Family Christmas Dinners, vent here before you go...

It always helps to get it off your chest before you go to that Big Family Christmas Dinner and see the person who has you upset. So tell us your grip and get it off your chest before you meet up with the "ungrateful" and tell it to them.

My main grip is family members who contribute little, maybe they stopping at the store to get brown & serve roll, then have the gall to suggest next year the menu could have more deserts or whatever. These are the same people who never say "Thank You" to the cook who got up at 4 AM to start cooking, or a simple "we appreciate you" to the person who had the function at their home. Often Grandparents, or Great-Grandparents with health issues are the one who struggled through cleaning the house up for company, sure it's a tradition and they wanted it held at their house but it's also a lot of work.

So there, I feel better!!!



Judy

Good job!! Only problem one here will be gone to IL. It'll be great!! lol naughty me!

What a Blessing!!!

I don't have one complaint because I cancelled Christmas in the traditional way over 10 years ago. It got way too commercial for me. I enjoy the season so much more now that the big "stress" is gone. I think some little things get to us when we in the middle of "what to get for who and how are we going to pay for it"... then some little thing will push you over the edge. So, without that stress, it doesn't really bother me that my oldest sister signs up for brown and serve rolls and soda every year. ( I had to laugh at that cause it really hit home). Happy Holidays to all!

kathys999 - I'm there with you. As of 3 years ago we decided to stop going to all the dinners, parties and other celebrations, it had grown into TOO MUCH. We give presents on a limited basis, attend only a few get togethers and life is so much better!!! The initial reaction from everyone was that we were being "wet blankets" but I say if a person enjoys stress they are welcome to it.

Judy

Well...no Bah-humbug here...My 2 DD's live near me, my son is coming from TN, my Granddaughter will be home from the Navy...and this will be the first time in YEARS that we have all been together for Christmas.

Merry Christmas

(Or Have a wonderful Winter Soltice)

Jo

roadrunner - How wonderful!!! A Very Merry Christmas To You & Yours!!!

I host Christmas Eve dinner for any and all who want to show up. Food is here. If you need something to drink-bring it! Christmas Day is husband, kids, and my Dad PERIOD! This was at my children's request many years ago. Shows they are smarter than we think.

Merry Christmas Everyone.
Janice

Doesn't sound like anyone is out of control here YET! LOL! Glad we are not the only ones who found our way around the traditional. We celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving together with a big meal and few gifts, just us and the kids (Tasha, Mike, Amy & Tim) That way they are freed up to visit their better half's family and we are free to "Get out of Dodge". So this is a good time to wish each and everyone of my DG friends a Happy Holiday and Merry Christmas as we are headed to Ambergris Caye, Belize tomorrow afternoon and will be spending our holiday and our Anniversary 12/24 in another part of the world.

Can I just vent about a SIL not for Christmas dinner because we do Christmas breakfast but for any other family get together?

This SIL has 2 girls from a previous marriage so they are grown with husbands or boyfriends and one has two kids, 2 kids from this marriage, one has boyfriend and baby and SIL will show up with a total of 8 adults and 2 kids and bring 2 chocolate pies, if that. Give me a break and doesn't help clean up either...

Thanks for letting me vent - I'm over it now and maybe I can be a nice person.

DH's sister (another SIL that I love) said the first thing she noticed about me at a family gathering was I was at the sink washing dishes. She'd never had that help before.

haighr,

How wonderful!!!

Congratulations On Your Anniversary!

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year

Enjoy Your Trip!!!

Judy

No complaints here. Christmas brunch with my brother and SIL and nieces. Then they go to SIL's parent's house for dinner. And I have Christmas dinner at home with Ginger the cat - never a gripe from her or about her.

Hope everyone has a happy, healthy and safe holiday!

Christmas absolutely should be Peaceful, that's my objective!!!

Ahh, folks .. jes try to take solace in the fact that the rest of us .. will, one day .. be wholeheartedly and totally 'excused' from these long awaited 'expectations' .. and the torch will be handed to many of these same folks and family .. that have been somewhat unappreciative or disrepectful .. of us, and others !!

... 'Nuther words, 'what goes around, comes around' .. (heh heh heh)

But, tis true .. most all of us, do have family and friends that tend to make us a bit disgruntled ...
Speakin' of sissersinlaws .. (and some mitey gosh awful tactics!!) .. are those, that while 'on their way' .. conveniently stop by the store, pick up and bring a mere canned good or two, to fix .. when they arrive! And, incidentally, we're still the one to have to open the dangburn'd can and heat it up!! .. And, even worse .. is most times, this late in the grocery game, canned pickin's are few .. and it usually something that absolutely no one desires to eat, let alone 'have' .. for any holiday dinner!! (try .. saurkraut!!).
Ya talk about 'audacity' !! .. LOL ..

And know, that no offense to anyone is intended - that may indeed care for it !!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and Happy New Year .. to everyone !!!

- Magpye

Oh, Oh, Oh, the "ungrateful one" swore she was not coming if a particular family member showed up..... this has potential. Could be one of the better Family Christmas Dinners, but I'm sure it's all a bluff with the sole purpose of being an excuse not to cook after all.

I'm setting up one of those pools, so the rest of us can bet on the hour she will change her mind, close enough to the dinner so she doesn't have to cook, but far enough out so everyone is sure to remember to bring her presents. lol lol

Of course then there is the "quiet hurt feelings" routine toward the end of the evening so no one would dare to suggest she help "clean up". Before you ask this is not an "in-law", she's one of our own, the in-laws are wonderful.

I don't watch TV so someone will have to tell me, have they had a reality show called The Extended Family Christmas Dinner??? Or maybe that should be a survivor show. lol lol lol

All this family interaction can be entertaining if you can just remain objective!!

Merry Christmas To All!!

Judy - you are a scream. Reading these makes me grateful for my family. Everyone has their quirks - including my bachelor brother who usually takes his plate and eat alone somewhere - sometimes in front of the TV in the finished garage at my parents house - or if we are at my sister's, he eats quickly and then leaves before the rest of us are even done eating. I kid you not, he really does this - but, he smokes a darn good turkey and barbecues very well - that "man cook meat thing". :-)

Magpye - that saukraut comment had me laughing aloud. You have to be kidding????

Fortunately we have no games. The family is nuts and we all accept each other for that - and certainly no guilt. Makes me think of Christmas gifts - fingers are crossed that Amazon beats Santa to my sister's house in New Mexico (I don't get there until late Christmas Day - which reminds me that I need to tell my sister wrap everything if things actually arrive in time *grin*). So, gifts might be late this year and I get a complaint - I'll cheerfully take the gift back home with me to Ireland. Always give what you want and not what you think you should.

Happy Holidays to everyone - and thanks for the delightful thread.

"and the torch will be handed to many of these same folks and family "

Ah, it isn't easy to give up that torch! I had a day long pity party (Christmas Blues) last week. I felt "out-of-the-loop" while DD and DS made all the plans and the menue for the family gathering. For so many years Christmas was my big project, and I loved it!

Soooooooo...I finally sat down and asked myself, "Self, get a grip and figure out what your problem is. Do you REALLY want to get into the planning, cooking, cleaning thing? 'NO'. Do you mind if your children treat you like a queen and just want to take care of you and do for you? 'NO'. Do you feel like you have always been the boss, and are now de-throned? 'OUCH, that hit a nerve'!"

Anyway...I came to my senses, put on the Christmas music, had a BIG glass of egg nog and said a little thank you prayer for the wonderful life I enjoy with my family!

To my extended DG family I wish you the happiest holiday ever, and I am so looking forward to spending the New Year with you!
Pati (retired boss at 74!)

Pati, how heartwarming!!

Judy

This message was edited Dec 22, 2004 8:30 AM

Nope .. I kid you not about the can of saurkraut! (she certainly realized .. that she jes 'had' to bring some lil something, ya know!) .. Hah, this gals' been a doozey!!

Yep .. Intending to be, and remaining, positive and objective .. along with wiping away, well, all the prior years 'residue' .. and earnestly try to start off these holiday dinners and gatherings .. with a clean slate!

But geez a mitey .. it sometimes proves to be quite an undertaking to jes 'grin and bear it' .. with such family and friends!! God knows we're mere mortals .. and usually provides a distraction for us: a most wonderful respite .. like, the children: with their innocence, their honesty, their love, their joy, and ohhhh .. those wonderful (and healing) smiles!!!

Merry Christmas folks!

- Magpye

Judy, how did MY little sister end up in your family, too? I have two sisters, one is wonderful, and the other one is the spoiled brat, drama queen who somehow manages to make everything about HER! Mom, the good sister and I split up the menu and each make part of it. The brat sister shows up late (if at all), emptyhanded, leaves early, AND takes home a good chunk of the leftovers! One year she took ALL of the white turkey that was left. She's not a kid, by the way, in her late 30's with three kids of her own.

Ronna - WELL!!! I just have one question to ask....is her name Teresa????

Oops that is going to far, isn't it......... lol lol lol

We still have a big get together Christmas Eve, this year at my brothers..We are all pretty good at sharing the food and etc.., 29 of us now... About 10 years ago, we also stopped the out of control and material Christmas gifts & such.. Now it is a pleasure to get together and enjoy each other, the food and the real meaning of Christmas, Christ's birth..I feel many have forgotten this.. Oh yea, also after Christmas, no debt or credit cards I couldn't afford to have anyway.. It's great..
I am sickened by the over spending and giving of material things at this time of year.. But, each to his own.. I'm just very glad my family woke up, lol...Don't get me wrong, we have our share of problems too, and we are full of nuts, lol

Larkie

Larkie

I'm wondering about gifts. I love to give to others, especially to those in the family that appreciate it.
Here is my issue. Love the SIL and BIL and have always happily passed gifts to both them and their children. But the SIL's children are no longer children and now have children of their own. They are just plain ungrateful about the gifts and have never once given a gift to the Hubby or me. One year I even had one of the girls tell me she hated the scent of the bath and body works gift basket we gave her! At first I was hurt but as time passed I just got madder and madder. So my question is when is it acceptable (or proper) to just not include the ungrateful in the giving of gifts? I would never leave the children out but is it wrong to just not give gifts to these "now adult children" who are so unappreciative?
I almost feel bad about not wanting to continue as always but I just can't help myself.

Here is my issue. I have two sisters, one of which has been estranged since I was 5 and just recently was accepted back into the family by my parents (LONG story). So, my gifts consist of mom, dad and one sister. Then I get married. My husband has his parents and 4 siblings. When we got married only one of them was married. Now they all 4 have spouses and his brother has 2 kids. It is our 6th Christmas as a married couple and my gift list is up to 15. Even if you just spend $30 per person, that is a lot of money! We are also in the process of renovating an 1923 house and he is in school and works VERY part time. With our 5 pets, all with "issues," my pet budget exceeds my car payment so between that and the house, we just can't afford it. So this summer I suggested we draw names for gifts. I even said we would still buy for our parents and the kids (BIL's 2 girls). I must stop for a second and say I do love his family. We get along great and are all very close so that isn't the issue. Everyone buys for everyone and is grateful, etc. Anyway, despite DH's protest, I did broach the subject with 2 of his sisters. They said they had been waiting YEARS for someone to suggest that! But now the big joke is that Jamie ruined Christmas. My SIL's husband wrote a computer program to randomly generate names (big computer nerd!) and named it "How Jamie Stole Christmas." Ha! I still contend that Christmas is not about 30-40 year old men and women (DH is the youngest of 5 and he's 30) ripping into gifts. His parents even go too far. I mean I am embarrassed by how much they get for me alone. Yet all the siblings leave the house talking about their "Christmas Booty." So I took my evil plan one step further and convinced his mom to buy us each ONE gift and limit the price to $50 or less. She wanted to make it $100 but I said no. She went for it too! And so as to not make him sound like a present grubbing brat, my DH is all about giving as well. If I don't watch him he will charge $500 just buying for me! So I limited us to $100... then I went over it by about half. Ha! Anyway, I guess my "bah humbug" is about the gift part. It all begs the question, whose birthday is it anyway? :)

My two cents. Not to be spent on gifts.

Jamie

Jos - I'd say stop now for the extended family (Jamie just shared a great idea)... it IS a problem when people feel obligated to give things that the recipient doesn't want... I dread the thought of rote gift giving... where it's almost out of habit.

Half of my family I give stuff, others not., depends on the year - I am quite inconsistent, so nobody knows if they're getting anything in a given year - except my Dad who always gets his Ansel Adams calendar which has been a 20 year tradition - he starts asking for it about Thanksgiving. :-)

Funny thing - my sister who is *probably* going to have to wrap the gifts for my father and brother - she's getting chocolate - I picked up a few different varieties in Zurich last week. But, she knows that I'd give her anything she wanted if there was something to give... but, she lacks for nothing this year - and doesn't need anything to clutter her house. My mother - she lacks for nothing - so I'll send some money to Amnesty International or the local animal shelter in her name... something I feel good about and I know that she'll feel good about. But, knowing me - that won't even happen until January - hehehe.

Ironic thing - here at home with Doug - we agreed - no gifts. Our gifts are just quiet time together... no stress over gifts, nothing. I hate shopping - so, this was no heartbreak for me.

I think a lot of this Christmas stress over gifts is what pushed me to Thanksgiving as a favorite holiday - food, family, a bottle of wine, football and a nap... and no stress!

Love the stories here... I almost never get a chance to post here, but now that I'm in NY for a week, I've gotten the chance to read more threads...

Here's to a stress-free holiday... being with those you love and want to be around...

Psssst - Magpye - I'm still chuckling over the saurkraut - if she brings it again, make sure to send the leftovers home with her! ;-)

I used to stress over Christmas so much! We live 3000 miles from our families, so we adopted all our friends into a huge extended family. I would host the Christmas gatherings and always have to have the perfect tree, the perfect table, the perfect food and the perfect gifts for everyone. And since I rarely was perfect, I was stressed thru all thru holidays!! I was also not that nice, rushing around trying to get everything done. I got so little enjoyment out of it all and stressed my husband and son along with me. .

Now we do a family day and I can wear my PJs all day if I want. The 3 of us just enjoy each other all day. We do a leisurely brunch and at some point my husband starts cooking a fancy dinner with no pressure at all. We usually hang around the living room all day talking and laughing and playing with whatever fun gift one of us has no doubt received. If things are a mess, oh well!

I now only buy presents for others if I see something that I think the person will enjoy. I keep it simple. I have given up on all gift expectations in giving and receiving. It makes it so much nicer. I hate to wrap gifts so I do not! LOL. I have a few families I know that are struggling, so I always buy a few things for the kids and find that is so much more fun than buying for people who have everything already.

My husband does the main shopping every year. He goes to a toy store and buys 3 garbage bags worth of toys and brings them down to the fire house for their kids give away project. He so enjoys it and then he is done! He figures everyone he knows has more than enough and probably does not even want whatever thing he would pick out anyway. This way, he knows his gifts will be wanted and enjoyed!

I think you are right sbarr. I have pretty much decided to give only to the children...to me the giving is for them anyway.

I originally posted this on the jokes and chat forum..I hope none of you mind if I include it here.


**************************************************************************************************************


A number of years ago when my youngest child of six children was
10 or 11, I was driving myself crazy trying to buy everything on
her very lengthy Christmas list. I wanted to be a good parent
and give my child the desires of her heart.

In the midst of all of this, a friend told me that he and his
wife buy their children four gifts for Christmas every year.

Yes, FOUR gifts!

They are:

1. Something you want
2. Something you need
3. Something to wear and
4. Something to read.

If they complain, ask them, "Whose birthday are we celebrating?"

Once I started doing this, I thought my children would be awful
about it, but the opposite happened. They really appreciated
every gift they got, and they made me "label" them.

Since that time, Christmas at our house has been so much more
enjoyable because we could focus on the true meaning of the
celebration, and I wasn't driving myself crazy trying to find
and buy gifts I couldn't afford.

And yes, I still buy and label four gifts for them each year.

Nola Parton-Jones, Federal Way, WA



This message was edited Dec 23, 2004 9:54 PM

LIFE GOES ON......HERES TO DEC. 26TH!!! :)

This message was edited Dec 23, 2004 11:08 PM

amen! (It's my birthday...lol)

Welllllll .. kooger ..
Then, here's some Happy 'early' Birthday greetings and wishes .. fer ye !!

- Magpye

Why do some of these threads run on &on &on-----, it would take a couple of hours to read this whole thing & then be all lost by the end!

Anyway Magpye, don't go knocking saurkraut until you've tried our old german recipe! My brother is in charge of this dish for our Christmas get-together. He is the only one that can get it just right. It is made with bacon & is absolutly delicious. If I remember, I will get the recipe & post it.

Merry Christmas to all!
Bernie

Happy Birthday for the 26th Kooger, and sympathy from someone whose Birthday is the 25th!! It all gets lost in the rush doesn't it.

Kooger, my birthday is at Thanksgiving so I can relate. Have a wonderful birthday!!!

Judy

Bernie - because we are very social creatures and love to chat? maybe?

I always get a kick out of people saying to me, Oh, you get forgotten for your birthday, that's a bummer, etc. But it was just great when I was a kid, when birthdays really matter, lol. In Canada, it's Boxing Day and a holiday. We always went skating on my birthday and it was just great!! As for presents, my parents were Dutch immigrants so we celebrated Sinterklaas on Dec. 6. No presents on the 25th, just church and a family get-together with lots of food and games. So, it was really GREAT!!!!!! Now, I don't care if anyone forgets my birthday, maybe I'll forget I'm a year older too! lol Thanks for the early greetings, tho, I'll take 'em!!

.. * temporary 'hi-jack' alert * .. (but, Judy, you DID say .. 'vent here' - Right ? .. ) hee hee hee

Wellllll, it haint necessarily any 'ventin', tho' .. jes wanna yap with Bernie a spell ... and all in 'jes', of course!!

heehee .. Now, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie ...
I haint not even the first time directly, 'knocked' saurkraut, dadburn ye! (hee) - - I was 'knockin' one of my goofballed SILs for pickin' up a can of the stuff .. in favor of something that even she may have cared for - and she didn't like the stuff one bit! She was an 'el cheapo goofamongus contributo'er - Definitely rankin' right there with double-super-tacky .. if ya know what I mean .. Hee .. If she'd have fetched something that most assuredly, she'd .. have liked - it would've no doubt meant .. that she'd have had to share the stuff with the rest of us! This way, she got off with one mere can .. And it was essentially dirt ball cheap!! (in cost and 'taste')!! .. Uugh! .. The heifer apparently was countin' on getting by so cheap and no count! Also .. this here heifer .. was indeed, the first one to pile (not just one) .. but .. several additional plates as high as possible .. with leftovers - - and scoot out the door .. faster than the heart beats - with her food booty too! .. (oooo, such .. is not good for my spirit of Christmas sharing, giving and love!) .. hee hee .. I don't expect things to be reciprocated .. and I may not be the most meekest individual - but the dear Lord has/does not expect any of us, to to be 'willing' door mats more than twice in our lives, either! .. (hee)

Besides .. doggone it .. I have indeed tried it, a couply times .. and what I've tasted, I dang sure didn't zactly go for the overpoweringly strong vinegar'ey smell and taste! And, as it jes so happens .. that I saw it was on the buffet .. .. at Thanksgiving, at Shoneys this year .. and opted to give the saurkraut, jes one more try! (This ol MawMaw/Momma opted that I wasn't gonna slave in the kitchen at both Turkey and Christmas Day this year!). AND by gollies - it was absolutely delishus! But .. I'm still not gonna go eating jes anybody's from here on tho'! The saurkraut at Shoneys, had jes the right blend of something, and wasn't overpowerin' with that strong vinegar taste. Now, I'm not in any way stakin' any claims to being any kind of proficient saurkraut expert: fer I aint! BUT, I can and do, generally agree with my taste buds! And {they} determined that that particular brew of saurkraut tasted extraordinarily wonderful !!

Now, I ask ye .. do you think you'd have eaten the canned stuff yourself ? (.. Mmmm Hmmm, I betcha ya wouldn't've either!) Especially, now .. after you've let the proverbial 'cat-outta-da-bag', about yalls ....

Magpye - may you have a Christmas without cheap canned saurkraut even if you do have to spend it with the heifer. Maybe a drawing next year - for who brings what? Although sounds like if she draws dessert - probably will be one box of Little Debbie's from Odd Lots. :-)

Your stories have me laughing again... ;-)

And yes, I think the purpose of the thread was to rant and enjoy....and I most certainly have...

I'd be content with a bowl of cereal for Christmas dinner :) But since I HAVE TO participate...

I guess my complaint is the complaints of others in the family. There's always a fued between my father-in-law and his brother/wife. It's sort of like the Everybody Loves Raymond TV show. The father-in-law is like Robert and the brother is like Raymond. The brother is never the one that gets yelled at, even though he's usually the jerk. So, I try to stay just as long as I have to and leave. This year, I doubt they'll come over (the brother) because of the snow. Good...I hope they stay home. They've blocked the driveway the last few days and whine like babies when I ask for them to move so I can get out (we've had a bunch of snow you know). I don't know what the big deal is...I guess they're just babies. They sure act like it.

hczone6 - AMEN!!! I decided a few years back "Life is just too short to deal with ugly acting people!!"

lol...I didn't mean to sound so grumpy. I guess I just get aggrevated with all the fussing. I'd much rather hand pick the people I spend Christmas with...and maybe even just stay in my own home :)