A Benighted Gardener?

Well, I have to face up to it some time, I just can't admit defeat. I seem to lack the basic talents. In short I'm a rotten, benighted gardener.

Why? Well:

I have a, unique for the area, hibernating lawn. While the neighbours lawns remain green all year round, come December ours sports a few thin, resiliant bands of grass, teased across like a middle aged man's balding head. March sees a return to green, but its sneaky, its mainly white clover, I sowed ryegrass. I went to the GC and asked for a year round lawn mix. I explained to the blank faces of the assistant and manager that I have a mainly herbacious lawn but would like an evergreen one instead. They took pity on my, offered me a chair and a glass of water and as I went to go I heard them say, 'Poor soul, you wouldn't know by looking at her would you?'

The compost bin is currently an ants nest, nasty, vampire/psycho ants at that. Its dangerous just walking near it let alone trying to fill or empty it.

The pear tree is old and suckers everywhere while shedding sticks and large rotting pears when you work under it. Ash trees pop up all over the place, they invite their friends the brambles, fleabane and buddelia for a party while I'm asleep.

Piles of pears and sticks can't be moved as inevitably, something has made a home in there from slow worms to hedgehogs to toads and frogs. Pipestrelle bats patrol in force on summer evenings. Queen bees buzz angrily when dug up in Spring.

The poultry can read several words and numbers, I know they can because they choose the priciest or most unusual to make a comfy seat or as a dessert. Hang the weeds ... wheres that new plant/seedling she took ages to grow!

Plant advice, books, internet all lie to me. They tell me numerous things like, Cotton Lavender hates shade and damp soil, Cape Gooseberries can't stand frost, Calendula are annuals, various things only grow in this or that situation ... Oh Yeah? care to come and tell the plants that?

Squirrels and who knows what else comes in and eats the fruit, well I say eats, takes one bite or peck and drops fruit on the floor. Veg plants are scofffed, corn cobs and sunflower heads have teeth marks.

So why do I bother? I love it! Yep everything. The borders are full of rampant plants, birds and beasts come out to play in the sun and I get to share this little patch with so many others, I'm not sure its even mine!

ROFLOL,that's so funny baa,I can relate' Sad but true'Also know what you're saying,it's not mine either. I'm as temporary as my plants' Great writing' :D,Sis'

what a great story, one we can all relate to I bet!!!

brilliant writing baa ... i almost feel sorry for you but i know you're having a grand old time :)

Thanks Guys!

I looked at the lawn on Saturday and saw it was receding already with a weeks worth of rain and wind. I'd dug up the worst of it last year and made a soft fruit bed, which is great if you don't have 3 miles worth of wildlife and poultry in the garden. I want things now that fruit above duck height. The wild birds in the garden don't even move when you stand right next to them, the 3 cats have given up, its no fun chasing something that won't run or flap.

Living in the UK also means that when I want to see a perfect garden I can just take a walk and poke my nose over walls. They look great but sterile and after wishing I had a well behaved garden I'm really glad that creatures feel they can come in and be themselves in mine.

But then its not as if I have a choice LOL.

but do you have any heifers wandering through with their huge flat feet taking even bigger clumps of soil and flowers with them?????????

LOL Kathleen

Not as yet. The neighbours like the poultry (as one said the other day, she feels like shes living in the country side) but I'm not sure what they would have to say about a small herd of young cattle.


Hmmm I wonder, if I got a pasturiser and a bottle sterilising tub.......

"A well behaved garden". Hummmmm, interesting idea, Baa.

LOL, Baa! You are hopeless!

Ah, and now I have the puppies...

Mary

LOL England is full of well behaved gardens, maybe I'm not disaplined enough in myself and am setting a poor example LOL.

Ahh Kathleen

Hopeless? Oh no my trouble is just the opposite, I just keep hoping that one day I'll get to achieve my smallholding! LOL fat chance right now.

How the puppies doing?

Oh, Baa - thank you. Between your sense of humor and Horseshoe's, we can always find something to chuckle about.

I've always loved the term smallholding - around here that's what we have, 132 1/2 acres. I think it goes back to my grandfather's family, came in the 1600s, but still had tea time when I was a kid, thats only hanging on to family traditions for 300 plus years!

The puppies are growing like crazy. May has her great grandmother's intensity and Ned would love to be a lap dog. He has a very sweet, wanting to please personality. We will have to do something about our middle-aged Sadie when we get to training these two. She is willing, but has every bad habit a cow dog can have short of murdering her charges. Ah well, can't blame the dog for the trainer's failings.