now what, 3rd. round?????

Time for another round, and this time we will dedicate this to JJS, a self proclaimed blonde, only her hairdresser knows for sure....hee, hee..This round will be "Dumb Blonde" jokes { or intelligent gray haired jokes}.

"eyes"

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, the WalMart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

This message was edited Sunday, Aug 19th 3:06 PM

How did the office manager know the blonde was using the computer?

White -out all over the screen

*we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress*
Jennifer


This message was edited Sunday, Aug 19th 11:37 AM

LOLOLOLOLOLOL Coco you really have cheered me up today, i have a ache in my cheeks from laughing and smiling at that lot, thank you.

Two women walk into a bar, one blonde one redhead, the redhead says to the blonde, dark in here isnt it, the blonde says, dunno cant see.


How do you confuse a blonde ???.

Give her a choice.

This message was edited Sunday, Aug 19th 11:59 AM

This message was edited Sunday, Aug 19th 3:04 PM

ROFLMAO, these are great!

Sincerely,

"The Bottle Blonde"

*and having lots of fun too!*

Sharon

[ Removed by member request. - Admin ]

I think they're having a great time..or so it seems. We have to have the ability to laugh at ourselves and with, not at others. JJS will love these...and she originally posted a whole bunch in round one......natural or bottle.....or a whole lot of gray, like moi...it's just for fun, so please don't take offense. If you're a blonde, just insert redhead, brunette, brownette, or even silver foxes..
"eyes"

The dumbest blond I knew was the one that thought a one night stand was part of a bed room suite.

[ Removed by member request. - Admin ]

What do you call a brunette walking between two blondes?
An interpreter :)

This has nothing to do with blondes but is my favorite joke or whatever you call it.


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead. ROFLOL

A blonde woman named Babbette found herself in dire trouble. Her business had gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray.

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night came and somebody else won. Babbette again prayed, "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck. Once again she prayed. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and Babette was confronted by the voice of God himself. " Babette, meet me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

ROFLMBO!!!! Meet me halfway...hee, hee....I just love you guys!

"eyes"
=o}}}}}}}

Ok CoCo put the jokes back. I read them and was going back to enjoy again and you back spaced them away.

Sorry, no more jokes from me.

Eye Shore dew like this hear spell check! Trying two spell is a pane in the neck! Now, maybe my male will reach me when I address it two my address on the Lain. I planted sum blew flowers, they are a reel site to sea! Now I can get rid of the white out!! Signed, Blondie

This message was edited Monday, Aug 20th 4:09 PM

Three blonds died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon They are at the pearly gates of Heaven.. St Peter tells them they can enter if they can answer one simple question. St Peter turned to the first blond. "What is Easter?" Oh, thats easy she replied. It's the holiday is November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful! Wrong, said St Peter, You can't come in. Then he turns to the second blond, and asks her the same question, What is Easter? She replies, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents and celebrate the birth of Jesus. St Peter looks at her, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she will have to join her friend in the other place. He then peers over his glasses at the third blond, and asks, Do YOU know what Easter is? She smiles confidently and looks St Peter in the eyes and said, I know what Easter is. OH? says St Peter incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that co-incides with the Jewish celebrationof Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper when he was deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans crucified him and buried him in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St Peter smiles broadly with delight! The blond continues...... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter! '

This message was edited Monday, Aug 20th 4:27 PM

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2am in the morning. The wife, (undoubtedly blond) picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, How should I know, thats 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast was clear."

Oh, Zany,,,that was hilarious, and so were the last 2????

"eyes"
=o}}}}

Two blondes walking down the street. One spots a compact on the ground and bends down to pick it up. She opens it and looks in the mirror and says," hmmmm, this person looks familiar". The second blond says, "let me see", and the first blonde hands her the compact.The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy!. It's me!"

Bunny Slippers the blonde got a new job and really wanted to impress the boss. When he asked her to go to the local diner and bring back coffee for the office, she eagerly headed out the door to the diner.

Handing the clerk her thermos, she said, "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"

When he told her it was, she said, "Oh good! I'd like two black, three with cream and one decaf, please!"

Two blondes went hunting in the woods. Soon, they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde exclaimed, "Oh, wow - These are raccoon tracks!". The second blonde argued, "No, no, look...They're bear tracks". They went back and forth for quite some time, racking their brains to ID those tracks. Know what happened next?

Go here: http://davesgarden.com/editgj/showimage.php?iid=2797

This message was edited Tuesday, Aug 21st 3:41 PM

Why did God create Brunettes?

So ugly men would have women to date also.

Two men are walking down the street when one of them looks at his watch... sorry Sam I've got to get right home its 1:30

Why do you have to go at 1:30?

Sid says, Sam every day for the past 60 years I make love to my wife at 1:30.

Sam says Sid how can you do that; your 90 years old, tell me you secret?

Pumpernickle bread, eat alot of Pumpernickle bread I've got to go goodby.......

Sam continues down the street alone when he comes upon a bakery... he goes in and asks the clerk " how much Pumpernickle bread do you have? She answers about 40 loaves
Sam says give me all of them...she looks at him quizzly and says 40 loaves????? It'll get hard

SAM SAYS HOW COME EVERYBODY KNOWS THE SECERT EXCEPT ME!!!!!!!!!!!

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment, unexpectedly, and when she opened the door, she found him in the arms of a redhead. Well, she is really angry and opens her purse and takes out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

This message was edited Tuesday, Aug 21st 4:42 PM

I'm sorry, my very blonde sister gave me these! What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant? Is it mine? A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculouly she managed to pry herself out of the wreckage without a scratch.My God! the trooper gasped, Are you all right? Yes, officer, I am just fine, she chirped. Well, how in the world did this happen? the officer asked. Officer, it was the strangest thing, she began. "I was driving along this road when all of a sudden this tree pops up in front of me! So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree. I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was....""Uh, ma'am, the officer said, cutting her off. "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshner swinging back and forth."

Pumpernickel bread, huh? LOL! Reminds me of another adventure in the life of my friend Bunny Slippers the blonde...

One summer, Bunny decided to take up growing a veggie garden. Over the back fence one afternoon, she spied her next-door neighbor flashing his garden in a trenchcoat. She asked, "What in the *world* are you doing?!"

Her neighbor called over his shoulder, explaining that he flashed his garden every day, boasting "it makes the tomatoes blush deep red!"

She thought it was worth a try, besides, who doesn't want nice deep red tomatoes, right? So, Bunny started flashing her garden every day, too.

A few weeks passed before she ran into her neighbor at his front gate one evening. "How's your garden doing, Miss Slippers?", he inquired.

"Well," she breathes, "my tomatoes aren't doing much at all...But you should see the cucumbers!"

Okay, now it's time for me to contribute.
These are for all my wonderful "blonde"
friends.....and I really do love y'all.

Q. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?

A. Look! Baby Donuts!


Q. How do you know it's a blonde driving the SUV in front of you?

A. When you see the kids running behind the car shouting "Mom Wait!"



Q. What's the difference between Elvis and a smart blonde?

A. Elvis has been sighted.



Q. How do you drown a blonde?

A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

"eyes"

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitols. She prouldly says, Go ahead. ask me, I know all of them. A friend says, OK, What's the capitol of Wisconsin? The blond replies, Oh, that's easy: W.

A Blonde and a Redhead were walking down the street. The blonde noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down and picked it up. She opened it and looked at the mirror and said, "Hmmm..this person looks familiar."
The Redhead sad, "Let me look!" The
blonde handed her the compact. The redhead looked in the mirror and said,
"You dumb butt, it's me!!"

some more ditties....

Q. What do you call a blonde with1/2 of a brain?
A. Gifted

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant.

Q. How do blonde brain cells die?
A. Alone.

Q. What does a blonde consider "safe sex"?
A. Locking the car door.

Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. To turn the blinker off.

Q. Why do blondes drive BMW's?
A. It's the only car they can spell.

Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A. Because they can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into those little boxes.

Retuning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on all channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog and plopped down on the steps and putting her face in her hands, she moaned, I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they send? A BLIND policeman!

The police were chasing a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They ran into a warehouse and each crawled into a potato sack. The police entered, saw the bags and went up to the first bag and kicked it. The brunette said "Meow". They went to the next potato sack and kicked it. The redhead said, "Woof woof. Then they went to the third potato sack and kicked that one. The blonde said, Potato.

There were 3 blondes on a deserted island. God sees then stranded there, so he comes down to talk to them, and says "You may each have 1 wish". So the first one says, "I wanna be very smart!" So God turns her into a brunette. The second one says, "I wanna be half smart!" So God turns her into a Redhead. He turns to the last Blonde, and she says, "I wanna be the dumbest person on earth!" Soooo.....God turns her into a man!! {Sorry guys}

"eyes"

Has anyone noticed that Our favorite Webmaster is Blonde....
He must have a good sense of humor cause this thread is still here! :}