2nd round....."now what????"

Everybody had such a good time on the first "now what???" that we thought maybe we would do a second round
using Jim's suggestion for a speciic
subject line.....so with baseball in full swing, and football training camps....
How about SPORTS??? Go get'um
Guys!!!!!!

"eyes"
=^}

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall

LOL!!! He's starting off strong!!! Good one Jim:)

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says: "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how's the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I am still making a bit of money. I have had some problems with my swing but I think I have got that right now."
Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be alright."
Jack Nicklaus says: "You play golf!"
Stevie Wonder says: "Yes, I have been playing for years."
And Nicklaus says: "But I thought you were blind, how can you play golf if you are blind?"
He replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands. The caddy moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But how do you putt", says Nicklaus.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Nicklaus says: "What is your handicap." Stevie says "Well I play off scratch."
Nicklaus is incredulous and he says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."
Wonder replies: "Well people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole." Nicklaus thinks about it and says "OK, I'm up for that-when would you like to play?" "I don't care-any night next week is ok with me." Wonder replies

LOL!

why do golfers where 2 pairs of trousers?

in case they get a hole in one!!

LOl''

Can't stop giggling over the hole in one!!! Seems we have some golfers
here.

"eyes
=^}

A joke teller I'm not but here goes:

Once upon a time, long ago there was a season when neither the Cowboys nor the Packers made the post season playoffs. It seemed so unsual that the management of both teams got together and decided that there should be some sort of competition between the two teams, because of their great rivalry. So, they decided on a week long ice fishing competition. The team that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins.

So on a cold northern Wisconsin lake they began their contest.

The first day after 8 hours of fishing the Packers had caught 100 fish and the Cowboys 0. At the end of the 2nd day the Packers had caught 200 fish and the Cowboys 0.

That evening the Cowboys coach got his team together and said, " I suspect some kind of cheating is taking place. " So the next morning he dressed one of his players in green and yellow and sent him over to the Packers camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day he came back to report to the coach. The coach asked,"Well, how about it, are they cheating?"

"They sure are!" the player reported."They're cutting holes in the ice."

HAW,HAW,HAW,LOVE THAT ONE'''

Funny CoCo, Talking about the cowboys I heard they had a 12-5 season last year. 12 indictments and 5 convictions. And a rumor I heard is that Michael Irwin can't go in the huddle with the rest of the players. His probations states he can't socialize with known felons. Another rumor
is that Michael Irwin will be traded to Chicago Bears. Seems the bears got rid of the REFIGERATOR and now they want a COKE MACHINE. And also have you heard about the new defense coordinator for the cowboys? None other than Johnny Cochran. Stay tuned for the latest development on the cowboys only here on Dave's

BULLETIN -JUST OUT. The cowboys are replacing the artificial turf at Texas Stadium they know the cowboys play better on grass.

That's right CoCo, Texans only think of Bass fishing in the wild blue, too smart to freeze their fannys off in the ice....and Jim......Jim, Jim, Jim...the poor old Cowboys have suffered a lot of blows....like the Southwest commercial said, " that was lower", but it was funny too.

"eyes"

BULLETIN JUST IN- The cowboys hace adoped an honor system for this year. Yes, your Honor. No, your Honor.

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course, swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to the Lord and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." The Lord nodded in agreement.

The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards (meters) away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to The Lord and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." The Lord smiled. "Think about it-who can he tell?"

JIMMMM!!!! ROFLMBO!!! Cut that out now, ya hear???

"eyes"

Gotta be another team out there to pick on!!!

A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. As he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system. “Will the gentleman on the ladies tee please move back to the men’s tee!
He looked up and then resumed addressing the ball again. The voice again- “Will the Man on the Red tees move back to the White Tees”!!
He looked back at the starters shack and said, “Will the man on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the ladies tee can hit his second shot”.

'eyes', you have to admit, the way the Cowboys have been playing, they deserve to be picked on. With the Cowboys in the news all the time, they make easy targets.

When the falcons all pile into a car who drives?
The police.
Eyes is just ain't the same without the cowboys doing the piling. LOL Jim

I know CoCo, and ain't it a shame! Still, they may not be America's team anymore, but I refuse to be the
typical Dallas fan, I will always
support the home team. Hey,
didn't you just love it when the
Rangers took the series with NY
a few days back!!!!!

"eyes"

Yes, Couldn't believe it with the Rangers. Now that the season is about over, they finally decided to play some baseball. Sorry that Johnny Oates left the team. Not his fault that they don't have pitching. I feel that Melvin should have been the one leaving. There's a joke there put not able to post it. Everytime I think about posting a joke here, I think,nope that one won't work...Must keep this forum clean.

Jim, you have me rolling here!!! You are going great guns!!!!

CoCo, yep Melvin needs to be sent packing!!! Dress up the jokes and
post away hee, hee, hee....

"eyes"

Ok everybody. My husband says."Everyone quit picking on the Cowboys, for this year the Cowboys will be going for a 15 and 1 record..................................

15 arrests and 1 conviction

Et Tu, CoCo?????? LOL.

"eyes"

Hey, what can I say????

Ok, 'eyes' no more about the Cowboys. Here's one for ya;

College Basketball Players:

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probabtion and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read,"Old MacDonald had a _______."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst.Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba."Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba."I remember now."

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled.......E-I-E-I-O."



This message was edited Wednesday, Aug 8th 7:42 PM

Ok, on a roll now.

Jose's First Game"

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag.

Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans,they are so friendly!" he concluded. "before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and asked,"Jose, can you see?"

(Oh say can you see)

Want another one? Well, if you insist. Ok, will try and get that northern accent here.

A VERY COLD DAY:

Two guys from International Falls die and wake up in hell.

The next daythe devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas,mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them,"What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply,"Vell,ya know, we're from nordern Minnesoda, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas,hats and mittens. The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?" Again the two guys reply,"Vell, like we told you yesterday, we're from nordern Minnesoda, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Minnesoda and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished,"Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Minnesodans reply,"Vell, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up dere in International Falls, we've just got to have a fish fry, when the weather is this nice. "The devil is absolutely furious,he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Minnesodans. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens.

They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The devil is dumb founded,"I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"

The Minnesodans look at the devil in surprise,"Vell, don't ya know, if hell froze over dat must mean da Vikings won da super bowl."

3 in a row for CoCo....giggle...rollin' rollin' rollin' on da river....

"eyes'

No 'eyes', that's rollin, rollin, rollin, .........Raw Hide

LOL coco, the hell one was great, thanks for that one.

AJC......seems I remember a couple of good ones from you on "round one"....

"eyes"

CoCo.....that was my Tina Turner impersonation.....'cept I ain't got
those legs!!!!!!

LOL! I'm new to Dave's been lurking about but couldn't resist getting in on this.

A hunter just tagged his deer as the game warden walked up.
"Where's your license,' asked the warden?
'Don't know,' said the hunter.
"OK, you're under arrest for no license, follow me to the road and help me drag the deer,' said the warden.
'NO way,' said the hunter. 'You drag it.'
Two hours later, after the warden had dragged the deer to the road, the hunter remembered which pocket held his license.

Here's another one, I'm on a roll!

A golfer sat in a bar drinking, when a drunk sat down next to him. The drunk pointed at the tee behind the golfer's ear and asked him what it was.

The golfer explained, 'it's a tee that it's used to hold your balls when you drive.'

The drunk replied, '[profanity removed]! What'll General Motors think of next?'

T-LILY I like it.

Looks like our Texas gals and that Georgia guy are on a roll......get
your joke in soon, as the cutoff
time for this round is 3p.m. Sat.
EDT.

"eyes"

Moses and Jesus Play Golf:

Moses and Jesus were part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club,the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next,Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap.It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball right up on to the green.

The third guy got up and sort of ramdomly wacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped onto the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said,"I hate playing with your Dad."

CoCo is on a roll. Way to go.

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but I need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.' The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, 'Okay. now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?' The player thought a moment and answered four.' "Did you say four.' the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming... ' Come on coach, give him another chance.'

Forgive me fellow Texans, I just had to post this one!

Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob, and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they were met by St.Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself he asked: "By the way Slim, what was your IQ when you were alive?" "159", said Slim."Great" said Einstein, "We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around."
"What an exciting opportunity," said Slim.
Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was done he said: "Tell me Billy-Bob what was your IQ when you were alive?"
"141", said Billy-Bob
"Good," said Einstein, "If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights."
"Nothing I'd like better!" was Billy-Bobs reply.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Bubba, he asked: "What was your IQ when you were alive, Bubba?"
"58" said Bubba!
Punching him on the arm, Einstein said:

" Hey Bubba,- How bout them Cowboys!"