Any foster parents here?

I am sorry for the cross posting, but on the other thread there's no answer, so I wanted to try here. Remove the other one if you must dear admins.
This is it http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/p.php?pid=4161865
Christie

Hi, Christie. Just ran in to this thread...but, yes. My D.H. and I are Former foster parents. We only did it for about 3 years in the late 1990's. I bet some things were different then. We were very focussed on re-uniting families in those days...at least the state of N.M. was. Adoption was discouraged. Many adventures. We are still in touch with our first foster kid. His is not a huge success story. Yet. Are you currently a foster parent?

Thanks for your reply! Better late than never!
No, we are not. I was raised by fosterparents in Belgium, had no parents, so I stayed until 18.
In Belgium things are shifting slowly, reuniting families is becoming important.
The info I read on a local website says there are kids that need to go back and there are kids that you can adopt.
I am not sure which I want; I don't know how "damaged" these poor souls are...
I couldn't do a new kid every 3 months, I get attached to kids. ( I lived with an abusive man for 3 years because of his kids; I couldn't leave them behind... But I did in the end, and resolved my issues.)

What type of adventures did you have, if I may ask?

Christie

Many adventures. We had, I think, nine children over that 3 years. Not all at once. Attachment was difficult all around. We knew from the start, as foster parents, that we would not be adopting. It was required by the state that we stay within that role. In retrospect, I think that was o.k. but not always in the child's best interests. (How cool to be raised in Belgium! I wonder what that was like?) As for adventures...I'll start with just one. She was physically and emotionally abused at a very young age and went to an orphanage where she was adopted when she was 10. The adoption failed because the child had some intense undiagnosed problems and the prospective adoptive parents were not ready to take on all the working out that would entail. That's when we got her. One problem was cutting. She liked to cut herself. She had to be watched like a toddler altho she was very intelligent and manipulative. Her problems would fill a book. Ultimately, she was placed in a hospital and then went to "theraputic foster parents" who were specially trained to work with her disabilities. That was awful. The others were not so bad.

I read on the foster website that we will receive training, but I don't think I could take on a child with such severe problems. Hopefully there are people that can, all those kids need a fair chance in life. 9 Children in 3 years; that's intense!
Did you feel it was good for those who went back to their family to be going back? Was it difficult to "combine" fosterkids with your own kids?
Do you think it made a difference for the kids to have spent time living in a normal home?
So many questions, thanks for sticking with me!
Living in Belgium sure was different! Especially compared to Marin, where we live now!
I still call my fostermom every week, they are the only real parents I had.
But I think I relate my experience too much with becoming a fosterparent. Life is different here, and the times have changed since I was a child!

Sorry to take so long to reply. We did receive training and it was helpfull but not really enough to prepare us for everything that came up. The little girl I told you about was pretty much of a "worst case". Poor thing; she really was a sweet girl in many ways. We do not have children of our own. Sometimes that was good because these children took so much attention and my husband and I both worked full time. I almost lost my job because my employer was afraid I would miss too much work. ( I didn't, but I probably should have! ) I think your experience sounds very positive. My favorite foster experience was taking care of two "little hippie girls" - sisters, one in 2nd grade, one in jr. high. We only had them for about a month. They really shouldn't have been in foster care. They were taken from their father mainly because of a vindictive neighbor and a sub-standard heating system. Long story. The father was very nice and the mother, his ex, had the girls on weekends. Those girls were a joy to have around! We missed them when they went home but I was happy for the family. Every situation is unique. Don't let me discourage you from trying this.