Problem with a friend. Need opinions, please.

I recently attended a party at a friend's house. There were 30 women there, some I knew well, some slightly, and others not at all. It was not an especially enjoyable evening for me because each woman had to do a "show and tell" presentation about some current interest or project and it went on from 7:00 - 11:30 p.m. I had no idea it would be such a large group. Some of the women would not stop talking and frankly, it got pretty boring. There were a couple of women I even found offensive. One was trying to get everyone to help her build a sweat lodge for some religious drug-taking group! Another one claimed to have cured herself of "sexually transmitted Lymes disease" by shining a flash light in her navel! Which she demonstrated for us all! Anyway, I got through it, no harm done. Had some laughs later. O.K. The next day I go to check my e.mail and discover that the hostess of the party, an old friend, had taken it upon herself to give out the e.mail addresses of everyone at the party to everyone else there. So we could all " net work " and be in touch. And I was just glad to have survived the party without laughing at anyone or making smart remarks! Now, I wonder if I should say something to this person. She already stated that if anyone "had a problem" with this we should just e.mail every one on the list and ask not to be contacted. I don't think that's fair. I know at least one other woman, who is actually my best friend, who feels the same way I do. Should I wait and see what comes of this? Change my e.mail address? Kill her? ( not really, of course.) What would you do? Am I over-reacting?

I have to add, before you think I'm completely out of my mind, that most of the women there shared photos, paintings, poems, and recipes. And the age range was from approx. 30 - 80 years old. Many of them are professional artists, writers, dancers. Not a bad group, just not all ones I want to hear from.

If it was me, I probably would wait and see what comes of it but thats mostly because I tend to avoid confrontation. It may be best to mention to your friend that in the future you would prefer it if she checked with you before giving out your email address.

I have few different e-mail accounts that I use for different reasons. One of them is reserved for close friends and family while another is more for general use - acquaintances, volunteer committments, newsletter subscriptions, people who forward 20 things a day, etc. If someone is going to give out my e-mail address, I don't usually mind but I'd like to make sure it's for the right account.

An e-mail account is sort of like an unlisted phone number. Just because you know it doesn't mean you should give it out without asking beforehand. Unfortunately, cyber-ettiquite is something that many people (myself included) are still learning.

Great answer Gillian..I'd do the same, wait to see what becomes of it and as you can monitor the e-mails at your leisure, you can pick and choose who you can converse with, am sure there were many you've love to know more about...

roybird, I think you should email the hostess and politely ask her to email all on the list and take your name of the email list. If you don't and you start emailing people back, you will have all those emails in your address book and they won't be "junk emails" anymore.

Personally, because the hostess felt it okay to pass them all out, she should feel okay to rescind them.

;) Kathy

At the risk of playing Dear Abby, I think I agree with Kathy. The hostess is the one who took the liberty of giving out something of yours without permission. I think it is up to her to rectify the situation. Otherwise it could happen again.

I don't like confrontation either, but I really don't like unwanted e mails cluttering my inbox.
Shar

Good advice. My best friend talked to me today and she thought she would just wait and see. She said that usually nothing comes of this sort of thing. It might also be good to start another e.mail account, as gillibean suggested, for close friends and family only. I get a fair amount of political e.mail that I just delete anyway. Guess who sends me alot of it? I have talked to her about it and she just can't stop trying to save the world electronically. So, I told her, "Just because you send it doesn't mean I'll read it." They might go automatically in to the Spam! Wouldn't that be nice?

Roybird, oh, how I sympathize with you. I'm going through a LOT of garbage right now and having to talk to people I'd never dreamed I would...conversations that just make me want to go hide under the covers and make the world go away....

Anyway, I'd just like to suggest one thing to help you keep your sanity. Find some way to laugh about this. What the hostess did really wasn't alright...not in this day and age of all the coo-coos on the net and who could eventually end up with your e-mail. It does sound like there were a couple of the coo-coos at the party too.

Just find some way to laugh about it...with your best friend would be wonderful. Go ahead and send your best friend an e-mail and tell her you're considering starting a new life style...and you'd like her input and help...because you've decided that you're going to permanently move into your potting shed. You're having a firepit installed in the potting shed next week. You've also gotten some really cool new "specimen plants" to try out and you think she should grow some too (be sure to mention that the police shouldn't *ever* see those plants!). Throw in some other goodies that only you and her know about and could laugh about. Then round it all up with..."You know I'm only kidding. I'll tell ya, today when I tried shining that strobe light into my ear to get rid of my headache...I think it did a number on me! Next time I'll try shining a grow light straight into my cornea and see if that works better."

Laughter IS the best medicine for just about anything that ails us. I keep having to remind myself of that lately...and somehow telling someone else this makes it even more true for me.

Now, if I could only find that black light I had when I was a teenager I could completely cure myself of ALL my problems!! ^_^

I have an email account that I used for about seven years. I had to get a new one because of a similar problem.

Now when someone asks my e-mail address, I give them the old one and see what becomes of it. If it is a nice thing to share, I will give them the one I check often. Otherwise, I just let them keep sending stuff and not ever getting an answer. You wouldn't believe the ones who continue to send stuff.

I enjoy my private e-mail and haven't met too many folks that I don't eventually trust with it. Those few that I don't give it to, there is no regret here.

Charlene

Heatherjoy, you made me laugh and laugh! The whole situation is becoming funnier to me. My best friend is named Sue. She will get a kick out of your advice! By the way, it was an l.e.d. light, in case you need to cure anything. Hey, it might work! I would pass on the South American herbal therapy, though. Sue said, "Why can't we be like men and just go turkey hunting or go to the race track and have fun?" She wasn't totally kidding! Charlene, I think your advice is also good. Several people have told me that they have more than one e.mail address for those reasons. I will also remind "the Hostess" that just because someone sends me something doesn't mean I will read it. Then, I'll make sure not to share my new address with her.

I think I would just let it slide.You can do what I do and hit the delete button.When they don't get answers from you via e-mail,most people will take the hint,you aren't interested.

I don't even give out someones phone number to a third party unless I check first! Very inappropriate for the hostess to do that. Hope nobody get a virus and crashes their computer....

This message was edited May 4, 2008 10:15 PM

I suppose you could suggest to her that she ask the people on the list use a particular phrase in the subject line of their emails like "nuts from the party" so that you can identify their important emails amid the spam. Then write an email rule to mark that phrase as spam.

A similar problem led me to get another cell phone. The ease with which people will say to you "What's your cell phone number?" has become irritating. My view is that that number is for friends and family. I don't want just anyone calling it. The others can use the landline, but somehow people have decided that they are entitled to the number just because I have the phone. I get nasty looks when I say, "I don't give out that number." I refuse to give out other people's cell numbers as well.

"Party Nuts" might be good! I got my first e.mail from one today; but she was not one of the more bizarre. I did read it and deleted it. Some sort of public mother's day function she thought everyone should go to. As for cell phones, I seldom give out my number. Only to very close friends and family. Most people think I don't have a cell phone. I usually keep it turned off, anyway.

You know, another solution to all of this could be if you acted a bit nutty yourself. It kinda depends on the situation though...if you're ever gonna run into these ladies again, or if they know any of your friends or family. You could send some e-mails out to the group about how you and Sue are going to be sleeping in the tree out back next weekend and everyone should try it. Or maybe come up with a story about how a new product just changed and saved your life...and you want to sell it to all of them...maybe something like pickled pig's feet eaten 3 times a day will cleanse your colon, remove all stomach upset, give you a clearer complexion and get rid of headaches. BUT, it has to be Herman's Pickled Pig's Feet, because their pigs are raised on free-range grain. AND you're the only distributor in your area (that's important!). I don't know where I'm going with this for sure...but as soon as you start trying to sell someone something they disappear...but go ahead and make it fun while you're at it. The crazier the better in this case...because it'll have to be something that the girl with the LED would find strange. Good luck with that!!!

BTW, Sue is right about the turkey hunting thing. I used to do woodworking with a scroll saw. Any time I'd get mad at DH I'd go into the basement and start sawing...it was such good stress relief. If nothing else I could call him all kinds of names and no one would ever hear me over the noise of the saw! Some man figured that out a long, long time ago and never told any of us gals. But, yeah, guys don't often sit and talk with strangers...maybe there's something to be learned there.

More interesting ideas, Heatherjoy! You are too funny! I got 3 more e.mails today about the Mother's Day event but just deleted them. Took no time at all! My D.H. doesn't mind talking to strangers if they are playing poker! But he hates dinner parties where he actually has to converse with people for an extended period. Men are different. They sure are.

I'd just mark them as spam and let the computer send future emails to the spam folder, if you have that capability.

T
Theresa

roybird
Are we men different in a bad or good way??
How many of you use the bcc when sending your e-mail? If I get an e-mail from a friend some will have twenty or thirty e-mail addresses of other people who are getting the same message . I can click on one of those addresses and send them the most obscene message they have ever seen and they will not know who I am . If I think that message is good enough I will forward it but before I do I will delete all the other addresses. That way no one else can get you address.
roybird I think the meeting was way too long and I was not even there. Each person should have had only 2 minutes to talk and then set down.
Oh yea I think women are different also but in a very special way.

HAHAHAHAH! ROTFL!! In case there is any question about it, I am a girl...a woman...a female of the species.

Are you sure you want to turn this into a "how men and women are different" type of thread? Actually, I think that could be a lot of fun...and give poor Roybird some smiles.

I don't want to go too far OT here, but I will just say this much...one of the things I admire most about my DH is his sense of humor in every situation. It doesn't matter how dreary things look he can always find the humor in a situation. I've tried to follow his example and I've found that it's true that if you can laugh about something it makes dealing with it tons easier...that's the explanation behind my advice to you, Roybird.

One other thing...limit the women speaking to two minutes each? Whitewidower, you have removed any doubt that you certainly are a man!

I will admit to this. I was involved in a Presbytery meeting a while back. I am not a minister by any stretch of your imagination. There was only one thing discussed at the meeting. There was a problem that a committee could not agree on how to solve so they brought it to the body. Now there were about thirty or thirty five ministers present. Each one preached a sermon on how they thought the problem should be solved and then it went back to the same committee. YOU GUESS. Some men are as bad as women or even worse about talking. Each person should have been given a time limit to talk wither it was three seconds or one hour.

I like that three second rule myself! I've also been to some looooong church meetings. I used to be the secretary of my church, so I got writer's cramp a lot. And then I got to condense everything everyone said into about two sentences for the meeting minutes...and it would make me wonder why they just couldn't have done that themselves? LOL!

Hey, it would be o.k. to change this thread to "differences between men and women"! Kind of fun, actually. You know I am female, right? My D.G. name is because my parakeet, Roy Bird, died around the time I signed up here. My D.H. would never be able to sit through such a long get-together Unless there was a lot of food. Now, there was a lot of food at that party and if Kev had been there he would have just kept eating the whole time and maybe drifted off to another room with a computer or a t.v. set, plate in hand. Quietly, of course. I would understand and admire that under the circumstances! As it turns out I get a few short messages every day from a couple of the gals and I just delete them. It isn't any big deal. If it gets to be I will just mark them as Spam, as thwoods suggested. A very easy solution. The last party I went to was much more fun and disorganized. I left after 2 hours. It started early and I was home before dark. ( My kind of party, these days! )

You know, I can't remember the last time I even went to a party. I remember my last invitation was to a Home & Garden party. I ordered but didn't go. I've found out that if I go I spend more money...and I guess THAT is a woman thing for sure! LOL! Has anyone ever heard of men having something like a Hunting & Fishing Accessories party? No, I don't think so! I wonder why that is?

Just think, they could lay out all the latest guns, ammo, fishing poles, knives, camo...you name it. Have lotsa guy food...nachos, beans, sausage. I wonder how many guys would actually show up? None, I'm sure.

Or, what about a Home & Garden party for guys? It would have the latest in lawn mowers, power tools, outdoor furniture. Oh, wait, that's called the Sears catalog. Sorry.

L.O.L. I won't go to parties that are for selling things. I just feel uncomfortable with that because I don't have much money. What money I do have seems to get spent on gardening!

Same here. That's what we need...a real at home garden party! I think Proven Winners should do it, I love their plants. Now that is a home business I'd sign up for!

Keep your email address, block any and all users who are offensive to you.

"eyes"

Good advice. Is Toadsuck, Texas a real place? That's great. Love the name!

Toadsuck is the original town name for Collinsville, there's a Toadsuck in Arkansas, too.

"eyes"

Interesting. Wonder why they changed it? Thanks for the info.