Job dilemma. Care to offer advice?

Hello all,

As I tend to be long winded, I'll try to abbreviate as best I can. I haven't been on
DG lately because I've been so busy. Please just bypass this thread if you are not interested, I'm basically using this as a blog right now, if I don't get this out, I'm going to explode.

Recently I took a temp job, it was supposed to be one day a week through the holidays. No big deal, gives me a chance to get out.

At the end of the first day, they asked me to return with my resume. I've been working full time ever since. I know nothing of the work, but a recent higher-up visiting the office brought me in for a closed door meeting and discussed training and long term employment if I was willing. This person also told me that the office was eager to keep me. Cool.

Problem? The only office woman. I can't go into detail about the job itself, let's just suffice it to say she's been the only one doing that job for many years. From day one she has been nothing but negative and nasty. I can't do anything without her eyeballing me at all times, watching me over her glasses, snapping at me, talking to me as though I were stupid, practically accusing me of theft on more than one occasion and so on. Yeah, I took this job so I could steal office
glasses and a hand stapler. (rolling eyes) She's rude to everyone, it's not just me, and she talks bad about everyone.

I didn't prance in there in a miniskirt. I dress appropriately at all times, I'm not loud, I do my job and I do it well to the best of my ability. It's not me. I'd guess her to be in her late 50's, maybe 60's.

On the first day after her absence, I walked in, said hello and introduced myself as the temporary they asked to return. She snapped "NOBODY TOLD ME!" I proceeded to sit at the desk I happily worked when she was absent and the day went downhill from there.

A caller requested a fax back to test a machine. I did so, but she snapped
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING????"

Another caller said she just sent a test fax, please give it to XXX and have XXX sign it, then return. As I removed the fax and walked towards the phone to read back the fax number as requested by the caller, I heard her say "WHAT IS SHE DOING???" to XXX. Then she grabbed the faxes out of my hand and said "THIS IS MINE!" I didn't even have time to say that I realized hers was mixed in with the others and was on my way back to the machine (a whopping three feet away, mind you) with HER fax when she rudely snapped at me.

It was suggested by another employee that I do a bit of research online, listen to an online tutorial, etc. I couldn't hear it, so in playing with the speakers she yells from her office "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

I could sit here and type examples all night long of her nasty behavior, but will spare us all. Not a move can be made without this woman snapping, asking why you did what you did, what you are doing and then tells you how she does it. What is the deal with this woman? Is she textbook passive aggressive, or what is this called?

The dilemma boils down to this. If I confront her nastiness head on (I'm not an obnoxious person) she will tell the boss I'm difficult to work with. If I allow her to continue to treat me this way, it makes for a miserable work environment, not to mention it gives her permission to keep at it. Funny thing is, when I'm in his office she HAS to come in. Every stinking time. When I leave, I hear whispering. Every stinking time. When she and I are alone, it is even worse.

I've heard her talk the same way to the boss himself, so obviously he's used to it. If I have a talk with him, will I be perceived as a trouble maker or a whiner, and possibly lose my offer of permanent employment? Should I call the main office and discuss this with the lady who mentioned the offer of a long term job? Should I shut up and hang in there hoping she retires soon? Suggestions? Ideas? Free therapy? LOL.

And IF they are thinking of using me to replace her, who do they think is going to train me to do her job? I hear him telling her to train me to do other things, she told him the other day that another employee already had me doing something. That was not true. She also tells him she does not have time, but quite frankly, she'd have plenty of time if she did not take so many cigarette and bathroom breaks. I did not take this job to snag hers, I was merely trying to be nice, filling in as a temporary through the holidays so she could have an extra day off each week. And this is the thanks I get?

What is wrong with people? Why is this woman so darned nasty? As she tells everyone who comes in her woes, I have to hear it twenty times a day. The sky is falling, she's SOOOOO busy and life is just so bad. In the time she takes to tell everyone what a miserable life she has, she could be doing her work. On the phone, she calls people honey, baby, sweetie, bright eyes, etc. and then when
she hangs up, talks trash about them. Every time.

Should I get out while I can? What is her problem? Her agenda?

Sign me,
Anxiety attack coming on!
:-(

I have a word for people like her. It starts with 'B' and ends with 'itch'. I would not take that abuse from anyone. It seems she's just an agressive sort. Passive does not enter into this. When people act this way, it's because something is missing from their lives and they're unhappy. They have to take it out on someone and it seems she's going to take it out on everyone. If the boss is treated this way and he takes it, then there is nothing you can do. Things are not going to change.

Is there an HR department? Perhaps you can yell harrassment? If not, I'd get out while she still had her skin attached! LOL

Take some deep breaths and ask yourself if this worth the time and effort and mental anxiety.

Celia

This message was edited Dec 14, 2007 11:00 AM

If you really like this job and want it. I would say to talk to the person that asked to of you where interested in it. And put it out to them, as to why do you want me? Is there something you are not telling me? And let them know whats going on. She sounds like a Few that I have worked with, when I have been sent to help out other stores that have been in need of help, but didn't want outsiders to help, then get a hair up their ###, and treat you like you are the enemy. Or maybe she is afraid you are going to replace her. I have learned over the years that if you have a problem with some one in the work place, sometimes its best to confront the person with a treat (something you know they like, coffee, tea ect.) and upfront ask them " is there a problem with us working together if so lets talk about it" be sweet and kind and to the point. Will throw the bully off. ( has worked for me, been in retail for 40 years, but have never work in a office.

Just my thought
Tills

First of all, I think it is great that they wanted you for the job. You know, that I know, how hard it is to get past that first point.

I worked with a lady (she was my boss) who was very much the same. I would sit in my truck and dread getting out and walking in to work. Life is too short for that crap.

I see why you don't want to complain. It is a sticky situation. (everyone thought my boss was just sooooo sweet, ha! work with her once!)
They must like you, and do they want you and not the nasty lady in the office? That is the way it sounds. If that is the case, then they would understand your problem with her.

I hope things turn out the way you want.
Good luck.

BTW, long story, but I have a second interview today on a nice job, wish me luck.

Hi Wuvie! It sounds like this woman feels threatened by you. Her job is probably the most important thing in her life, maybe it IS her life, and suddenly she is expected to share it with a stranger. To put it in another context, it would be like having to share your house with someone that another family member brought home without your consent. She is going to take some time to adjust to having you around, but I think that when she realizes the benefits of you sharing the workload and learns to trust your judgement, she will become easier to work with. Don't respond to provocation. If you keep offering to help her, maybe even give her little gifts (does she like cookies?), and give the impression that you look up to her, you may win her over.

Oh Wuvie! Can you even imagine the long line of stories behind this woman? I would venture to bet that everyone in the company would love to see her hit the road. LOL I agree... she is miserable and something is missing in her life for her to be so negative. Ya know... misery love company!

I would bet that this company has hired other women that this lady has run off. They're just looking for the right one that has no problems standing up to this lady. No doubt she feels threatened!!! Especially if she didn't know it was going to happen. The company is probably secretly wishing that she would just quit... but I'm more than certain that isn't going to happen.

That being said... this sounds like a job for me. I love a challenge and from what I've read about you I think you love a challenge also. If you like the job, I think you should stay. I would go in and do my job and at the perfect time when she's in her full glory of griping, I'd just say..."Does anything make you happy?" And I'd go on with my work. I few little comments like that and she may soon come to understand that you're not playing her game. I think as long as you continue to put up with it... it will continue. What do you have to lose? You can be miserable right along with her or you can make a bad situation good.

Whatever you do... good luck!!! I know you'll do what is right for you!

I like the idea of cookies. Maybe you can sweeten her up.

Wuvie, is this job the same, better, or worse than the "green cloud" situation?
If I were you, I'd sit down and make a 2-column list of the positives and negatives about this job. By the time you get done, you'll be able to go with your gut and know what to do!

I've been in a similar job situation. Stay with it as long as you can but it my case I took too much home with me and it wasn't worth ruining my DH's life too. I did complain and less than six months after I left they had finally got her out of the job. This was a state job and terminating someone wasn't easy. They cut her time down and she figured out she wasn't wanted anymore and left.

I had held her position at another state job previously and if I had treated people the way she treated me I would be the one in trouble. I really think the people in charge are so afraid of lawsuits and doing something wrong that bad people can hold positions way too long even though the people in charge would love to get rid of them.

Just do what is right for you and your family unless you really have to have the salary. Some things are just not worth it when they make you and everyone around you miserable.

Good luck,

Nancy

Wuvie,

You can also use the old Ann Landers solution.....

Whenever someone asks you an inappropriate question (like--"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?), just give her a blank stare for a couple of seconds and very calmly say."Why would you ask me that ?" Wait for an answer--and watch her squirm.....then go back about your business.
What you have now done is turn the tables where she has to answer YOU, or explain herself--which, I am sure, she cannot.

Then--you can always use humor--a la Erma Bombecck.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?".....

--Working on my last Will and testament!
--Writing a suicide note!
--Writing a letter to your Mother....
--Rewiring my computer...lap top..etc.
--Putting purple ribbon in the Fax Machine.....
or other ridiculous things. Make some up. I don't know your job responsibilities, but the sillier the better. Just make them non-confrontational, calm and respectful.
This should, over time, make her see that her questions are not getting you rattled any more.....and also that they are totally inane.

Good luck! Remember! There is NOTHING wrong with YOU! She is the one with the problem! The sicko. Think of her as the "elephant in the living room"....maybe, in a PINK Tu-Tu? Or naked?

Gita

This message was edited Dec 14, 2007 5:34 PM

kill her with kindness...or....
jokingly reply to "what are you doing?" with "why, would you like to help me?"

people like that have nothing better to do with their time but take their life's aggressions out on other people. unfortunately you have now become her target. maybe they did bring you in to replace her, if so that is not your fault.
most companies have an open door policy, someone you can talk to about problems in private or anonymously,you might want to look into it. good luck!!

I actually like the Ann Landers solution above. She will likely answer with something along the lines of 'that's mine' or 'you're not...' or 'you shouldn't...' , all of which can be answered politely and calmly with a brief explanation of what you were doing and a request for her to tell you what she is doing.

This woman sounds like she's threatened - by everything and everyone. I doubt you'll be able to warm her up by 'killing her with kindness', so to speak, but if she can't rattle you, she'll scare off. She may complain to others about you, though, so be careful.

Frankly, I would start using impeccable manners on the woman. Don't do anything nasty or snide, don't be passive-aggressive, just give her no reason to think she's cowed you. In the meantime, go talk to the boss. When she barges in, ask her politely (and in so many words) to leave, since you're having a conversation with your boss that you would rather not have your co-workers be a part of. Inform him of everything, and let him see you being polite to the woman, and her rude responses.

And definitely talk to the person who asked about your interest. Find out what they want you for, by asking that (don't ask about her). Tell the person about your interest in the job, but mention the woman and say you have some misgivings about taking the job, based on working with her, and her obviously miserable attitude. If they want you to basically replace her, find out about that - it will help you deal with her (it adds immeasurable patience for you, to be able to think 'She'll be gone sometime soon').

Be polite but firm with everyone - it doesn't hurt, and can help a lot. :)

-Sev

Whew, you all have made me feel so much better.
But of course, it is Friday, and she was not there today.

The boss asked me in passing if I was interested in the
job permanently, and I garnered the ability to say "Well, actually
I do have a few concerns." He invited me in and I sat down to
say the following.

"I realize you are a busy man, and I don't mean to bring drama
into the workplace." He shook his head as though nothing were
the matter, urging me to continue. Then I said "Am I doing something
wrong to draw all this negativity?

He responded "You mean ***?" I nodded
and his reply, in brief, was that she was busy, a lot piled on her shoulders
lately and that she was under pressure, and by the way, if you'll stay with
us, we'll raise your pay to $xyz once you become permanent. He told me
that it was not me, which we already knew. I'm just glad he recognizes the
fact.

My sanity was for sale. Was I biting? This is the most I've ever been paid,
the company has benefits to die for, and the perks are just incredible. The
location is perfect, the hours are perfect, I couldn't ask for better. AND I get
to wear my pretty clothes and feel good about myself. Heck, I've even been
wearing makeup and curling my hair!

So in brief, I felt like he brushed off my concerns, or he does not realize
what a nasty crab she truly is. He said she does her job well, but I have
to say, I know what she's done. She's taken on all this work over the years.
If she is planning to retire, she's darn sure not going to train me so that the
company will say "Oh, gee, we sure do miss XXX, she was the best" or
"Maybe we should call XXX, she'll know how to do this."

I think I've got her figured out. ;-)

I'm not about to buy this woman anything or go out of my way to be extra
nice to her. I think this goes both ways. She's obviously not going to treat
me any different because I may seem sensitive. You get what you get. I should
not have to walk on pins and needles around her, so I'm going to try ignoring
her. Why do I always end up working with the Sybil Dorsett type?

Oh, and in closing, I have to share this, I couldn't help but to laugh. In the
employee manual of what you are not allowed to wear, was, get ready,
overalls! Ha ha! I've been living in overalls since I left my last job and now
they say I can't wear them? Just kidding, I would never wear them to work,
but hub and I laughed that I would have to decline the job for that reason.

Back to work Monday. If you see me on CNN, you'll know things went
downhill. Heh heh.

KM

P.S. She called today to ask if she received a package. I said she had not.
As soon as I left for lunch, she had called the boss to ask the same question.
Um, if a big brown truck pulled up and a man walked in with a computer signature
box in hand for me to sign, don'tcha think I would have remembered it?

Oh, Wuvie, you are priceless! LOL If you afe ever on CNN, you'll have all of us on your side in court yelling "Justifiable homicide!"

Gita you are too much.

Wuvie, you are doing all the right things and getting so much great advice.

When I had that mean lady boss, she was also suppose to train me to have her job. After 3 years of misery, I was offered the higher job close to home and took it. I hear she did retire about 3 years after that, but still came in 3 days a week, just to make sure she had her nose in.
Glad I left!!!

Wuvie, I do like the Ann Landers approach. Tell her you are working on HER last will and testament. LOL

Even if this woman is your direct supervisor she should not be speaking to you like this. I would talk to your boss again about it. If you are doing your job to his satisfaction, why is she being rude to you? Just because she gets away with the bad behavior with other people doesn't mean you should have to put up with it.

Or call the person who offered you the permanent job and ask that person if this woman's bad behavior is a part of your job.

I have a wonderful job with some downfalls. I have found lately that if the boss ignores his employee's bad behavior it is the same as saying he approves. And the behavior gets worse and worse.

I sure hope something can be worked out. The stress at work can be awful.






This message was edited Dec 15, 2007 5:01 PM

This is all good stress relief, just getting it out of my head.

Oh, the things I thought about saying yesterday. The things that
have come to mind but caught before they left my mouth. Whew!

Part of me wanted to tell the boss "I typically don't scream, curse and
throw things around, but I do every day in my car on the way home."

I've been tossing around some ideas about what to say to her next,
because the "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" will no doubt be back Monday.
I'll simply smile and say "Using the fax machine. Why?" LOL. I think if I
ask her a question, as mentioned above, that will stump her. Or maybe I
can ask her what SHE is doing? Or I could reply "Should I have just ignored
the request for this fax?" How about "I was trying to turn on this radio, but it
keeps printing faxes."

CNN is still an option. ;-)

(snort)

snicker snicker snort snort

A very loud "My job!" might help, too.

Wuvie, even though this woman is overworked and stressed herself, she seems to have all the time in the world to play 20 questions with you. Try drowning her in the details of your answer. I'm thinking that a 15 minute explanation of "I'm faxing something" may make her think twice about asking another question.

Sounds like you've identified a lot of long-term positives about this job that could help you and your family. I think you can handle this old bat! (geez, I hope you're not that new temp girl in my office that I've been keeping a close eye on for the past couple of weeks....LOL!)

Aw, thanks, all.

Pigeon, I can understand the woman feeling as though she should
keep an eye on the new temp, but good grief, did she even look at
my resume? I didn't just pop into this job after um, like, you know, like
a trip to the mall, like fer sure. LOL.

On the other hand, the three head cheeses thought nothing of leaving me
in the office by myself for lunch yesterday. I do understand a company's
reluctance to trust someone who just started, but they don't eye hawk me
the way she does. She's not the boss, she's just a long term employee.

I wish there were some sort of wand they could wave over me to show that
I have no ill intent, I don't steal, don't drink at work, I'm not going to do anything
bad.

Alas, I'll just do my job as best I can, and ignore her for the most part.
She can't stay forever.

She can't stay forever?

I'm reminded of the movie "Ruthless People". Danny Devito is telling how his father-law- was on life-support. "They pulled the plug on the life-support, he took one, final, wheezing gasp...and stabilized! He survived another 12 years!"

This message was edited Dec 15, 2007 2:40 PM

In reading this the old saying comes to me-
Misery loves company.
She's miserable and wants eveyone else to know it and tries to make them as miserable as her!

In my experience with this sort of situation, no matter how good she appears to you to be at her job(or she wants you to think she is) there will be things that come out that someone else(you) could do better. NOONE is perfect. No, no, not even her!SHHH don't tell her then she'll be complaining about that! And some times people complaining about every thing is because they don't get attention, comfort, appreciation at home or anywhere and that is how they compensate! Obviously you are not the only one that has noticed she's not the nicest person to be around.

I think the best respnse to her- WHAT ARE YOU DOING! -is the person who suggested answering her with a question. I am also usually to person to try to win someone over by killing with kindness. Which does work. Usually.......

PS- Wuvie
I've never talked to you before but wanted to mention that I ran across the previous thread about your temp job. I laughed so hard! Not only because I could relate, but it was just good reading! LOL

I think I would find it very hard to be kind. Unless I disguised my sarcasm as kindness. I have never dealt with anything like this. I like your thoughts of questioning her more. Maybe that will give you a tiny measure of control, heading her off.

Just found this thread. Wow. I used to work with a witch like her at a deli-bakery in a grocery store. She was incorrigible to everyone, and even threw a 50lb. sack of flour at the feet of an assistant manager she was arguing with. Nothing was done about it. I figured it out--management was afraid of her! So I quit. A couple of years later, I heard she quit and got a job managing a bakery. She was fired because she fired every person she hired--several within two weeks. What goes around comes around!

Just because someone is unloved, unappreciated, or mistreated in their personal lives does not excuse them for abusing coworkers, bosses, or subordinates. We all have problems in our lives, but most of us know not to take them out on the innocent. This woman needs counseling and pharmaceuticals. Big time. No amount of cookies can sweeten up a psychopath like her.

Karen, I have a supervisor just like the lady you are trying to work with. When she asks what I am doing, I reply "my job" and she turns and stomps off. This lady just wants you to reply/argue with her - don't appease her!

I've been thinking about this person and have decided she's just like DH's mom. She needs the conflict. She has nothing else to do, so she creates problems. MIL will call one of her girls and say, "Do you know what XXXX said about you? " And then the **** hits the fan! She justs sits back and watches. DH doesn't play her game and she's gets so mad at him! LOL She threw him out of the house a few days ago and she has disowned him twice.

I'm agreeing with the ones that say don't play the game.

The more I think about this, the more it makes sense to ignore her.
That is just a bit difficult for me, though, as I'm the type of person who
thinks there is no reason not to get along.

I found a good website which pretty much sums it up. This woman is
looking for a response, that way I will end up looking like the one who lost control
and she gets to continue thinking she's the only one on the face of this earth
who can do that job.

What I don't understand is how the rest of the office fails to recognize that
this woman has issues and should not be allowed to behave as such.

Alas, there are always the other branches!



This message was edited Dec 15, 2007 9:29 PM

Yep, that branch definitely sounds diseased. I know what you mean, it would be so tempting to just get in her face and say, "What is WRONG with you???". But it's the boss's job to do that, and if the boss is too wimpy, nothing will change. Believe me, if I were a boss, that person wouldn't have lasted an hour with that attitude.

Others probably DO recognize what she's like, but no one in authority has challenged her or told her that she's got issues. Or they have, and somehow she's managed to skate. Over the years, I've inherited more than one person who got adequate performance appraisals from managers who just weren't willing to tell someone they're a problem. I agree---ignore her if you want the job. Eventually she'll get her comeuppance, and if you do a stellar job it will make her inadequacies that much more visible to the decision-makers. Clearly they want you on board, so it's up to you. Make your decision on the basis of the work and the salary and the benefits to YOU, and the rest will sort itself out.

This message was edited Dec 15, 2007 7:17 PM

Well said imapigeon!

I'll bet her superiors are afraid of her, like the situation I mentioned. Sad. But yep, ignoring her sounds like good advice to me, as difficult as it will be. Just keep thinking of the good things the job offers you.

Just ignore her. The fact that she's complaining to you directly with the "What are you doing"?" questions and things like "Nobody told me!" tells you everything. People are working around her already and she knows it. She's trying to intimidate you to run you off.

If you must respond, and are getting these assignments from a superior you could say something like, "I'm sorry. Thanks for your help. And I will let Mr. Superior know that his instructions were incorrect so that this doesn't happen again."

I wouldn't complain about her too quickly. They must know she's a nut if it became obvious to you so soon after you arrived.

If you want to leave, just stick it out as long as you possibly can and then tell then tell them that she's the reason if they ask.

But I say ignore her for a while and see what happens. The problem may take care of itself.

I have a thought - you could try asking her questions all day long: "Is this the right way to do this?", "Can I use the fax machine to send this?", "Can you check my document to make sure I have it right?", "Am I filing this in the right place?", "Can I phone Mr. Whatsit?" and so on, until she is so tired of double-checking you that she no longer wants to know what you are doing.

Oh, June, as fun as that would be, she would simply run to the
boss and tell him what an ignorant doofus I was. She's already working
hard trying to find something wrong with me. I'm just trying to avoid her
as much as possible. She's even found a way to dictate my bathroom
breaks by insisting that she is terribly busy right now, and my absence
might cause her to have to answer the phone. Puh-lease. So now I just
ask one of the guys if they will watch the phone while I go. A whopping
couple of minutes for pity's sake.

I think part of the problem is that I'm doing things a little too well.
I just waltz in the door and complete assignments quickly, without
drama, and I'm nice about it. When she's feeling threatened, she has
to find something wrong with me so she doesn't look so, how shall we
say this, yesterday's news at a slower pace?

I've asked her if there is anything at all I can do to help her (since she
carries on as though the sky were falling.) Apparently only SHE can run
the shredder, only SHE can use the fax machine, only SHE can file the
bosses personal matter, etc. Friday the boss found plenty for me to do that
she has decided are HER things. She's simply 'too busy' to show me how to
do anything. Jeez, how long would it take to show me where the shredder is?
Can't she point? By the way, it was behind her door.

Forgot to mention a good tidbit from a few days ago. The head honcho from
another office asked if I had considered staying on. My mouth dropped, I
stammered and "Uhhhh..." was the only thing that came out. As the lady was
on her way to XXX's office, I heard her ask "What did she say?" I'll bet she
was hoping I would say that I was not staying, but thankfully the lady pulled me
into a closed room for the rest of the conversation.

:-)

Boy, it feels good to get this out! Thanks for listening, all.

Wonder what would happen if you suddenly started 'cosy-ing' up to her like she was your best friend and you have NO idea she seems to dislike you?! I bet the look on her face would be priceless! Make her question herself for a change....hehe
Yeah, she is threatened by you alright! Seems there is one like her in every croud though....

I would not confront her it would ruin your good image, it seems very obvious to me they are lining you up to take her place when they let her go! ☺

Don't get mixed up with her. The less involvement the better.

If you can make a note of the models and makes of the various office machines, almost all of the manuals are now online. You could do that at home in the evenings and not need to ask for help.