Coffee Break # 89 The End of 2012

Thanks....Memory, too, she lives even closer...my SIL's twin lived in Sandy Hook....sold her condo a few years ago....

I can't even comment, just been thinking about Sophie and Luci all day.
Marilyn I thought of you right away too, must really hit home, sending you some hugs and peace today.

I was close to physically sick.

To change the subject, I like these.

http://home.woot.com/plus/core-bamboo-vases-1

nice so post modern.

Funny how Europeans go on and on about the gun culture in America, but have no problem making and exporting some of the most deadly ones, including two used today. Glock is practically the official symbol of Austria.

I am totally sickened by the news about the shooting. I also have a lot of deep feelings about certain cuts that reduce access to mental health services and in education and other human service budgets. Tonight, I decided I wasn't in a Christmas party mood, so I finished another report instead. I don't want any shooters among my clients.

No I don't think we have to accept these violent acts. Yes, I do think some of the principles behind them are knowable, but not in the usual police profiling ways. No, the current research is not exactly going well.

So true about mental health screening and even more importantly, intervention. Aside from underfunding, there has been way too much emphasis on privacy which has prevented officials from taking action on patients they believe are a danger.

Now, as with so many of these incidents, there are many people saying they are not surprised, he was always a bit off, he was a loner, weird, etc. Yet no one does anything. Crazy.

This message was edited Dec 15, 2012 12:06 AM

The political interest groups that oppose outpatient commitment laws directed at dangerous mentally ill persons are very powerful, and they cloak their interests in the language of civil liberties.

Stigma associated with seeking help is also a societal issue. Since it exists, there needs to be access to well-trained professionals who can help to cut through the embarrassment and offer the legal solutions we already have.

well put Rosemary

makes you wonder if we should go back to the days of locking up the could be crazy people

Because those were the same days when husbands could have a wife committed for nothing more than PMS symptoms. No Joke.

How come the countries that denounce the US for such gun violence are the same ones that supply. Glocks are made in Australia.



This message was edited Dec 15, 2012 6:51 AM

Im having a really hard time with this. I can not imagine being one of those parents right now. I am going to Oryanna's Birthday party today with @ least a dozen kids there. I am going to hug each and everyone of them and try to keep my composer at the same time. Wish me luck.

You can do it Celeste.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health/children-and-violence.shtml

This is a link with guidelines for talking to kids about violence

ABC news more or less just said that it was an over controlling mother that made the kids snap. In other words - she was so controlling he was an unhappy kid.

I read that he had been diagnosed as having a Personality Disorder. That is a much better explanation of the act than a controlling Mother. He was 20 and could have been living on his own if life at home was unbearable.

Jims, sons wife is over controlling. The daughter hates her stepmother so much she is unhappy. For goodness sakes when they 1st got married she was trying to tell ME what to do.

You know what I told her - You dont blankety own me, Shut Up. She dont try to boss me around anymore.

My sister knew the principal...she was originally from Region 14 (Woodbury-Bethlehem) where my sister has worked for most of her life...the shooter's mother had registered those 3 assault weapons, certainly not for her, but for him.....I've seen it many times in teaching, a mother making every excuse for a mentally ill son instead of getting him help.....I couldn't decorate my tree yesterday, I was so distraught...today I did because my grandkids are coming over....and, yes, just like Pixie, I'm going to hug them tightly....

Oh, so sorry, Marilyn.

Yes, Rose - we have a range of problems with mental health in general in this country. People are still SO reluctant to use the professionals. They don't want to go themselves for fear of being seen, by others or even themselves, as 'crazy'. We need to get over this. I personally have seen so many people put their lives back together with proper help. I think many still have this out of date image of lying on the couch and talking about how you felt about your mother when you were three years old! And yes, on the commitment issue.

I had lots of trouble sleeping last night. We have a party to go to tonight and I really don't want to go. Funny how I feel a bit of survivor guilt even though I am far away. Was going to start decorating the tree yesterday but just could not.

Sorry for your sister Marilyn.
Just can't wrap my head around his mother having assault weapons in her name knowing she had a son with a 'personality disorder'. Sounds more of an enabler than a controller.
I guess we never know what goes on in someone else's head, just so very very sad.

I had trouble sleeping too Victor, couldn't get the picture of my girlies out of my head and feeling a bit guilty that I was glad it was "someone" else. Not glad of course that it happened just that it wasn't us suffering.
Not to compare it to 9-11 but the feeling of sadness is the same for me, almost overwhelming.

Have to say I look forward to the end of 2012. One of the worst years to me in so many ways.

I know next to nothing about guns, but these two handguns are not considered assault weapons and were 100% legal when we had the assault weapons ban in effect. Still, why have ANY guns in the house with a disturbed relative?

My favorite Sister has a son who is SMI (severely mentally ill). He calls himself J. When she bought a condo so that he would have a place to live with rent that he could afford - (J gets social security disability around $800 a month) - she asked for cooking equipment for him as he had once been able to hold a job as a cook and considers himself a "chef". I sent pots and pans, a garlic press and an assortment of knives. You see - he is delusional and the knives were quite safe because as my DS says "you can't stab voices".

They are in Arizona which has some of the best support for the SMI and DS goes with him to every meeting that he has to attend to qualify for support and food stamps, etc. otherwise he wouldn't be able to go. She knows when he is getting worse because his stories involve numbers as opposed to his usual stories. Her husband, who is not his father, but has been married to my sister for most of the boy's (now 33) life, writes everything that happens down in a journal. Including the delusions that are so real to J that he can get even his own Mother to believe them.

My Sister said that he once got stabilized on meds and she thinks it scared him to realize that the life he knew was not real. He will not take meds except for a mild anti-anxiety med. Imagine finding out that everything you "knew" in your life had been a delusion - I know I wouldn't handle that very well.

He lives on his own, eating chips and soda and smoking cigarettes and playing video games. He is unable to clean and is freaked out if anyone does it for him. He does consent to having his clothes washed on major holidays only as a gift to his Mom who washes them over and over until the rinse water runs clear.. He is not sick enough to qualify for a group home and is social when he is not in a delusion and ranting for days. He has a social worker but as we all know, they are overburdened. He shouldn't be living on his own and she thinks in some ways that he knows it.

I know that some would consider his social security and food stamps and health care an "entitlement" and I will leave it at that.

FYI - His food stamps were just cut $30 a month and we all know that the price of food is going up and up, so I guess the clamor to reduce entitlements is being heard and acted upon.

So scary and sad. I have TWO first cousins just like that. Both schizophrenic. One worse than the other. Just awful. The worse one lives in a home for men with similar afflictions but can come and go as he pleases. Will show up at my aunt's house just to get cigarettes. Tried to kill himself a few times in his life. Was a danger to his family. Would just disappear for days and weeks on end. Looks about 30 years older than he is. Just horrible.

Reporting today that he tried to buy a rifle in CT but was tuned down because he refused background check and wait time. People who are intent on harming people will do so. Again - the same day as this tragedy a man slashed 22 kids in China!

The children in China survived, I believe. I report I got from local info here said that the kindergarten children were found sitting at their table in the classroom. At least they didn't have much time to be scared.

And this.

http://www.washingtonguardian.com/washingtons-school-security-failure

They released all the names and birth dates. All the kids were either 6 or 7. May God rest their souls and hold them close.

I feel so bad for the first responders. How will they ever get that image out of their mind? Will haunt them until they die.

Wife was on call today and said a psychologist told her that when the kids were all assembled in the staging area to meet their parents, many did not want to leave their friends and go home. Even at that young age the bonds can be so strong.

My oldest granddaughter was very clingy today....she knows just enough to frighten her.....her parents are being very reassuring, but she's not buying it .....I'm picking up Grant at school on Wed. My DIL said she will notify the office......I can't believe they don't need an ID from me, but maybe things will change even in a small town like theirs.....

This morning, the Enfield Patch posted that anyone who wants to help, and wished to receive email updates on how they could do so, post "I want to help" in the comments section of the article--there are hundreds of posts...below I've posted 2 ways to help that have been set up here. Hug your kids tight today.

http://enfield.patch.com/articles/how-to-help-families-affected-by-newtown-school-shooting-26246878#comments

5:08 pm on Saturday, December 15, 2012

For those who joined the email thread after this was posted, here's the address to send supportive cards or letters to the school:

Sandy Hook Elementary School 12 Dickenson Drive Sandy Hook, CT 06482

Please copy/paste/share widely. Sending a card is something small but at least it's something we can do.

Already the United Way of Western Connecticut, in partnership with Newtown Savings Bank, created the Sandy Hook School Support Fund to help provide support services to the families and community that are affected.

Check donations may be mailed to:

Sandy Hook School Support Fund
c/o Newtown Savings Bank
39 Main Street, Newtown CT 06470

If you have questions on the fund, you may call 800-461-0672.

Helpful Links

United Way's Sandy Hook Support Fund Announcement

Checks may also be dropped off at any Newtown Savings Bank branch location.

How to Donate With a Credit Card

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Candlelight Vigil at Enfield Town Green to Memorialize Sandy Hook School Shooting Victims

Yes, I heard there was a fund set up. I'm guessing what they really need most is emotional help and shoulders to cry on.

Interesting and strange new details emerging. Father is a wealthy GE exec, earning about one million per year. Provided for ex wife and kid very well. The house he lived in with his mother is worth 1.6 million! Mother is a gun collector and one of these survivalist, dooms day preppers. Kid had Aspergers and apparently went downhill after the divorce. He, like so many of these shooters, was an outcast and goth.

Incredible story of bravery and selflessness.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/newtown-teacher-vicki-soto-remembered-article-1.1221004

SO much truth in this.


Let me tell you a story. The day after Columbine, I was interviewed for the Tom Brokaw news program. The reporter had been assigned a theory and was seeking sound bites to support it. “Wouldn’t you say,” she asked, “that killings like this are influenced by violent movies?” No, I said, I wouldn’t say that. “But what about ‘Basketball Diaries’?” she asked. “Doesn’t that have a scene of a boy walking into a school with a machine gun?” The obscure 1995 Leonardo Di Caprio movie did indeed have a brief fantasy scene of that nature, I said, but the movie failed at the box office (it grossed only $2.5 million), and it’s unlikely the Columbine killers saw it.
The reporter looked disappointed, so I offered her my theory. “Events like this,” I said, “if they are influenced by anything, are influenced by news programs like your own. When an unbalanced kid walks into a school and starts shooting, it becomes a major media event. Cable news drops ordinary programming and goes around the clock with it. The story is assigned a logo and a theme song; these two kids were packaged as the Trench Coat Mafia. The message is clear to other disturbed kids around the country: If I shoot up my school, I can be famous. The TV will talk about nothing else but me. Experts will try to figure out what I was thinking. The kids and teachers at school will see they shouldn’t have messed with me. I’ll go out in a blaze of glory.”

In short, I said, events like Columbine are influenced far less by violent movies than by CNN, the NBC Nightly News and all the other news media, who glorify the killers in the guise of “explaining” them. I commended the policy at the Sun-Times, where our editor said the paper would no longer feature school killings on Page 1. The reporter thanked me and turned off the camera. Of course the interview was never used. They found plenty of talking heads to condemn violent movies, and everybody was happy.