A Great Loss

hiya guys,

Dave's Garden has lost a very dear and noteworthy member. Robert Dokka, our balvenie, passed today in the hospital. I cannot adequately share how much this great man has touched the lives of both Pam and I and I am sure that any individual that has had the distinct honor of making his acquaintance either here at DG or at one of the roundups at the ranch most certainly know what a truly amazing soul inhabited that man.

I spoke to Brian, Robert's son just a few minutes ago and the Dokka's, at Robert's request, are asking his friends to drop some food in a food bank bin or just hand out a coat to someone in need in lieu of flowers. Isn't that just like Robert? Barb, Robert's wife is surrounded by loved ones and is holding up as well as can be expected.

As we go about our days in the near future, it would be great if this thread became a way for all of us who knew balvenie in person or here at Dave's share a few memories of his great presence and influence on so many as well as the tireless generosity he was so famous for.

Robert and I often planned for a trip down to the Yucatan so that he could see the Mayan cities I often talked with him about. We never got to go. I've added a photo of a Mayan ruin in the jungles of Campeche, Mexico that Pam and I loved and Robert used to go bonkers over. I do hope he stops there on his way.

best to all,
don

Oh, no....I'm so saddened to hear this. We were all trying to reach him this last week and someone mentioned that he'd been back in the hospital. I am so, so sorry.
Sherry
edited to add.....we were 'yelling' to him, so perhaps he heard us, after all......

This message was edited Jan 5, 2009 8:49 PM

This is just heartbreaking news. I first met Robert when he and Don came to visit me in May 2007. Robert bought a rhododendron for himself at Sonoma Horticultural Nursery while he was here, but then insisted that it had to be planted in my garden. I already treasured it just because it was chosen by him, but now it will be honored even more. We'd been corresponding regularly since we met, and he was planning to come back down here in March or April.

I loved the man because he always came up with just the right response. If I told him someone had been rude or hostile to me, he would immediately pronounce the person insane, never asking whether I had done something to provoke that behavior. We all need that kind of completely supportive and accepting person in our lives. I'll miss Robert intensely.

I'm sorry to hear this--I didn't know Robert very well but I know he was well-loved and a great DG member so it's truly a great loss.

I am so saddened by Robert's passing. I only knew him here at DG and the threads he frequented. He was a priceless person with many talents, and I just cannot express the effects of the void he will leave in many hearts.

I'm sad to hear of his passing. I met him at some PNW roundups and had the privilege of touring his garden and sharing dinner with him and his lovely wife. He was such a kind and gracious man and always willing to share his knowlege and great sense of humor. How typical and fitting that the family would request donations of food or clothing - Robert was always more than willing to share and would literally give you the coat off his back. I can think of no better way to honor this wonderful man who is surely now working in the greatest garden of all.

All,
I am Robert's son Brian. I am writing this on the evening my father has passed. I am not a very proficient writer and this may go all over the place, but I hope putting this down on paper (ok, maybe typing it in a forum) will help me grieve, and give you some insight on a man I truly loved.
I just want to give you some background on Dad. He had always wanted a son, and I was 5 when he married my mother. 2 years later he adopted me and I became a Dokka. He was a very strict father, I was an average boy growing up but seemed to be on restriction way more than the other kids on the block. Although he had the reputation as being strict, when the neighbors heard he was making Ableskievers (a Norwegian fried pastry, he was VERY proud of his Norwegian heritage), they showed up in droves.
7 years ago he reluctantly went through quadruple bypass surgery. Back then I'm not even sure he knew how to turn a computer on. Over the last few years he kept going on and on about this Dave's Garden Thing. I didn't know what it was, but I know it made him happy and forced him to become part of the online generation.
Throughout his life he as "dabbled" in many types of extra curricular activities, and I use "dabbled" loosely seeing as he could excel in anything he "dabbled" in. When I was very young, maybe 6, he built me an elevated bunk bed without the bed underneath. I was scared to be in there alone, so he carved dragons into the top of the ladder to help me feel safe. I will never forget that.
He was constantly (much to the chagrin of my Mother) starting new projects/hobbies. The house he has spent most of his life in bears absolutely no resemblance to the house we moved into in 1974. Construction was one of his first creative loves. He pushed out walls, built lofts, created a sun room and woodworking shop. One day (being a young curious teenager) I decided to sneak up to the private loft, it was a library and drafting room. I leaned up against a bookshelf that swung open to about 3 more rooms in the attic I didn't even know existed! Since retiring he has "dabbled" in so many artistic type projects. He got into painting (Rosemaling, a Norwegian style of painting, used primarily in decorative contexts), carving (one of my favorites is a figurine of a Santa holding a duck with a tag saying , "get your own duck"), photography, he loved his classical music, single malt scotch...duh! etc. He carved an incredible rocking horse for my daughters that they still love even at 11 and 8. He loved cooking, especially baking. He was a very intelligent, well read man. His biggest loves meshed specifically with this group, Gardening and Stained Glass. The front and back yard are always changing and always beautiful. His stained glass absolutely blew me away, another talent which he always downplayed. All the pieces he made were incredible. He could have been a professional artist if he were in it for the money, but that's what made him special. I don't think he ever understood the impact he had on other people, or at least if he did, what he did, he did for the right reasons. I hope that makes sense. He had an unconditional love for his wife, my mom and that was the best quality of all. At this point I am rambling, but I just wanted to say I love him and will miss him tremendously.
He died with incredible dignity, we saw him before he went in for surgery and he was at peace. RIP Dad!
-Brian

This message was edited Jan 6, 2009 12:43 AM

Oh I'm so sorry....I enjoyed everything he posted, he had such a wide range of talents and was so inspirational. He will be missed at Dave's!!

Brian,
I am so sorry for your loss!

I didn't know you father other than on DG. I was inspired by the beautiful stained glass he created. I loved to see his new creations. I was always amazed at how fast he could turn out these masterpieces.

Brian. I met your dad on Dave's Garden and for a long while, before he became ill, he was a regular on our Coffee thread. He will be sorely missed, as he added so much to our daily chats. He was always kind and thoughtful, and often snuck in a little dry wit. He showed us many of his creative woodworkings and stained glass projects. I am so sorry for your loss, we surely will miss him. Not nearly as much as his family will, I am sure, but it will leave a hole in our hearts, too. What a lovely man. What a loss to us all.

Brian I met your Dad at Don's . He was most interesting to talk with and so very kind. I am so sorry for your loss. Don sending hugs to you too. I know how important he was to you.

Brian, sending love and prayers to you and your family.

Brian, it is my great loss that I never got to meet your dad in person... too many miles from one coast to the other. Over the years of my friendship with Robert, unexpected things from him would show up in my mail... a Frank Lloyd Wright book, cards with photos he took on the front... a peppermill... and once even an old car radio... always with an upbeat letter enclosed.

Dave's Garden is chock-full of loving, caring people but I count Robert among the very best. I shall miss his great dry wit, and the smile I always felt him wearing whether we were talking over the telephone lines, or with mere words on paper.

I'm not allowed to drink anymore but at some time I shall find some Balvenie (or another decent single-malt) and savor a shot in his honor.

Brian , I met your father at Don's Roundup and he impressed me as a very inteligent and generous man.
My condoleances to you, your family and to the community that loved and respected him.

Rodica

Just came across this letter to the editor he wrote to the local paper. He wrote it on December 17th and ironically it was published the day he went into the hospital.
http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20081226/OPINION02/712269926

I am in tears! He was so special...I still have half a candy bar he ordered from ChefShop.com for me....He sent me chocolates "to tide me over until the next RU at Drdons!!"

Brian and Barbara you were very lucky to have him in your life...as were we all here at Dave's.

Don and Pam...I know ya'll will miss him very much.

Brian...Now that you have found us here in the finest Garden on the web...please continue to join us.

We had another dear friend ...Trois...from Texas...who passed away...but we have gained his daughter, Singingwolf, as a member and love her for taking her Dad's place in our hearts...

My sincere condolences to you all. Jo

Brian, that letter is SO just like Robert! Thanks for sharing it with us...

Brian:

I'm so sorry for your loss, and please know that we are all feeling loss at your dad's passing. I only "met" him last year on DG, but he gave me a tremendous amount of encouragement about my tile work. Having seen photos of his stained glass and some of his other projects, I was really proud that he took the time to correspond with me personally. He sent me a beautiful card that I will treasure always. I will honor his memory.

Janet

Oh no!!

This is, indeed, heartbreaking. I had no idea he was ill. I met him this spring at his home in Arlington when he was sharing some plants from his garden. He seemed in wonderful health then (wouldn't really even let me dig!!).

Wcgypsy, thank you for posting this news to the PNW forum.

My heart is heavy. We have lost a great gardening enthusiast, but I'm sure the flowers in Heaven will benefit from it.

sorry . . . but I am so shocked . . have no words

Brian - please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your dad. And please also share them with your mother. As I said, I only met him recently, but I knew right away that he was a special person. I love the story about the the dragons -- that says so much about the man and how much he loved the little boy.

I did not know balvenie yet I am as sad as if I've had the privilege to meet him. I remember, especially in my early days at DG, that if he posted something, I would search and read jwith great delight.

Brian, I am extremely touch by your love for your Dad. No greater tribute than your respect and admiration and most importantly, your understanding that he loved you just as much as you do him. Yes, RIP balvenie.

Oh my God, this is so sad to hear. We have lost a very special man. My heart goes out to the family.

I'm so sad, sorry to hear this sad news.
All my prayers to his familly
Tills

Oh my goodness. I am so shocked at this sad news.

Brian and Barb,

My condolences to you both and your families. I adored Robert so much, especially after having the chance to meet him 2 times at Don and Pams home. I enjoyed talking with him about his gardens and his many hobbies. He was such a 'gentle' man with a beautiful smile.

I want to tell you a little story that will help me always remember him.....
Don and Pam had bought me a beautiful little Seashell that was a piece of artwork on their way down from Washington this year. I was told that Robert helped pick it out. This Seashell has a glow to it and Robert had to tell me how it was made so I could fully enjoy it. It has been admired by so many people that have come to my home and everytime I look at it, I will remember his excitement in explaining to me "how it glowed".

He will be missed by so many of us here at DG. He had made so many friends and helped so many of the Artisians here also.
Brian, thank you for sharing your stories with us about him. I also just read his article and it was so Robert. Now I can see how Don and him were so intuned to each other.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Donna

Brian, thank you so much for sharing some of your memories. I met your father at the RoundUp, but recently we had shared a couple of emails - of course about another member who was in need of cheering up. Had I known he made aebelskiver...well, we would really have been chatting! I loved his artwork, too, and was looking forward to that frog.

Robert, our Balvenie, you will be greatly missed here, but fondly remembered.

Kathleen

How very sad.



I never met Robert in person, just knew him from posts on DG and we shared a love of Shelties.

What beautiful art work he leaves behind !

My condolences to the family and thanks to Brian for telling us so much about him we did not know.

Dear Brian,
First, I'd like to extend my most sincere condolences to your family. I knew your Father was ill. I had been praying for both him and your family to have strength to deal with this.
I know what you are going through, because I lost my dearly beloved Father (Trois), this past September. It has been a devastating experience for me.
Somehow, though, the folks here at DG, have really helped me to start to heal. They have been here for me with words of encouragement. They have welcomed me and shared their memories and their photos of Dad at the Round Ups, and have been there to help me learn about Dave's Garden Community and how to navigate it. They've even let me weep on their electronic shoulders without censure, and with open hearts. I know that many of your Father's friends here are grieving for his loss too. I am so glad you let us know how he passed. So many times, people disappear from our lives, and we have no idea why . . .
My Dad and yours seemed to share a lot of qualities in common. I too was proud of my Dad for mastering the on line world. He too kept raving about Dave's Garden and encouraged me to join. I am his legacy to DG as much as he left us his legacy here. Dad was an artist in his way (photography). Reading his threads, posts, and photos here at DG, has given me enormous comfort, as I hope it does for you in the coming days.
I feel so saddened that I never had the opportunity to meet your Dad. He sounds like an incredible person. Very loving and giving of himself. I love the letter your Dad wrote, I feel the same way. What a loss to us all.
It is my hope that you will explore the legacy he left for you here at DG, and in time, join with us as part of the caring community our Father's both helped to create.
If ever you need an electronic shoulder, mine is available. As are my continuing prayers for your family at this time of sorrow.
Walk In Beauty!
SingingWolf

Loss is just so 'final', isn't it? It's hard for everyone to deal with and each time we lose someone of that stature, we're all a bit diminished.

My sentiments exactly Sherry.
I'm having a tough morning.

Oh my....I'm at a loss for words and can't seem to type.

Robert was a wonderful person and I am quite saddened by his loss. He loved my sheltie, as I loved his. Carly sends doggy sympathy to his two girls...they will be quite lost without him.

Donna, I bet that seashell glows even brighter for you now.

Donna I can remember the look on his face when you opened that seashell. I think he was more excited than you :o) What a nice memory!!

This message was edited Jan 6, 2009 6:43 PM

Brian, thank you for your words. I am without them except to say that your Dad was so very special to so many here.

I so keenly remember our conversations about measurements in a project he was doing.

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers,
Dea

Brian, thank your for sharing your Dad with us. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Brian, I can not get a hold of Carla, was a good friend of Roberts. Have you got ahold of her?

I have not gotten a hold of Carla.
I do want to thank you all for you support, reading through these is really tough, but at the same time therapeutic and it is incredible to see how many people Dad has touched and affected. He was a very private person at home, but this community seemed to bring the best out of him.
Again, THANK YOU!
I know DW (I assume and hope that stands for Dear Wife) aka Barb really appreciates seeing and hearing about this side of his life.
He was VERY adamant that there be no formal service, to that end we feel we need to do something for us that I hope he would not be opposed to. We are planning an open house on Sunday Jan. 11th at the house in Marysville WA. All are welcome to attend. The address is 5603 91st Pl. NE, Marysville, WA 98270. The home number is 360-659-8004 and my cell # is 206-818-2171 if you need specific directions. I will post a link to his obituary when it is posted. I am still trying to find pictures of him, when I do I will send them to Melody.
Thanks again for all your support, it means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to my mother. I have been printing these out for her to read.
-Brian

I'd like to share a little story,

My last visit up to the Dokka estate and gardens was just before Robert, Pam, and I left for our second trip down the coast of Washington, Oregon, and California before the Roundup here. Pam flew up, I drove. Then Pam grabbed the rental car and took off for a couple of days to British Colombia to visit our Stallion.

Robert and I were just hanging out one day and Barb made a pleasant hint that "you two men could always take a break from single malt (blasphemy!) and put the new doors on my entry closet. Well, Robert and I seemed to find a use for almost every hand held power tool he owned....lol. The project went smoothly, and later when Barb got home she was stunned that; 1-we were sober, and 2- that we were putting the finishing coats of paint on her new entry closet doors. A great day full of laughter, and the smell of sawdust. Robert and I spent many days here in my shop doing such things, and there is a yet unfinished table sitting on my workbench that was meant to be finished and go home with him to Marysville this year after his visit. I'm going to ask Jo (roadrunner's) granddaughter Amy to help me finish it as Robert was always so jazzed that "That little cutie", as he called her was interested in woodworking. If Amy can get some time off from protecting our freedoms, I think Robert would find a way to channel through her. I spent my day today just wandering my shop and the house being spoken to by him through the many stained glass windows he created for the house, carved masterpieces of wood, a gnome (private joke as Robert knew I suffer from terrible gnomophobia), and the dozens of plants we picked out together on dozens of nursery hopping expeditions here, up there, and all the way down the coast. We collected beads, rocks, smoked cigars in our non-smoking room at Spanish Head, Oregon, hunted down rare carnivorous plants, marveled at the greatness and scale of this terribly precious jewel called Earth, and the terribly apathetic nature of humans toward this jewel and her stewardship. I remember him with tears in his eyes at the beauty of Big Sur and him sitting in a chair with his bare feet submerged in the Big Sur river talking about how the trees (Redwoods) spoke to his soul. These memories will always be with me, and I will be sure to float a sample carving of rope he made for me when I was building the arch to the back garden down that river for him. Although it seems that I am finding words to express the joy Robert brought to each of our brief adventures, it really isn't even close. The man, his principles, and his gentle nature were a foil for my hyper-kinetic wackiness. It was always fun, it will always be fun, and the lessons on acceptance will never be forgotten nor will they ever be fully learned, as our time together was only a few years. Robert's generosity of spirit, now legendary, is his lesson on good citizenship. I'm certain we could all find a way to use that lesson a little more in honor of him.

Brian, I'm glad this is possibly helping your process and I do hope that your mom is holding up well as she very well may be one of the strongest women I've ever met. Pam and I will never forget our day at the antique mall Barb and Robert brought us to, and now that cabinet has ever so much more meaning in our lives.

Mentor, teacher, inspiration......dear, dear friend, thank you for enriching so many on your journey. Most of all, and quite selfishly I'm sure, thank you for enriching me.

Barb, great big hugs from both Pam and I
don



Our house is virtually filled with Robert's art and his great love for all things beautiful.

This message was edited Jan 6, 2009 8:52 PM

I never had the privilege of meeting Robert in person, but "knew" him somewhat from his posts on the Coffee thread. He had expressed some of the sentiments in his letter not that long ago and I certainly agreed with all he had to say in it. His loss will be keenly felt by a great many here, and it came as a great shock to those of us who did not know that his health had taken such a turn for the worse. The last I knew he had come home from the hospital and seemed to be doing well.

I've always felt that his art spoke volumes about the man.

Brian, I am truly sorry for the loss of such a wonderful man in your life, and in ours. "Balvenie" was a steadying influence and voice of temperance on Dave's Garden, as well as a creative and inspirational spirit (not to mention a darn fine gardener.). When I first became a member on this forum, I commented favorably on some little gnomes he had carved by hand. They were different than any I had seen and I thought they were completely charming and wonderful. The next thing I knew, I had received one in the mail. I was simply astounded by this act of sheer generosity and outreach by someone I had never met. It was one of the very nicest things anyone has ever, ever done for me and I have always treasured that piece in my collection. I am so sad that I never met him in person. I have drooled many times over the beautiful artwork he produced at his home and I always valued his opinion on the growing of special plants.
What a touching 'salute' to the world he has made in that letter. He is right, there is certainly a universal truth out there, and I know he has found it at last.
Be at peace, friend 'Balvenie', and know that you are missed.

Brian, please know that many people are sending healing prayers to that universal truth in support of you, your mom, and your family.