! My husband was required to pee into jars so I could "sprinkle" it around the garden and up and down the rows every few days. (the first pee of the morning is supposed to be the strongest - I was really getting into this) If he ever dared join me at the plot he was asked to use the "direct application" method!

Well, I'm here to report ~ I DIDN'T GET A SINGLE SERVING OF PEAS ~ from the combined 350 feet planted!!!!!!!!!! But I did hear there was a bumper crop of deer that year...... =)

Debra

And my second story....it wasn't funny then, but I can laugh about it now. As a matter of fact, I had several bad experiences with that garden that are laughable now - like the bumble bee in my pants that stung me 8 times! Before driving home to treat the area, I had to know the bee was no longer in my pants. The only person around to help was this nice retired gentleman with a neighboring garden. I was a little embarrassed to ask Pete if he would "look in my pants" to be sure the bee was gone. But, I guess he liked what he saw - he gave me a cantaloupe!

Once home, I discovered one of the bee's barbed legs was still caught in my underwear. I glued it onto a page of my garden journal as proof of my story! Still have it today!

Debra

Debra, those are such funny stories! Instead of antsy pants, I guess you had bumble britches. LOL

When I was new to gardening, I was out checking out my new, in full bloom, four oclocks, just so pleased that I could actually grow something besides weeds. So here I am minding my own business when this giant moth zones in on me. He just hovers right in my face, and I don't mind telling you, altho I'm a hefty gal, I was just a wee bit daunted by this creature about 1/100th my size. He was just so fearless, looking me in the eye, daring me to stand in his way. And, well, I took a few steps back, and he advanced. Hmmmph! Believe it or not, this determined creature drove me back inside, claiming my garden for his own. Later, from the window, I scoured the area to see if the coast was clear.

That evening, my brother and I were sitting on the porch and I was telling him this story that I just told you. We sat on the porch for a long while, as we often did, sharing our day. And then, from out of nowhere, the giant moth flew in again! "There it is," I exclaimed. "There's that giant moth!!! Have you ever seen anything like it???"

Terry looked very serious as he watched the winged terrorist, and he said, "Well, I've never quite seen a moth like that, but you know, where I come from, we call that a...hummingbird." And then I didn't think he would ever stop laughing!

So there you have it, my first experience with a territorial hummingbird. For weeks afterwards, Terry would ask me if I saw anymore "giant moths". Well, I tell you one thing, we fear that which we do not know. And now that I know what they are, I don't run from 'em anymore. And they've learned to share my gardens with me.

NancyAnn

NancyAnn-

Hello neighbor! Love the story! Thanks so much for sharing. Bet, if honest, most of us would admit we've dodged what we thought was an angry bumble bee only to discover it was a hummer. Those little guys are fearless! And what an angry buzzing, squeeking sound they can make.

Are you growing more than four o'clocks now?

Debra

Hey Debra, where's Ferndale? I'm in the NE corner of AR, near Memphis. Drop by for a visit if you're ever out this way. And I'll show you what I grow. My entire yard is a garden--no grass (except the Johnson grass trying to lay claim to my gardens.). I grow daylilies (500 named varieties currently), irises (100 varieties), cannas (50 varieties), sedums, toad lilies, hostas, heucheras, tiarellas, bananas, elephant ears, herbs and tons of stuff. I've crammed my little space with anything I think is beautiful. I now have a few hummers and lots of butterflies (thus I call my place the Butterfly Ranch).

What do you grow? What's your favorite thing?

NancyAnn

Wow, NancyAnn! I guess you do grow more than four o'clocks! You must have a lot of space and even more time. How do you do it? Don't most of those die back in winter? Do you have a lot of empty space then?

I'm just now making headway landscaping our 3 year old home in the country. There's so much to do. I'd like lots of blooms in our courtyard that is seen from the dining room so as to attract more hummers and butterflies, but I don't want to look at ugly bare spots or rotting foliage all winter. Right now I have 3 butterfly bushes, a pair of climbing roses, several clematis, azaleas, lily of the nile, beginnings of 2 peonies, pincushion and purple coneflower, carolina jasmine espeliered (sp?) on a brick wall, couple of hybrid tea roses and shrub roses.

Around the fountain where it stays moist I've got japanese iris, elephant ears, hostas, and dwarf iris. I tend to like pinks, purples, and yellows. Any suggestions for the courtyard?

Oh yeah - elsewhere around the house I have hydrangeas, daylilies, wysteria, swamp hibiscus, purple sage, more azaleas and hostas, more clematis, gladiolas, surprise lilies, pussy willow, forsythia, southern magnolia in bloom now, japanese maples, more roses, etc. Whew! Plus I planted a bunch of red bud and japanese maple seedlings I got from the National Arbor Day Foundation amongst the native dogwoods. This is crazy, but I just love to plant stuff!
Debra

PS Ferndale is about 10 miles west of Little Rock. Growing up in LR I remember Ferndale was waaaay out in the country. Now we are just a suburb of LR, but we have about 12 acres and really feel like we live in the country.

HI Debra, my space is actually very small, but I have no lawn. I've crammed every bed full. My motto is, "If you can see the ground, you don't have enough plants in there." And another motto is, "If you have lawn, your wasting valuable garden space."

Another funny story: Sheer circumstance got me into gardening. My sis, who believes the whole world should be asphalt, moved into a house with a long row of cannas in the backyard. I really don't know how I even knew they were cannas, having absolutely no gardening experience. But she mowed them down every two weeks and I felt sorry for them. I asked if I could have some. She handed me about 20 walmart bags and a shovel and said, "Take them all!"

Well, I only took half, considering I knew nothing of gardening. I knew they'd probably die. But I came home with about 200 or so. I dug holes all over the place and stuck a few in each hole--all the way around my house. I thought they'd surely like one spot and they'd live there. Then I'd have one clump.

A month later, they were ALL up and growing. So I went back to get the other half. And I planted them all around too. By August, they were 4 ft tall and loaded in blooms!!!

By July of the next year, those babies grew to 7 ft tall and surrounded my house--a canna forest. We could sit on the porch and be completely secluded. It was just incredible. And I was hopelessly hooked. There's just nothing better than a flower you can look up to!

Do you know how many people stood in front of these cannas and said, "But you can't grow cannas in Arkansas!" Huh? Really? Shhhhh, don't tell my cannas that!

For a year or two, my brother, who lives next door, kept saying, "You can't grow anything in our red clay." A couple of years ago, he began saying, "Do mine next!!!" And now that I've started on his place, he says, "Give me some more red and purple ones! I need more flowers. I want a banana too!" LOL

What can I suggest for you to grow? Anything you see that you like. And don't listen to anyone else about what will grow and what won't. I grow just about anything I want in full sun, in drought, in neglect. I even grow hostas in full sun, believe it or not. I've learned to ignore the advice of others and try things for myself. Another motto is, "It won't grow here if I don't plant it." So if I like it, I plant it.

Below is a pic of the first canna, Richard Wallace, that made me a gardener. Imagine hundreds of these and being "eye to eye" with them or having to strain your neck to look up to them. The memory still makes my heart race.

And did I mention, they attract those "giant moths"? LOL

NancyAnn-
That canna is gorgeous. We planted some on the edge of our pond but they never did very well. I suspect the deer ate them because I don't even see a hint of them anymore. They also ate some swamp hibiscus, but don't seem to bother the japanese iris or water lilies.

Have you ever tried swamp hibiscus? My husband likes unusual plants (I prefer old fashioned and familiar) and brought these home a couple of years ago. They have huge rosy red blooms that the hummers just love. They get about 7 feet tall and multiply easily. I'll try to post some photos I took last year. It will be 2-3 days before I can do it but will try to remember.

Debra

Debra, I have a white swamp hibiscus, but white isn't my favorite color. I do have other hibiscus though and I love them.

Your cannas may have frozen over winter. In our zones, they won't survive winter if they stay in a moist area. I plant mine in dry areas, on small mounds so the water drains off quickly in the winter. Their tubers will freeze and rot if I don't.

Fortunately I don't have to deal with deer. I do have rabbits that love my hostas and heucheras. And grasshoppers come each year and eat everything in their paths. This year, I have 7 Dust. Hope that gets 'em!

NancyAnn,

I'm sure that's the cause - freezing and rotting. Their feet were in the water! I'll try some elsewhere. Thanks.

You should have great luck with them in a spot where you can give them lots of water during the summer, but very limited water in the winter. They are just barely hardy for us, and if we have a bad winter, they could easily rot. Richard Wallace is one that has survived even our worst winter in history a few years back. It's an tough one. I also mulch heavily for winter too.

When you make it out this way, pay me a visit. If you're not hooked on cannas and daylilies, you will be when you leave my place. LOL

Hi Debra, good stories to read! Deer and humming birds we do nt have to contend with in mt garden, all the deer are safely away up in the bush many miles awayfrom my suburban garden. No humming birds at all in my part of the world unfortuntely. Any funny stories from me? Well, when I started gardening I often nurtured interesting looking plantlets that came up in the Spring, most of them turned out to be weeds!

I also planted an area about 20 feet by 15 feet with roses, there was a lot of bare ground between them so I bought a lot of cosmos plants,
these just loved their environment and grew tall and taller and taller until they had completely obscured the roses! I had to break a path through them pick a bunch of roses for the house.
Gardening is a real learning experience and one gets LOL's during the years.

Ferrymead-
Thanks for sharing! Isn't it amazing to be able to share stories from all around the world? I had to grin when you said your plants turned out to be weeds. My husband became fascinated with a weed last year and took over one of my best planters to raise it. It wasn't anything impressive, just a weed. Well, it came back this year (so I'm still short one planter) and......it's GROWING LIKE A WEED! ha ha He has even staked it and it's taller than the 3ft stake! For the life of me I can't figure out what is so fascinating about it - no blooms or anything. I guess just because it's HIS.
Debra

What about a photo of your husband's weed? I wonder if it is like one of the ones I nurtured!

I'll try to post a photo over the weekend. He's so proud of it!

Years ago, I lived on a river in Tennessee. The previous owners of the house (who built the house and lived there for 10 years) reported that the river had never flooded.

I lived there a couple of years and decided that it was safe to plant 20-30 miniature roses ("red cascade" from N'oreast) in a bed along the river wall. They were GORGEOUS and did indeed cascade over the wall.

As you may have guessed, two years later, the river flooded.

The roses were COMPLETELY under water for SEVEN days. After the water receded, my beautiful roses had dropped ALL their leaves and were nothing but grey sticks... and then (the same season), they came back! Yes, there was a mighty battle with mildew, but very little permanent damage.

Then, next season? Yes, the river flooded again. This time the roses were COMPLETELY under water for FOURTEEN days.

BUT yes, they came back. Yes, there was another battle with mildew.

I decided these little beauties had proven themselves, but my heart couldn't stand another flooding, so the next Spring I decided to move them out of the flood zone.

I was wearing gardening gloves and on each plant I was carefully digging, gently lifting (placing my hands UNDER each plant), digging, lifting, digging, lifting...

On the fourth or fifth bush I was moving, I did the final lift and WHAT did I see curled up in the hole under the bush I just lifted out?

A creature who came to be known as "The Biggest Cotton Mouth Water Moccasin I Have EVER Seen And I Grew Up In FLORIDA!!!!!"

Bent over the hole, a rosebush clamped in my two hands, staring at a poisonous snake, and knowing that I lived 45 minutes from the nearest hospital, I froze. Then I noted that said snake was snoozing, so I did what any reasonable person would do.

I threw the rose bush in the air, screamed like a banshee while running to the house, and called someone nearby to deal with Mr. Snake.

After Mr. Snake was dispatched, someone (less of a weenie than me) dug up the remaining roses (no additional snakes were found) and all roses were moved safely and happily to higher ground where they flourished.

I've moved from that house, but rumour has it that the river hasn't flooded since.

ShelfLife -

Your roses must have been beautiful. If they ever have a drought in the area they know who to call!

Moccasins are particularly frightening to me. They are so thick and mean looking. We have them in our yard from time to time. We had only been living in our new home in the country about 2 months when one of my dogs alerted me to something being in the yard that "doesn't belong there". It was a big fat moccasin lounging on top of a brick retaining wall just off our back patio.

First I grabbed a handgun used for killing snakes in the pond, but realized I didn't want to damage the wall or kill anyone with ricocheting bullets. My weapon of choice was a flat edged hoe. I whacked it's head almost completely off with one big swing of the hoe. As I lifted the snakes body up with the hoe I heard a weird "gurgle" type sound - it was a big toad frog that slid out of the snakes almost severed head. The frog was so fresh it looked like it could hop off. That snake must have just consumed the frog and was planning to spend the morning sunning himself while digesting it.

Didn't feel too bad about spoiling his plans..... Unfortunately, we see copperheads on a regular basis too. I keep that flat edged hoe in my garage where it's always handy!

Debra

Remind me never to move south! Between these stories & Scutler's copperhead, I'm happy
to share my winters with the black snakes here in Pa.

Tam

Oh Tammy, it's not that bad. Keeping a vigilant eye for snakes and such is just the price we gladly pay for enjoying four distinct seasons, mountains/lakes/valleys/prairies/forests etc. (all in one state sometimes), and that southern hospitality we're famous for.
I wouldn't give up my snakes for your long winters. But I guess we learn to be happy where ever we are!
Debra

Debra... OK. I believe you. (Sort of). Our winters aren't that bad here. I stop mowing the grass
in early Nov and start again in early April. Its pretty when it snows.

I have to admit - I got really unnerved when I saw we had black snakes when we got the farm.
But they eat rodents & not people so I decided I could manage with them. But poisonous snakes...

Tam

I haven't seen a single poisonous snake since moving back to Florida...

... of course, we do have that whole "alligator" thing going on. ;-)

Oh yeah - that's another reason to stay put!

lets see - we have frogs & toads, squirels & chipmonks, deer & rabbits,
and at night, oppossum & raccoons. Hmmm.... definitely would prefer
to run into the critters around here vs the ones you southern folk deal with!
:-)

Tam

ShelfLife -

I hate to tell you this, but my brother-in-law lives in Florida and just a couple of weeks ago he killed a 4 ft long rattlesnake. Oh yeah, and you do have those killer gators! I suppose every state has their own scary creatures. Just think.....some places have mountain lions, grizzly bears......

Debra

I spent a summer in Ocean Springs MS a couple of years ago, and my main impression was that EVERYTHING down there had sharp pointy teeth and a nasty disposition...the snakes...the spiders...the fire ants...the alligators...even the VEGETATION (e.g. saw grass) could take a limb off if you weren't careful. No thanks.

I grew up in Massachusetts, where the bugs are small (though numerous) and discretely die every winter. No giant man eating reptiles, either. The worst thing we had to worry about were the tourists.

Proud to be a wimp,
pam

Pam - how's WV? Its a bit warmer than PA.
Tam

Maybe, they have driven all the snakes out of Fairmont, but the mountain counties of West Virginia from Harlan to Monroe have lots of Timber rattlers. One great advantage of the deep south, we don't have groundhogs, one of my greatest crop pests in Virginia. Guess the gators got em all.

I vacationed for a week in Salt Springs, FL (near Ocala) when I was young. Somewhere I have a photo of us holding a broom pole with 6-7 dead rattlers hanging over it, our kill for the week. Most were over 6 feet in length.

We will have timber rattlers at our new home in the VA mountains. Yuck.

Pam,

I know exactly what you're talking about in Ocean Springs. My in-laws lived in the Gulf Hills community almost 30 years before moving to AR in 2000. Their house backed up to a bayou off the bay. I've never experienced so many biting bugs in one place. They literally make you run for cover! Saw an alligator in the water a couple of times. They did witness them sunning themselves in their backyard a few times.

Ocean Springs is a nice place to visit. Hated to hear the Walter Anderson museum lost works to the hurricane floods last year. Did you visit the museum? Shearwater Pottery? Mississippi Mud Pottery? That great Italian restaurant in "downtown" Ocean Springs (can't remember the name)? I miss visiting there.

Debra

On a concious level I know snakes are good for the environment and they do keep the rodents in check but they still startle me and I hate that.

Many years ago we lived on a river on the Eastern Shore of MD. The was a tiny protected sandy spot we named the sand box for our toddler. The first year we lived there my older son came running into the house one evening and told us there was a copperhead in the baby's sand box. My DH grabbed the hoe and I had a flashlight and as we approached the area this big fat snake charged us! I screamed, turned around and ran and my DH was left yelling "come back here with that flashlight there is a snake chasing me and I can't see it".

It turned out it was a common watersnake which is not poisonous but is very agressive. There was an old dead tree on the riverbank and it seems the snakes had been breeding in that tree each summer for generations. We had invaded it's territory during breeding season and that snake was not happy.

The following winter, when everything was frozen we chopped down the tree but the snakes returned each year looking for it. Fortunately their season was only a week or two long.

Here we have all sorts of snakes, alligators and spiders but our worst problems come from mosquitos and sand gnats.

Ardesia,

Sand Gnats! Could that be what tried to eat me alive in Ocean Springs? Sometimes when my husband and I would take walks through the neighborhood, these creatures would attack - biting us all over. It was like an invisible cloud of biting pests that made me look like I was crazy.....swatting, scratching, slapping, and eventually RUNNING to get away from ???????

So glad you didn't have nesting copperheads. That's a funny visual - your husband trying to defend himself in the dark!

Debra

I've enjoyed reading this thread, the stories are GREAT

You all might want to read this thread by "Magpye" of AR, http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/612395/ it's funny and goes right along with the name of this thread - "Do you have a funny gardening story?"

Judy

Amen to that, Judy! Magpye's story is a gem. The photos are great too. Doesn't 'lil P'nut look tuf? Oh! That reminds me of.....

A Bear Story: Friends of ours vacation in Colorado and rent a cabin in the mountains. One year they had a bear to come into the cabin through the open front door while they were away. This bear happened to have a particular fondness for the tub butter in the fridge and helped himself, leaving the empty tub behind. After that, the rule was - always close the door.

Well, the husband liked to take the morning paper to his favorite spot overlooking a river which put his back to the cabin. The wife, in nothing but wet hair and a bath towel, stepped out of the bathroom to find - guess who? - Mr. Bear! sitting just feet away enjoying another tub of butter. The bear was coaxed out and all was well. (except the husband - boy did he get an ear full for not closing the door!)

Debra

Found the photo of the moccasin and frog mentioned in the June 9th posting. His head is almost chopped off by the hoe, His tail was bitten off by one of my dogs. He did not have a good day.
Debra

I was weeding in my roses in my new home and pulled a particularly tall plant. Suddenly, hundreds of bugs were jumping on me! They were in my hair, my clothes, everywhere! I freaked and was shaking out my hair as I was ripping off my shirt when I noticed the bugs weren't actually crawling on me. They were seeds! I looked sheepishly around to check if any of the neighbors had seen the spectacle. No, thankfully. I now call this "flea weed" and I still don't know it's real name or care. LOL

Katy,

That is hysterical! Really LOL! It's very understandable, though. Bet we've all done something similar. Can't tell you how many times I thought something unfriendly was caught in my hair and it turned out to be the tip of a wisteria vine.

What do you grow in Puget Sound? I never would have guessed you'd be zone 8a. Those zones take such unusual shifts across the country. Will have to find you on a zone map!

Debra

I've only lived here a year but my mind boggles at the plants that just florish here! Our winters are mild and the summers relatively cool compared to where I've lived before. We do get an awfully lot of rain though so some heat and arid loving plants don't do so well.

I've never been to WA but understand flowers do flourish there. Photographs are always so breathtaking with all the window boxes, public gardens, etc. The temps sound nice, but wouldn't like the rain. My brother lived there briefly and really missed the sunshine.

Debra

Katy, that's so funny! I can just picture the attack of the flea weed. LOL

Hi, All,

I just love this thread! Thanks so much for starting it, Debra.

Tammy, I’m with you. I don’t do snakes – even on TV. I have to close my eyes, I get so freaked. We have little green garter snakes around here and black water snakes, both of which do wonderful things for the environment, and both of which I am near phobic about. Ditto for crocodiles and alligators. I hate winter but I hate slithering reptiles more. I’m happy to stick with the toads, deer, chipmunks, fox, squirrels, etc. We live on a huge marsh and there are lots of little creatures but save for the fisher cat, none are really a problem for us, and he is even kept at bay with a fence.

We have ½ acre lot that is almost all garden – we have the same motto you do, NancyAnn -- most of our grass and dirt has been replaced by gardens and we’re working on the last bit of it. The back is fenced in as we have a swimming pool and koi pond, and that is where my largest and most elaborate gardens are. Having a huge German shepherd inside of the fence has kept the occasional woodchuck and the fisher cat outside of the fence quite nicely.

Well, here’s my latest funny story. My hubby and I are mid-life remarrieds. We tied the knot three years ago. DH is a psychiatrist. [Translation: You couldn’t ask for someone sweeter or more understanding, just don’t put anything mechanical in his hands.] I am a long time avid gardener and had to sell my home and give up my gardens and relocate to his city when we got married. In exchange, he agreed to help me build the garden of my dreams here (and he has kept that promise).

There is no bark mulch in our beds. We "mulch" with mulched deciduous leaves (looks great and becomes great compost) and I hand cultivate all of it, and right now we have about 2/3 of the half acre planted in garden beds. Last year, I became quite ill and could not keep up with the cultivating so DH (who couldn’t identify a weed if it jumped up and yelled “Hey, pull me out, I’m a weed!”) bought a Mantis, which brings up another problem: he’s into tools and gadgets; he just can’t be left alone with them.

The day the Mantis came, I was feeling really awful, not up to going out and doing gardening, but he wanted to try out his new toy. I suggested he go out and attack the skunk cabbage that had appeared out of no where and was overtaking the rhodies. I didn't go out with him, but this area is right outside the dining room and I showed him through the window exactly where I wanted him to cultivate and pointed out the offending invaders, which were growing like, well, weeds. Then I went to lay down.

He came in an hour later, pouring sweat, covered in dirt, and pleased as punch, anxious for me to go out and inspect his handiwork. He was proud to be able to tell me that he had even hand weeded some of the plants.

When I got out there, the skunk cabbage was nicely cultivated and weeded, the peonies (we are talking an enormous bed of raspberry, white and pink) had been reduced to a pile of stems, foliage, roots, and clumps (his comment: “You were right, those things really are hard to get up), and he had chopped through the electric dog fence and the electrical feed to the coach lights that line the cottage gardens. He does a great job as long as I don’t let him out unsupervised.

My gardens are all in a palette of red, pink, purple, white, and blue. The absence of yellow and orange is deliberate. Hubby, unfortunately, loves yellow. Out of deference to his love of yellow flowers, I made a special bed of mostly yellow flowers where he is allowed to plant anything he wants that I would not ordinarily put in any of the other beds, including anything yellow and orange. All of my gardens have names and this one is named "Siberia" (because the yellows are banished to one place far away from everything else). Siberia has become so popular, when friends visit, they often bring DH a yellow plant for his own special garden.

I’m so enjoying all the stories. Hope y'all keep posting!

Cathy

Cathy,

Your DH story is precious. They're so proud of themselves when they "help" that it's hard to scold them. My DH got carried away with pruning shears one year.

You must post some photos of your gardens and koi pond. I can almost see them in my mind the way you described them. I like a similar palette of pink, purple, white and pale yellow (Peace rose). Love the concept of the "Siberian" garden! That is very creative!

Please tell me what a fisher cat is. Have never heard of that critter. Now, down South, we have catfish.....(wink)

Debra