When Family Members Just Don't Care....about your plants

How do you 'all deal with family that just don't care about the time, love and energy you put into gardening? I'm just fit to be tied...which to some may seem silly, but to me I'm devastated.

I have been lovingly nutruring a strawberry patch this spring (I haven't been able to get strawberries to overwinter after many, many tries). This year, I have been tenderly caring for a row that made it through the winter by weeding, hoeing, transplanting, mulching and even spending $$ on a row cover to protect them from a possible freeze this last week.

I have been thrilled to say the least...seeing them flourish, tons of flowers with many beginning develop fruit. They've been my pride and joy so to speak.

Well, my significant other just burnt almost 1/2 of them up while burning brush in the garden today. They looked horrid, and in my moment of anger I pulled them out, breaking them all at the crown. These plants were the one thing I took care of this spring while I was going through some possibly serious health issues and I'm very upset to say the least.

Am I over-reacting....should I just "get over it"?

How do you fellow gardeners react when someone destroys something you've so lovingly nurtured? Anyone willing to 'fess up and tell me how they've dealt with someone destroying their plants and/or garden?

Thanks!

I can hear your pain, I hope there is things that would make you feel better. But, if you feel so strongly about it. Take a breather, go to the nursery, browse around and see what else you'd like in place of your destroyed strawberry paths. Then go to your loved one, and lovingly said, honey could you till the bed for me. I'll need to plant some of my favarites, and your help is needed. Problem solved.

What a lovely suggestion, will let him know just how very important those plants were to you and at the same time will take the stress from the situation away...but do understand how upset you are!!!!

My DH (deceased) had a thing with trees...I'd plant them and accidently many would have a lawnmower accident shortly thereafter...kept purchasing them, putting the cost on his c.c. and voila..trees remained thereafter (lol)

Seed,
I have written twice to tell you profound things concerning this. Lost both of them. Suffice it to say that I feel your sorrow and to tell you what a relief it is just to let it go, and go on with your love of gardening. Letting go of something that has hurt you is not easy, but very much worth it. I know from experience.

The garden is a wonderful place, sometimes things don't go just right, and other times they go completely wrong. When they do go right, it is a wonderful thing.

Good luck and God bless you in your efforts.
Enjoy the beauties around you, Smile, and give your SO a hug.

This picture is just for you to enjoy, it is part of my shade garden with some visitors.

Marie

I had a similar experience a few summers ago. I had a pumpkin/tomato patch which I loved. It was in a 10 x 10 area, but it started to spill out onto to the lawn, much to my DH's chagrin (we'd have nothing but grass if he had his way). Well, one day we got into a very heated and LOUD fight (outside) about the "jungle"...he vowed that he was going to mow everything down that was outside the border. I screamed at him like the hormonal pregnant lady I was. What made me so furious is that he was trying to take the one thing away from me that was just for me...my garden is my solace from my sometimes crazy life, and I felt that he was totally disrespecting me. After the screaming and threatening subsided, I managed to calmly make him understand just how important my garden was to me, and how it was essential to my mental health that I have it as an outlet. He finally agreed not to mow it down, and I agreed that in following years, I would keep my garden beds in their borders. I did end up trimming it back because I knew that it really bothered him...it's just that *I* wanted to be the one in control of my "domain". I would let your DH know how important those plants are to you and why. Maybe if he understands where you are coming from, he will be more respectful of your garden in the future. Tamara

Tamara...you crack me up! I can just picture your entire situation...because I was doing the same thing...quite loud...outside...crying and screaming about what he had done. I am not pregnant, but lets just say my hormones have never been the same since going through menopause! LOL! Of course, if he hadn't weedwacked an entire flowerbed the week before, and had not mowed over the daylilies and russian sage the week before that, maybe I would have been a tad bit calmer about him burning up almost half of my strawberry bed. And I can totally identify about the garden being "yours"...and the disrespect you felt at your DH's invasion. You've summed up all my feelings in a nutshell. My hubby travels a LOT, I work fulltime, babysit my grandaughter 15 hrs a week while her mommy works, and my gardens are MY escape from the frenzy, lonliness and other kaleidescope of emotions I feel during times of lonliness or listening to an adorable 4 yr old talk non-stop. Thank you for your honesty in sharing your story....it made me laugh and comforts me to know I'm not alone :)

Sandy

I'm so glad, Sandy, that someone else can relate! My time outside is as valuable as therapy, and I hate when anyone infringes on that. My husband is passionate about his Mustang, and I try to get him to realize that my garden is to me as his car is to him. He is finally coming around....he knows full well that BOTH of us will be much happier if he lets me do my thing. ;-) Tamara

There are ONLY TWO rules regarding men - if you don't know what those two rules are, dmail me and I will tell you!

KayJones - NOT FAIR - please post.......

I'll second that Kay....two points..should be interesting...lol

i'd like to know also. LOL

Any non gardener is going to have an occasional oops I killed something in your garden but anyone that consistantly wreaks havoc is showing they either extreme carelessness, or callous disregard for the gardener. They may also be harboring a deep seeded resentment for the time and commitment you give the garden ie: jealousy of which they may or may not be aware. Kind of sounds like a kid that misbehaves to get attention doesn't it?

Well, my darling quit destroying things when I explained that gardening helps me relax and if I am not relaxed I get very uptight and cold .... frigidly, icily cold... so very very cold...... LOL!
Strangest thing, he still doesn't garden but he will dig a hole any time I need it and hasn't killed a plant in years ;~)

aw you woman. always holding the NO word from your husbands.

i myself have never had a problem. my dw doesn't care forthe outdoors much. she is an inside person and likes decorating and stuff like that. i have my garden in containers on my deck so its no problem. don't hve to worry about anyone destroying things. my wife doest volunteer to taken my plants outside in the morning when i begin to harden them off.

sooooo my question to you is this. if she doesn't like to garden and i never ask help with gardening .... how come i often get the
NO word. LOL

have a great day

she has a headache....

a 38 year headache??

You guys are just toooo funny....

Seedsower, can you believe that I have two drunk brothers, not one but two, the older one would pull my blooms and take his favorite barmaid a bouquet, and the other would steal all of my containers and give them to friends, I would see my container plantings in the most random places.....his girlfriends house, a buddy down the street,...pot and all..that is a true story. I have very few container plantings that are not anchored down. It is so sad to wait and wait for those blooms just to have someone grab them the minute they open.

My first thought when I read this was 'Get Even'.LOL It took my hubby some years to get used to the fact that gardening is a part of who I am. At the beginning of spring he ran over my butterfly bush with the mower. It was at least a foot tall, told me he thought it was a weed. Yeah, a weed standing there with branches and purple blooms. Now he kindly asks me to come out while he is mowing and tell him whats what or I mow around the unquestionables.
Last year I planted some apple gourds behind the garage. They got huge and spread out beyond the border into the grass. He kept threatening to run them over until I explained that they keep the grass from growing in that area. ;)
Men.....

Women, too... My wife pulled out countless flower seedlings when she used to weed some of our beds, pruned the rosemary to death, and pruned the variegated hollies so much that they were so ugly that I felt like I should just put them out of their misery.

Now I let her dictate what the front yard and side yards should look like and I tell her that most of the back yard is mine - Don't Touch (or weed)! It has helped bring some peace to the gardening wars.

I would go to work and come home to find a tree cut down. No reason other then he didn't like how it looked.

2 years ago we had strong winds come thru and take the tops out of several pines. He was in seventh heaven cutting them down. The yard is slowly getting bare. Then he wonders why it is so windy and cold in the winter

Small trees have been run over in the past! Do I dare try planting more?

Yes he has his Mustangs also. Maybe I should call the junk yard! LOL

There use to be several more trees in that area!

Seedsower I love what you did!

It's very lonely when you can't share your gardening joy with those close to you. That being said . . . my DH respects my hobby and doesn't touch anything. But he also doesn't take the time to stop and smell the roses. Sad . . . such a loss for him. He is ALL business which I do appreciate because that affords me to spend money on the garden.

This morning as he left for work, I walked him to his car, looked over and said our green beans are coming up . . . yum! He just smiled.

Well Hi Arlene...nice to hear from you! Yes, I do totally agree about the gardeners lonliness...perhaps we should come up with a phrase in regards to that, have it imprinted on one of those garden stepping stones and sell it to make more $$ for our garden hobby!

LOL Sandy!

twins - i know exaxctly how you feel. my dw does nothing but complain about how the house looks when i start my seeds and have light figures in the living room and i use anything available to raise the lights above the plants. her shoe boxes (a moral sin), old vhs tapes etc. then when i get them all in the basement they seem to restrict her moving around when she has to get something.when i start putting them out to harden them off its "here we go again with the plants" then when i transplant them to the 5 gal containers i never seem to get all the dirt off the deck. but come july and august when she is picking everything that is ripe there is peace in the household. LOL

us gardners live a lonely life before harvest.

have a great day

I am just like your wife . . . I complain at myself about the mess I make with the seeds, the lights, potting soil everywhere. I almost can't stand to live with myself. LOL

Yesterday, I went to the farm (5 miles away) to check on my tomato plants. I had forgotten and left the gallon milk jugs on quite a few - they were all crookedy inside the jugs and trying to grow out the top!

I uncovered them and am curious if they will stay all crookedy.

Also had a couple of walls O water collapse and when I pulled them off the tomato plant was laying flat to the ground - big thick stem- but not broken. I just propped them back up.

Well now, I must be a lucky girl. My DH is very respectful and helpful with my gardening. He does the hardscape, I do the planting. He loves the end results. He said to me just yesterday" You're doing a great job, the yard looks beautiful" I do get a little nervous when he's out with the "weed whacker" and I hear a "Oops!"

hope your tomato plants are o.k.

Oh, Herbie,

I was going to go out and check them today but we have had 40-50 MPH winds for the last 24 hours. Now I think I should have left them curled up in those milk jugs a few more days. These winds may have broken their necks! I'll have to go check them soon.

Thanks for sharing everyone! I don't feel QUITE so bad now, knowing that I'm not the only one suffering through this type of thing!

On another note, today I discovered that my dogs trampled/broke off my delphiniums that were about 4 ft tall and had about 5 flower stalks shooting up. I was livid to say the least! The delphs made it through with no problems as those horrid winds and rain rolled through last night, and in a matter of seconds my dogs destroyed them. Arrrgggghhh!

Anyway....here's a pic of those pretty strawberries I was so upset about. Even though I've lost almost half the patch, the ones left are really putting out some giant beauties. They're not the sweetest strawberry I've ever eaten, but they made it through a Wisconsin winter so that's all I care about!

twins - OMG i hope they survived the winds.

seedsower - those are terrific looking strawberries. i can almost tasted their sweetness from the picture. always wanmted to grow them but i think the deer would love them more than i would.

I'm trying very hard to put together a new garden in my backyard....LOML has let our 2 year old out there a couple of times with his toys without close supervision....he has slaughtered some of my onions and one of my verbena 'biloxi blue'.

Burns me up, but plants are plants....

I've had my boys and dogs ruin many a plant, so I can relate! Your strawberries look great! Tamara

the year i moved up here my counsins came fora visit with their young children. i suggested we go to the farm and pick fresh strawberries. i rememer it was in the middlee of august and it was over 90 degrees. me being a city boy had no idea whaqt a strawbery plant looked like plus i was about 100 pounds heaver then i am now. anyway, when i say how low the plants were to the ground and i started squatting down i thought i would never be able to get back up again. LOL i told my wife that if i ever had to grow and pick strawberries for a living i would sell them for 100.00 dollars a pint. LOL

Well, I lost a couple more plants to the winds but over the week-end the wind has not been as bad. Today or tomorrow I will go back to the farm to check them again. I started with 60 tomato seedlings and am down to 40 so I'm still doing ok. A lot that I lost was due to the fact I ran out of milk jugs to put over them to protect them.

I grew some strawberries in a pot the first year I moved back to Iowa and I think the birds ate them all.