What is wrong with husband surrendering to their wives?

Hap here.

Lets turn this enlightened thread around!!!!!

great idea..

Woohoo I * like it *!! LOL ;)
Oh and just for the record ... mine surrendered to me tonight but I'll * NEVER * tell!! LOL

Most men's idea of surrendering to their wife is summed up in a single phrase used in varied tones and inflections. The result is usually a wife that is NOT happy. That phrase, of course is....."Yes Dear..."

I have to admit...there are times when I surrender to my DH and then there are times when he surrenders to me.
It is a 50/50 marriage and i think that both have to surrender an equal amount of time. There are times when i do what he says only because i think that it is best for me and my girls...nothing like him beating me..just things like "honey, please don't buy any plants this week, we need to pay the power bill" you know things like that. And others like me telling him " Dear could you not buy any computer parts, this month we need to pay the car insurance". I have to say that i have a wonderful husband and Thank God that he gave him to me...cause as much as i spend and not only on plants, he sure has the patience of a (whatever has alot of patience) LOL.

So surrendering to your spouce could be a good thing if it is done with love and the the best of intentions.

Char

I'd have to guess most of us have a happy, well adjusted marriage.
We are, after all, gardeners, who are typically down-to-earth folks who have
a grasp on reality.

While I don't ever want a cowering husband who bows to my every command
and does what I say, it is nice to have a man who doesn't take the "My daddy
taught me this way, and that is the way it goes" attitude. He would be SO out the
door in a heartbeat. That old fashioned 'man rules the home' doesn't fly well here
and we function just fine.

Char made some great points, it is more a combination that works for us, a
joint effort. Hubby does not tell me I cannot do something, he asks that I not
do it. When he forgets and pulls the caveman bit, he gets the raised eyebrow
and remembers I have no leash, nor ownership papers. Ahem.

Just the other day I was telling my mother how happy I was that my husband
is not one of those kind of men who think they rule the roost. Men who shove a
sleeping cat out of their chair because they want to sit down. No, my husband
is the kind of guy who will sit elsewhere, or if he is determined, will gently move
the cats; who truly run this house it seems.

My hubby is the guy who will sit still because the kitten has fallen asleep on his
shoulder. He's the guy who prefers I not spend too much money on needless
things when we should be careful, but if I do, he says something along the lines
of "You deserve to have nice things." Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hard core
shopper or anything, but he just has a nice easy-going attitude.

I wish all women could enjoy a life of complete happiness, but sadly,
as long as that caveman mentality is passed on from
generation to generation, it will never happen. :-(

As a male, I can say that the wise husband ALWAYS surrenders to the wife. To do otherwise invites many days, weeks, or months of pure agony, not the least of which, is being 'cut off'. Only took me a couple of decades to learn that.

Maybe we should change that word to "please" I think this sounds so much nicer ...
What is wrong with husbands pleasing their wives ... and wives pleasing their husbands? :-)
Soooo much nicer that way. Maybe marriages would last longer?

* ducking and running before I get egged * LOL

This message was edited Jul 11, 2007 3:37 PM

I don't think that love and respect is a forcefull thing, I think it is earned by both.I have been married for 32 Yrs., and I can't remember a "power strugle", we just love each other.BTW, I'm male.

Wuvie....(lol) ..... just had to say, my DH may not completely 'rule the roost' but he DOES, indeed, rule 'his chair'.
He'll kick anyone/everyone/anything (except for his or my parents or another 'elder') outta there in a heartbeat!

That kind of drives me nuts, but other than that, he's a good man, so I guess he can have his chair!

mqiq
I * like * that! :-)
I can see why you've been married so long.

THANKS.

Is it war to "surrender"? Methinks it's not. That would mean one is dominating the other. There has to be a bit of domination, but that has to be healthy and well understood between the two, the importance and purpose of domination. Whatever is done, it has to be in the best interests of the harmony of the family. If not, friction is bound to develop.

In every functioning operation, wheather machine, or body there is a degree, or degrees of friction in order to operate.Thus there exist a given to cope with, weather body, or machine, and the operator needs to know , for mainteance sake, just how to make the operation progress.The Holy Bible states that " we are wonderfull, and beautifully made", and it requires a certin knowledge of how to follow instructions both written, and hearing, of what keeps the body functioning, and cohabitating.The Holy Bible lays all that out for us who are NOT too proud to learn.Its called "disipleship", or learning through disipline.God put man(kind) in charge of all the creation, and I dare say that fewer than 5% know the creation, or can hear and see beauty in the creation, much less know how to improve it.So the majority of mankind falls short.Its not Gods fault, He gave us the ability to reason, and learn, it hapens to be our choice to do so or not.The same applies to marriage, and or operating a machine, looking after a goat heard, etc.In life there are choices, and consequences, your choice.Mike

Just a quick mention, many of us do not require an article of
religious faith to get along.

This is not said to begin a debate, but rather to speak for
those of us who get along fine and see the world for the wonder
it is without a book of instruction. Said with all due respect to your
opinion, of course.

Every one is entitled to free will thinking, and making choices.If I offended any one, it was not my intention, and I am very sorry.I guess i made that MY book of direction, because I didn't do too good without it.I might add, 28 Yrs. ago I didn't do to good with reading, and learned to do so, for the book.Since I have become more educated, and find that back then I missed out on a lot.(Thats free) Things like the beauty of a butterfly emerging, knowing that certin butterflys have a certin cat, and not distroy every one you see, I evan watched a cicada crawl out of the ground, and become an adult, the whole process was a little over 21/2 Hrs.
As for marrage, you get out of it what you put in it.You expect what you are willing to give.Their should be no "conquering" of either will to live together in harony, and love.I could ask, is love a state of mind, or an emotion, or could it be something "grown" into, like me and the feral cat that has been here for over a year.I started by shooing it away, and it grew more familier, and soon reconised that I wouldn't hurt it, and now it is my "buddy", and has a perminent place in my heart.(I still can't explane love).Mike

My DH's mantra is "Happy wife, happy life"! I've trained him well! ;)

I'd have to say that our relationship is definitely 50/50. We just naturally slid into a routine that works. It doesn't mean that we don't "cross the lines". He'll do laundry if I'm out of town (I won't let him fold though - just lay it flat!). I cut the grass for him sometimes (just because I'm so anal about the edges by my garden!). I have to say that after 14 years of marriage, we have never had a fight. We've had arguments of course, but nothing that made me stop and look at him and say "why the heck did I marry you"! Luckily, he's very good with money (being an ex-banker) and I'm very bad so we balance each other ;)!

And above all else, he makes me laugh each and every day!

Oh, Mike, no, not offended at all, just putting in my
two cents, actually. :-)

Knowing that you have come to care about the feral cat
tells me a world about you. I admire anyone who is willing
to learn, to take the time to learn. I only wish my father were
a bit more patient with such things.

The dogs that run loose in his neighborhood drive him nuts,
but as I tell him, he allows the barking to drive him nuts.
He doesn't stop to think those animals are domesticated,
or should be. Somewhere along the line an irresponsible
human failed to spay or neuter for their pet, so the
dog is left to it's own devices.

Two thumbs up to you and the cat, Mike! :-)

My 2 cents on "latch key" pets would concur that the same people don't need children.There is a very funy, but true story about a man here that had a female dog tied to a dog house, and kept having puppies.He had 2 neighbor guys, that he refered to as "hippies", well they took his dog, and had it fixed, paid the vet, and brought the dog back. Mean while, the man reported his dog stolen, and an investigation was made of the situation.The court ruled for the two guys, and the judge ordered the man to reemburse his neighbors.A member of the jury told me later that it was hard keeping a streight face.Mike

I couldn't agree with you more.

I've called the 'law' on several people who keep dogs tied to
trees, to no avail. And indeed, these people should not have
children. Very sad world we live in.

The story you shared, loved it!

For a few seasons, the irresponsible
neighbor's non neutered cat would come to our property, harassing
our cats. I plotted and planned to capture that cat, drag him to the
vet and send him home minus a few body parts. One day not long ago,
the cat was run over in the road. I guess I saved money and his future
offspring spared the same fate he faced.

:-) KM

"Should a husband surrender to his wife?" NO! When I met my husband I was a survivor of an abusive ex and was determined that no one would ever hurt me again.

When I met Bob he was a big, gentle, kind hearted guy and when he learned about my previous marriage he vowed he would never hurt me in any way. After 5 years together we had never had a fight or even a disagreement.....until I picked a fight with him about the fact he wouldn't "fight" meaning argue or even disagree with me.

I told him that while I did mean it when I said I would never again be abused I didn't mean I wanted a doormat or a yes man lackey. I kept at him for hours until he finally told me to hush up and behave myself or he was leaving. I laughed, gave him a big hug and we "made up"

He never again let me get by with saying black is white or up is down without voicing an opinion and we have had many years of give and take since then but believe me, we would have never made it this far if he had continued with the submissive "what ever you say or want dear attitude."