Last year's crosses, this year's vines/blooms! (Part 2)

I hear that, mine are the same way here in Kansas, some were still open during the night up by the house since temps have dropped down..

The family got together today and visited with my mom. It was nice to have the family together. My mother is weaker than she was a week ago. She is coughing a lot and looks so frail. Everyone commented to me that she seems to be declining. Hard to say how much time she has left. She is not complaining of pain though, so I hope that she is not in any.

I really appreciate everyone's support and encouragement on her situation. Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me.

Dot - You might want to consider cutting the vine where the seed pods are and sticking the end of the vine in water to help it ripen for seed collecting. I have done that and got viable seeds.

Thanks for the advice about exercises for her. In all honesty, I think she is past that point. I think she has been and is now ready to leave this world. It would be wonderful if she could do that with dignity, pain free, with family surrounding her, and quickly. I don't think she wants to live any longer. She has been telling us that for almost a year now.

Debra - Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.

Darren - Thanks for sharing about your parents. My mom has been through so much in her life. My brother said to her ... Mom, you have been healthy for 78 years of your life. I think it's a blessing to cram bad and failing health into the last 2 years of your life. He reminded her that our dad suffered for 15 years before he died. She agreed that she has been very fortunate. She's had a good life and she is ready to let go of this world. She is a Christian and is looking forward to Heaven.

Darren - Your vines are beautiful! So cool that they are open all day! We had cooler temps a few weeks ago and I had blooms all day, too! Love it! :-)






This message was edited Oct 12, 2008 8:21 PM

My Mom in Law, Pauline, Who I give care to (hospice) feels the same way, she wants to be with her husband of 52 years, not locked down to a bed, suffereing.. I am spending the nite there tommorrow nite all nite so that Paula her daughter and her hubby can go ot for their anniversary dinner and sleep in the bed together for a change.. it is always an honour to stay with Pauline. She is 79 and turns 80 in December and we are all afraid to plan anything because of her decline. Her spirit is always good, tho.. she is just waiting she says, until the Good Lord takes her away..
On a lighter note... She gave me this windmill from her old house and now it is all bloomed up..

Debra - How wonderful of you to spend time helping with Pauline. My mother unfortunately lives in her own home alone. We may talk her into moving in with us when it gets too difficult for her to live alone. She prefers living alone and in her own home. We are trying to figure something out here since we don't have any spare bedrooms. May temporarily convert our Family Room for her to stay in. We are also looking into the Hospice House not too far away. It's a really nice place and family can come and go and even stay all night. They provide round the clock care and pain management for the patients until they pass on. My mother will be 80 in December as well.

Your windmill is beautiful! That was so lovely of her to give it to you. Looks great with the vines growing on it! :-)

Oh I Love vines, the more the better.. it is weird, but I like to see which vines are the stronger as they fight to get the sun and stage :LOL

Deb that is so sweet that you care for her. Becky, my father passed in May after his 79th birthday and I can tell you he had a rough road this last year. I took fmla leave and spent a great deal of time with him taking care of him to give my other sis a break. It was a time I will always cherish!

Love the windmill Deb!

Debra my Dad made a windmill, same colors and ALL! that is just like that...it is coverd in monster of a Passionflower vine I gave my mom as a surprise seedling. It's now lol sending up rooting 12 ft away~ not THAT is invasive! Great windmill....love them!
:Darren

oh I can't wait to try passionvine... got some seeds from Tropicman

My brother took my mom to her doctor appointment today. She is supposed to have the biopsy tomorrow. But she is now refusing and didn't want to hear anything the doctor had to say. So ... she is being stubborn like she was after her heart surgery. Grrr ... She still thinks the doctor is an idiot. But if she starts hurting, then my brother will take her back to this doctor to discuss pain management. She is doing the denial and avoidance stage right now. Maybe it's for the best ...

You've got to watch those Passionvines. They can get pretty aggressive. I have several along my east fence. I have to prune them a LOT! But I do love mine and they look so lush when they completely cover the fence. My backyard looks like a jungle in some areas because of those vines ... which is the very effect I am trying to attain. :-)

Must be nice to live where they grow year round!
parents are stubborn Becky, believe me I know! they don't like their kids bossing them around!

Louise - Well, noone is trying to boss her around ... yet. We are just trying to determine 100% what is going on with her health. She won't have anything to do with that! She's a doctor's worse nightmare when it comes to a patient's health... she will not cooperate! So ...

Becky~ my back yards constant goal is the Junglewall vs. the cottage path, love my passionvines (and honeysuckles YEA!) ....my mom is the Worst patient ever, i am afraid that I would probably be 10 times as bac though...walk a mile in their shoes and all that.
take care and breathe deep.
:D

I agree Fernman...gettin old is NOT for sissies!

LOL !!!!!

Very pretty group pic!

afternoon mg lovers, spent the nite with my 79 yr old Pauline ( hospice care) she kept wanting to talk all night so I just kept her going it was all good. went to work from there this am and just got home a bit ago, went out and took some pics, this is one of them..

This message was edited Oct 14, 2008 2:31 PM

Terrific! I love how the vine is draping towards the window on the left of the door~one of my fave things is the sun filtering thru the leaves and flowers of a vine.
:Darren

That makes a very pretty frame for the doorway Deb.

thanks, these were started in little upsidedown water bottle planters... and then stuck into the ground at each end of the rail there.....

oh my gosh I have been using the bigger version for 15 years, and old sparklets bottle! It works great! Just drain holes in the bottom!
:D

A beautiful vine Debra

I am glad I am not the only one who recycles plastic, fernman!!! I went to Tropicmans' house over the last weekend and he uses old red plastic coffee cotainers for planters and so do I, so I was very happy to see he recycles , too! Morning Glories do well in hanging planters in the windows here in my house. Thanks for all the great comments and compliments, raining non-stop here and the only glories that aren't droopy are the ones under the eaves out back by the door...

You must of gotten our rain Deb. Rained and rained here yesterday. Now the wind is howling. Brrrrr feelin the fall cold. I had to pull all my vines off my iron railing. They were lookin shabby from the cold. Got the seeds though! Just waiting on some spanish flag and off they go to you Becky!

We are unnnaturally cold for this time of years too! 3 of my vines just stopped blooming two days ago after putting out the 2 days of finales, some of the best blooms of the year; remeinded me of the fireworks shows, lol~no film in the camera those two days EITHER naturally!!!! lol Yes i recycle like mad, seperating plastic bottles from the lids and on and on and on....Still love the doorway Debra looks like a great patio/entrance, very nice!
:D

welp, I am sure the joe guy is going to wanna cut her down, she is blocking up the gutter.. whaaaa... I wish I could live in the jungle...pffft!

I wanted to check in and thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes for my mother. I am going over to spend the day with her tomorrow. I have sick leave saved up, so will be taking days as needed. I have contacted her sister and her best friend and they are going to come visit her at the same time in about 2 weeks. I hope my mother is still feeling okay by then so that she can enjoy their visit. I wished they were coming next week instead. I have seen a decline in my mother. I am not in a hurry to lose her, but on the other hand I don't want her to suffer for a long time. I'm emotionally pulled in two directions. So far she has not complained about anything except being very tired. She hasn't had any pain yet. Which is a blessing. I wish she would just slip away peacefully and painfree. That is what I would like to ask all of you to pray for, please. I am okay some days and other days I am an emotional wreck. One thing about my stressful job is that I don't have time to think too much about anything. It's heartbreaking to lose someone you love. I've been this road many times and it doesn't get any easier with each loss. My mother and I have always been close. So this is really difficult.

This economy is horrible. I'm seeing businesses close here and more folks losing their homes. My job is probably fairly safe, but my dh's is not. My mother's illness, the economy woes, and my stressful job seem overwhelming at times, but I am hanging in there ...

I do try to read all the posts, but not much to report here. I am still going out into my garden every morning to see what is blooming and I enjoy seeing the flowers. It is a temporary distraction and much needed. And ... I enjoy reading when I can ... the posts. Some interesting posts on some of the threads.

Debra - The vines gracing your doorway are beautiful! :-) I hope your dh doesn't cut them down too soon.

Darren - Your blooms are lovely! I am enjoying your photos! Thanks for posting them.

Becky
Hang in there. I know that you are going through tough times and have many worries. I am glad you have the garden. Things will start turning around soon (the economy) don't worry --- worry doesn't change anything --

BECKY! i am glad you are working~! That is subbing one sort of stress for another: when U are unemployed like me and sit around and worry about EVerything to the Nth degree~ BUT YOU are Right~! Garden is the Salve for our souls.
XO:D

Becky, I love your flowers and your gardening.... prayers are with you and yours.. Debra

This message was edited Oct 17, 2008 4:38 AM

I am going to start a new thread as this one is quite long now.

Been up to see my mother. She is doing okay for now. She is very tired and is sleeping a lot. Her appetite is not so good, so she continues to lose weight. She is going to wither away to nothing at this rate. She is stubborn and doesn't want to hear what the doctors, nurses, or anyone else tells her. I've been helping her out by cleaning her house, doing her laundry, changing sheets on her bed, and doing her grocery shopping (and buying some "junk" food that I know she enjoys so that she will eat something). She is still in denial for the most part. Her sister and best friend have offered to come visit her, but she said she wasn't up to company and will go visit them in January. So ...

When I am visiting her, she either wants to get lost in the political news on TV or sleep. My brother who lives near her, has stepped back. His attitude ... she will let us know when she wants us to help her. I am beginning to think he is right! It's almost a 2 1/2 hour drive for me to go see her and make it back home again. I've offered her to come stay with us. She is not interested at all at this time. Maybe when she starts feeling worse or too weak to take care of herself. Since she never did the biopsy, we have no idea of a time frame. Doctor is now saying 2 months to a year. Ha! How can he go from telling us she has very little time, to possibly a year? It's frustrating to say the least.

I've decided to just step back a little and leave it up to her. She is very stubborn and hardheaded. It's going to be a very difficult road. We just went through a rough time with her during the heart surgery and recovery 10 months ago. She hasn't been the same since. So I will be surprised if she makes it more than a couple of months. I see her decline everytime I visit her. She does not look well and is getting weaker. It would be nice if she went quickly and didn't linger and suffer.

Time will tell ...

On to a new thread: http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/914624/
If you want to post about my mother, please do it here. I think it is best not to carry her situation over into the new thread. Thanks so much for your prayers and kind words!

This message was edited Oct 19, 2008 10:11 AM

Becky,The Drs ''2 mos. to a year'' applies to her"stubborness" & she sounds sturdy, Becky! I will pray for and lean towards a year....
XO:D

Thanks so much for your supportive words, Darren! :-) Whether it is soon or later, I am just praying she doesn't suffer. That is my main desire for her.

I know how you feel Becky. When my father passed I was devastated and still miss him, but at the same time relieved he would not have to suffer any more. He had been through alot in his old age. Saying prayers and sending them your way.

Louise - I lost my dad, too, many years ago and he suffered horribly for years before he passed away. I don't want to see my mother go through the same suffering. But it's in God's hands and am praying that He spares her any suffering. There is no easy way to lose a loved one. Best to just cherish and enjoy the time you have left with them. :-) Thanks for your prayers for my mother and I. So sorry you lost your beloved Father. {{{hugs}}}

(perspective)...on suffering ~I know the kind you speak of, remember the kind she sees: your eyes. Try to share the Joy in Your soul and life, that will ease here suffering more than Codeine or morphine or whahav-ya can. For instance take her pics for the gardeing forum. An occupied mind is one that does not suffer as much. Don't dote, Engage her as tho' there were naught wrong, if possible. I know that made my dad great, winning a smile from him,any laughter and distractions~~sneaking snacks in ROCKS and is like taking her back to her childhood ~a great idea....!
:D

Such great advice Fernman. I re landscaped my Dad's yard when I was taking care of him and had him pick out what he wanted in it and how he wanted it and he was so happy to be involved even though he was very weak. I took lots of pictures and loaded them on his computer so he could look at them and still rest. He kept the map of the yard I drew and would not throw it away. He wanted to remember the names of everything.

Becky, when the Dr told me and my mom that she had 3 to 6 months to live, we were so shocked her and I and asked him what we should do, he said take her home and let her do what ever she wants as long as she is feeling up to it..
so, I quit work and moved in with her until the end, and She told me alot of things, and relived alot of memories with me and it was the best thing ever. I had 5 glorious months with her alone... One thing she told me that I will remember forever was " do what you want, see what you what you want, eat what you want, go where you want, because Life is so short that you may not get to ..." That is when I turned to Gardening, as she loved it so..
I pray for you to have Strength, and lots of hugs I send your way... Your Mama sounds like a proud woman who wants to do things her way.. she will let you know when she is suffering beyond her boundaries..

Debra - Thanks! Really ... I mean it ... thanks for what you wrote. I am trying to just enjoy my visits with my mother. I wish I could talk her into moving in with my family. She won't hear of it. Maybe as she starts having more symptoms of this horrible disease, she'll consider it. I know it will be a lot of work as she gets weaker and it becomes more challenging, but it would be a labor of love for me to take care of her during this last stage of her life.

My family is dealing with additional challenges and it is becoming daunting for us. My dh had to take another pay cut to keep his job. He took a cut to accept this job 10 months ago, and with the slowing ecomony and less demand for the work he's in, he is taking another cut. A deep cut. Frankly, it's already been financially challenging these past 10 months, now it seems almost impossible. We have 2 children still living with us who depend on us for a roof over their heads and food on the table. Jobs are really scarce here, which is why my dh works quite a drive away. My son may be hired for a temporary part-time job. He already has a part time job, but they have cut his hours. So he is hoping this job pans out and maybe even becomes a permanent full time position. We have our fingers crossed.

Between my mother's illness and now this financial blow to our income, I feel defeated and overwhelmed. My mother and my family could sure use lots of prayers!

Becky, you have lots of prayers coming your way, and more families are joining together during these hard times as there are strength in numbers... even tho we have just moved everyone out last year, we are totally prepared to move them back in if they or we lose our jobs.. I am in a very challenging position, one that could go away at any given moment, thankfully my DH job is on overtime, here in wichita, Learjet aircraft is hiring off the streets, while boeing and spirit are striking and closing .. its a hard and confusing economy right now.. Family is the most important thing to keep strong and I know you are in agreement with that. As you begin to care for your mother more and more, check into your states' policy on caregiving compensation.. every state has a plan that pays a family member to give care to an ill family member.. perhaps your daughter and you both could qualify when the time is here.. that would help alot.. you and your family are on my prayer list as always.. Debra

Becky, my heart goes out to you. I got layed off in July and my hubbie lost his job recently. It is horrible times. I am grooming to make ends meet. We are thinking about moving to Florida though to be closer to family. I can always groom any where. No shortage of family pets. Hugs, this is the worst economical times I can remember. beats the recession of the 70's from what I remember of it.