now what, 3rd. round?????

I'll bet Dave and Trish both have a great sense of humor and appreciate some of our entertainment. I hope everyone knows this is for fun, and not directed at any nonfictional persons. This is for JJS
who should be back today or tomorrow.
I was a blonde before I became a silver fox.....

"eyes"

Only his hairdresser knows, though, y'all. ;o)

Oh...Contrare....Granny Lois knows!

"eys"

Two blondes were on their way to the airport. They were taking a vacation trip by air. They came to a stop light, a sign said , AIRPORT LEFT. So they turned the car around and went back home!

Where are you JJS?? Now I just know she's gonna make a wrong turn in Texas!!

"eyes"

My blonde sister sends you this: www.blondjokes.com Now maybe she'll leave me alone!

JJS, where are you??? Thanks for the site, but some are a little too risque to use here.

"eyes"

Not a blonde joke but DJM906's tale about the airfreshener reminded me of something true.... from Alamagordo, NM south to El Paso is 80 miles of desert, no trees in sight. In fact, there is only one break in the scenery, a community of 2 gas stations called Orogrande. Just south of it is a lone tree, right beside the road; beside the tree is a sign: Orogrande National Forest.

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, For Best Results, Put Two Coats On.

PUT ON TWO COATS!!!! ROFLMO!!! JSS IS GONNA LOVE THAT ONE! "EYES"

There was this blonde who hated to drive in bad weather. One night after leaving work the roads were all snowy and she was scared to drive home. She was sitting in her car and thought of something that her father had once told her."In bad weather, pull over and wait for a snow plow to come by, and when it does get behind it."So, she did just that, sure enough a plow came by and she got behind it and stayed behind it!

Meanwhile the snow plow driver notices her behind him and decides to pull over. He gets out and walks back to her car and asks, "Ma'am, I can't help but notice you've been following me for quite some time, is there a problem?" "Oh, No," she replied, "My father once told me that in bad weather I should get behind a snow plow." The surprised snow plow driver said, "Well Ma'am, I'll give you a heads up, that when we're finished here at Wal-Mart, we'll be heading over to K-Mart's lot."

The blonde wakes up in the middle of the night to find her house is on fire. Panicked, she dails 911 and screams. "My house is on fire, you've got to come put it out," and the fireman say's, "Okay, Ma,am, could you tell us how to get there?" and she says "Duh, in the big red truck!"




Hey, "eye's" you Silver Fox you! In the same boat with you, my blonde hair is long gone. But I'm blessed, my DS, DDIL, DD and three Grandkids are all Blonde's! We thank you for the laughs and starting this thread. Now they all want me to print it out for the them to take to work!


{}*{}
T-Lily
8-)

Euphorbrum, That's great! A one tree forest,huh? That should be good for some kind of joke. Eyes, sorry about the website, I couldn't bring it up on my computer but I might not have mentioned it if I had. Shows you can't trust some of these silver-tipped blondes.

A young blonde was on vacation in Cajun Country in Louisiana. She wanted a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to
pay the high prices the local Cajuns were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the
Cajuns, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own gator
so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The Cajun said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch
yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching a
gator. Later in the day, the Cajun is driving home, when he spots the blonde
standing waist deep in the swamp, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot gator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the gator and with a great deal of effort hauls it on
to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead gators.

The Cajun watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the gator on it's
back, and frustrated, shouts out, '[profanity removed] it, this one isn't wearing any shoes
either!'

Hey Larkie, did she by any chance check 'em for matching handbags??? ROFLOL!!

"eyes"

And thanks TL for them kind words!

LOL...

"I'd like coffee, without cream," the customer said.

"I'm sorry," said the blonde waitress, "You'll have to take it without milk. We're all out of cream."

Like your sense of humor, GW.

A little amusment for your afternoon, JSS.

OKAY!!! I'M BACK!!!!!! I'm now printing out all these great JOKES and I'm gonna read 'em tonight AND I think, the BEST one will deserve a PRIZE!!!! From ME and MY HAIRDRESSER!! LOL!!! Yep!!! that's what I'm gonna do since I was h"honored" soooo kindly!!! And I didn;t take a wrong turn leaving Texas,Eyes, because NO ROADS TURN in Texas!!!! LOL!!! notice????? there are no curves in the roads in Texas!!!! LOL!!! They are all straight AND FLAT!!! LOL!!!!
So.... I may be BLONDE!! ( this week! LOL!!) but.... that doesn;t mean I won;t understand THESE jokes!!! LOL!!!! I'm gonna take them to MY interpreter- Coco? Nana?.... who will TELL me what they REALLY Mean!!! LOL!!!
ANd.... A PRIZE..... will go to the winner!!! ( no, not the winer!)-JSS

How do you light up a blonde's eyes?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.


What do you call a blonde underwater?

bubbles

thart's right Talon! Keep it up!!! It's not too late to get in a quickie blonde joke before I finish judgin for the BIG prize!!! And, to be fair, I'm goig to also have my hairdress (LOL!) judge also!!!! She's just as good as the Independant Price Waterhouse firm!!1 LOL!!! (And probably knows more to!) LOL!! So... you all BE PATIENT!!! And keep submitting!
-JSS

One day a blonde goes out and checks her mail.The guy next door is doing yard work and he watches her. The blonde goes to the mail box, opens it, looks in, closes it. Then she goes back in the house. A little while later the man notices her again. She comes out, goes to the mail box, opens it, looks in it, closes it and goes back inside. An hour later the blonde stomps out of the house, goes to the mail box, slings it open, looks in, slams it closed. The guy finally stops her and asks,
"Are you looking for something?"
She replies, "No"
"Well whats the problem?" he asks.
She says,"My stupid computer keeps saying YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

One day a blonde went to Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The blonde asked the clerk what it was. The clerk said it was a thermous. What does it do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde took it to work one day and the blondes boss who was also a blonde said,
"What is that thing?"
"It's a thermous the first blonde said."
"What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"What do you have in it?"
"I have coffee and a popcycle in it."

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door burst open and in comes four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days." Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high - fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes,
"What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in,
"Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they made fun of us. So we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought the puzzle and put it together, the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drive into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said "I'll go check, and went to the truck. He returned a minute later and said,"Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right, How long do you want them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said," I'd better go check." After awhile the customer returned to the office and said,

"A long time, we're gonna built a house!"



Didn't want to leave the blonde guys out, just didn't seem fair!

Two blonde men were hunting in Alabama. All of a sudden one fell over and layed on the ground with his eyes rolled back. The other one grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. The dispatcher answer, and the man gasped, "My friend, he's on the ground and doesn't respond, I think he's dead! The dispatcher said, Calm down, take a deep breath, and now I want you to go check and make sure he's really dead. The man said OK. A few minutes later, a shot rings out. The blonde man comes back. "Alright, What next?"

A cop pulls up beside a blonde who is knitting and driveing,yells pull over, she yells no scarf.

A blonde was sitting in the doctors office, bare from the waist up as the doctor was checking her heart. He said,"big breaths" as he placed the stethoscope on her chest. She replied with a lisp, "Yeth, and they used to be a lot smaller when I wath young!

Ya all are great!!! don;t worry- we're still judging!!! Me and my hairdresser- who ONLY knows for sure!!! Although, CoCo knows also!! he,he!!!
LOL!!
-JSS

And I will never tell.NEVER!!!!!!

YEP! Thanks CoCo!! I knew you wouldn't!! he,he!!
-JSS

I will dedicate this one to"Eyes". Three sisters, 92, 94, and 96 years old lived in a house together. One night, the 96 year old drew a bath. She puts a foot in, and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?? The 94 year old yelled back, "I don"t know, I'll come up and see." She started up the stairs and pauses. " Was I going up the stairs or down???" The 92 year old is sitting in the kitchen at the table having a cup of tea, and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful!" She knocks on wood for good luck. She then yells, "I'll come upstairs and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door!!!!

Before we end this round, I just had to add one more. Two bored casino ealers were waiting a a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand dollares on a songle roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..." YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just looked at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asked,"What did she roll? The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!" MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb!

Hi y'all! well, my hairdresser is almost finished reading all your wonderful thoughts (he,he) and after compiling the votes, we will announce the winner on MONDAY!!!
-JSS

Just one last one that pertains to older people? Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local townhall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For two bucks, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!" "You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up two dollars. As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall. Waiting outside his friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old man burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "How did it go?" asked his friend. Great!" the naked man said, "I WON FIRST PRIZE AS A DRIED ARRANGEMENT!

What do you get if you place a group of blondes side by side? A wind tunnel!

What do you find under a blondes poney tail....an air stem.

BLONDE COOKBOOK. MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said to beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOODNIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

This message was edited Sunday, Sep 9th 7:23 PM

Okay.... I'll announce the winner of this very special "Blonde Joke" prize TOMORROW- Setember 10th!!
The Independent judge, my hairdresser, has had a great time reading all these lively thoughts!!! Howver, due to her haircolor, he,he, it takes her some time to read them!!! LOL!!!
So.... stay tuned.... and we'll find out who the lucky winner is!!!!! (This prize is sooo special... I know everyone will want one... but there is only ONE prize!!)
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE SUSPENSE????
-JSS

JSS
I'm sorry, but I just came across this one and just had to post it......No, it's not for the contest. Just thought it was kinda cute so had to share it with you all.

What did the blonde say when she opened up a box of cherrios?




""O,look, donut seeds!"