CHARACTER

Your thoughts become words, then your words become actions,
your actions become habits, then your habits become your character
your character becomes your destiny !

You seem to be saying that a person can't have a character until they have habits, unless I have misunderstood... Does this mean a young child has no character?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... BUT DO YOUR ACTIONS BECOME HABITS???? i know that mine has!!!

A child has thoughts
he makes choices
which become actions
actions over time become habits
your choices destine your character.
You are not born with character it is the end result of your
life choices

That is why we must be careful what we think and say .... strive to have a positive attitude.

Judy

I'm still not convinced that's where character comes from, but I'm going to have to stop thinking about it before my brain overheats. I'm positive that the older I get, the less sure I am about anything!

in religion and philosophy:

Moral character
Sacramental character, a supernatural mark made on a person's soul by any of three sacraments of the seven, according to Roman Catholic dogma
The Characters, a book by Theophrastus
In science:

Character structure, in psychology, a constellation of enduring motivational and other traits that are manifested in the ways that an individual reacts to various challenges
Character (mathematics)
Trait (biology), an inherited feature

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Character_structure

I'm in full agreement with you Tazzy! We must have watched the same ministry show this week..

No i watch very little TV
just 65 yeras of living and study.
Hard living
LOL

Speaking of habits, I've always heard it takes 6 weeks to break a bad habit or 6 weeks to create a good one.

Judy

' Well said Judy '

well i have broken some bad ones i guess. i think we are all right and it is by our choices also.. as far as our characters are, we are what we are. hopefully great ones ..

And I'm really un sure about lots things.

did not want to start something just thought was a good quote to throw out., when read it.

Yes it was a good quote and gives us a lot to think about.

Judy

thanks..

Reminds me of my Father saying" the thought is father to the deed" JOY

Sorry Hope,
I don't buy your "blinders" assessment of human nature. The young mind is a sponge, willing to soak up ANYTHING. But that young mind does not necessarily follow a set dictate, as you have offered.
Granted, bad ideas, and bad training will lead to bad actions by otherwise good people. Good minds, even at a very early age, will grow up to be good adults, often, despite bad influences.
To suggest that an individual's ultimate destiny is ruled by early words and early actions, is to presume that we will all be degenerate if our upbringing points us in that direction.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Every mind is a pillar of common sense. Good influences and bad influences simply test our human resolve.
Is there 'bad seed' out there? You betcha! We've all seen it. But what grows up to be abhorent to civilized society did not grow up in a vacuum.
The habits and character of any adult individual are a direct function of that person's early growth. And we, as parents, are the ultimate determinates of that child's destiny.
Do not try to imply that early 'thoughts and words' ultimately lead to one's destiny.

blmib' I think you are atributeing a lot more than my quatation than what my father meant. JOY

Aged, I was not responding to your comments. I was responding to the original comments of Hope43. Please don't take my comments personally, as nothing in your direction was intended.
Did you think you were in the line of fire?. Sorry if you thought so. Your comment was well received. I apologize if you thought I was gunning for you.
But that's kinda the way this forum works. Because of the time delay, you never know for sure if it is you or somebody else who is getting castigated. Again, my regrets.

It would be my impression Hope was merely passing
on a thought, a quote she may have read or found online.
I don't think her intention was aimed at children, but rather
at adults, who are capable of changing their thoughts, words
actions, habits and character. It's just a shame more people
don't take the time to be better humans.

Hope, anything that gets the world thinking is a good thing. :-)

bimlbo you said
" And we, as parents, are the ultimate determinate of that child's destiny.
Do not try to imply that early 'thoughts and words' ultimately lead to one's destiny. "

If this is so what happen to Adam an Eve?
cant get much better parenting than they had !

the jest of Hope,s post was freedom of choice and what we choose
is what we become.

Wuvie thanks your right.. also i did not post to a kids site this is very good quote, thought.. i did for adults here..

excuse me 1. i do not have blinders on about anything they have been off thru lots trials, misfortunes..lots things.. But also habits do influnence children first a alcoholic father has alcoholic children they do what they see ... same with abusive parents kids grow up to be abuse also.. so habits, words do make a difference.

I DID NOT imply that thoughts , words, make ones destiny but looks like it has for generations.. one makes his own destiny either by what he has seen, grew up in.which is someone else's habits., or he does it all different!!!i have tried to explain this I'm not goood with words and know what i mean. and that quopte maybe what someone needs. its opinion good or bad i guess you have yours i have mine.

Hope,
I see what you are saying, and I appreciate the insight of your comment. And I apologize if I mis-intreperpreted your intent.
And you are very correct that that the sins of the fathers (alcohol, abuse) might very well be passed on to (or inflicted upon) the offspring, though they may never know it as they grow up. And it is a sad commentary that your comments are too often accurate.
It would be wrong, however, to chastise, and presume that devilsh young thoughts lead to a devilish life and character, and, ultimately, a sad destiny. Despite I-pods, you-tubes, my-spaces and all the other idiocy that plague our daily life, we MUST retain a bit of faith in the generations that We have created.
Is that enough of "soap-box" rhetoric? Yeah, I thought so. OK, y'all, go ahead and hammer me for my rambling mouth. Can't help myself sometimes.

not always thats true my parents all my family heavy drinkers i do not. it all depends on the person what they what to do accomplish in life.. Raise above things like that. millions do it every day..it is everyones choice to do be what they want. ok I'm off band wagon to.. sorry if upset you.

Can I just say, without causing offence, that this thread has made me do a lot of thinking? I went away and did some research. I learned that there has been an argument about "Nature versus Nurture" going on between behavioral psychologists for some time, and it has caused many bitter words. Some academics believe that humans develop their characters, or behavioral traits, through experiences after they are born, others are sure that everything about a person's character is present at birth, in their genes. A book called "The Blank Slate" by Professor S. Pinker documents this argument. He cites some fascinating research which turned up some very surprising results. What is not surprising is that the truth about how human nature develops is in the middle ground: about half our character is with us at birth, the other half is influenced by our environment as we grow up. What is surprising, even shocking, is that researchers discovered that as children we are influenced more by our peer group - the kids we go to school with and hang out with - than our parents! Remember how desperately important it was to have the same clothes as your school friends, to have the same music to listen to, and speak the same slang words (that your parents didn't understand)? Apparently, this is all part of the development of our personalities through peer culture. Fascinating stuff!

That could be why I'm such a strange bird. I was not into the
cliques and groups that had to have the latest 'in' things, in fact,
I was busier thinking about my first apartment and such and
stayed by myself or with my cousin most of the time.

Indeed nurture and nature both play a big role. My oldest son
is so much like his father, yet has barely been around him a few
times over the years. I never realized how much I was like my own father
until he moved to the same town, and wow, genetics really do play a
big role for some. Oddly enough, I see what an angry man my father is
and always has been, so I make an attempt to be a better person.

Thankfully, I have a conscience to guide me.

;-)

If I might interject...Let me tell a little story here about nature vs nuture. I come from a family that to say the least is disfuntional, on my mother's side most of them are. My Aunt and her children more so than my Mother and us, all of us are bi-polar, manic etc...abusive, substance etc. These problems tend to bring on others along with traits that are less than sterling for some that didn't have therapy or medication, as you can imagine but for years I guess we all thought we were what we were because that's how we grew up. When I became an adult my aunt had a child show up that she had put up for adoption, she showed up in our lives and when we met her she was just like my aunts other children, had the same traits, same mannerism, same mental issues etc. It was an intresting thing to see, and made me think. I can remember being a child and young adult wishing to escape my life and the abuse (my mother at the time wasn't on medication) so it was shock to realize that pretty much no matter where I was I would have grown up with the same mental issues that I have, would I had suffered less abuse, yes but I think I'd pretty much be the same person.

The basic 'qualifications' of which (our) 'character' can develop and grow into (or to our own demise) - we are essentially born with, as considered an intelligent life form. However, in which direction we take it (and/or, opt to guide/teach our children) .. is strictly left up to us.

- Magpye

Some additional notes ...

Bravo, Mag, well said. Love the quotes!

They go beyond the religion or the culture we live in; they are part of our existence.

Truer words could not be spoken.

This discussion reminds me of a book "A Child Called "It" " by Dave Pelzer. This is straight from amazon.com's book reveiw:
David J. Pelzer's mother, Catherine Roerva, was, he writes in this ghastly, fascinating memoir, a devoted den mother to the Cub Scouts in her care, and somewhat nurturant to her children--but not to David, whom she referred to as "an It." This book is a brief, horrifying account of the bizarre tortures she inflicted on him, told from the point of view of the author as a young boy being starved, stabbed, smashed face-first into mirrors, forced to eat the contents of his sibling's diapers and a spoonful of ammonia, and burned over a gas stove by a maniacal, alcoholic mom. Sometimes she claimed he had violated some rule--no walking on the grass at school!--but mostly it was pure sadism. Inexplicably, his father didn't protect him; only an alert schoolteacher saved David.
This boy grew up to be a man that transcended all of the horrifying mental and physical abuse inflicted upon him first by his parents, then his peers (who didn't understand why he was filthy, stole food from them, didn't act like a normal child), to become a role model for those needing inspiration to find hope, courage, and happiness. Here's a link to his website: http://www.davepelzer.com/

And there is a 2nd book by Pelzer, continuing his story. It is a horrifying story. That he is the man he is today is truly a miracle, I firmly believe.

Saint - similar circumstances with my DH. He was adopted as a newborn and his birth family contacted us in 1982. We see pretty much the same problems DH has with depression, low self esteem, etc. with his sibs but thankfully he didn't get into any substance abuse. One has been in rehab for alcohol twice, also divorced twice, another sibling had a Rx drug problem, went thru rehab and one divorce. Another is divorced and struggled with anorexia for years, another's DH struggled with alcohol, they divorced, then lived together, then split for good when he went back to the booze. The only difference I see with the two sibs that are married and stayed married, are that they attend church regularly, as do we. So is faith the glue that makes the difference, regardless of the circumstances? or is it the choice of partner? or does it go back to environment? or genetics? It's fascinating to explore but I doubt if it's ever just one thing, more likely a combination of everything. ....P.S. The birth father was/is? (whereabouts unknown) an alcoholic for decades, married at least 5 times, perhaps more.

It would seem that so many external and internal variables are what give psychologists and psychiatrists a good income.
Anyone who has been around for 4,5 or 6 decades has seen circumstances where the family offspring mimics the actions and lifestyles of at least one of the parents. (For instance, the son of a prison inmate may grow up to be a prison inmate, himself) And in other cases, the offspring are the antithesis of a degenerate parentage. Is it all random? I do not think so.
Given that arbitrary and unquantifiable outcome, is a child destined to be a reflection of his parents? No, not necessarily. A minister's child may grow up to be a pedophile, or a drug addict, or a prostitute. A doctor's three children might all grow up to be doctors.
It is my opinion that a young mind has an innate propensity to be good and moral, or may develop, on its' own, a propensity to ignore moral values. What tips the balance is the guidance that each receives at a young age. I cannot accept the idea that a bad person is bad because his heritage, his genes, have sentenced him to be bad.
His life fate is not just his. it is a blend of his own intricate mind, blended with the good and bad things that have influenced him. And the greatest influence happens in the first 10 years of his life.
We have no greater responsibility to our children than to instill morality. And as a self-serving end, it is particularly satisfying to know that when we leave, we have left a legacy to be proud of.

well said, blmlb.

And remember, Charles Manson calls himself the product of modern society, when left to its own devices. Makes you think.

This is all very interesting and thought-provoking. There are a lot of childhood experiences that I could relate to emphsize my own opinions, but this thread made me recall words that my father said to me one time that hit a permanent niche--they are words from Shakespeare: "To thine own self be true,....and thou shalt not be false to any man." Kids know what they want out of life's experiences. When you live a lie (to please someone perhaps or to gain an advantage), not all will be fooled, but certainly yourself

I used to worry about making foolish or bad choices, to the point of inaction. My father also said to me that "living kills you, so why worry about everything?" This helped me to take the middle-road, to just stay within common sense and not to listen to everyone who tries to sway you. But still, when there's something you desire, take the risks when consequences can be dealt with. I think this sort of guidance (and his examples) helped shape my character.