Just wanna rant!!

GW, you are right. "Sorry"!

Never fails : ( Always has to be someone with a wonderful comment.

Anyway, on to more whining. If you dont want to read it, dont, but keep your rude comments to yourself.
Not sure where i went wrong with my kids. I have had the most horrific past 36 hrs. Found out yest morning that they arrested my 13 yo for burglary and he was taken to juvie.
Tonight, i had the pleasure of taking my 18 yo down to the police station, because he was wanted on a felony warrant for 10 counts of burglary. Bond was set at $100,000...i can bail him out for $10,000. I am so devastated. I knew this morning that the judge signed a warrant for his arrest, but they couldnt find him. I was told that if he came home, i needed to bring him in to make it easier on him. Well, he came home and after talking a while, i finally convinced him that the best thing for him to do was to get in the car with me and turn himself in.
i didnt tell him everything i knew, mostly for fear of him bolted and being taken down the hard way by the cops.
So here i sent tonight, alone, with my 2 greatest treasures in jail.
God, where did i go wrong?

Why are you so sure you did something wrong? They are the ones answering to the authorities. Let them answer. Your in a support roll now. Hang in there and continue guiding them but, let them work their way through this.

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you and the boys.

imway2dumb, thank you for your opinion of the content of this thread and your compassion and tact in adressing our entries without judgement. (yes, that is sarcasm dripping down your monitor)

Now let me state MY opinion. Your comment was rude, judgemental , sarcastic and mean spirited. You owe us an apology not an explanation.

Discussing this was not easy for me but I felt that others needed to know they were not alone. Your attack has made me regret that openess.

I'v had my place burglarized, my dog shot and been shot at by burglars. Its best they answer for their deeds now before they graduate to that level or worse. Did you teach them how to do these things? Not likely. Bet it was THEIR choice of friends. And, you probably didn't send them to their victims houses either. Like the man said "if your not willing to do the time, don't do the crime"! Wash your hands of this episode and let them take responsibilty for their actions. Just be there if and when they wise up. What I'm saying goes especially for the 18 yo. The 13 yo, needs you desperatley but, be tough!

"Wash your hands of this episode and let them take responsibilty for their actions."

How do you "wash your hands" of sorrow and pain? Let them face their consequences. That is the easy part. Living with the loss of a child to crime and drugs is the hard part. It is not something that goes away with time. Plattitudes and explanations do not constitute an apollogy.

Face the consequences of YOUR actions...Words can hurt and yours were cruel but you show no remorse.

Highly opinionated people are usually just seeking attention. Why don't you other lovely ladies just continue your posting and ignore hers. If you don't respond to her, she doesn't get attention, and she will just go away and look for it elsewhere.

MSJen - I feel so bad for you and the pain you are feeling. The brother just above me got into drugs in the 70s and dad told him he would bail him out one time - one chance - but after that he was on his own. He'd love him but leave him in jail. And that is what he did. My DB bailed out and ran. Gone for 5 yrs. - never knew if he was dead or alive or in jail. I saw my mother go gray in those years. One day he called, asked for their forgiveness, asked to be their son again and shortly after he got home he went to the authorities and turned himself in. Because he did that, all he received was a $500. fine. What a relief for my parents. As he had been charged with dealing LSD, and other charges, it could easily have been jail time.

Two of our sons had minor scrapes with the law and I ask myself the same thing - what did we do wrong - what could we have done better? It is so hard to know, isn't it? Prayer is the only answer that I know helps for me. I hope you can find some peace and the strength to cope with these heartaches. ((MSJen))

Him. Bye ladies.

MSJen, Hang in there. You have done the right thing in taking him in. Now the hard part is not bailing him out. He has chosen his path and now you must find the strength to let him face up to it full force. My heart hurts for you because it is a pain that only you can bear. (((HUGS))

See, I told you she would!

Thanks for everything y'all.
He just called and was very accusing towards me saying things like "i thought you didnt know what was going on" "why did you put me here" "i didnt do anything, but look where YOU put me",
Of course, there are so many mixed emotions. Did i do the right thing? Is he innocent and did i screw up?
I know im trying to take the blame (mom thing?) and it hurts so bad knowing that i'm the one that drove him down there but i also know that if he wasnt implicated/guilty, he wouldnt be there. he's always been able to talk his way out of stuff (especially with me) and i know the detective came down hard on him. hes still sticking to "he doesnt know anything."
All of the burglaries have happened in the past month (or less). We got home from vacation last weds, he left that day, came home on friday, and havent seen him since. I DONT KNOW what hes been doing.
i'm beduffled, have been for 2 days now. None of this makes sense. He graduated a month ago, has enlisted in the navy and was slotted to leave for boot camp in nov.
i have to keep reminding myself of his behaviors these past few weeks. The phone call from one of his friends mom telling me she saw him stoned, the being gone, not knowing where he was, the lack of finding a job, the girls spending the night when we were gone.....the list seems endless...and all just leaves me so confused and scratching my head.
i know im rambling, and for that im sorry.
(((hugs))
jen

Please stop beating yourself up! Its a waste of time. The little guy needs a clear thinking Mom. You need to rise to the occasion and be at your very best. I usually don't recomend the military for anyone but, maybe the navy is just what the older boy needs.

Well, we do recommend the military. I come from a strong line of proud military men.
I feel good, every day, that i know my men have protected my freedom, and yours. I dont take it for granted, and know that someone has to serve.
Not going to turn this in to a political thread, so all stop here.
Freedom isnt Free,
Jen

While we were waiting our turn when my son was in court, a young man who was being sentenced, had enlisted and his entry date was in a month, the judge dropped the fines, etc, and probation and had him enter the military immediately. Might be something to look at down the road for your son.

I too, served. Just wasn't for me.

Kooger,
I talked to the detective a bit ago and he said that andy was being uncooperative. He said that the only thing that might save him is the fact that he has already signed up.
the first step for him is to admit his part in the whole thing. at this point denial is his defense. i can only hope that he realizes the extint of the charges and what hes up against.
i need to call his recruiter today to give him a heads up. maybe he can talk some sense in to him.
i have visitation with bran at 130 today. not sure how thats going to go, but i cant give up on him, ya know?

No, never give up! As long as there is life, there is hope!

Jen, my own mother does not speak to me because she thinks I got all my grandmas money when she passed away. I didn't and it is okay to be on the ugly end of things because my mother chose 'party favors' over her children. My brothers (one reformed big time) both got in trouble with the police and she bailed them out repeatedly. I never got into trouble yet I am the one she does not speak to. I totally feel for you and you know I have plenty of kids and probably some rough days ahead. I guess what I want to say here is that sometimes tough love is the way to go. If they are right and did no wrong, fight for them tooth and nail. If they did bad things, let them pay the price and hopefully learn from it. I know it will kill your spirit in the worst way. My brother always says if my mother would have let him fry for some of the things he had done, he probably would not have done anything else wrong. How is that for a smack in the face? Try to be tough, let them know you love them but let them be responsible too. I do know it is a fine line and I feel for you having to walk it.

Jen, I don't have the word to express how much my heart hurts for you. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but there isn't. Just know that your family here at DG are here for you and if you need someone to listen I will email you my ph.#.

Hugs
Ruth

Ruth, you are probably the sweetest person I know. :)

Ruth, THank YOU!!!

Had a good visit with bran, lots of tears and lots of talk.
He said "mom, i know i screwed up, is it okay if i (him) ask the judge if he will put me on house arrest".
it was pretty tearful because bill is leaving back for iraq tomorrow...terrible timing.
i've tried to figure this out all day and cant. have to keep reminding myself that they both made the decisions to do this.
as far as andy, hes a different story. hes still denying everything. brandon spilled the whole story to the detective and filled in alot of questions that he had.
more later
jen

Michele, thanks sweetie and I feel the same about you.

Thank you Ruth. I needed that today. I truly mean it too.

I am at a loss for words. Just know I love you all. MSJen know I am here also. I will be when ever any of you need me.
Lets not let one bad apple spoil our need for one another. We need to be hear for each other.

imway2dumb
Are you a mom? in a situation like this? if not we will each send you a pair of our shoes and when you wear each for a while. Then and only then could you possibly give advice. By the way you will notice we give more love and support than anything else. By the way why is your screen name imway2dumb


MSJen think it over real well before agreeing to house arrest as you also live there and have to be so called arrested along with him. I am thinking of what it would be like for you.
As I know I couldn't take it with mine. (((((HUGS))))
Sandy

Just read in another forum that imway2dumb is a man and married. He mentioned his wife. That does explain some of his posts but not his lack of tact and rudeness.

Uh boy.

Please, people, just let it go, okay? If you want to take issue, please, please do it with him via private via e-mail. Don't let this become some public witch hunt.

Only a mother can have the heart of a mother. On this topic I see you named your self properly. We still love you just keep your 2 cents in your pocket.

MSJen, I just read this and I have to tell you that if your own children are allowing this behavior from their friends, then they need to show you some respect as well.

Kids are cruel today and I don't tolerate it, but if one of my children's friends came to the house and talked to me like that or did that on the phone, my kids would disassociate themselves with them. I am real sweet to all of their friends, so they would not allow it.

Put a blocker on your phone, if you need to and don't forget about the cops. I found out a long time ago, that it doesn't help to go to their parents.....Why? Where do you think the kids learned it from....

I wish you well and good luck. You are entitled to your life without idiots!!!

:) Kathy

Been really quite here the past 3 days considering both of them are locked up.
We had brandons detention hearing this am. The court ordered him held. Mixed emotions about that one. The mom in me says "i want him home with me, i can save him" the other person says "good, he didnt learn the first time, hes where he needs to be for now".
Just going day by day, sometimes minute by minute
jen

MSJen, After I posted, I was able to go back and read all the rest of the posts. My goodness, the posts sort of started getting a little out of hand, but I want you to know that I was not referring to your children as idiots....I was referring to their friends. I felt it was important to make that clear. I'm sorry you are dealing with this and am saying prayers for peace of mind for you. :) Kathy

((((Kathy))) believe you, me, over the past few days i've wondered many times about them being idiots.
I, of course, in court today tried to blame myself and the judge was quick to reprimand ME, lol.
These kids, nowadays,
jen
p.s. i didnt take any offense to anything you said : )

Thank goodness, my children (grown and in their 20's now) never were in trouble with the law.......but we parents always have some kind of problems with children, no matter how wonderful we are. It's just the way. I've seen the sweetest teens in the world be horrendous to their parents. I call it growing pains......for the parents. :)

And you are right, the kids nowadays have little or no respect for their elders. I've told my grown children that if I ever talked to my mother the way they've talked to me, that I would have gotten backhanded and then tarred and feathered.

My husband says its no wonder some animal species eat their young, ha, ha.......

On that note.......peace to you tonight and sweet dreams, Kathy

Jen Please stop blaming yourself. I did but after all those times with him I finally stepped back and said I could not have been that bad of a parent. I think the ones like us who blames themselves are the ones who instilled good into our kids. It is the parents who don't care that make it hard. I have seen children disowned by their parents. I could never do that, but it was hard to put him out and make him pay his own consiquences. I know when they are under age you can't do that (put them out) and I am not recommending that but they do have boot camp and juvie.
Do you have a tough love group in your area? I highly recommend them. If it is a good group they can help alot.
Your a great mom and person I can tell. Please sleep well tonight.
Sandy