Friends...Advice...Right or Wrong

Okay, I don't post a whole lot but just felt like I needed to see what some others have to say. I have a tendency to jump all the way into things when my sense of right/wrong has been offended and take things too far. I lead with my heart.
That said....here goes. I moved to this area about a year ago. Made friends with the neighbor lady across the street (everyone else said she was a *itch) and we really hit it off. Our kids hang out, our husbands hang out. I am a person who speaks my mind and she seemed to be too. When my kid had a problem at school, I go up there and handle it. I let them know I am not going to take their crap but without cussing or having a fit. She seemed to be the same way. Then I found out her kids dread her going up there because she has a total fit and embarasses them. She seemed to only go up there for the important stuff at first. Now she is calling them or going up there daily. I think so far since friday now, she has been there or called to yell at someone there 7 or 8 times now. She called the police on the bus driver on friday. She has caused so many problems that teachers and coaches are staying away from her kids or ostrasizing them from activities. Other kids now are also staying away. And it isn't just school and it isn't just her. Her husband is the same way. They have yelled at the neighbors on countless occassions for coming into their property slightly when they mow. She called the police on the same neighbor because her son checked the mail in his underwear over the summer. Just taking off everyone's head for everything. I try to tell her to calm down and it doesn't work.
Sorry so long but now here is the main thing. Our subdivision borders a farm and the farmer has an old house in the rear that he rents to a preacher. The preacher runs several homeless shelters in 2 neighboring counties. Over the summer, he had heart problems and had some of the guys staying with him to clean up some of the mess on the property. (Mind you, she was the one who yelled at the farmer about the mess) Her oldest son, who she had problems with, left home and went to stay over there too. Now she starts yelling and calling the police saying he is running a homeless shelter behind her house. Now the farmer yells at him for that so the guys have to go. Now he has his granddaughter and her little girl staying with him to help him out. The little girl can't be more than 7 or so. She has some developmental problems and has to go to school. He has a junker car and heart problems. He has 2 choices. Either he has to take her all the way up the dirt road to get the bus on a busy road by the farmer or he can watch her cut across 1 neighbors yard to get the bus at the end of our street in our subdivision. The yard they cut through is 2 doors down from my neighbor. Well we were all out there the other morning and she spotted them at the end of the street and went down there and told them to get the heck out of OUR subdivision. She called the bus department on them. Her husband says next time they are there to call the police. I felt so bad, I went down to the neighbor at the end and asked permission for them to use her yard to cut through and told him to call the school and explain his health problems to them, get it fixed and forget about the witchy neighbor. To top it off, she is doing this to a man who took her son in and she is also angry because the farmer won't let her use the dirt road to haul stuff to her rear yard. She is taking it out on him but he only rents from the farmer.
I don't know what to do cause her kids are great and my son loves them. She is my friend and I try to guide her but she doesn't listen. However, I don't want her reputation to wipe off on me. I am kind of just pulling away from her now. How can one person be so mean? I really just wanted to know if you all felt I should have stayed out of it, should have done more. I even thought about calling the bus company and telling them to let the little girl get the bus there because all of the neighbors here don't mind. It is just the one woman who is having a fit and they all know who she is.

I don't think the police can do anything because it is okay with the neighbor who is letting them cross their property and the subdivision is public (I think). I say, pull away, like you are, don't get too much involved and if they keep calling the police, the police are going to get irritated. They know the people that are like this. You may talk to the police yourself, let them know the situation and see what your options are. I wouldn't confront her but is sounds to me that eventually she is going to do something totally abbhorent to you and/or she'll turn on you. Prepare for it. The old guy could get a restraining order or call the police if she keeps harassing him. However, this may just escalate things.

We had a neighbor that made complaints like that, finally the subdivision association went to her and told her she had to stop.

I know the police can't do anything. It is all petty stuff. I don't even want to bother. I guess the whole point of mentioning the police was to say that she is so witchy and everything that happens warrants a call to the police or a fight of some sort. What do you do with miserable people like this?
I guess I just wanted to know if my trying to 'fix it' was okay. I got permission for him from my neighbor for the little girl to go there to get the bus. My hubby is the type that always says 'just stay out of it.'
Funny thing is, I really believe in Karma and that the world has a way of saying things to you. On the same day that all this happened, I was reading a dg post about a woman who was the back yard nazi. She always was mean to the kids, dictating who's kids could be in her yard that week and who couldn't for random reasons. The lady who posted it said that when she got older she found out the woman was being abused by her husband and maybe that is why she was so evil and bossy with the kids. Her life was miserable and she took it out on the kids. Then turn around and the preacher guy said the same thing. He said my neighbor must be very miserable in her life about something and he would pray for her. I find it very hard though to believe she is some sort of victim. I know in her mind she always sees things as her defending her rights and not letting other walk on her. She feels the fights are brought to her when the reality is she is so miserable and she looks for them.
I will end up pulling away and I am sure she will then start with me too. The only thing she can start on me for though is maybe watering when I am not supposed to occasionally.

Phew, you have a doozy of a neighbor, there. I'll give my two
cents only because you asked for it. :-)

Truth is, it sounds like nothing you can do is going to change this woman.
Some people have no reason to be negative, they have just done it for so long
that it becomes second nature. My own father is this way. It's almost as though
he thrives on negativity, he has to make an issue out of everything. Other days,
he seems just fine and can be a fun, laughable guy. Ten minutes later, he's a
complete jerk.

This type of person does not appreciate being pulled to the side to look in
the mirror. They don't have problems in their mind, everyone else does.

Sad to say, though she was your friend, you aren't going to be able to change
her or even soothe things over. She has to want to be a better person, she has to
be receptive to your efforts, but based on what you've said thus far, it's not going
to happen any time soon, if at all. I can't say whether you should allow your kids
with hers, but if you draw a line in the sand, she sounds the type to kick that very
sand in your face.

Your best bet, if you want to make a difference, is in the little girl's life. Though
you have children of your own to tend to, try to leave even a bit of room for the
little one. You may very well be a source of sunshine in her otherwise dim life.

The older woman; your friend, is a big girl who knows better and has choices.
She obviously chooses to be a rotten soul.

I wish you the best no matter what. May your family be happy and healthy. :-)

Karen Marie

ga peach, I say, pull away from her now. This is only going to escalate, and pretty soon, you will be in her gun sights. I too believe that she is a miserable person, and has issues that she is dealing with, although not in a positive way. Some people have to "feel in control" of a situation, but she will never get the fact that she is destroying her kids lives. I have a similar type neighbor, and her daughter plays with my granddaughter, and she all of a sudden stops speaking to us. So I just confront her and ask what is the problem? No problem she replies, but I have seen her get "down" on other neighbors, and then given a little time is back to "normal" and speaking to them again. But in the mean time, has talked about them like they were dogs. I am a strong person, and everybody knows that I am a fair person, so whatever she said about me and my granddaughter in the almost year that she didn't speak to us, was just talk, because I have not lost friends because of her.

Just pull away and try to ignore her rants, but please try to help the little girl who is caught in a situation that has nothing to do with her.

God bless you and your decisions that you make in this situation.

I did try to help the little girl. Sad thing is, I got permission for her to use the neighbor's yard and all, but now I don't see her in the mornings. I don't know if he is driving her or what.
I guess I will just pull away some so we aren't so best friendly and take it down a notch. I don't want our kids not too play because she does have great kids. Don't really know how that happened with such a nazi mother but they are sweet.

And WUVIE, you really hit the nail on the head when you said 'They don't have problems in their mind, everyone else does.' She thinks everyone is attacking her all the time and she is just standing up for herself. I think most of the neighborhood is scared of them and afraid of getting in their radar. However, I never could be that way. That's why I tried to help the little girl. I think the one good thing I have going is that she knows I am way smarter than her and when need be, I can really use it. That and I don't do anything that she can get me on.

Hi Peach,

You're doing good, and I think you are on the right track. I'll
share a few things so you can see you truly aren't alone. I believe
many of us either have, or have had, someone like her in our
lives or in our neighborhoods.

Just last night I was thinking about my own childhood friends and how their
parents behaved. Good grief, it's a wonder the kids did not turn out
even worse! Our neighbor's kids seem like yours, they are good kids,
somehow they ended up with a bit of sense. The kids next door would
relay to my kids how crazy their mother was and that they could not wait
to grow up and move out. The things she said and did were absurd!

When her son asked her why their house could not look like ours
(effort, not money) she went ballistic on him. Quite the problem in that head
of hers - the type to hide beneath the window while someone knocks at the door.

Drug induced angry paranoia and reality don't mix well.

I once sold a car to what I thought was a young mother in need.
Short version, she was trash and so was her boyfriend. I only later found out
what a mess I'd become involved in trying to befriend a 'young woman with
children to raise'.

The deal was to trade a giant screen television as a down payment, then she
could make payments on the car; which I gave her dirt cheap trying to be nice.
The t.v. came; later to be discovered as an unpaid rent-to-own deal, the car
drove off and that was the end of that. Along the way we discovered what
nasty people they were, so to keep our own home and family safe and secure,
we put a lien on the title and called it experience. These people were
just the type to get you back somehow, some way.

Hubby says the car is no doubt in a field somewhere, stripped.

Keep your chin up and know that you are doing well. :-)

I guess I am just amazed at the things she finds to have a fit about.

Here's more though. Just found out. I knew she was trying to be a foster parent and I knew she had some problems with her oldest before where she used to live. I didn't really know the whole story but was beginning to think something wasn't right or I didn't have the whole story. She went through all the classes and then they did the background check. (Sort of backwards but okay, that's the state for you) Anyway, then in comes up that family services had been involved so she may not get to be a foster parent. I knew about their involvment because she told me and I met the oldest who is now 21 and still a problem child. However, I always wondered if I had heard the whole story and if maybe some of his problems weren't from her. Kind of glad now that the state is rethinking it.

I watched her the other day have a total fit on her daughter for giving the bus driver her contact information. Apparently they were requesting it of all the kids and her kid gave them the info. She went totally ballistic over it though. Threatened to take her allowance to pay to have the phone number changed and cancel the birthday party. I really did not know she was like this as most of this behavior was behind closed doors. I guess as she began to get more comfortable though, it is all coming out.

Wow. Well, you ask for our thoughts on this so here you go...

(My) advice to you is (start using your head), NOT your heart. This woman, and her husband, are poison and without a serious spiritual change in their hearts, always will be. At some point, sooner or later, she will turn on you and/or your children - whether you remain her friend or not. Not to mention, because she is an adult, she is setting an example to your children on what behaviors are good, proper, and acceptable for adults. Her and her husband's behavior is neither good, proper, nor acceptable. When you are with your children at home, use her bad behavior as a "teaching tool" - showing your children how adults are NOT suppose to act. Of course, whether spoken or just thought, your children will wonder why (you) spend time with people like her and her husband, if they treat others so badly. She has not, and will not, heed your words of advice, so (why) spend time with someone like that? (Remember - use your head, not your heart.) …You want to spend time with people who your children can look up to and use as role models. I'm not talking about being rude to her, hating her, or treating her badly. You are responsible for YOUR behavior - treat her with politeness and be kind - regardless of (how) she behaves towards you. But you do not have to be her close friend or allow your children to be in her company. ….If necessary, and it might very well be necessary, sell your house and move to a new neighborhood where this time, you can take your time getting to know your neighbors, and not become "best friends" until you know (what kind) of people your neighbors are.

I do not believe in Karma, but rather am a Christian - I belong to Jesus. Scripture talks about "angry people" and people with "hard hearts". ….I have lived 50 years now, and without exception, I have found everything in God's Holy Word (the Bible) to be true. So… here are just a few verses that I hope will help you do the best thing for you and your children.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,
Do not associate with one easily angered,
Or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs 22:24-25

Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."
1 Corinthians 15:33

A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought
to his steps. A wise man fears the LORD and shuns evil, but a
fool is hotheaded and reckless.
-- Proverbs 14:15-16, New International Version
A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps
himself under control.
Proverbs 29:11, New International Version
An angry man stirs up dissension and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.
Proverbs 29:22

Ga_peach, you are not the first person to deal with a person who is "bent" on being angry - one who appears to not be happy unless they are fighting with someone. So here are also some old sayings - bits of wisdom….

Your friends will either lift you up, or take you down. One or the other. There is no in-between.
~ Unknown

Do not have evil-doers for friends, do not have low people for friends: have virtuous people for friends, have for friends the best of men.
~~ Dhammapada

You become the company you keep.
~~ Unknown


I wish you and your family well.

Glenda

Bibvle says Judge not.


I think shes being mistreated by her hus. and can only bully others not him. i would talk to her.. tell her the poor little girl how hard has it. if she has no heart that will tell you.lol..

but back off little.. see what she has to say..

Just as a mention, ga_peach is seeking advice, not religion.

:-)

As one who grew up with a mother very like this "problem" friend, I feel compelled to say that this woman may be needing medication and/or psychiatric help to treat her paranoid and neurotic behavior. My mother alienated all her neighbors, never made any friends, and her family was afraid of her. Deep down, I'm sure my mother loved her family, and was lonely. I think if she had taken tranquilizers and had therapy, she may have become a better person. I don't know what the solution to ga_peach's friend's problem is, but perhaps someone in authority will eventually refer this woman to a doctor for evaluation.

June,

Thank you for sharing that with the thread. Indeed as one who
experienced this behavior firsthand, you've likely mentioned
the key that woman may never hold.

:-) (Hugs) KM

Wuvie, what Glenda said WAS advice, and then she gave the reasons why she thought it was wise advice. Now if she had said, "Print these out and go hand them to your neighbor and maybe she'll change her ways" - THAT would have been religion. :-)

Ah, Marylyn, indeed handing anything to a neighbor like that
would be ill advised. Except a restraining order perhaps.

;-)

LOL Agreed! :-)

I have a neighbor who I thought was my friend, her son is a year older than mine (who is six now, this happened a couple of years ago). My best friend lived on the corner, her daughter is also a year older than my son. One day, here comes the neighbor's boy, he hand-delivers an invitation to come to his birthday party. We (my friend & I) wave to the mom, watching from across the street. I buy this kid a present and come over with my son the next day. My son is no angel, but he's no devil either, just so you know I know he's not perfect. He rides this kids' bike down the driveway, and the grandmother screams "Get off that bike, that is not your bike! Where do you think you're going?" He was not riding off with the bike, (no, it was not a new birthday gift), and he was staying in the driveway with it. So, giving her the benefit of the doubt, and not wanting to cause a big scene, I ask him to stay in the backyard with me, they had rented one of those big inflatable houses. He starts jumping in it, and accidentally knocks down a little girl, an infant really. He tries to make it up to her by making funny faces and "buzzing" her belly. I know this is what he's trying to do, because some of my relatives came to stay with us a few weeks before that, and that is how my husband's nephew's wife buzzed her baby, to make him laugh. The baby's mom starts screaming in alarm "He's trying to bite my baby!" Now I feel like I'm in the twilight zone, so I grab my kid and tell Sue & Dan (the parents) see ya later, and we red-facedly head home. I never get a thank-you for the gift, no card, nothing, ever. (It did not cost more than ten bucks, nor was it dime store cheap, if that even matters). I never even considered until afterwards, that my son was not expressly invited, but that is the story she told later. In fact, this kid really angered my friend's husband when he came over after that and told her daughter, loudly, that his mom didn't like him playing with my son, and asked her to send him home. I have known my friends for more than 20 years, and that wasn't gonna happen. We were too speechless to say anything, but her husband quickly nipped that idea in the bud. He said "well that's too bad, you can leave, they were here first" LOL. She is divorced now, Dan looks great, he's lost 50 pounds. They've sold their house, and I can't wait until they move. I sure hope someone with kids my son's age moves in, it's too bad about them, how's that for karma? :0).

When I first started reading that story, I knew mental illness had to be the cause. I know someone like that, and it's true, they blame everyone else for their problems, and feel that since others are always wrong and always out to get them, that they are perfectly within their right to act that way. You cannot reason with them, so don't even try. Just stay away. Be civil if you do have to come in contact with them, but don't go out of your way to "help" them, because, sadly, you can't. They will only make you part of their drama. Good luck, I feel sorry for you, but mostly for the kids.

I think WUVIE is right. So many people forget that we are not all Christians on Dave's and sometimes the religion thing gets a little heavy. I don't think she was proselytizing but perhaps, unless someone specifically asks for religious help, we shouldn't bring religion into discussions - but that is just my opinion.

ga_peach asked for anyone's opinions. Glenda gave hers, and cited some quotes that seemed appropriate for the situation to her. Some of them were from the Bible, some weren't. That's all. I'm not sure why that would bother anyone. This would have been good advice even if she had found it on a Hallmark card: "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."

I don't want to highjack the conversation any more... You can dmail me if you want to discuss it more. :-) I'm sorry, ga_peach!

No, don't worry about it. Don't everyone argue. I myself am not very religious and my family goes from Presbyterian, to Muslim, to Jewish. I just try to respect everyone and hope they do the same. Although I do hate preaching, I try to let everyone have their say. After all, the one thing I have learned is everyone thinks their own religion is the best. However, I don't really feel like anyone was preaching or anything here. You are right the advice you gave were words anyone can use regardless of the source. But I guess like Wuvie and Mobi said, I am kind of looking for practical everyday advice. How someone else may have handled a similar situation.
Okay, am I on the fence trying to make everyone happy or what? I guess what I am saying is, I wasn't offended by the somewhat religious comments at all and they were very good advice. I don't really think it was preaching but at the same time, I was looking for more practical advice cause Lord knows, my behavior is far from Jesus like at times. I don't think anyone can be that good.
I guess my solution lies in pulling away which I have started to do. Also, fall will be coming and we tend to stay indoors when it is cold. So although it is still a ways away, I think that will pull us apart a little farther. Hopefully, I can start to try to go to school or something maybe by next year and start working again which will also help. (I have a 3 and 2 yr. old at home.) I think slowly over time my life's direction will be different from hers and we will pull away. I have already started cooling it a bit now and making myself too busy to hang out and talk. I think that is all I can do.

Maryln_TX, thank you very much, I appreciate your posts. You hit the nail on the head. (You) understood my intent. Ga_peach said "…but just felt like I needed to see what some others have to say." I simply told her what (I) had to say about her situation and sited some of the sources that are the foundation for my opinion. Unfortunately, in her original post, she did not say "I only want practical everyday advice -- advice that is not religious in any way, shape, or form."

I did not hear any objections to the soundness or truthfulness of the wisdom in what I sited, so that's encouraging. Marylyn, the (real) objection is to Jesus. He is (the root) of why people become "bothered". He warned us that it would be this way, so it's to be expected. ….We'll never (really) know if the same objections would have been posted if I had sited Gandhi, Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, or any other faith, other than Christianity. So much for "tolerance", I guess.

Mobi - (this) DG forum is "General Discussion & Chat" - which can cover anything any writer wants to talk about as long as it is respectful and applicable.

Hope43, yes the Bible does say, "Judge not" (actually, Jesus is the one who said it) but you are quoting it out of context. If you read all of Matthew chapter 7, along with the rest of the New Testament, it will clarify it for you. ….If anyone has any questions or wishes to discuss this further, please D-mail me. I'd be more than happy to chat with you.

KyWoods, you may be right. I too wondered if mental illness could be a factor. Hopefully, the neighbor will someday get help and wise counsel for her problem.

Ga_peach, just so you know, because you cannot hear the inflection in my voice or see my face, (I am not angry in any way) about anything posted regarding my original reply to you. Mature adults are able to politely and respectfully discuss anything, and if necessary, cordially agree to disagree. I am not, and will not, argue with anyone, and I apologize for any anxiety my original reply, or the subsequent replies may have caused you. Causing you more anxiety than what you are already dealing with was not my intent. …I still believe that what I posted was sound advice though, given the limited knowledge I have of the situation.

I wish nothing but the very best for you - ga_peach, your family, and everyone on this thread.

Glenda

Glenda, thanks for all the warm wishes. I must point out though, that I do appreciate all the advice (religious or not). And although I wanted everyday, more practical advice, I didn't specify that and wasn't offended by anyone's religious comments because I try to be tolerant and because something good may come into your life from very unexpected sources. I am not overly religious and am not part of an organized religion but I am not closed minded enough to think that religion or religous people can't offer something useful in my life. I appreciated the information and the thought behind it. Sometimes though, the words, sayings, scriptures, etc.. aren't as helpful for folks like me. It is not because I am stupid or don't appreciate them. It is because I relate better to everyday scenarios.
I guess I can see where others may be offended by all the religion. I can see both sides. All I can say to it all is that I welcome all advice (as long as it is appropriate). I will learn from it what I can.

What's interesting, is that I am a Christian but I find it can get bad sometimes with the rhetoric sometimes and I find it objectionable only to the point where it's "in your face" kind of thing. Not that this was the case here, but definitely in other threads.


"Mature adults are able to politely and respectfully discuss anything, and if necessary, cordially agree to disagree" I agree with you there, however they purposely don't allow political discussions on Dave's because it's not always the way with some. I think it talking about religion may be just as bad as talking about politics here. However, I also don't find it too objectionable, if it gets too bad I just click unwatch thread and that is that.

I also find it interesting that you don't see others write about (at least not much) about what their respective holy doctrines say (especially the Koran). Some doctrines offend others.

For example, I came across this one doctrine of a Christian sect, which I will not say what it is here, that said that, and I am paraphrasing here. "Men should be the head of the household and the woman should let the man make the decisions." It really offended me. For the others that practice that religion, it's not offensive. (If you put "persons of color" instead of women in that phrase it becomes very offensive).

So it's different with everyone. I didn't find anything you posted offensive but when you quote scripture of doctrine of faith you run the risk of offending someone or excluding others of different beliefs. (I guess you could make that argument if you quote anything!)

Thanks ga-peach and Mobi. I understand your points completely.

Take care!
:) Glenda

Glenda - Just so you know, I copied and pasted your quotes into a folder I have called "wisdom" I thought it was good advice myself. I believe ga peach's use of the word "karma" was the same as saying "what goes around comes around" or in Christian terms "the golden rule" of do unto others as you would have done to you, since there is a universal truth here, what you do and say can and does come back to you. "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"...

Thanks PrairieGirlZ5. :) I'm glad you found them useful. Heeding what they say sure can save a person a lot of heartache and trouble. And yes, you're absolutely right. What goes around comes around. That's a sure thing. ….And I think you're right. That (was) the point ga_peach was making. I was first thinking karma as it is defined in a dictionary. (as in Hinduism, Buddhism)

...You know, the thought of being able to email or post with a camera at your monitor so that you can see the person "sounds" like a great idea at first - letting people see your facial expression; with audio you could hear the inflection in their voice, etc. is tempting. I'm sure it would help people understand what another person is (really) trying to say, but the thought of folks seeing me first thing in the morning with my cup of coffee and the usual "morning hair"...well, let's just say I'm not ready to sign up for that one yet. lol ....Not to mention my "morning voice" before I talk for a while and it gets "warmed up". Yikes.... There are just some things that just shouldn't be televised. ;) lol

Have a great day!
~~ Glenda

ga peach,
I have experience with what you speak of. I have a neighbor who I was friends with some years ago. Her children came to visit regularly and I knew at the time it was so that they could get away from her. She yelled at her kids instead of talking to them. She kept them on edge all the time. The final straw with her was when she put down our home and hurt my son's feelings. Now I suspected at the time and still do that she is ADD/OCD and who knows what else. She has lied on me and others and I know it is only because she is unhappy in her own life. Here is what I did. I decided to stop seeing her and my life and my childrens lives are much better for it. I feel sorry for her kids but I tried with them, I really did. At least they got to experience some time away from her and have some peace when they were here. Some people are not happy and they don't want anyone else to be happy and I agree with the person who said the problem with this person is spiritually related.

I totally know what you mean ravenswing. It seems to get away from her is their heaven. They get so embarassed when she gets started and they really seem to have fun over here. I don't want to make enemies with her and don't want to make it so the kids can't come over anymore. I have just decided that from now on any time speaking with her will be very topical and rare. Overall though, I will try to pull away but still be friendly yet busy. I have alot going on right now so it won't be very hard.

You know the other thing is, you've heard the saying 'keeping up with the joneses.' Well she has to BE the joneses. They are not happy unless they have the most stuff. They have never had much but due to a lawsuit on their old home, ran into some money so when they bought a new home here, they had a pool and hot tub put in, concrete patios poured and built a deck, got a trampoline, deck furniture and a patio fire place. Needless to say, every day it is some crap. Always about 'look what we have' They invite one of my children to swim but not the others. Or invite him one day but the next he can't come for some reason but never outright rude. They will say the pool chemical levels aren't right so no swimming, wait til he is gone then get in the pool.

Now, this year, all the stuff her husband put up, like the retaining walls and the fence and deck (which need the walls for support) are falling over. Everything she tries to plant turns out wrong or dies. My hubby built a beautiful pergola in our yard, turned around built me a huge retaining wall/raised planting area out front (we are landscaping the entire front of the home beautifully) and putting a pool in the backyard. She is having a fit. I notice when something nice goes my way, she stays away.

Mind you, I am not trying to be evil or wish bad on anyone. I don't even want to be part of the Joneses game. It is just an observation. I try to be happy for others when good comes their way. I just happened to notice though that she used to ask me for advice on paint colors or locations for things and decor. Now, finally after alot of saving, things are coming together for me and she is staying away. Maybe it is a good thing though.

ga peach my neighbors kids would get embarrased too. It was so sad to watch. They always acted like they had to be on guard with me and my children as well. I think she ruled her home with fear. I think you have the right idea about keeping busy and being friendly with her when you do cross her path. Don't want to rile her up for sure. And another thing you mentioned in your reply about keeping up with the Jones's. My neighbor is like that too but acts like she's not. I always felt like she was jealous of anything good anyone got. I myself am like you, very happy when people do well and have what they need or want but not so with this person. I tell you, one day this neighbor would let her kids come over and the next day, it was like we had done something to make her mad and she would keep her kids from playing with ours. It was always some drama. I find this does have much to do with envy/jealousy ga. It's just a shame that people are so nasty and cruel and it's usually because they are empty inside. This post is helping me cope as well.

ps-People who try to outdo others will never be at peace.

Well Ravenswing, I am glad you are getting something from it too. And you soooo have my neighbor pegged. Are you living on the other side of her?

The thing is, call me stupid, but I never really saw any of her weird behavior at first. She always had a reason or a story that explained it all away. As for the kids, the younger 2 are my son's age and I would hate to take him away from them. They really are great kids and unfortunately, especially with the daughter, if I took my son away, they would have no friends cause of mom. They have friends in school, but they are never allowed to go anywhere with them outside of school. They won't let those kids breath.

She won't let them do anything outside the home because she is afraid of what trouble they may get into. So instead of allowing them to make mistakes, she will just make sure they are never in a situation to make mistakes. Finally one day I told her, 'Look, you taught your kids all they need to know. Everything they are going to get, you already put in. Now, at 12 & 13, they are adolescents and have to put it into action. They have to have room to exercise the values you gave them. You put it all in there now back off a little and see what comes out.' She is finally thinking about letting them go to school functions and sports events but only if they go with my son.

ga_peach, it sounds like you are already handling her and this whole situation very well. :-)

ga peach, Maybe consider volunteering in some community things to get to know people in the greater neighborhood. Like the library, school, daycare center, nursing home, hospital. Lots of places need help if only for a few hours a week. Good way to get to know people, make social contacts and get out of the neighborhood. As you get more involved with other people she will prey on your mind and heart less.

Great idea, Grammy!