Just wanna rant!!

Geez, I think teenagers in this generation are a piece of work.

I've been dealing with these no respect, out of control, need some guidance "girls" every since my boys have discovered them. Actually, I think as brazen as the girls are they discovered the boys, and will stop at nothing to get their attention.

A few days ago this girl (maybe 13?) called my youngest son and asked to speak to him. I said he wasnt here...she hung up on me, with no "thanks" or "will you tell him to call me back?" nothing but CLICK!!. A few minutes later she called back and asked for him again. I said he still wasnt home and dont call back again. She said "well, you dont have to get an attitude!!".

Today, i was on AOL and call alert popped up. I noticed it was one of his friends and decided to let call alert pick it up. After the message was recorded, I played it so I could tell him who had called. Well, it was the same girl and her message?? Get this "i dont WANT to leave a message, because I don't want the B@*$h to hear it". Can you believe that??

Last I knew i payed the phone bill and should have that right to decide who calls on MY phone. They have their own phone line, but going in and out with it, they've broken the cord.

I've dealt with girls that call all hours of the night, had one tell me that she would "love to slap me", another tell me, "lets take it out in the yard" (HA) ..called the cops on them, ...banned them from my home/yard. Even had my oldests last girlfriend tell him that she was 6 weeks pregnant just so he wouldnt break up with her. Omg, that was a nice few days.

I just dont get it. Where are the manners, the yes ma'ams the politeness. Am I overreacting? Has our society come to the point where teenagers basically are allowed to run wild, talk trash and be so disrespectful towards other parents?

I feel like I should have some say-so over what kind of nonsense I'm subjected to. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle because the boys think I'm overreacting. I do know that my kids KNOW that i would bap them if I even THOUGHT that they were "whatevering" and disrespecting someone elses parents.

Anyway, just wanted to talk about it and try to get some feedback and understanding. AM I overreacting? I cringe when I think that these kids are the ones that eventually we will be looking upon to make decisions for our future.

Thanks (sorry this is so long)
Jen

No,

You are NOT over reacting. And YES kids today have NO respect. It is down right disgusting and makes me SO very angry. There's been a few times I wanted to backhand a few of them. If I had EVER spoken to an adult (or anyone for that matter) like that- I wouldnt have ANY teeth left after my mum and grandmum got ahold of me! It never ceases to amaze me at these parents that let their kids act like heathens.
Parents today are "being a best friend" instead of a PARENT.
NEWS FLASH PEOPLE- Kids NEED a parent, not an adult friend that lets them do whatever they want!

OHHHHH makes me SO mad. :|

I'm glad I am not in your shoes right now Jen. I'd be talking to some parents and would probably get into alot of trouble.

Just the other day i saw a child (maybe 13) back talking his grandfather.
The kid spent all his money on candy- then spent his sisters and his brothers. His granddaddy was trying to teach him a good lesson on being FAIR and he was all up in his face telling him off. (the kid telling his grandaddy off)
Man I was about to snatch that little brat around and tell him something,LOL.


How old are your boys? Sounds like then need to treat you with more respect Jen, do they know these little tripes are treating you like this? Maybe if they knew they wouldnt hang around them so much?

Were i those girls mum- their hide would be tanned like old leather for that behaviour.

((((((((((((hugs you))))))))))))

You do NOT need to put up with this :-(

The one girl that said she wanted to slap me has a history of "bowing up" to adults. I can remember at a basketball game last year, she was cussing up a storm in front of another moms kid, the mom said something and this girl went OFF. Well, the momma didnt back down either. Within a few minutes the girls MOM was in Venus's face telling her "youre not going to talk to my daughter like that". didnt matter that HER daughter was the one that started it. Before you knew it, mom was going against mom, dad was going against dad, heck the coaches were about to get in to it too. The girl? She took a sideline to the show she had created : (
The boys usually do the right thing after it escalates to this point. But, it seems that history repeats itself, and it seems like the majority of their girlfriends end up ready for the mental ward. My son just called a few minutes ago and i told him about it...he said he would take care of it.
I think my boys think i have got to be the worst mom in the world. How DARE i expect them to be civil??? I do have problems with my youngest, neverending actually, but he did seem upset that his "friend" said that.
LOL @ talking to parents. I remember a few years ago (last year, maybe) i read one of my oldest sons letters. It said "i want you so bad, can taste you"......girl, let me tell you, i called the mom and asked "exactly WHAT part of my son does your daughter want to taste???"....she said "well, you know how girls are"..
I agree, the problem with todays kids is the parents, or lack thereof.
Thanks for listening
Jen

No problem Jen.
I see in other cultures- places alot of americans look down on- I see children working to support their parents- i see them never talking back to them. There is a respect that goes to their marrow. My what they must think of American children. :(

If I even thought my kids were acting like that to adults I would slap them. That is a major no-no in my book. Ive seen some of these kids talking to thier own parents like this and the parents just let them and give the kids what they want. I dont think so. My oldest did that once, I didnt have to hit her, I yelled at her in front of everyone and embarrased the bejeebers out of her, if she had tried to keep going then I woulda smacked her but she was smart enought to shut her mouth.
MsJen I am so sorry your going thru this that would have me on the phone to parents and giving them what for. Ive had boys calling the house already but they have shown me nothing but respect wich is what I expect, no ifs,ands or buts. But boy let me tell you if one of them called and talked to me like that or left a message like that I would be talking to the parents and then my daughter let them have it too. LOL kinda funny its ok for her to talk back once in a while but no one else is ever allowed to talk to me like that according to her.

Maybe the boys need a "sit down talking to" about how they're worth more than those girls. Perhaps they're used to bringing home trash because they've got self-esteem issues, and think the "good girls" won't like them?

Until you get that through their cute little minds, I suggest not answering the phone when the girls call. Either let the machine get it, or always say, "He's not home." Explain to your sons that you don't allow that disrespect in your house. Tell them, "If you're not allowed to say those things to me and about me, neither are the friends you bring home - male or female. I'll stop answering the phone for them until things change."

I never made it a point to say "yes ma'am" to every guy's mom I've dated, but I certainly wasn't rude. And, for the record, not *every* "girl" is like these you speak of - some of us are mature adults, and we'll be the ones " you will be looking upon to make decisions for our future. "

Good luck,
-Jennifer

i am so sorry you are being treated that way by some trollups with no respect for themselves or others. that's what happens when they outlaw smacking kids. parents are not parents anymore. they think being a friend to their kids is than parenting.

i would sit down with my sons and talk about birthcontrol. my son is 23 now and we still sit down and talk birthcontrol. and diseases. these days you need to start talking at a young age.

As the mother of six girls, you all are really scaring me! :) My eldest is about 2 years from that wonderful personality Jen described above. Ack!! Let me promise you all something, any of my children think about having that kind of phone manners, social behavior, lip to adults.....their social lives and the home lives are going to be quite ugly! I would call that girls parents. I would also play that little recording for them. I'd also tell them if that is how she refers to and treats adults, then she is not welcome at your home, nor should she call!

Michele--- I do hope that your girls miss out on this.... I do hope they respect you and other adults---but unfortunately I think everyone has to see how far they can push their parents--- as the mother of 6 teenagers (current) they all have seen how far they could go and rather quickly found out it wasn't going to happen. I do not have to hit any of them--- I have that look that my mom had (the one that I swore I would never have) you know the one that Bill Cosby talks about!!! Each one pushed me at one time when they became teenagers and each one was shown in a hurry-- I would not be bad mouthed--back talked---smarted off- At the time I felt horrible for punishing them like i did but now I am so thankful because they have became a yes mam no sir teenagers that I am very proud of... I have to stay on top of them about their friends but when I was in high school my best friend was a "want to be" bad girl- always sneaking out the bedroom window to meet guys---- and then the next day bragging in front of all of us of what fun she had the night before and trying to make us "hate" our strick parents. Well I was to meet her one night and my mom caught me---- her mom didn't catch her but when her mom went to wake her for school she wasn't there... or the next day or the next.... Well three days later they found her lying in a road ditch just outside of town mutilated! Just shredded. My mom punished me well for trying to sneak out the window---which I deserved every bit and then when she found out the out come of my best friend she held me and we both cried. So never once did my mom punish me when I didn't need it. Sorry this was long--- Marie

I never implied that "every" girl was like this. Just seems that quite of few that my boys befriend have issues. But, I know I'm not alone in this. At football and basketball games (heck even walmart) all you have to do is sit back and watch their behaviors. Boys dont have to chase girls anymore, heck they dont even have to call them. The phone rings nonstop for them. Very seldom does another boy call, always girls.

I dont think its a self-esteem issue with my boys. i think its lack of parenting and lack of self esteem on THEIR part. I've read quite a few of their letters and i've been disgusted a time or two by their graphic contents. Girls need to realize that they are so much more valuable than what they think.

But, having a 13 yo leave a message calling me a b#$*# crosses the line. I guess these will be the girls that grow up to not be invited to office parties?

Michelle, all i can say is good luck. Let them know that their self worth is so much more important than dressing as a hoochie. I'm always so disgusted when i see a pretty, young girl, that thinks her only contribution to the world is their bustline and bellybutton. Teach them the fine art of playing hard to get, the thrill of having a boy call you first, etc. My boys dont have to call girls, they always call first. But when they do find one they like, they act different.

I know the one and only girl that broke my sons heart has a life long dream of being a missionary. Shes the sweetest girl and my son really liked her, but she has her priorties and boys dont figure in to that.

I agree that this goes back to parenting and DHS. Now we have a generation of a high %age of smart-mouthed, *you owe me* kids that respect nothing and noone. Have you talked to teachers, bus drivers, waitresses, fast food workers? So sad...

As far as not answering the phone. If it rings once, and i dont answer it, they will most always call back with 5 mintues. If the answering machine picks up, they hang up and try to call back. They dont always start out rude, but god forbid if you correct them. Then they have a problem with you. Take this girl for instance. I've answered the phone plenty of times. But the first time you hang up on me, dont call her again. Thats where the problem came in. Obviously she didnt like being told not to call back, which in her mind gave her the right to call me names. (stix and stones, yeah i know) but still and all, it is my phone and they are my boys.

Thanks to the parents that understood where i was coming from. Sorry this is so long winded.
Jen

Jen--- I understand fully! The children these days are missing out on so much of life. I agree parents don't have time to be parents anymore--- Teachers are not teachers anymore but I guess when you have a teen threaten to stab or shoot you it changes your outlook on life. I substituted for our high school and I promise I will never do that again. No Respect what so ever. I even had a student tell me to shut up and sat down. Yep that is what he said. If we got a paddling at school we got another one when we got home and we didnt have to wonder if our parents knew because the school called and told them. There was a local teacher here that threaten to paddle this guy at our school and he told the teacher "the only way you will whip me is with your fist!!!" I would have been a statistic if I had said that to an adult. But like you said kids have got DHS on their side now and they can spill out the 1-800 number before they can spell their name. It is a very sad situation. Yes I agree with you Jen girls call my sons all the time. The language they use in mixed company floors me. I mean I could trip over my jaw. Did the girls mother get offensive with you when you notified her? The parents usually get angry if you bring attention to them of a childs behavior. Go to a ball game now and you will be amazed. Metal detecters at the doors of our schools shoud tell us something. I don't know how we can change this world back to like it was other than turning it over to the Lord. Our world has gotten into such a mess. It is ok to rant Jen. Better for you. I will listen to you, because the day is coming when you may have to listen to me. Marie

When my youngest daughter was a "teen"...being a 4-H leader I would hear lots of "gossip" so I had heard that one of my DD's friends was getting into the drug scene. I talked to my DD about the situation and told her that I "would rather" that she cooled her friendship with this girl. In the end my DD was so relieved that I took that decision off her hands....she just didn't know how to handle it and was willing to listen to my advice. The girls parents (Dad was a coach at the High School) raised a little boy that was hell on wheels in our neighborhood...and the girl...she had a lot of trouble before she straighened out. Jo

I should also add that my boys are FAR from perfect.

This was not intended as a girl bashing, but being a parent of boys i know im sounding a bit harsh.
Just seems like this world has gotten out of hand and our youngest generation isn't making it any easier.
I heard it phrased as the "Me Generation" on tv the other day. That makes me KNOW that I'm not the only one having problems with these kids.
I'm sure if you talk to the parents of girls that they have the same problem with boys.
I've only talked to the parents of a couple of the girls and their attitude is "oh well, you know how they are"...well, no, i DONT know how they are. But I'm thinking they dont know how they are either, because if they did, the kids wouldnt be acting like that. Does that make sense, lol?
So far, the girl hasnt called back today. Brandon, 13, seems to be the one that im going to have problems with. He likes to talk his junk with his friends and im thinking that hes also crossed the line. He said he will take care of it, time will tell.

stand STRONG Jen---- You will survive! Maybe we will get lucky! hahaha Marie

Jen, it's okay honey. I meet everything with humor. My girls are still young and I know the best or worst is yet to come. LOL I in no way, took it as girl bashing. I know 8 year olds that are far more umm, grown up than I would like mine ever to be. Having 6 daughters, I know God either trusted me to do right or is having a good giggle at the angst he has set upon me to deal with. :)

Michele I don't think I have ever came across someone that has such a bright outlook on life. You are always so funny! You have the best outlook on life and it has really been a pleasure getting to know you.

Jen--- it takes alot to offend me so don't think nothing of it ok... Marie

I have to say this content concerns me, mostly because it SO perfectly describes my one (and only) niece, and what I have seen of her behavior the few times I have visited.

I lost a bet (made 3 years ago when the girl was 13) with my half-ssiter that Jessica would be pregnant by age 16, and I have willingly paid.

I see her behavior results more from her mother's lack of parenting than anything but I also understand her peer influence is strong, especially since her mother never was much of a parent.

My oldest son will be 18 in a little over 2 weeks. He will be playing by a new set of rules. I've been reading and printing out our states statutory rape laws just so he can see that mom isnt nuts when i tell him you CANT date 16 year olds. Hes 17 now, they are 16, and its legal, in 2 weeks, it could possibly become illegal. Crazy, huh?
The statistics for teenage pregnancies is staggering. Whats even more staggering are the statistics for STD's. Mainly HPV, HIV and herpes. Unreal!!!
Michelle, I used to think that with 2 boys, 6 GIRLS??? Omg, i shall pray for you and your sanity tonight, lol.
I've read quite a few of your postings, and its apparent that you are a "hands on mom". Thats the main thing that i think most of our kids are missing today. Kudos to you!!!
Its just frustrating trying to raise our own and trying to make them aware of doing the right thing while the role models that they have are telling them the exact oppisite.
I dont think we can blame their behaviors on lack of parenting alone, i think we can add their music, their clothing and other stimulants to the equation. But, then again, the parents allow it : (
I couldnt tell you how many CD's ive taken back to Peppermints and Kmart because they sold full versions to my kids. The law states 18...i finally told peppermints, you sell 1 more to my kid, im going to sue you. They closed shortly after that, lol.
Its been a quite day at the house. I guess word spreads quick that im a crazy momma, lol
Jen

*gulps*

Prays for all you parents!! Thinks about getting her tubes tied. LOL

Nah, dont do that because then you would never experience the first attempt at "mamamamama", their first steps, and all the other wonderful things that happen with children.
Some of my greatest treasures are the things they've made in school. Handmade Mothers Day cards, handprint plaques and christmas ornaments. Then of course there are the dandalion boquets and the bugs they find.
jen

Awe thanks Jen.
I wouldnt do that, hehe. I want a housefull. :-) Someday!

That's terrible! I agree with Badseed -- tell the girl's parents that you do not want her calling your hone.

If you have Caller ID, invest in Callstation for your PC. You can zap certain callers automatically (with or without a recording they'll hear) as well as play customized messages (like "your calls are not welcome at this household"). It has talking Caller ID, too, so you can hear who's calling. It's the best $34 we've EVER spent.

http://www.imptec.com/callstation.htm

Do you have Caller ID in your neighborhood? Man, If I had it and I were you, I'd use it, and then give those girls parents a phone call, after writing down a log of the time they called and what was said. I'd do it in a nice way, so as to not make their parents defensive, but to let them know what their girls are up to. That kind of behavior is completely uncalled for, and you have every right and reason to be upset about it. You're right - the teens these days can be awful. Since they took "hacks" away from the discipline scheme at the schools, and kids seem to think they can call the cops and yell "abuse" if their parents spank them, things have really changed, fast, and not in a good way. I'd talk to your boys, too and let them know not to give your phone number out if they can't pick nicer, more behaved girls to give it out to.

HaHaHa, Kimberly, I LOVE that "your calls are not welcome at this household" boy, that would sure get the trollups going, wouldnt it? hehehehe

My 14 yo DD has coniption fits because we wont let her wear thong undies. He thought is "its just underwear" our thought "your too young to be worried that much about being sexy and panty lines".
Its not easy even when your a hands on mom whether its girls or boys in this day and age, shoot its not easy just being a mom but I still feel that you are at least half way responsible to how your kids act. So if any of my kids act up to anyone I want to know about it. I cant try to fix it if I dont know about it, so by all means do what ya gotta.

And no offense was taken by anything in this thread and no I didnt think it was girl bashing either. : D

gardenwife----that piece of machinery sounds like it is a "must Have!" Now if they would only invent one that would answer the door...... Marie

When my now 22 year old daughter, Julia, (who by the way just ruined her 2nd cell phone in 3 months so we still have our "moments") was 13, she had some boys who were doing hang up type of harrassing calls. We called the phone company and they said that if we wanted, they would send a letter to the owner of the phone (parents) for no charge. They can actually cut off phone service, if they get get too many complaints. I told the phone company I would get back to them if needed. DD went to school and told the boys what I had done. It not only stopped, I received a call of apology from one of the boys. I did find out later that these boys' parents would have been furious if they would have found out what they were doing.

It's cool...It'll even e-mail you the message recordings at whatever address you specify, or page you.

GRC- the state of our kids isnt funny but...
Whores Are Us, LOL.
There is probably a store with that name somewhere. -ugh.

It seems the teenage styles lately have consisted mostly of, well, as skimpy as possible.

I was in yahoo chatting with some friends- and a sponsored ad has a nearly nude woman laying in a provocative way. It was like a play boy ad- in plain sight during the day. You could almost see her bad bits! It's disgusting. If I wanted to look at porn I'd get the play boy channel. :|

I am just discusted with the "pornographic" ads that keep popping up even after we have a blocker put on. It makes me so mad! They always seem to pop up when my teens are on here. Marie

I am not sure if it gets better as the kids get older or if mine just learned it is no fun to have friends over that your mom WILL go balistic on if they don't have manners. Maybe a little of each. My kids both tried having "bad" friends soon found out it was no fun, embarassing, and got them grounded more often then not. I think they figured they have to pay for their own screw-up's they were not about to go paying for someone elses. Hang in there, stay strong, every kid tests the boundries that does not mean they really want the boundries moved. If the behavior of their friends is not acceptable make it clear and make it non-negotiable.
edited to say: oh by the way to answer your question I absolutley do not think you are over reacting. LOL forgot to say that with all my ranting.

This message was edited Jul 6, 2004 5:00 PM

I can sympathize with what you're saying, but as the mother of three daughters, I can tell you that my girls are NOT like that at all. And I don't know any of their friends that are like that either. In fact, the group my twin daughters run around in seems to be a bunch of little over-achieving nerds! LOL!

On the other side of the coin, I can remember when my DH and I were first married and he played in a band, it was the under 21 dances and middle school dances that used to make me cringe. The girls in the age group from about 13-16 were EXTREMELY sexually aggressive. They would give the guys in the band handwritten notes right in front of the wives and girlfriends. These notes were very explicit about what the girls would like to do, and these were much older, married guys with children!

Over-achieving nerds ROCK! :)

Angelsong, I agree. It makes it much easier to sleep at night! ;-)

I guess todays girls figure that if the boys can show the butt-cheeks, then they can show whatever they want?

I thought, when i was younger, that i was a bad-@#$, lol, i'd be considered a nerd nowadays.

There are still some nice kids in the world. I just happened to focus in on the other group.

Boys are just as bad with their "you owe me" attitude. When i was in management, they would tell me "im going to go smoke" or "im going home" or "i cant come in tonight because theres a car show that im going to"..when you would try to correct them or contradict them, they had a hard time with that. Its bad when their first dose of authority comes from the manager of their first job. Needless to say, they never seem to last very long.

LOL@ Whores R Us, so sad, but so true it seems. Less is more (and more expensive).

I just dont understand.
Jen

My friend Tami had an interesting entry in her blog that reminded me of this thread. Y'all might enjoy it. She quotes from Lisa Welchel: http://www.tamisclock.com/archives/000450.html

Phew, gosh, glad my boys are in their mid twenties now!! BUT I remember going thru all those things with them - smart mouth, sneaking out, drinking and yes, even some drugs. We held tight, told them how we felt and even had some heated words! Every time they went out I prayed they would make it home safely - had some mighty long nights too - worrying... Now they're over that hump and are fine young men - one married and one about to be. Even have a sweet grandson (now I worry about him!)

I was a teacher (knew all the families etc) and always welcomed any of my kids friends in the house. They brought home some rummies too. In hindsight, I often wondered if I had told the boys " that friend is not welcome" = if that would have helped my boys avoid some of their mishaps. I felt that by showing the rummies a good home life, they would want to change. Food for thought I guess... just hang in there - this too shall pass...

I am glad you are taking a stand. They also have call block at alot of phone companies that you can block phone numbers. and call anonomus? that won't let them block the number being sent to you. It says this caller does not accept anonymus phone numbers. It usually comes with caller id and you can turn it on. Stops some telemarketers also.
I do want to add that I did the best I could with my son and at 18 he went bananas. He got into drugs, started stealing,going to jail, and not because I did not teach him better. We left him in the jail, It was 45 days of hell for him before court. He got seriously beat up in there because they put him in with worse criminals like rape and murder. He kept telling us but we did not believe him.
Finally we talked to the county attorney about his probabtion including a christian boys home and he would not agree. We told him want our son was telling us and how a friends wife told us he had been to the doctor twice, he called the jail while we were standing there and when he found out it was true he hit the ceiling. He did send him to youth reach but he managed his way out.
Well after 1 of 2 years probabtion they let him off. This is after I called to tell them to drug test him. But they did not listen.
I can't remember when I put him out. I think it was before this
because he came home drinking after I told him if he did again I was throwing him out. and I did. It was so hard, he is our only child.
anyway he has 4 or 5 felonies, And not because I did not teach him. I know my biggest mistake was consistincy but I told him that there was no instructions on the sole of his foot when he was born. I ask him once if any of my words ever rang in his ears about if you hang out with some one who steals you are just as guilty and so on and then he said all the time. If he would stop blaming everyone and stand up and take the blame for what he has done he could be a happier person. Go figure? I just wanted you to know in some cases it is not parents, We did the best we knew how to do.
My son was sweet as pie to everyone else. They could not figure out why I put him out until they would take him in and after awhile he would show his true colors, by sneaking out and taking there car, doing drugs lying ect.
Sorry this is so long. For those of you who have children like this Tough Love is an awesome group or e-mail me as My heart breaks for parents with kids like mine was. I would love to help if I can.
Sandy