Shifts in the spirits at Daves- a request to ponder

HEAR! HEAR! Michele...I couldn't have said it better...Now...about my kids pictures!!! LOL Jo

LOL Jo! Be on the lookout for your Christmas card. There MIGHT be something in it that you will like (not $$$. LOL).

Thanks for all the thought that has been put towards my post. I do think most point have been covered.
I just was saddened when some folk ,that I had traded with, were going to leave, due to the negatives that they had reported receiving.
Most of all I want peace in the garden, and enjoying the fellowship of gardeners who are adding to the quality of the lives around them.
It is cold here, 40's and windy, due to change and down to 9 tomorrow night.
Dormancy in sometimes a good thing and I hope that this sharing of thoughts will be useful..
In the meantime, I have enjoyed and plan to continue to friendships that I have made and hope to make. Also to enjoy, getting enticed to play by dog Moka with that well used and awful to look at toy that she loves.
My best to all .

Dave and Terry do a great job. I belive the premis here is gardens and friends. I know the best way to make a post go away you don't like is to ignore it. If you see a post that's really bad tell Dave or Terry. They will pull it because they know we don't want to see it either. The grossest thing I want to know is how compost works. OK?

Now Frankay, compost is NOT gross. Just tell yourself that over and over... ;o)

Neither is fish emulsion. ;)

I too have had my feelings hurt and even went so far as to remove all my personal information from my members page and made the decision that, Life was too short to deal with rude people, but ...

I had commited to see Twyla, Hope43, through her knee replacement operation, so I kept coming back to see how she was holding up and then to reassure myself that she had made it through the operation.

I began to realize that the atmosphere was changing back to that which was so appealing to me. Sure enough Dave had recognized a problem and "made his voice heard".

So I'm back all snug and warm, surrounded by caring, loving people... my gardening family. However a few of the cousins are bound from time to time to be out of sorts and when they are I've just decided to say "Your words have saddened me", for that is truly the way I will feel. I feel compelled to at least give the person the opportunity to make things right. If it doesn't happen that way, then I just won't respond... for if they feel so differently from me, no amount of justification will ever make them change their mind. In time maybe they will see things differently but meanwhile my other cousins and I will trade information, seeds, plants and laughter.

Judy

This message was edited Dec 13, 2004 8:01 PM

(((((Judy)))))
Pati

As like all forums, subscribers to DG, fall into three categories:
1 Those who love life and people.
2 Those who are not sure about what they love
3 Those who hate themselves and life in general

It seems that 99% of DG subscribers are 1's, and therefore, have a mission to turn around the 3's.

Take those living on my street for example, on which I am at the very end. Xmas Eve is luminary night. Both curbs, fronting ten houses on each side of the street, lined with luminaries two feet apart. First, it was just our street. Now they stretch along the main road, north and south, and off and up side streets. A few years back we had two Grinches who declined to participate so we purchased and set up luminaries along their curbs. From then on they have participated, especially since the local newspaper took pictures and did a nice little article about our nice friendly neighborhood: “A nice place to live, where everyone pitches in to help one another set up, place, and light the candles no matter how horrid the weather.”

It’s too bad that some people have to be shamed into doing something nice, or even conceding something nice done for them, but that’s the way it is sometimes.

Merry Christmas!!!

Shakemh

AMEN!!! Very well said!!

If you don't mind I'm going to borrow the first part of your posting to post on another website.

Judy

What a lovely story, and how beautiful your streets must be!

"It’s too bad that some people have to be shamed into doing something nice"

But isn't it wonderful when, for whatever reason, the nice shines through!

Just remember what it took to bring old Scrooge around! LOL

Pati

I think *every* garden has it's "weeds". Some are noxious and invasive, just like some people. But when we think of what it is that keeps us in our gardens...beauty and the sense of accomplishment (that only comes because we put in a lot of hard work to avoid having the "weeds" overtake everything we've worked for) ...and apply that same attitude to our relationships in the virtual garden of the Internet, perhaps we can understand. And perhaps we can even *laugh* at the correlations we see around us.

I know how easily feelings can get hurt in the virtual world, I've had mine shattered a time or two. I also know that I've probably done my share of hurting the feelings of others, as well...though very rarely on purpose. After having it happen to me, about the only thing I can do to stop others from feeling as badly as I did is to be *very* careful with everything I write. But that doesn't stop others from hitting the "send" key before they've they've tasted their own words.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone lived by good ole "golden rule?"

((((( ~ Hugs to DG ~ )))))

~julie~

Here's the best thing-every so often if you make the effort to befriend the "weeds" they can turn out to be beautiful flowers after all. Not always, but often enough that I keep trying. Happy holidays to everybody! Sylvi

here's another thought -

Weeds are said to be flowers growing where they're not wanted, right? But they see a place they want to be and try and fit in. The harder you try to get rid of some, the harder they try to stick around. (go ahead, cut that trumpet vine to the ground or till up the dandelion and thistle roots into 20 pieces)

I think sometimes the 'weeds' in our virtual or private lives are not much different. They show up with a different color or profile than the general populace. Maybe more "outgoing" and needs more room. Acccckkk! Stupid morning glory snuck into the rose bed with the compost and now is trying to climb into everything. Tear and cut it out of the Hybrid Teas and insult it with some toxic "Roundup" remarks and hope it just goes away.

Maybe some of our virtual weeds are just reacting to the feeling they're not wanted or don't fit in. While gardeners as a class are about the most giving, generous and caring people you'd want to come in contact with, they're human beings first and I've seen the signs that various forums are rather clickish.

I think the weeds need to recognize those of us, which will let them to “grow”, and those of us who do not want any part of them! Prick me too bad and I don't want anything to do with you, now and forever!!

This message was edited Dec 22, 2004 12:24 PM

Son of a gun!!! I've just realized "I'm a weed".

Well-said, 8ftbed!!! :-) Thank you.

I've noticed a tendency for some to refer to others as "weeds" (or "Grinches"), and it does seem to be meant as a negative thing. I'm glad that the majority of DG-ers don't share this tendency, as I find it quite disturbing!

When I was 18 a friend once said to me, as I was saying something negative about someone else, "Whenever you point a finger at someone else, you are pointing 3 at yourself". I never forgot it. So enough "weed" talk.....let's just respect those who choose not to share our particular enthusiams, in whatever arena of life, and just continue celebrating our shared joys! This is what makes DG great, and I'd hate to see us lose it.

Shannon


Edited for accuracy....lol

This message was edited Dec 22, 2004 2:21 PM

Guess I better start pondering too, huh? LOL

Woops, not you weeds! :-) Clumsy me. I'm just tired of all the talk about "weeds" being pulled out of the garden. You can stay (she said, graciously...) And I'll stop preaching; I'm not very good at it anyway. :-)

Spklatt

I think you said it very nicely.

For a bit of light-heartedness

"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
(Terry Pratchett - Jingo)

As we get bigger there are going to be disagreements among unlike minded members, it doesn't have to mean that either member is one of Them or even one of Us, we are all as big a part of DG as anyone else here :)

Shannon, I had the same reaction to the "Grinches" and "being shamed into doing something nice". Maybe those same "grinches" don't even celebrate Christmas. Is a Jewish neighbor supposed to put up Christmas lights just because his neighbors do and he feels bullied into "fitting in"? What about those who are antheist, agnostic, buddhist, etc? Not everyone on the planet is Christian. A person doesn't have to be Jewish to have a valid excuse not to celebrate Christmas and join in on all the neighborhood festivities. And if one chooses for whatever reason NOT to participate, that does NOT make them a Grinch.

-Julie

Thanks for your thoughts, Baa and Julie. I think sometimes folks forget that the only thing we know we all have in common is gardening! :-)

As a lighter touch, Baa's comments reminded me of this short story.

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Somebody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Shannon .. oh I've heard that and agree. I've looked at myself a couple of times in that same light. Especially with my kids - probably some of the most watched for or suspected actions on their part are things I did/got away with as a kid.

weeds - you and me! some beds look nice from the outside, but I spend more time growing in the sidewalk crack or the bed trench. That's ok - the big-show-pedigreed-flash-in-the-pans do their thing and are done. I still get visited in the gutter with a meager but individualistic and continued show of force. :)

Julie - glad you stepped up. I see both sides but my first and personal feeling is that it was not a victory or step forward to basically force someone to fall in line.

Baa - true. Similar to "I've met the enemy and he is us" (or words to that affect). Sometimes I'd swear I'm my own worst enemy. :)

I don't have to agree or disagree with someone but I also don't have the right or want to pass judgement. You want a reality check? I'm a good ole' hot blooded American boy who grew up in Texas / New Mexico and spent 20 years in the Navy doing all the things Sailors are accused of around the world. Out of 5 children, how did my oldest 3 all turn out to be gay? Crossways of everything I thought I was and had been.
Well I discovered the virtue of Mom's favorite saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all". Also found the working solution was let everyone know that personal choices and views in life were to be left at the door. When together, in the big gathering (like DG) stick with what we all have in common which was all of our lives growing up together. DG and other communities are kind of the same. When you come in this house, put your gardening hat on. You don't have to change your own garden but can enjoy others whether it makes yours look better (in your own eyes) or is inspiration to change something of your own.

(I'll probably get a Denver Boot on my keyboard now for a Parking Violation on this note)

oh yeah.... Somebody, Everybody, Nobody and Anybody ... I've been looking reallll hard for them 4 characters. Especially after raising 5 kids.

While we're at it, if you run into "Not me" and 'I dunno", please call me collect. I've got a few scores to settle.

Oh I've got a bone to pick with that "I dunno" person! He does a heck of a lot of stuff around our house! ROTFL!

-Julie

It was Nobody in our house - he must have worked hard when my 3 kids were growing. He seemed to do everything that shouldn't have been done! Alternatively we had the cleverest dog in the world, he turned on both the bath taps and put the plug in, then fell asleep one day, or so I was told! LOL

Yep, our kitties take the rap every time the garbage doesn't get put out, or a light gets left on when it shouldn't, or the ice cream that someone was saving gets eaten...."bad cats!" lol They know we don't mean it tho'.

Enjoyed your comments, 8ftbed. Thanks!