fib or not?? for horseshoe, and more.

giggle..bingo tiG...

Two years ago, I caught the ferry from Hamburg to Newcastle (England), as I was on my way up to Paradise (Scotland) for a holiday in the Highlands. After leaving Newcastle, I picked up a couple of young hitch-hikers who were also heading North, and packed them up safely in the car.

It turned out they were 20 years old, Ukrainian, and were on their honeymoon in Scotland, a holiday for which they had saved for a long time.

So not being one to let our good customs go to waste in Scotland, I told them that since Scotland now had it's own Parliament (Executive), there is now a border check between the two countries. They weren't worried about that, as they didn't have any contraband, or otherwise illegal substances with them.

"This is not a normal customs check," I told them, "because when we cross the border into Scotland, there is a large stone with Scotland engraved on it, and inside this stone there is a camera. This camera takes a photo of the car and all passengers, and if they are not wanted in the country, the police will stop us, and turn us back". "Another thing though, you must hold your passports up to the window, and show your teeth, since our very advanced Scottish computers have all dental records, and will know if it is you or not on your passport".

I drove up very slowly to the border, and there was the big stone, and I had two Ukrainian kids, pressing their passports on the window, and grinning like Cheshire cats.

I had to laugh, and told them the joke, and they also had a good giggle at it, so I took them back and took a picture of them at the stone 'which takes pictures'.

They will never forget their first day in Scotland.

Wintermoor

True..........or are ya leading me to the Blarney Stone??

"eyes"

The Blarney Stone my dear *eyes*, is in Ireland, and I couldn't even lead myself to it, as I don't know where in Ireland ;-)

Wintermoor

Close enough, my dear, close enough.

"eyes"

I think the Scots just say it's in Ireland. ;)

fib

Hah!! It's gotta be true! 'Tis something I meself would do! hehehee (Reminds me of the time my first wife was helping me in the shop. We had a battery charger hooked up to the tractor battery. When it was fully charged I said "okay, we're ready to go!"...so she unplugged the charger from the wall. Seeing what she did, and noticing the cables were still hooked to the battery posts I hollered, "No, No...you hafta take the cables off the battery first! Otherwise all the power will seep BACK into the charger machine!" She hurriedly plugged the charger back into the wall, then it dawned on her I was messin w/her! Her Dutch blood could boil friends!)
Wintermoor, you're a good trickster!!

Caught me..... yes folks ..... TRUE STORY!!

I've played these wee tricks and jokes on people since I was in school.

Wintermoor

Nice one there too 'shoe ;-)

This message was edited Wednesday, Jul 31st 4:01 PM

Two of a kind...........yes sir............they're two of a kind....

"eyes"

Where's Zany, and Weezy, and TomK, and all the other great yarn spinners!!☺☺☺

Making up stories to tell us I bet! LOL

hey all

how about this

an aussie yarn

I was visiting sydney australia sometime back and took me a stroll around the harbout and down under the big ol sydney harbour bridge. Whilst walking in the sunny sky I felt something brush past my shoulder and hit the ground. I looked down and saw a huge bolt had fallen from the bridge and near hit my head. The bolts on that bridge are about 12" long and about 2" round. I picked it uo and looked up and thought how lucky i was it hadnt hit me. I decided to take it back on the plane with me.
I put it in my bag and off i went. Come time to fly home my bag went through the exray machine and the alarms went off. I nervously laughed and said " well its a funny story you'll never believe". One male and one female security guard man handled me to a back room and proceeded to search my bag for the gun they suspected i had whilst i was trying to make light of the whole situation. The man pulled out the bolt and looked at me with the sternest face. He then looked at his female partner and said' here's that bolt thats been missing from the other side of your neck frankenstein' and they both burst out laughing. They had decided to have fun at my expense. The bolt was then secured in my bag and i was sent red faced on my way.

do ya believe it?

Yes

OK - youngerns - here we go. I grew up as the daughter of a commercial fisherman. My father and I ran a 24 foot Harker's Island bow design open trawler. The culling tray was built into the floor of boat just aft of the engine, mast and steering column. The shrimp net was set overboard over the stern and after a "drag" or a certain length of time, the tailbag was hauled back to the boat and emptied into the culling tray. Then when the tailbag was retied and put back overboard. My job was to pick out of a mound of flipping fish, snapping finger poppers, marsh grass and angry crabs, the shrimp and other seafood that we wanted to keep either for our own food or to send to market that which we could sell. I had to kneel on the deck and bend over this box which was literally alive with hundreds of things that were trying to get back overboard - or defend itself, to do the culling - and do it quickly. If you can impagine all of this wriggly, slimy stuff flipping fish scales and whatever else at you - then you can start to get a picture here. One Friday nioght, we had just pulled the tailbag and dumped it into the culling tray, when we were called from shore over the radio. Our cousins from upstate had come in for the weekend and wanted to come out on the boat with us. My dad ordered to take the net in and we went to shore to pick them up. We docked in a small harbor near our house and to get back we had to run through a shallow slough to get there. Now folks this was shallow on high tide -- not to mention that the tide was falling as we were running back in. So to the dock we went for the highlanders - and with them aboard, we came around and started back out into the sound. I had said my greetings to everyone and went back to work, I glanced over the stern and the water in the slough was so shallow that the wheel was pulling the water off the marsh and under the stern of the boat. In other words - there was barely enough water to keep us afloat. I was working away and then BAM!! something hit me in the head and knocked me out. There's plenty things on a trawler to watch out for - getting feet, legs or arms caught in a line going overboard, or the worst fear - getting hit in the head or thrown overboard into the net. I remember the thought when whatever hit me in the head - that I had tied the block (pulley) on the mast tight and was that what had come loose to hit me. I was knocked out - lights out folks! I woke up with my face down in the culling tray and all it's inhabitants - not happy folks grant you - and my father, cousins laughing at me until they were crying. Now to a girl of the water - this is very embarrassing. I was supposed to be an ole salt in training - and watching out for everything. Indeed I was the best in my family and some other of our counterparts. What in the beejesus had hit me? Then something slapped me in the face - a slimy tail at that. I raised up a bit and looked back down - and there folks was a big fat mammy jumping mullet. She was fat with roe and musta weighed a good 15 pounds. When the wheel took the water off of her - she just jumped to keep up with it, sailed into the boat, and plumb slapped me in the head and knocked me out. Well I can tell you - I had a hunker of a headache, and not to mention - it's taken me 20 years to live it down in the family - but gosh - she made a good supper. I did'nt let that gal make an exit -stage left - no sirree - she went on the grill and tasted mighty fine. My cousins are still reminding me of the big mammy jumpimg mullet. Someday I'll get something just as good on them - but it's gonna take a while.

Ok - Fib or true?

Hmmmmm ... well .... uh ... hmmmmm ...

I can see Wonder's happening, especially nowadays, and it's hard to believe that Swoznick knows that much about boats without having been intimate with one, so I think both of them are true!

Laura's is true....
Swoz got dope-slapped by a cuzin!
hehehehe.
Okay okay okay...BOTH are true!

darn am I so predictable?
heheeheh

When my first husband & I moved to Alaska in 1974, we lived in an old converted school bus until we could find a house to rent. It was late August and rainy as could be. Our two young sons were restless inside the bus, so, one day, while my husband was out looking for work, we took a little walk in the woods to work off some of their youthful energy. Our sad faced bassett hound accompanied us, and he made frequent stops by the roadside to to sniff and re-mark certain areas. As he lifted his leg on a piece of what appeared to be dead wood, the greenery around it began to move, and a bull moose arose from his sleep, shaking his newly dampened antler. He glared at us with contempt, his hackles rose, and he chased us down the path. Barney, our bassett, had the shortest legs, so the moose soon overtook him. He tipped his head and scooped the frightened bassett up between his antlers and passed between us down the path at a full gallop. We were pretty histerical by this time, and frightened out of our wits, so we said our mental goodbyes to Barnie and headed back to our bus. When we got there, on the porch sat Barnie. I guess that moose must have gotten tired of carrying him around and dumped him off at the end of the trail.

True Weezingreens...at least plausible!

OK. As a young mother of 3 I was determined to return to school so I took a job as a security guard working nights so I could study between rounds and not pay a sitter since my husband was home then. The area where I worked was mostly old industrial under the underbellies of the Harbor freeway and the 10 freeway in Los Angeles with residendial slums scattered around. I got off work about 3:30 in the morning and the drive home to Torrance took about 30 minutes. One night as I left in a hurry I ducked under a low hanging branch of the big old Hanging Tree (that is another story) and jumped into the car. As I pulled out onto the street I suddenly felt something large and Heavy clinging to my hair. I didn't know what horror had landed on me from that spooky old tree and was afraid to reach up and touch it since whatever it was might bite.

I was so terrified that I drove home holding my head straight ahead and afraid to turn it even when I had to change lanes and with every little move I made I could feel the monster clinging there. I finally made it home and when I parked the car I had to build up courage to slowly open the car door and walk to the house. All the lights were out and I crept slowly through the house feeling it move slowly lower down my hair with each cautious movement.

I made my way in the dark to the bathroom afraid that a light would frighten it and cause it to strike. Trembling with terror I positioned myself in front of the mirror and placed one hand on the light switch and decided to bat it off my head with the only thing handy...the plunger, at the same time. I took a long slow breath and in one quick moment hit the thing with that plunger and threw on the light. I heard it hit the floor and pounced the plunger on top of it so fast I couldn't see what it was. I pressed down on that plunger with all my might until I heard a loud click. Still shaking with fear I picked up the plunger to see the monster that had so terrified me, sure it was dead now. As I raised the plunger I finally had a chance to see my horrid attacker as it lay there helpless on the floor broken and lifeless...When I looked at it I realized that I had killed and destroyed the only Hair Barrette I owned that was sturdy enough to hold hy heavy head of hair!

Both of you ladies are nuts enough to do both of those things (living in a converted bus with children AND killing a hair barrette), but I think Weeze's is a fib and Zany's is true. Just a feeling, ya' know? :)

This message was edited Sunday, Aug 4th 12:59 PM

I could see Zany's happening, but Weeze's....naaa I think that one is a fib!

I sow my 'mater seeds under grow lights every year on my birthday (Feb. 30th). I mix plenty of super phosphate and bull manure in the potting soil, and then water every day with double strength Miracle Grow. This gets 'em off to a good start and makes them strong and healthy. I threaten them with fish oil fertilizer (the stinky kind) if they don't grow good for me:) I was planning to remove the bottom suckers when they got outside, but kept straining my back trying to pull the suckers off....so I gave up on that:) The vines were up to about 10 ft. tall the other day, so I cut 'em back to a more reasonable 7 ft. with my chainsaw. I just hate to stand on a ladder to pick those durn 10 pound 'maters.....could get a hernia and fall off the ladder:) I don't remember who sent me the seeds for these salad 'maters, but I'm gonna stick with cherry 'maters from now on!

Owen

Hmmm you mean Cow poop?!!! LOL I'd edit that one if I were you!!

As far as the story in general, not sure if I'd believe that one or not...the part about the Chainsaw is what throws me off a little. I can and have seen maters grow 8-10' tall....but didn't have to use a chain saw to trim them off with! So I say "fib"

ok my turn!
I was sitting here at my puter today still in my jammies with a cup of coffee waiting to start the day cooking for the fab 4 . My door bell rang and I thought who in the heck could it be.I kept thinking don't let it be them yet I am not ready! I got up my courage messed up hair, jammies and all and went to the door. You will never believe who was standing at my door with that cheesy grin. I had to take a step back and look again I was sure I was seeing things.That didn't help the vision was still there! In front of me stood this tall man with blue eyes and a smile (thats just says hah!) lol None other than horseshoe himself! Man what a day it's been I think they rest of the gang where more surprised than I was. Those pic's will follow.

Sorry, I meant cow manure:)

That HAS to be a true story! Yeppers, that's what we use and we put Kenny's chainsaws to use on a regular basis! Ten pound tomatoes? What're you feeding those cows, Owen?! We only get eight pounders. :(

Now for Mystic's story. I looked it up on Mapquest and they said it was about 430 miles from Hillsborough to Ewing. Hmmmm ... the gals are out of town, but still ... hmmm ... I really can't see him driving that far when he has the whole house to himself. On top of that, he'd have to take a bath and wear clean clothes for a road trip of that magnitude (see above). So I say fib!

LOL@Wing!! Yea I say fib also!

Horseshoe is telling the truth. I was the truck driver. Quit after that trip and went to Hollywood where I liked to starved to death. Hollywood Fl. that is.

ROFLOL @ Jim!!! Now I do believe that one is a fib with a capital F!! LOL

Olambert's is at least part true...There is definately something Fishy smelling and I detect a very thick layer of BS as well!

As for Mystic....I do not believe Shoe would show up from so far a drive un announced and risk you not being home so FIB!

As for my story above it is true with a bit of "artistic liscense" taken.

HAH...well Owen, could be true. I used to raise potatoes the size of tractor tires, and they're related to maters!
(Can't find that post right now, must be filed away in dave's archives.)
JIM! Finally I get some verification and credibility! (Or do I?)
It was obvious Zany's is true, that just sounds too much like how her life goes!
Well, I gotta go rest...tired. Feel like I just got back from a long trip. ô¿ô

LOL.....Did anyone notice what my birth date is??

Owen

Dope slapped by a cousin? Now there's a new one for my dictionary....

oblambert - I did notice your birthdate and that wonderful mix of fertilizer. So this year when I start my maters - well this newbie is gonna do the very same thing..... Only I'm gonna get 12 pounders cause I'm gonna put jumping mullets in the mix!

LOL and to think that the chainsaw part is what thru me off, I didn't even notice the Birthday thing!! LOL

An April Fool..........

"eyes"

LOLOLOLOL! Feb. 30th!! Hah!

Ok, I confess. I was lying through my teeth. Of course, all stories about Alaska sound like tall tales! I have not doubt that Owen can grow tomatoes that big, but I doubt that he would be cutting with a chainsaw at 7 ft... that's harder on the back than cutting off suckers... I call bullpoop on that one! Zany's has to be true, though the bit about the plunger have been a stretch. After taking Horseshoe's advice and planting our tomatoes in the snow, I can't be sure he tells the truth... well, maybe.

Yep I was fibbing but not from lack of trying to get shoe to some join us. lol Think if I had another day I might have talked him into it. lol

trust me folks! She DID try to get me there! And I almost went!
And Weezy..you oughta know by now I ALWAYS tell the truth...(just from my perspective tho).