Holiday Cooking and MIL allergic to nuts

I love nuts .... all kinds of them and love to cook with them.

in a few weeks, i'm going to my fathers for our family dinner and I believe we are bringing MIL with.
She a widow and we sorta feel obligated to bring her with for all the holidays [DH is an only child]

my Aunt [my dad's brothers wife] is making her "famous" yams that have pecans on top. Each time we've gone to her house for thanksgiving, she leaves them off for my MIL, who I can't ever recall eating them ... so this year i told me Aunt to leave the nuts on, because the recipe is SOOO much better with them than without.

I am planning on making the Turtle Cheesecake recipe that was posted in the recipe forum around thanksgiving.
with the nuts. .... i will have to bake something else just for her.

there were other holidays where i'd make recipes and have to leave out the nuts [crustless cheesecakes just for her] and have her NOT even try them.

so -- what are your thoughts on me cooking with nuts? is that just me being insensitive because of her allergies ??
in the 8 yrs that she has "been alone" and i have done all the cooking for ALL the holidays - and frankly, i'm tired of it. Plus the fact that she hardly eats anything ... though she will rave about it, and how it is the most fantastic thing I've ever made -- last time i got that comment, it was some veggie/rice casserole thing that came out of a box -- like a betty crocker something ... just add milk and butter and bake sorta thing ... and she raved about it... but something that i slave over, she doesnt even try.

** sorry for that vent **

so, should i be more sensitive to her allergies, or just cook the way we want to cook?

That's a hard one to answer, but I'm going to give it shot.

First off, don't be sorry for the venting. LOL we all do it here. Okay, now for my answer.

I think you should be sensitive to a point. I wouldn't go overboard with the making of things just for her because it sounds like you have enough to do as it is. I would, however, make her aware that there are nuts in certain things. So, if she wishes to try them, she can.

If she's not willing to try things, could it be she's afraid that the nuts ARE in them? If that's not the case, then, don't worry yourself and have the Holidays your way and have fun. It's not all about her.

>>If she's not willing to try things,

she's not willing to try anything new. well -- i guess she has over the years, but rarely.
she's been finicky all her life thinking that since she is allergic to peanuts she is allergic to just about everything else.
she's never eating any fish or shellfish, and she's 74.

OH and I always tell her if something has nuts in it ... it could literally kill her .... side note -- DH got her an epi pen [sp??] but she refused to get another one because it's too expensive. **rolls eyes** i mean, geeze, if it could save your life....

>>It's not all about her.

thanks for saying that. I will try to remember that. I always try to make it "nice" for her, knowing that, aside from my family, she really has no one .... but some of which she has brought on herself.

Before you get angry with her, consider how crummy the holiday would be if you spent it in the emergency room with her over an allergic reaction ... And, consider what you'd feel like being older & alone for the holiday...

Ask if she has a favorite recipe she'd like to bring along. If she can't cook easily, ask if she'd like to bring ingredients to the house & you'll help.

Holidays aren't about eating. They're about spending time with family & friends. I, for one, could care less what my family cooks when I go home for Christmas. I'm more excited to get to see them for the first time in a year... my mom could show me where the refrigerator is and say "cook it yourself", and I'd still be glad to be home.

I'm sensitive to those with allergies because I have one myself. Make me eat turkey, and I'm sick for the rest of the day. Try to sneak it in a recipe, and I'm still sick. I had a co-worker deliberately bring turkey sausage for a breakfast at work, and then tell me I "didn't pray hard enough, that's why I got sick." To some, it might seem like I'm faking it, or I'm afraid to try... that's not the case at all. Every time I eat it, I get sick, and it's not worth being ill over.

1- please do vent. I'm biding my time till I have to also!
2- my mom is a very picky eater too. Sympathy there. She tries few new things. My MIL is not picky but has some things she won't eat due to dentures, but she is too sweet to bug me about it, just avoids them.
3- I agree , point out the nuts, offer some alternatives.
4- Angel earned her name. Take a breath and keep repeating- Better that we try to give her a nice holiday than be grinches, even if she's not such a pleasant person.
5- Angel, it is sooo bad for someone to disrespect your allergy and esp to try and sneak the food into something and trick you into eating it??????? Incredible.

OH Angel -- I"m not angry with her. I get frustrated because I'm always trying to please her and make sure she is comfortable [though i will not turn up the heat in my house to 80° to make her comfortable]

Her diet is very limited, lets see.... Dove Chocolate ... um, what else......
she'll eat corn, I prefer broccoli
she'll eat any meat, ham, turkey, etc
she'll eat mash'tatoes ---

so, there will be other things for her to eat with the exception of these yams.

>>being older & alone for the holiday...
and I know ... and this is why I do tell Dh that she is always welcome to attend the gatherings on my side of the family .... I've gone so far as to bring her with us on vacations --- though after about 3-4yrs, i could take it no longer.

Don't get me wrong ... I like my MIL, she can just be annoying because she never stops talking, ever. OH and she's a bigot. That drives me crazy the most. My oldest son's GF is a non-practicing Jew and in all honesty -- I dont want her to know ... she does not trust anyone and thinks everyone is just "out to get our money" [we're middle class..... ]
I mean -- i'm getting a bit OT here ... but my list could go on and one regarding her "quirks".

BUT -- yes, i will tell her the yams have pecans, as will my cheesecake ... and there will be plenty for her to eat.

She sounds like a real pain and I would not do vacations either! Or 80 degrees.

I got kinda cut off at my last post... DH was coming .... I'll finish up my thoughts later ... i have to run for the day. but will be back late afternoon or so.

I need to chime in again. I agree with the others on a couple of points, but I have to add some things.

If she's 74 and been this way all her life then why bother? Because she's 74 and won't be with you forever. A few years after she's gone, you'll have stories to tell about her. She won't be gone from your family gathering as you'll keep her alive in your remembrances of her in the following years. You might even have a few laughs about it!

My mother is also a bigot. She'll be the first to tell you she's not but all us kids have heard her make comments about others and watched her shy away from "other cultures". That's not going to change, either. Your MIL has her views and is going to stick with them until she's gone. We just ignore mom's remarks and move on. It's very hard sometimes as other people can hear her.

But the Dove Chocolates! If she loves those, she can't be all bad!

Use one of the Jello no bake cheescake mixes and use a graham cracker crust. Easy and quick. MIL should love that. :)

Carol

Here's a quick recipie I took to my MIL to be at thanksgiving. Took all of 5 mins to make.

2 cups cold milk
2 pkg Jello Chocolate Flavored Instant Pudding & Pie Filling
1 tub (8 oz.) Cool Whip, thawed, divided
(here I use 6 mini Heath Bars) You can use her Dove Bars, broken
1 Oreo Pie Crust
1 sqare Baker's Semi Sweet Baking Chocolate, melted

BEAT milk & dry mixes with whisk 2 mins. or until well blended. Gently stir in half of the whipped topping & all but 3 tbs of candy.
SPOON into crust.
TOP with remaining whipped topping and candy. Drizzle with chocolate. Serve immediately or refrigerate until ready to serve. Makes 8 servings.

Carol, that sounds yummy.

Suprised me that it was the favorite at Thanksgiving. They went right past all the usual favorites to dive into this. I didn't tell them, it only took me 5 minutes to make.

Carol

Isn't it funny how the easy stuff gets the biggest raves?

Sure made my day.

Put frozen corn in a microwave-safe dish, add a dab of butter, cover the top with saran wrap, microwave a few minutes, stir, make sure it's hot, done. She gets corn, you get your broccoli whatever fancy way you prefer it.

She'll eat all kinds of meat? That's better than most elderly folks that only enjoy potatoes & a few vegetables, but no meats.

It doesn't sound like she's a picky eater, she just prefers a simple meal... there's nothing wrong with that. Even the best holiday meals don't have to have special ingredients or preparation - we're not all FoodNetwork TV cooks...

thanks ladies for all the input.

I've done things like that before .. making a cheesecake[plain] just for her .. and yanno -- she wont eat it.
she will bring some coffee cake from Jewel and not even appreciate that i made a dessert just for her.

I personally do not believe she appreciates all the tweaking of recipes i do specifically for her.
she never says anything, nor does she eat it.

that is why this gets so frustrating .... i do try to accommodate her allergies,all the time - i've been doing ALL the holidays for 8 yrs now ... when FIL was alive, we'd go out for Chinese for dinner. in 22 yrs, i recall her cooking 2 times.

Also, we are doing this dinner thing at my dad's on the 23rd, and celebrating Christmas here on the 24th.
so i have to do it all over again ... where i will do all the cooking, NO nuts. But for here [ our immediate] family
I do very little ... I guess i should say, nothing extravagant. Plain mashed'tatoes, ham or turkey breast, veggies, and I'll get a pie at Market Day [food co-op store near my house] All very plain, just for her.

and yeah -- i know she wont be here forever ... probably another 10-15yrs ... and yeah, she can be pain, DH even tells her so .... but she's his mother. She says many mean spirited things even without realizing it ... and to my kids nontheless... so we ignore her when she gets that way. Sometimes i just walk away.

well, enough of my ranting.

thanks.

Don't feel bad. You had to get it out somewhere. We're always here to help.

Kwanjin